Problem Thinking

> > It started out innocently enough. I began to think at

> > parties now and then to loosen up. Inevitably though,

> > one thought led to another, and soon I was more than

> > just a social thinker.

> >

> > I began to think alone - "to relax," I told myself -

> > but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and

> > more important to me, and finally I was thinking all

> > the time.

> >

> > I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and

> > employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself.

> >

> > I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read

> > Camus and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied

> > and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing

> > here?"

> >

> > Things weren't going so great at home either. One

> > evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife

> > about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her

> > mother's.

> >

> > I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day

> > the boss called me in. He said, "Skippy, I like you,

> > and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has

> > become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on

> > the job, you'll have to find another job." This gave

> > me a lot to think about.

> >

> > I came home early after my conversation with the boss.

> > "Honey," I confess, "I've been thinking..."

> >

> > "I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a

> > divorce!"

> >

> > "But Honey, surely it's not that serious."

> >

> > "It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You

> > think as much as college professors, and college

> > professors don't make any money, so if you keep on

> > thinking we won't have any money!'

> >

> > "That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently, and

> > she began to cry. I'd had enough. "I'm going to the

> > library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.

> >

> > I headed for the library, in the mood for some

> > Nietzsche, with a PBS station on the radio. I roared

> > into the parking lot and ran up to the big glass

> > doors...they didn't open. The library was closed.

> >

> > To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking

> > out for me that night.

> >

> > As I sank to the ground clawing at the unfeeling

> > glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my

> > eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it

> > asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes from

> > the standard Thinker's Anonymous poster.

> >

> > Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering

> > thinker. I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting

> > we watch a non-educational video; last week it was

> > "Porky's" Then we share experiences about how we

> > avoided thinking since the last meeting.

> >

> > I still have my job, and things are a lot better at

> > home. Life just seemed...easier, somehow as soon as I

> > stopped thinking.