Not my own work, from here http://www.idealistrevolution.org/what-british-people-say-and-what-they-actually-mean/

As a Brit, absolutely every single one applies

When British people say one thing, they often really mean the exact opposite! Any Brit will recognize themselves in this list.

1. 'I might join you later' — Translation: I'm not leaving the house today unless it's on fire.

2. 'Excuse me, sorry, is anyone sitting here?' — Translation: You have 3 seconds to move your bag before I get really annoyed.

3. 'Not to worry.' — Translation: I will never forget this!

4. Saying 'Sorry' as a way of introducing yourself.

5. 'Bit wet out there.' — Translation: You're going to need a snorkel because it's absolutely pissing it down out there!

6. Ending an email with 'Thanks'. — Translation: I'm perilously close to losing my temper!

7. 'Right then, I really should start to think about possibly making a move.' — Translation: Bye!

8. 'It's fine.' — Translation: It really couldn't get any worse, but it probably will do...

9. 'Perfect.' — Translation: Well that's ruined then!

10. 'A bit of a pickle.' — Translation: A catastrophically bad situation with potentially fatal consequences.

11: 'Not too bad, actually.' — Translation: I'm probably the happiest I've ever been.

12. 'Honestly, it doesn't matter.' — Translation: Nothing has ever mattered more than this.

13. 'You've caught the sun.' — Translation: You look like you've been swimming in a volcano.

14. 'That's certainly one way of looking at it.' — Translation: That's certainly the wrong way of looking at it.

15. Saying 'I have the 5p if it helps.' and never knowing if it ever does help.

16. 'If you say so.' — Translation: I'm afraid that what you're saying is the height of idiocy.

17. 'With all due respect...' — Translation: You have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

18. Saying 'You're welcome' as quietly as possible to people that don't say thank you, but using it as a form of punishment.

19. Meanings of 'I beg your pardon' — Translation: a) I didn't hear you; I apologise; c) What you're saying is making me absolutely livid!

20. 'It could be worse.' — Translation: It couldn't possibly be any worse.

21. 'Each to their own.' — Translation: You're wrong, but never mind.

22. 'Pop around anytime.' — Translation: Please stay away from my house.

23. 'I'm just popping out for lunch, does anyone else want anything?' — Translation: I'm getting my own lunch now, please don't ask me to get you anything!

24. Saying: 'I might get some cash out, actually', despite approaching the cash machine and being 100% certain of getting some cash out.

25. 'No, no, honestly it was my fault.' — Translation: It was absolutely your fault and we both know it!

26. 'No, yeah, that's very interesting!' — Translation: You are boring me to death!

27. 'No harm done.' — Translation: You have ruined everything!

28. 'Just whenever you get a minute...' — Translation: Now!

29. 'I'm sure it'll be fine.' — Translation: I fully expect the situation to deteriorate rapidly!

30. 'Sorry, I think you might have dropped something...' — Translation: You have definitely dropped that specific item!

Inspired by the book Very British Problems.

Credits: whydontyoutrythis

The above, especially the opposite meanings, applies strongly to British salespersons and businessmen, which I now avoid completely, no matter how good they sound.