Disciplining Thai Children - what's your take?

[Mattbaldacchino]

So I've been seeing this girl for a while and she wanted me to go with her up north to see her family. I agreed and when we got there she introduced me to her 10 year old son. Seemed quiet at first but after a while turned into quite a nuisance. In a nutshell amongst many things he almost caused a bad accident by jumping from the back seat onto me when driving on the highway and treats me like a walking ATM yelling and stomping when I refuse to buy him yet anothet toy or sugary snack, literally clings to his mum every minute of the day and has burst into our room on several nights, one time he even broke the lock on the door to get in. Ive spoken to his mum about it and she seems not to care. I've been considering taking matters into my own hands when it gets to be too much but am worried about fouling things with my girlfriend and her family. Any thoughts ?

[h90]

find a different GF without son

[Costas2008]

find a different GF without son

I would have put it in an other way.........

Warn her if she doesn't do something about her sons behaviour you would find a different g/f with or without a son.

[Mattbaldacchino]

Ive thought of that but its not like we're living there, just here on holuday though. I have told her I'm not coming on anothrr visit anytime soon and she took it quite badly. Still didnt do anything about her son though so gettint rid of her might be the only option further down the line

[transam]

Without sounding tooooooooooooooo negative, I would never again team up with a bird with kids. Mrs.Trans kids are 19 and 25.........And still a complete pain in the ass......For sure you will end up with some other blokes kids living with you.....Seen it time and time again................

If you try and chastise the kid(s) YOU will be in the wrong...Trust me on that...........

[WilliamCave]

Ive thought of that but its not like we're living there, just here on holuday though. I have told her I'm not coming on anothrr visit anytime soon and she took it quite badly. Still didnt do anything about her son though so gettint rid of her might be the only option further down the line

Hope things work out for u,

But the cards are stacked against u in this one . Thais will look at u as an out sider in the family and u won't have any right to correct his behavior .

It will get even worse if u move in together and he comes to live with u full time .

You won't have a say in it .

I see so many single mothers out there that will not have the chance to marry because Thai men generally don't want a girl that has a kid .

So many try get foreigners and sad to say many don't survive .

Even though the girl does really care they don't understand what the problem is because it is normal behavior for them.

And if he is looking at u like an ATM machine he learnt that from some were I can venture to guess we're

Good lick

[pinkpanther99]

I don't mean to sound rude and apologies in advance if you think I am speaking out of turn but this kid sounds like a right pain in the arse.

This will not end well.

Get out while you've still got your mental wellbeing and bank balance in check.

[David48]

Mate, difficult to judge without knowing all the facts.

However ...

Judging from what you have written, you are most likely <deleted>

The boys behaviour is a learned response.

Are you the first Westerner bf?

Don't expect, in the choice between you and your gf's son ... that you will be the favoured one.

Your relationship maybe be different, but the early signs don't look promising.

Good Luck with it all ...

[CharlieH]

Its a taste of things to come, do you honestly believe that if your relationship continues and you end up living together in a house or condo somewhere that she is not going to want her son with her? Of course she will, she is bating the hook right now, reeling you in, when she is satisfied she has you, then the son will become a permanent issue and fixture.

If you want to stay, address it now and make sure she understands, if you dont want the baggage/hassle, get out and end it now.

Been there done that,

[Mattbaldacchino]

RHe definitely wont move in with me. I make it quite clear to all my girlfriends that they need to work just like I do, I'm not made of money and they need to pick up the cheque and pay for groceries every now and then. Had a lot call me a cheap b*****d and walk away because of this. I'm the first falang many in this village have ever seen so I doubt he got the idea from one of her exs in fact many of her extended family have told me I'm the first falang shes (or anyone) has ever brought back so "she must really like you". He looks at me like an ATM because I made the mistake of taking him to KFC and playing a couple of video games at the arcade whilst his mum went shopping. Had a feeling I would be chastisised if I tried to control him. I guess I'll ride it out till we leave and in the future not see any girls with kids.

Edited November 28, 2014 by Mattbaldacchino

[CWMcMurray]

So she has a 10 yr old kid who likely only sees his mother a couple of times a year because she dumped him on the grandparents ...

Ok ... Now make sense why he is clingy and wants to spend all his time with his mother, while he can

Also as she normally only sees him a couple times a year, likely wants to spoil him and not discipline him in the short time she has ... Likely due to guilt issues..

No different than any absentee parent any where in the world..

[Mattbaldacchino]

So she has a 10 yr old kid who likely only sees his mother a couple of times a year because she dumped him on the grandparents ...

Ok ... Now make sense why he is clingy and wants to spend all his time with his mother, while he can

Also as she normally only sees him a couple times a year, likely wants to spoil him and not discipline him in the short time she has ... Likely due to guilt issues..

No different than any absentee parent any where in the world..

Actually she visits every month or 2 and normally stays for 2-3 weeks so its not like he never sees her. In the few months we've been dating shes gone up twice for 2 weeks at a time.

[Beetlejuice]

RHe definitely wont move in with me. I make it quite clear to all my girlfriends that they need to work just like I do, I'm not made of money and they need to pick up the cheque and pay for groceries every now and then. Had a lot call me a cheap b*****d and walk away because of this. I'm the first falang many in this village have ever seen so I doubt he got the idea from one of her exs in fact many of her extended family have told me I'm the first falang shes (or anyone) has ever brought back so "she must really like you". He looks at me like an ATM because I made the mistake of taking him to KFC and playing a couple of video games at the arcade whilst his mum went shopping. Had a feeling I would be chastisised if I tried to control him. I guess I'll ride it out till we leave and in the future not see any girls with kids.

You have to realise that when guys meet women with kids, no matter what ages the children, they come as a package deal and there are no ways of separating the two.

There are three options: either try get close to the child if you plan to eventually marry this woman and include the child as a part of your family, tolerate the situation and become the long and suffering or call it a day while the goings good.

Up to you.

[Mattbaldacchino]

There are three options: either try get close to the child if you plan to eventually marry this woman and include the child as a part of your family, tolerate the situation and become the long and suffering or call it a day while the goings good.

Up to you.

Yeah I don't really plan on marriage, not keen at all on trying to get close to the bugger either since it seems the only way is through buying him things, which is all his mum seems to do, I'm sure when we arrived the first thing he said was the thai equivalent of "what'd you get me?!" . So best option would be to wait till we're back and eventually cut her loose as attempting any form of discipline will only end bad for me.

[CWMcMurray]

So she has a 10 yr old kid who likely only sees his mother a couple of times a year because she dumped him on the grandparents ...

Ok ... Now make sense why he is clingy and wants to spend all his time with his mother, while he can

Also as she normally only sees him a couple times a year, likely wants to spoil him and not discipline him in the short time she has ... Likely due to guilt issues..

No different than any absentee parent any where in the world..

Actually she visits every month or 2 and normally stays for 2-3 weeks so its not like he never sees her. In the few months we've been dating shes gone up twice for 2 weeks at a time.

I thought you said she works ?

What kind of job does she have that allows her to spend 2-3 weeks on vacation every 4-8 weeks?

[lovelomsak]

I would be gone so fast. Children behavior in front of parents with others is trained. So it would appear to that your gf and family behind your back show no respect for you. So the child acts that out in public because he knows it is conventional wisdom you are a target and easy mark.

Also if you stayed together and the wife didnot approve of your idea to discipline her child you would difinitely be the odd one out.

Edited November 28, 2014 by lovelomsak

[Beetlejuice]

There are three options: either try get close to the child if you plan to eventually marry this woman and include the child as a part of your family, tolerate the situation and become the long and suffering or call it a day while the goings good.

Up to you.

Yeah I don't really plan on marriage, not keen at all on trying to get close to the bugger either since it seems the only way is through buying him things, which is all his mum seems to do, I'm sure when we arrived the first thing he said was the thai equivalent of "what'd you get me?!" . So best option would be to wait till we're back and eventually cut her loose as attempting any form of discipline will only end bad for me.

Yes, it`s your life, your decision and wishing you success on whatever decision you make.

[gerry123]

So she has a 10 yr old kid who likely only sees his mother a couple of times a year because she dumped him on the grandparents ...

Ok ... Now make sense why he is clingy and wants to spend all his time with his mother, while he can

Also as she normally only sees him a couple times a year, likely wants to spoil him and not discipline him in the short time she has ... Likely due to guilt issues..

No different than any absentee parent any where in the world..

Actually she visits every month or 2 and normally stays for 2-3 weeks so its not like he never sees her. In the few months we've been dating shes gone up twice for 2 weeks at a time.

I thought you said she works ?

What kind of job does she have that allows her to spend 2-3 weeks on vacation every 4-8 weeks?

like no job

[gerry123]

mate i think by now the majority of replies (some obviously from experience ) have given you a good idea of your next move

please enough now before you start crying in your somtam

[transam]

So she has a 10 yr old kid who likely only sees his mother a couple of times a year because she dumped him on the grandparents ...

Ok ... Now make sense why he is clingy and wants to spend all his time with his mother, while he can

Also as she normally only sees him a couple times a year, likely wants to spoil him and not discipline him in the short time she has ... Likely due to guilt issues..

No different than any absentee parent any where in the world..

Actually she visits every month or 2 and normally stays for 2-3 weeks so its not like he never sees her. In the few months we've been dating shes gone up twice for 2 weeks at a time.

I thought you said she works ?

What kind of job does she have that allows her to spend 2-3 weeks on vacation every 4-8 weeks?

like no job

Could be "self employed"...........

[Mattbaldacchino]

So she has a 10 yr old kid who likely only sees his mother a couple of times a year because she dumped him on the grandparents ...

Ok ... Now make sense why he is clingy and wants to spend all his time with his mother, while he can

Also as she normally only sees him a couple times a year, likely wants to spoil him and not discipline him in the short time she has ... Likely due to guilt issues..

No different than any absentee parent any where in the world..

Actually she visits every month or 2 and normally stays for 2-3 weeks so its not like he never sees her. In the few months we've been dating shes gone up twice for 2 weeks at a time.

I thought you said she works ?

What kind of job does she have that allows her to spend 2-3 weeks on vacation every 4-8 weeks?

She babysits, cooks and cleans for well off falang families (and before any of you start assuming no she doesnt do anything extra as most of them are friends of mine and I'm often over when she's working..). Doesn't really have a fixed job and I don't see how this is relevant?? Why are so many people quick to judge and assume shes a gold digger/"something else" when all I did was ask for opinions on something totally different... Edited November 28, 2014 by Mattbaldacchino

[transam]

You are getting answers from some of us who have seen/witnessed a lot. You put a question forward and have received replies. Take stuff on board that might be of help to you............

[Mattbaldacchino]

You are getting answers from some of us who have seen/witnessed a lot. You put a question forward and have received replies. Take stuff on board that might be of help to you............

I know, have and appreciate that fact. But I fail to see how people speculating her line of work is relevant.. for example; posts about her having "maybe no job" or being "self employed" are neither helpful nor relevant

[BritManToo]

find a different GF without son

Yep, male Thai children age 10, know what you are doing with their mum, and they don't like it.

It's always trouble, and the kid will always come first.

Best never to visit the farm.

[Mattbaldacchino]

Yes noticed that when he bursts into our room in the middle of thr night saying he cant sleep and wants mum to be near him, leaving me enoigh time to fall asleep alone

[BritManToo]

Ive thought of that but its not like we're living there, just here on holuday though. I have told her I'm not coming on anothrr visit anytime soon and she took it quite badly. Still didnt do anything about her son though so gettint rid of her might be the only option further down the line

Why announce your future intentions.

Cut your visit short (bank problem always a good excuse), and don't go back.

No need to make confrontational threats, that isn't the Thai way.

[WhamBam]

I do not feel it is up to the OP to chastise this child in any way except verbally. Certainly do not lay a finger on the child - that would be deemed assault and people could make it very bad for you.

Difficult because the child does see its mother rarely and maybe does want some love and affection from her. That needs to be understood.

The fact he stomps his feet and has tantrums over gifts and money tells a whole different story to me. I'd surmise the child has had previous contact with a foreign male who possibly spoiled him.

Yes, a child is often part of the package and that does create many difficulties.

If you are not willing to take time to adjust yourself and allow the child and mother to adjust, I would walk away now.

[BritManToo]

What kind of job does she have that allows her to spend 2-3 weeks on vacation every 4-8 weeks?

Oh, dear!

We all know what job.

Edited November 28, 2014 by BritManToo

[Mattbaldacchino]

I'd never lay a finger on him and he throws tantrums because its his mum who spoils him and he does the same with her. Except she yells at him and I told him to stop in a slightly raised voice and it was asif I'd smacked him over the head. Everyone in the market seemed to stop what they were doing and gave me death eyes. They don't take kindly to a foreigner trying to control a thai kid it seems. Yet its fine for thais to smack their kids and yell at them all they want.

[transam]

You are getting answers from some of us who have seen/witnessed a lot. You put a question forward and have received replies. Take stuff on board that might be of help to you............

I know, have and appreciate that fact. But I fail to see how people speculating her line of work is relevant.. for example; posts about her having "maybe no job" or being "self employed" are neither helpful nor relevant

Because, me personally, have heard/seen stuff before about "this and that" where I am, BUT "they" don't know I know different....... .......Noooooooo animosity meant but I have been in LOS a while and read a zillion posts from guys...........