Afraid to go back home

[rexpotter]

I suspect this has happened to others who have been in Asia a long time. I have not been back to the USA for seven years and have lived over here sixteen years, mostly single. I recently purchased a ticket back to the states and after going through my contacts/friends? and their reluctant feelings about having a place for me to stay I changed my mind and canceled the ticket. Dont feel good about it but the cost of renting hotels and cars is quite high and since I have not had insurance etc it would be an awful lot to buy a car etc etc. It's strange to feel that I really feel totally at home in neither place, but living in some type of limbo. Could be worse I guess.

[beachproperty]

Sad to say.....but I guess your "so-called" friends weren't really your friends then

[NeverSure]

Are you retired, Rex?

What part of the US are you from?

[samuibeachcomber]

Sad to say.....but I guess your "so-called" friends weren't really your friends then

I went back to australia 3 years ago,i asked my oldest son if i could possibly stay with him and his wife.Was asked for "how long"...i said 1 week.The response i got was 3 days would be ok!

[KarenBravo]

Friendships, like marriage need input. If not, they slowly fade away.

Frankly, if someone contacted me after being away seven years and asked me to put them up, I'd make excuses, too.

[beachproperty]

Sad to say.....but I guess your "so-called" friends weren't really your friends then

I went back to australia 3 years ago,i asked my oldest son if i could possibly stay with him and his wife.Was asked for "how long"...i said 1 week.The response i got was 3 days would be ok!

sorry to hear......Guess we know who's the boss in that family

[samuibeachcomber]

Lets face it if we've been away along time(have been here 10 years)then we've really started a new life and going back "home" for a visit our previous home seems quite alien,we are like fish out of water.

[samuibeachcomber]

Sad to say.....but I guess your "so-called" friends weren't really your friends then

I went back to australia 3 years ago,i asked my oldest son if i could possibly stay with him and his wife.Was asked for "how long"...i said 1 week.The response i got was 3 days would be ok!

sorry to hear......Guess we know who's the boss in that family

thanks but i think it really came from my son,and it hurt at the time.Am going back shortly and am wondering where i will stay....too long for hotels(cost wise).Life goes on and i will work it out.

[beachproperty]

Lets face it if we've been away along time(have been here 10 years)then we've really started a new life and going back "home" for a visit our previous home seems quite alien,we are like fish out of water.

I understand what you're saying ......but FAMILY!

[rexpotter]

I am from Michigan, Flint, a city that was torn apart and basically most everyone lives somewhere but there after the auto factories all closed down. Just turned 60. Been gone a long time, too long I guess. Everyone is married there, so that affects it all too. I feel sad, but I need to be able to accept that I have had a good life over here working, better than most back there. Thanks for the notes.

[KarenBravo]

I am from Michigan, Flint, a city that was torn apart and basically most everyone lives somewhere but there after the auto factories all closed down. Just turned 60. Been gone a long time, too long I guess. Everyone is married there, so that affects it all too. I feel sad, but I need to be able to accept that I have had a good life over here working, better than most back there. Thanks for the notes.

Have you tried contacting Michael Moore?

[RolandRat]

The realisation and impact of discovering that what you may have considered as a "safety net" is no longer there can be frightnening.

Times change, people move on, time moves so fast that before you know it, all you knew is no longer there or changed and you no longer recognise it for what it once was.

Not a nice wake up call.

[simon43]

I went back to australia 3 years ago,i asked my oldest son if i could possibly stay with him and his wife.Was asked for "how long"...i said 1 week.The response i got was 3 days would be ok!

Reminds me of when I went back to the UK to visit my 3 young kids, about 10 years ago.

Asked the ex if I could sleep on the sofa for the night. Miserable cow refused and I had to sleep in my hire car in the middle of a UK winter.

Man, really really cold!! (the ex and the weather) ...

[cooked]

Welcome to the club.

I left my homeland 40 odd years ago and only went back for occasional visits. It's a bit like realising that your mom and dad are no longer there to help you; life becomes what you make of it. My safety net is here, I may dispense with the luxury of going back for free health care when the time comes and settle for the luxury of having a family here that looks after me.

Sorry you don't have that in your life.

[Hornyskunk]

Home is where your rump rests.

[muskoka]

People get set in their ways and lifestyles and usually have set routines and habits. Been here in Chiang Mai 7 years now and I know if I return for a visit to Canada I would have to choose between couch surfing between siblings or paying for a motel/hotel. Being extremely independent I don't like to impose on others, and do not like being imposed upon either. Life goes on.

Doug

[Katipo]

I can't imagine that feeling, but it can't be good. Have you maintained relations with them while you have been away? The only thing I can think of is that after many years of little contact things have changed.

Makes me feel good that I have many friends and family offering me places to stay when I go back for my annual visit. My problem is usually that I don't have enough time for them all

[al007]

I am a very lucky and happy man, I have lived here 7/8yrs, am married to lady who looks after me like a king, even though I am sometimes a difficult man

Most of my Uk friends have died, I was always the youngest of the crowd

My mother and three best friends all died in the last two years

My son does not want to know he is mad because I have told him wife here inherits whatever might be left when I go, and what about his grandchildren, I got him set up with four houses in Greenwich and docklands, no one ever helped me get started

I have nowhere to stay or go if I visit uk but it is cold expensive and a long way away

I am 70 yrs old and whilst it is upsetting also it is life, I have never been so well cared for as I currently am, would i change my choices, yes definitely, should have done it far earlier !!!!! the gains so far outweigh the losses

[godden]

Lets face it if we've been away along time(have been here 10 years)then we've really started a new life and going back "home" for a visit our previous home seems quite alien,we are like fish out of water.

I understand what you're saying ......but FAMILY!

God gave you your relations, thank God you can choose your friends.

[DoctorG]

I have just returned from a 3 week visit with my son and his family in Canada. They always ask why I do not stay longer.

I guess it all comes down to how you maintain the relationship even from a long distance. Skype is a great tool for keeping in contact.

[Just1Voice]

Been here in Chiang Mai for 7 years now. About 5-6 month ago my wife asked if I would like to go back and visit. I had to think about it for a minute, then asked her "visit what"? I was always the "black sheep" of the family, so I have no close family ties. Haven't spoken to my parents in over 15 years, and of the 2 brothers I have left, I was only so-so close with one. Same deal, about 15 years now. The friends I had are all now married with families and lives of their own. I'm an American. I'm proud to be an American, but it's not my home any more. The only reason I would go back now is to take my wife and son there to give them a month long tour of the country. That's about the only reason I can think of for returning.

[quandow]

I go back to California every year, see my Aunties, possible a sister or two, and my son. Every year I am reminded that family is like fish - after three days they start to smell bad. I DO maintain a fairly close relationship with my son; at his request, we started playing chess online and we now have a running game. We may take up to three days without making a move, after that we start putting out feelers if either of us have been arrested or are dead. :-)

[h90]

When I came back to my country (Europe) after several years I thought all these Farangs are strange......That I could understand the nonsense they talk made it worse......I felt they are all so narrow minded.

[nev]

My daughter said, Dad this room is yours if you ever come back, nice of her to say but I am sure it is only temporary and her husband who is is a lovely lad would soon be saying how long is Dad staying.

[Minnehaha]

Welcome to the club.

I left my homeland 40 odd years ago and only went back for occasional visits. It's a bit like realising that your mom and dad are no longer there to help you; life becomes what you make of it. My safety net is here, I may dispense with the luxury of going back for free health care when the time comes and settle for the luxury of having a family here that looks after me.

Sorry you don't have that in your life.

This topic and your comment in particular is very helpful for many, I would think.

My experience has been similar.

After 6 years as an expat, I returned to the USA to start over, go to grad school, etc. I did that. Worked for a few years after that... but even after 7 years in the States, I never felt at home. I missed Asian food, lifestyle, Asian females, etc. I realized that just as some Americans create a little America here in Thailand and have their social circles, restaurants, home cooked food, etc., I was doing the same thing over there.

I made the decision to create the family and social network and prepare for retirement here, not there. I can't see myself living out old age in Florida or someplace. I would rather do it here.

Lastly,

Flint Michigan? !! ?

The cold, snow, dead economy, and lack of friends / family would keep me away.

The ONLY reason I could see to go there is if I had family and friends who I was close to, or owned a house or some assets. Summer in Michigan is nice, but what are you gonna do for the other 9 months, besides shovel snow?

[Saan]

I knew I'd burnt the bridges when I finally moved here. The last time I went back to Australia I had a great time running around seeing family and old friends but after 10 days I was ready to come home and left earlier than intended. I keep in touch with my friends and enjoy the news from home but nothing there, apart from missing seeing my grandchildren grow up, beckons.

I stayed with several friends, deliberately not too long, but was horrified by the lifestyle of my oldest and best mate. He and his wife sat in their living room all day bickering. It was awful but it made me realize how lucky I am to be here.

I am not afraid to go back home. This is home.

[micmichd]

Didn't have many real friends in Germany, most of them already dead. Others turned out to be rats, and *they* are afraid I come back. They owe me quite a bit, and nobody wants to know a creditor who could ask to pay back. Some even threaten with police if I dare to show up.

Guess I'll be a tourist or an outlaw if I return to Heidelberg, probably both.

[PeCeDe]

Know what you mean about "some Kinda limbo," you're figuratively speaking, stuck somewhere in the middle of the Pacific!

My sister in the UK said it was OK to stay with her, and I could stay as long as I want... Oh BTW she said, it'll be 150 GBP a week, I was going to pay her anyway, but that mildly offended me, because I sure wouldn't have charged her!

[MobileContent]

I am going once a year back for a week or two to Germany for my visa. Never bothered anyone to stay over and prefer to just stay in a hotel, sit at a cafe or have a couple of beers in Berlin Kreuzberg. Meeting a lot of great people's but seldom Germans and when I feel to get back to Thailand I just book my next flight back home.

[Petchou]

Let's face it, this type of situation is not specific to you. IT'S CULTURAL, RELATED TO THE VALUES OF GREED AND INDIVIDUALISTIC RELATINSHIPS WITHIN FAMILIES. Many should learn from Thai society where people have more sense of family and friendship. Remove your sunglasses when making your society look as model to follow.