Which is harder, being married or being a parent?

[thehelmsman]

Being Gay is harder, with all the bigotry going around in the world.

Damn site easier for you now. I was a copper from the 70's on, and I well remember the attitude we all had towards gays. Largely self inflicted though, making public toilets in parks a no go area for straights. The world has moved on, attitudes changed, and if one of my sons turned out to be gay, I'd still love him the same.

Anyway, Thailand seems pretty tolerant of different sexuality compared to other countries I've been to.

A neighbor brought her 3 yr. boy over one day dressed as a girl with make up. She laughed when I gave her the stink eye.

[benalibina]

Nice topic . You can divorce from your spouse, but not from your kids... and my belief is that if you teach your kids from a very young age to distinguish right from wrong and the consequences their decisions and actions will have, then your job is done... well, almost done anyway...

Not true,

I was divorced from a wife and 4 kids. Never saw any of them them again (implacable hostility).

Statistically about 50% of the children of divorced couples in western countries never see their father again.

(Definition of 'not seeing again' was given as less than once a year)

How does divorcing the wife = never seeing the kids again. Could't fathom such a situation.

Google Parental Alienation.......Above poster is correct on a way....things however are slowly changing...

[cyberfarang]

Being married. Simply because my wife is a woman, (never got into this same-sex marriage stuff). Steven Hawking may be able to understand the universe, but I defy him to understand women. Having said that, my sons are only seven and five. Post again in ten years or so. If elder son has turned up with a pregnant girlfriend and her family demanding a big farang sinsot, I might have changed my mind.

What you need is the Manslater. (Woman language translator).

[MaeJoMTB]

Google Parental Alienation.......Above poster is correct on a way....things however are slowly changing...

'Parental alienation' is out ......... 'implacable hostility' is in.

You gotta move with the times, if you wanna play their games.

[farangmick]

Being married. Simply because my wife is a woman, (never got into this same-sex marriage stuff). Steven Hawking may be able to understand the universe, but I defy him to understand women. Having said that, my sons are only seven and five. Post again in ten years or so. If elder son has turned up with a pregnant girlfriend and her family demanding a big farang sinsot, I might have changed my mind.

What you need is the Manslater. (Woman language translator).

Glad this wasn't around 15 years ago. Might have still been with first wife!

[FruitPudding]

Being married is way harder. And I am not technically married. Being a father is easy after a few years. Being married gets harder as the years go by.

[Roadman]

I would say neither is harder than the other. But that is for me in my circumstances and the person I am now. For marriage once you find a person who is prepared to commit fully the same as you are prepared to commit to that person then there is nothing hard about that relationship. The same applies for children that by committing to them and them wanting a Dad there is not to much hard about that either. Probably becomes a lot easier when their own father walks out on them when they are little and never sees them again, that when they see a guy loving and respecting their mum the way they want to be loved and respected then that parent / daughter relationship is a very easy bond to cement.

However for me as none of it has been hard but a pleasure, surprisingly for me the most rewarding was being the parent to two children who were not mine. Two daughters (they are mine now lock stock and barrel as I am their only Dad lock stock and barrel) that have certainly brought challenges but the endless love and rewards from those daughter relationships has been miles above the few times that we have had a balmy through those difficult teen years. And those have never lasted long, and out the end have come the most loving rewarding relationships that I could never have dreamed of experiencing. When that is the long term reward the few difficulties are not hard but minor itches.

Possibly the biggest difference is in your own attitudes. Certainly in my later life I have been an awesome dad and partner which is a complete opposite of the A Hole I was when I was younger with my own children and first wife. From my experiences that along with being with people who are not committed to the relationship are the biggest barrier to either a parent of partner relationship being hard.

Edited January 13, 2016 by Roadman

[fitzcaraldo]

Well à wife you can change or stay apart for a While or kick out définitively. Children it is for ever up or downs

[puffy]

I don't distinguish the two so much. I am 38 my wife is 35.

I have 2 daughters and we are a family. Almost everything we do is as a family, and

a lot of what we do revolves around the Children. In some ways I think that being

married without children is more difficult than when you have them. There is less

to hold you together and you tend to still want more freedom.

[simon43]

I've been married and divorced 3 times, 1 English wife, 2 Thai wives, 3 English kids, 1 Thai kid. Last divorced about 5 years ago and couldn't be happier

Helping to raise my English kids was great, working all hours to keep my English wife in money was not. Since my divorce from her about 12 years ago, my kids keep in regular contact with me - she never contacts me.

Wife #2 (Thai) was like a retribution from hell for divorcing my English wife My son with her was great. He keeps in close contact, she is currently being pursued by lawyers and the police for fraud.... whereabouts unknown.

Wife #3 had a great love... of money, but not of me. Luckily no kids involved - my big mistake for marrying her on the rebound from the ex.

Nowadays (as reported in another thread), I run my successful hotel business and take care of my Thai nieces (parents are too 'dysfunctional' to care for them). The nieces are typical teenagers, rebellious, pushing the boundaries, telling 'untruths', ==> an absolute breeze to look after as far as I am concerned.

Wives? Girlfriends? Nah!! No time for them, too much hassle and expense

[daveAustin]

Any update, op? It's no fun when money is always on the agenda in a marriage... Asian women seem to place so much emphasis on it. If you're not happy, I think the only way is separation. Trying to keep a marriage together for the sake of kids is admirable, but bad air rubs off (they pick it ALL up), not to mention making your life miserable. I have a similar dilemma. Old thread and goes without saying, but get your affairs in order if you go down the big D road. [emoji6]