Adultery

[tommybhill]

I would like some advice please.

I recently discovered my wife had given birth to a boy however we have not been in physical contact for around 13 months as I have been working hard in England with the aim to get back to Thailand for a break.

I had issues with my wife, mainly because of the distance between us. Never in a million years did I imagine she would be playing buckaroo with some thai bloke. She's not that sort and is not a bar girl or anything.

She kind of went off the grid around 3 months ago which was kind of baffling, and were kind of mutually agreeing that it was just never going to work out together with such long periods away from each other.

Anyway the fact that she had sex and got pregnant while she was still saying "i love you babe" on our skype calls, hurts. We are still married right now.

My TV, Fridge, motorbike, all things I have bought are still at her place, and most importantly my dogs. the father of the kid, i've discovered as a facebook profile pic of him holding one of my dogs, which i thought was a nice touch.

I would really like the money from my assets there. If I go there in person which won't be for a while i'm likely to go through them both like a whirlwind,

another great laugh was when I phoned her mother trying to ascertain whether the child was indeed my wifes (i found this out by the way from pictures of the newborn they posted on facebook, but never showing my wifes face) and I said in Thai, "as she had a kid, as she had a kid, please tell me" - her mother said "who's this" then hung up!

I would just like some advice please guys. what are my options? Would be appreciated.

I feel this poorly explained but that's pretty much the short story.

thanks

[lovelomsak]

If all that is there is small items. Why go back? Just get a lawyer file for divorce for adultery and wait for divorce. A fridge TV and motorcycle hardly worth the effort and stress. Who knows how they will react to you wanting to get these things back. The boyfriend may feel they are his now.

The lawyer will file for divorce for you. And at sometime in the future you and the wife will have to go amphur and sign off the marriage. Let the lawyer do it all. Ask him what it will cost. He should give you a set price for filing for adultery,especially with a kid as proof.

[NickJ]

Sad story. Get strong. You know what you have to do. You have an absolute solid case for your divorce . Dont spend a fortune on a lawyer. Adultery is grounds for a divorce and you could supply more than enough proof. Your wife should realize this. So get a couple good friends and got to the Amphur and sign the paper. It takes less than an hour. wait outside. Dont talk to your wife. Walk in and Get It Done.

I know so many guys that this has happened to here. Many are Still with there cheating wives and raising there Not Kid.

There lives and relaitionships suck and they drink heavily.

Get rid of the cheating filth and start fresh.

Good luck.

[petermik]

Just forget it-walk away-aint worth bothering coming over here except for a holiday-no contact with any of them

[ehs818]

Unless you registered the marriage, just walk away. Whatever you do, do not meet with her at your old place. Too many relatives, perhaps her new boyfriend, and others will be there. And mark my words, it won't end well for you. Run Away!

[jmccarty]

Ditch her and the kid. Does not really matter if you are legally married, but it means you can't legally get married to someone else and have this happen all over again. Lose track of her but keep your marriage license. Sorry about your dogs. That was all I asked for in my divorce, and pretty much all I got. No kid involved, but my Singaporean wife was cheating on me when I had to work in the US for an extended period. I know how gut wrenching it is in any case. I was advised to just get it over with as fast as possible. And maybe my first advice above is BS. It took me a good year of drinking to get over that divorce. I was very lucky to have an employer and boss that were understanding.

[Mark T]

Unless you registered the marriage, just walk away. Whatever you do, do not meet with her at your old place. Too many relatives, perhaps her new boyfriend, and others will be there. And mark my words, it won't end well for you. Run Away!

yeah, your soon to be ex mom-in-law "said" that very clearly! sad, but i think your wife had enough of you and that is they way the Thais go when they had enough!

on a side note, i am sorry for you, mate!

[Monkeyrobot]

Only invest as much as you can afford to walk away from in this country. Just walk away , get the pay back later for the dog fondling in the face book pic.

[MobileContent]

Walk away and forget the TV, Motor bike etc.

Its not worth it.

[does]

If you Skype with her, or communicate in some other way, why not simply ask her if she had a child with a different man and where she wants to go from here? I am rather puzzled that you would ask TV readers before asking your wife.

[petertucker48]

• 

"Get rid of the cheating filth and start fresh".This is not called for, if the husband been away 13 months !!! what does he expect,people i.e. Male and Female need physical love and affection.It is very much His fault whether he likes to admit it or not."Get a divorce ?" that is up to him,just so long as he doesn't think he is 100% innocent because he isn't .

.

Good luck.

[JHolmesJr]

Be careful of your safety…most of these folks have only basic intelligence and emotions…they think nothing of harming someone who they think is in their way.

Don't go there alone and unprepared for a confrontation.

Screw the belongings….I hope you didn't buy the house in her name though…that would be sad.

[chilli42]

Why not tell her you won the UK lottery big time. Ask her to meet you in Bangkok to share the joy. Then rent a truck and move your stuff out of her place when she is at the appointed place and time. Then see a lawyer and file for divorce. Oh, one last piece of advice. Enjoy your single life and don't be in a big hurry to rush back into a relationship with one woman. Once burned shame on you, twice burned shame on me.

[arjunadawn]

About the posts to walk away, basically bitch out, take the losses... This is actually not just a good idea, it is the wise idea. It is painful and immediate the way life replaces us. In our mind some rules still apply, we still have access, people can be reasoned with, you know the layout of the land... No! No you dont! It has all changed and irrespective of whether your wife ever felt a glimmer of guilt or compassion she necessarily will replace that with rejection and denial. If you return for any reasons you seriously risk unintended consequences. These posts above are spot on. I am sorry for your pain- and I deeply understand it. I wish you well. It just sucks.

[tassieman]

>another great laugh was when I phoned her mother trying to ascertain whether the child was indeed my wifes

I'd also think carefully about this "possibility", my friend. Now, after a little experience (a whole deal of subterfuge play around the issue of pregnancy etc! see some of my recent TV posts pleading for help and ALWAYS grateful for the support received guys!), in my "worst" (most lucid?) moments, I started to wonder if indeed my "beloved" (lol) would be capable of playing even this scam...given her younger -- and still fertile -- sister was returning to Thailand to have a "cyst" removed....hmmmnnn.

The darker side of me still wonders if a "miracle" baby of "mine" is going to appear sometime in the future? Thank god for paternity tests (and, we are not married at least). I was going to fly my "beloved" to Australia next month for a visit...after I received three texts supposedly from her last Friday evening with three different numbers all with a +46 country code and with content precisely "lifted" from recent Skype conversations, well, this was ENOUGH for me. I cancelled the ticket (and will receive a refund: god bless Thai Airways!) and put bare bone limits on both my credit card and savings account (as well, of course, deleting my Skype contact with her). After this little skirmish, now I am firmly of the opinion that simply ANYTHING is possible when it comes to relationships with Thai women. Not sure what else to say: take care...and the advice offered above to try and cut the ties as cleanly as possible with the minimum of fuss and contact makes sense to me. Good luck.

[mihalis]

Get a lawyer, if your joint assets are a lot, otherwise <deleted> her off, and file for divorce with your lawyer.... Dont even bother with contact, all you will get is bullshit !!

[Stevemercer]

I agree with the above posts. Deal with her civilly until you can get the divorce. Her new boyfriend probably chased her on the promise of continuing wealth from you while you were overseas (or even back in Thailand). It will soon all end when he realises there is nothing more coming.

[Shiver]

I can understand why the dogs are most important to you, but if you're out of the country for extended periods, I wonder how you could take care of them from a distance.

A dog can be as dear to someone as a family member for sure, and although I don't have a dog, when I go to a friends house when I've not been for a while, some of them cry/squeal with joy as if they thought they'd been abandoned and are so happy to see me return. I'm just a casual visitor and already they've included me in their group, so how would they feel if you're their #1 Alpha and go away?

As for the other items I'd just forget about them, and organise the divorce with the minimum possible contact.

[Pinot]

You've got your answer and you knew it all along. Kaput lauow. (already broken) Say goodnight.

[CapeThai]

Cut your losses and walk away mate, their not worth the air they breath... If in the case of curiosity wanting to make 100% sure if she did in fact have a baby, ask one of Thai Visa's investigators in the area to go check it out... I'm sure there is someone here on TV in that area to pay them a surprise visit " looking for you " and to check things out ?

Just a thought...

For them there is NO such thing as adultery my friend, to them it's like hugging an old friend...bargirl or NOT bargirl....the mentality is still the same.

[LukKrueng]

• 

"Get rid of the cheating filth and start fresh".This is not called for, if the husband been away 13 months !!! what does he expect,people i.e. Male and Female need physical love and affection.It is very much His fault whether he likes to admit it or not."Get a divorce ?" that is up to him,just so long as he doesn't think he is 100% innocent because he isn't .

.

Good luck.

About time some1 noticed the 13 months away period. And don't tell me you didn't have sex during that time.

And as some1 above suggested - If you still in touch with her over skype - why not just ask her if that's actually her baby? If it is, or otherwise she can't take the long distance marriage - then get divorced in a civilized manner. As Petertuker48 says - you are at least partly responsible.

[smotherb]

I have lived all over the world and seen similar tragic events everywhere, but nowhere are the numbers even close to Thailand. Somehow, though, I am continually amazed at the tales of woe coming from TV posters. It is a veritable soap opera of bad judgement and ill-conceived emotion. Why be so stupid? Have you never had a real relationship with a woman--and that goes for the ones who claim they were taken to the cleaners by their Western wives as well as the ones who were cuckolded by their Eastern wives? Are you so totally blinded by the international brown spot you simply cannot see the situation objectively? Then, you compound your ignorance by hanging your embarrassing laundry on the line for all to see. There must be a major flaw in the character of expats living here.

[Liquorice]

Do nothing mate.

After 2 years away she can file for divorce on grounds of desertion.

Forget the personal belongings........let her do the running around and tracking you down for a divorce.

She aint worth any more of your time and money.

Let her lie in the bed she's chosen, she'll regret it later.

[bbbbooboo]

The assumption is that adultery occurs between "adults", so take it from there I guess

[tassieman]

>ask one of Thai Visa's investigators in the area to go check it out

CAPETHAI...what's the contact route for this cos I am also interested in such an option just to obtain some sort of clarity, thnx in advance, MP

[Emster23]

No games, play it straight on your side. Get lawyer, get divorce. Do not go anywhere near her, in fact avoid Thailand if possible. If you are registered married, guess who gets all your estate if you die "in accident" or otherwise? Never make yourself worth more dead than alive. These people play hardball.

Thank your lucky stars there are no children bred from your loins in this case.

[Shermanator]

Cut your losses and move on! I wish all I had lost in my time in LOS were just a motorbike, a telly, a fridge and a few puppies... Call yourself lucky!

[ggt]

I have heard that there are women in Thailand who do not cheat on their husbands/Bfs...but I have never personally met one...

My advice to you would be to get you some new dogs...forget your small investment in Thai material goods...and find a way to legally divorce this woman before she finds some way to make life more miserable for you...

The angst at trying to recoup your monetary loses will not be worth it...

Good Luck! Many here feel your pain!

[Stevemercer]

I have lived all over the world and seen similar tragic events everywhere, but nowhere are the numbers even close to Thailand. Somehow, though, I am continually amazed at the tales of woe coming from TV posters. It is a veritable soap opera of bad judgement and ill-conceived emotion. Why be so stupid? Have you never had a real relationship with a woman--and that goes for the ones who claim they were taken to the cleaners by their Western wives as well as the ones who were cuckolded by their Eastern wives? Are you so totally blinded by the international brown spot you simply cannot see the situation objectively? Then, you compound your ignorance by hanging your embarrassing laundry on the line for all to see. There must be a major flaw in the character of expats living here.

It's just that Thai woman are so damn sexy! How can we resist them?

[tommybhill]

• 

"Get rid of the cheating filth and start fresh".This is not called for, if the husband been away 13 months !!! what does he expect,people i.e. Male and Female need physical love and affection.It is very much His fault whether he likes to admit it or not."Get a divorce ?" that is up to him,just so long as he doesn't think he is 100% innocent because he isn't .

.

Good luck.

I did do 6 months in the U.K 6 months in Thailand, which worked for us for 4 years. I've stayed here longer this time due to personal reasons. And no you are right i'm not 100% innocent,

Don't be so quick to judge