Ten reasons why Thailand actually should buy the subs

[Lite Beer]

VENUS'S VISION
Ten reasons why Thailand actually should buy the subs

BANGKOK: -- Unless, like thousands of Thais, you've been too preoccupied by the break-up of singer Phakin "Tono" Kumvilaisak and actress Pattaratida "Tangmo" Patcharaveerapong, you will know that the government is poised to buy three submarines from China for Bt36 billion.

It's a massive procurement, and yet the scale of public attention devoted to it pales in comparison to the wall-to-wall coverage given a celebrity split.

Citizens have been glued to the celebrity story all week as it were a national crisis, and many will be able to repeat the two stars' words by heart, yet few can tell you what the generals and admirals have said about the submarines. Let me share part of that with you.

Royal Thai Navy Commander-in-Chief Admiral Kraisorn Chansuvanich told the press this week that the procurement is within the allocated budget and is a matter of "duty" for the Navy. "The public should not criticise us for doing our duty," he said.

Everyone, he is saying, must strictly do his duty, and that includes civilians. The taxpayers have no right to object. Correct me if my interpretation is wrong but, as a journalist, I am obliged to scrutinise the submarine deal - that is my duty.

Forgive me because I'm no expert on weaponry or military affairs, but here's my assessment of the situation: 10 reasons why we should go ahead and buy the subs.

It's just way cool to have them. You have to keep in mind the nation's status quo. If you don't understand that, imagine buying one or even two Mercedes Benzes and keeping them parked in your garage, never driven.

Most of our neighbours have submarines. Singapore, Malaysia, Indonesia and even Vietnam, whose Gross Domestic Product is lower than ours, have subs. As soon as Myanmar can afford them, it won't hesitate to buy some. How we've endured as a submarine-free nation for all these decades is beyond me.

Submarines are must-have items, according to the official Hollywood Theory of Naval Combat and Espionage. A war isn't even necessary - you just use the subs to spy on your enemies. And how thrilling is that?

Submarines mean greater security. You can argue all you want that Bt36 billion would buy a lot of hospitals - a group called Green Light Thailand reckons it would cover medical treatments, such as defective limb replacement, for 600,000 people - but how on earth does that improve national security?

The subs are an investment in the future. Argue all you want that Bt36 million would buy a badly needed comprehensive facelift for the education system. Harp on about the fact that Thailand's budget constraints are cutting into student loans and their ability to graduate, get a job and pay back those loans. But how does pouring big money into education help the country stand up to clear and present dangers from overseas, as having our own submarines will? Like Prime Minister Prayut Chan-o-cha has said, we're not buying the subs to wage war - we just want our sneaky neighbouring countries to realise that we've got the torpedo power and we're ready to use it should any peril arise, you know, just below the surface of the water.

This will put an end to that annoying refugee hassle. With submarines, traffickers in human cargo will recognise that Thailand is serious about protecting its marine territory, so they'd better cart their Rohingya someplace else. And if they do smuggle a boatload of folks into our waters, the subs can tow them back where they belong without any foreign reporters noticing. Gone are days when Thailand was painted as the villain in this story.

This is going to be a dream-come-true not just for Navy personnel but every Thai youngster. With three submarines, the Navy can give the kids great new rides on Children's Day - underwater! (What could possible go wrong?) And these subs can stay underwater for 21 days. Their parents won't know how to thank the sailors!

More loving from China: The premier and admirals swear that buying the subs from Beijing has nothing to do with efforts to bolster Sino-Thai relations, but come on - being chosen over other bidding nations is a big fancy feather in China's cap. Just to show how tickled they are, they're throwing in free training and a bit of maintenance.

The submarines will once and for all put an end to all the cheap talk that the Gulf of Thailand isn't deep enough for submarines. First thing we're going to do is dive straight to the bottom of the Gulf (deliberately, of course) and show them how wrong they are.

This is the answer to global warming. Like climate change itself, this might not seem like a big deal right now, but, once all the ice caps and glaciers melt, the subs will come in very handy indeed. When that day comes, you can decide whether you'd rather have a college degree or a Bt30 session with the doctor instead of a steel-hulled ticket to dryness.

Source: http://www.nationmultimedia.com/opinion/Ten-reasons-why-Thailand-actually-should-buy-the-s-30264252.html

-- The Nation 2015-07-11

[smedly]

LMAO, didn't miss with that one and I must say I totally agree - well said VENUS

[rametindallas]

Love it.

.

[rijb]

And they'll come in handy when Bangkok is under water.

[arthurboy]

Bang on the button. Now all we need is the junta leader to read this - and understand the truths behind the satire.

I think I just saw a pig flying over the rooftops...

[robblok]

Im pro junta but these subs are a crazy thing to buy. The writer of this story is totally right. Healthcare is far more important then a few subs. Its not like the military has a small budget or something like that.

[NongKhaiKid]

Wonder if an AA session's on the cards for someone ?

[Seastallion]

I clicked on the headline fully expecting a humourous and sarcastic piece of journalism.

I was not disappointed.

[espinoza]

She rally think she`s clever. "BANGKOK: -- Unless, like thousands of Thais, you've been too preoccupied by the break-up of singer Phakin "Tono" Kumvilaisak and actress Pattaratida "Tangmo" Patcharaveerapong, you will know that the government is poised to buy three submarines from China for Bt36 billion." Who the <deleted>..k is this singer?

"Royal Thai Navy Commander-in-Chief Admiral Kraisorn Chansuvanich told the press this week that the procurement is within the allocated budget and is a matter of "duty" for the Navy. "The public should not criticise us for doing our duty," he said." Duty for the navy?? Not for the Thai people and their motherland?????? " Also a duty for the navy. Where is the Thai people in this mess???? And the country?????

Military tactics at high level

"Submarines are must-have items, according to the official Hollywood Theory of Naval Combat and Espionage. A war isn't even necessary - you just use the subs to spy on your enemies. And how thrilling is that?"

"Submarines mean greater security. You can argue all you want that Bt36 billion would buy a lot of hospitals - a group called Green Light Thailand reckons it would cover medical treatments, such as defective limb replacement, for 600,000 people - but how on earth does that improve national security?" Wh do Thailand need to improve the sequrity, from outside??? The only country threatening Thailand is China where you will spend all this money.

"This will put an end to that annoying refugee hassle. With submarines, traffickers in human cargo will recognise that Thailand is serious about protecting its marine territory, so they'd better cart their Rohingya someplace else. And if they do smuggle a boatload of folks into our waters, the subs can tow them back where they belong without any foreign reporters noticing. Gone are days when Thailand was painted as the villain in this story." How many corrupt Thai officials will the subs sort out???? The hassle with migrants is at first degree a Thai internal problem. Do not try to blame this o others. It was not USA that killed tens, maybe hundreds in sout hof Thailand. That was Thai citizens. Do not even try to wash your hands. The whole world knows this. The Buddhism in Thailand do not mean anything regards money.

[bangkokfrog]

If I remember correctly, our fearless (and always good-natured) Prime Minister announced recently that the subs were not being bought to wage war, but so that Thailand's neighbors would stand in "awe". I totally agree. They will be amazed (and jealous) about how the military could get approval for such a selfish, pointless purchase that does nothing more than let Admiral Kraisorn pretend that his dick is bigger than his counterparts in Laos, Cambodia and Burma.

[espinoza]

Send one of them up Me-khong,make sequrity where its needed.

[Manbing]

Very nice piece.

well argued, I say Thailand, go out and buy them today.

'Childrens day' is only 182 days away.

Maybe instead of parking all of them, they could recoup some of the cash by running tours up and down the Chaopraya River?

[espinoza]

Hvy can the boss of the navy think that its his duty before taking care of the countries people. I think this smells lese majeste.

[PatOngo]

To keep the masses happy, the subs should be named "Tono", "Tangmo" and "Anna"..........the live soap opera continues.

[WitawatWatawit]

Nice bit of sarcasm, K. Veena. Enjoyed it.

But I hope a poster on another thread is right in that Prayut is merely humoring the silly admiral, letting him have his 15 minutes of fame with his fly unzipped, ruler in hand, and will eventually kill the whole issue (till the next time navy leader, fly unzipped, ruler in hand, comes along).

[willyumiii]

Once Thailand completes it's metamorphosis and finally becomes Thaina , they will need subs to stand up to the strong U.S. navel presence in the area.

Could it be that Thailand has learned to plan ahead?

[NongKhaiKid]

To keep the masses happy, the subs should be named "Tono", "Tangmo" and "Anna"..........the live soap opera continues.

but careful, you might upset the NCPO who have voted in secret, and without any coercion, to name them ' Uncle Too ', and ' Uncle Too 1 and 2 '.

Hope the names are not ' too ' difficult for the crews to remember.

Edited July 11, 2015 by NongKhaiKid

[NeverSure]

they will need subs to stand up to the strong U.S. navel presence in the area.

What does this have to do with America's belly button?

[jaiyen]

Dont forget that 36 million is only the buying price. What about the extravagant maintenance costs and spare parts and training ? Nobody in the navy has even been in a submarine !!! As Thailand has never had subs before where will they get the essential skilled technicians to do the maintenance ? Oops, sorry, they dont do maintenance ! So what about the storage costs when they break down ? If they are lucky enough not to break down in the depths of the Gulf. Another folly like the Blimp, nuclear power and democracy.

[LannaGuy]

Now, Thai landsmen all, whoever you may be

If you want to rise to the top of the Junta tree

If your brain isn't fettered to a democratic stool

Be careful to be guided by this golden rule

Buy three subs and shutting down a health care system

Doesn't really matter because it’s all obfuscation (ism)

Apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan

Edited July 11, 2015 by LannaGuy

[HeijoshinCool]

How do you sink a Thai submarine?

Knock on the door.

[BuaBS]

Storm in a glass of water. It is only 545 THB/ person , this is a lot less than the rice scheme , the rubber scheme , the 2 trillion high speed train ,....

An as for maintenance , other army/navy/airforce equipment ( airplanes !) , cost a lot of money too.

Just be glad , those aren't nuclear subs.

Edited July 11, 2015 by BuaBS

[Tatsujin]

She rally think she`s clever. "BANGKOK: -- Unless, like thousands of Thais, you've been too preoccupied by the break-up of singer Phakin "Tono" Kumvilaisak and actress Pattaratida "Tangmo" Patcharaveerapong, you will know that the government is poised to buy three submarines from China for Bt36 billion." Who the <deleted>..k is this singer?

"Royal Thai Navy Commander-in-Chief Admiral Kraisorn Chansuvanich told the press this week that the procurement is within the allocated budget and is a matter of "duty" for the Navy. "The public should not criticise us for doing our duty," he said." Duty for the navy?? Not for the Thai people and their motherland?????? " Also a duty for the navy. Where is the Thai people in this mess???? And the country?????

Military tactics at high level

"Submarines are must-have items, according to the official Hollywood Theory of Naval Combat and Espionage. A war isn't even necessary - you just use the subs to spy on your enemies. And how thrilling is that?"

"Submarines mean greater security. You can argue all you want that Bt36 billion would buy a lot of hospitals - a group called Green Light Thailand reckons it would cover medical treatments, such as defective limb replacement, for 600,000 people - but how on earth does that improve national security?" Wh do Thailand need to improve the sequrity, from outside??? The only country threatening Thailand is China where you will spend all this money.

"This will put an end to that annoying refugee hassle. With submarines, traffickers in human cargo will recognise that Thailand is serious about protecting its marine territory, so they'd better cart their Rohingya someplace else. And if they do smuggle a boatload of folks into our waters, the subs can tow them back where they belong without any foreign reporters noticing. Gone are days when Thailand was painted as the villain in this story." How many corrupt Thai officials will the subs sort out???? The hassle with migrants is at first degree a Thai internal problem. Do not try to blame this o others. It was not USA that killed tens, maybe hundreds in sout hof Thailand. That was Thai citizens. Do not even try to wash your hands. The whole world knows this. The Buddhism in Thailand do not mean anything regards money.

you can climb down off your high horse, it's satire dear boy.

[willyumiii]

they will need subs to stand up to the strong U.S. navel presence in the area.

What does this have to do with America's belly button?

If you were here in Thailand , you could see that those American belly buttons are all full of lint from the cheap, imitation, Thai silk shirts the Americans buy and wear while they visit here.

[willyumiii]

they will need subs to stand up to the strong U.S. navel presence in the area.

What does this have to do with America's belly button?

Excuse my Naval error.

Edited July 11, 2015 by willyumiii

[baboon]

Dont forget that 36 million is only the buying price. What about the extravagant maintenance costs and spare parts and training ? Nobody in the navy has even been in a submarine !!! As Thailand has never had subs before where will they get the essential skilled technicians to do the maintenance ? Oops, sorry, they dont do maintenance ! So what about the storage costs when they break down ? If they are lucky enough not to break down in the depths of the Gulf. Another folly like the Blimp, nuclear power and democracy.

Oh, I wouldn't worry about that. Plenty of empty Chang bottles and duct tape knocking about the place...

[oneday]

I didn't see that coming. With that headline I was already to flame away until I saw it was a "satirical" article on this whole fiasco.

Let me add one of my own...

TAT can use the subs, when they are not in use, to give expensive tours of the seas around Thailand. Humm, now that I think about it, that might be 24/7/365.

[Ricardo]

"The taxpayers have no right to object"

Ten Shades of BS, IMO !

It's their money which is being spent, and they have every right to have a say, whether it's submarines or laptops-for-kiddies or supporting THAI-International or a rice-scam.

And (for once) I agree with LannaGuy , pomposity and poo-bahs (or poo yais) and burocracy remain legitimate targets today, just as much as they also were in the Victorian heyday, of W.S.Gilbert & Sir Arthur Sullivan.

[Nigeone]

Just watched British forces TV.....they are about to commission a new submarine in the next month or so..Britain as you will know has a history of submarine warfare and they have been training for 2 years already and it hasn't gone to sea yet....that says it all I feel...and have they got underwater rescue facility because they really are going to need it...

[deckape]

That article is funny as hell.