is incest prevelent amoungst thai,s ? teenagers

[fletchsmile]

If OP were in the UK, here's a link on the law

https://www.gov.uk/law-on-leaving-your-child-home-alone

also there are institutions like NSPCC you could seek advice from as how to handle this before formally getting say social securities or other parties involved if appropriate

Edited October 9, 2015 by fletchsmile

[flyingdoc]

Need to tackle this issue very seriously before it is too late!

[nottocus]

Do your job as a father, goddammit!!

[jaybas]

if you have any suspicion at all, follow through until you are satisfied. If any of the kids are angry, explain why you are doing it. Think about the alternative, if you suspect and do nothing....how will you feel 10 yrs down the road and then you find out.

Think about that for a minute.

[dotpoom]

Really sorry for the dilemma you are faced with. I gather your daughter is living with her Mother so what came to my mind may not be a consideration. I abhor people "spying" but drastic situations might call for drastic action (if possible), the use of "modern technological" like a camera placed in an appropriate room (like her bedroom) just might be something worth considering....especially, as you say yourself, the seriousness of the situation. ...Just a thought, disregard it if it sounds stupid to you.

[JD66]

My sister was with child welfare and crisis center in the states for ten years . And I know from her cases and what she told me, something about this type of horrid situaton and from I know,, here's my advice....

GET YOUR DAUGHTER OUT OF THERE !

Are you kidding me ? It's obvious she's in a dangerous enviornment . Your her father ,,Protect her .As another poster said DO YOUR JOB! If you have to work, hire someone with crendentials to care for her. She'd be alot safer than with those two mongrels...She's trying to tell you something.LISTEN!

And let me get this straight...You said you caught one of them stting on the couch with her when she was four , masturbating???!!!! Did I get that right?? And you think the situation has improved?! Are you kidding me !? HOW in Gods name did you let that incident ''slide''? I would have beat him within an inch of his life . You better take care of this immediately. Before it gets much worse and somethings happens that is irreversible.And your ex is delusional and living in a fantasy world..she 's as dangerous as those two 15 yr.old low lifes.

Edited October 9, 2015 by JD66

[Muzarella]

I never will let teenagers boys to live with a younger girl in the same house. No way.

[Berkshire]

To the OP, no, incest is not prevalent nor normal among Thai teenagers. But let me get this straight: you're asking this question because "recently a thai ladyboy friend of my wifes" told you this? Seriously? Nothing against ladyboys, but I would imagine a good many of them come from dysfunctional or non-traditional families. (we're not talking gays, but ladyboys specifically). So the perspective and experiences of a ladyboy may not be exactly mainstream. Let me ask you this OP: if a bargirl told you that it's normal for women to have sex for money, would you start a thread to ask if all Thai women have sex for money? I bet you would.

[geisha]

Certainly get someone to look after your daughter when she is alone evenings, all the while trying to sort this out. Babysitter, older grandmother for example, neighbor ? Family?

[nithisa78]

This seems like you might want to consult with the authorities. TV, you're expecting good advise?

[stoneyboy]

This seems like you might want to consult with the authorities. TV, you're expecting good advise?

Obviously not from you as you never have anything constructive to add to the discussion.

Why don't you pop back over to the beer thread,which you felt you needed to include yourself in even though in your words you detest everything alcohol related.

[mankondang]

If you are living in the UK and have concerns about the welfare of a minor I'm sure that there are many better equipped professional government agencies and resources there that are much more qualified than TV to deal with them. The issues are many and varied. Your "adopted" twin sons, their cultural adaptation, your ex-wife, her cultural changes and adapting to them, your marriage break up and underlying issues, your young daughter, her possible anxious attitude of trying to make sense of an adult world where, the two people she loves, her parents not living together and she is trying to make sense of the adolecent behaviour of her step brothers, also the cross cultural issues everyone involved are dealing with. There are also your own issues that need dealing with, whether you recognise them or not. These are just off the cuff examples, some may apply, some may not, many others still unmentioned.

Please, seek out some professional service, normally a good GP is the first port of call, not for total treatment, but for a reference to further help. Best of luck to all of you.

[springheeled jack]

this is not about incest this is about moral responsibility if your wife is thai which I presume she is then she is responsible for your daughter and her sons if you can prove that your daughter is at risk call the welfare people but your fears may be unfounded .

[charlieboy1]

I have been a foster carer in the uk for the past 14years and look after teenager kids what you are saying about the 15year old playing with himself sitting next to your 6year old daughter would be very worrying to me I had a similar situation almost word to word of what you said you see on the sofa apart from it was a teenage boy with a 7year old boy. and it turned out that the teenage boy had been abusing the younger lad. you need to sort this setup with your kids or kid out. it may start of harmless experimenting but things will get more serious. its not just a thai thing it happens every where. for gods sake nip it in the bud or your never forgive yourself

the two lads I am talking about were brothers

Edited October 9, 2015 by charlieboy1

[dirtycash]

Sorry just to clear this up...you are all in the UK?

If so leaving a young girl all night in the care of a 15 year old has to constitute an offence in itself I would have thought.

exactly, i have pulled my wife about this, she seems to think the boys can look after her but i go around there and all they do is sit in their rooms playing video games in darkness.

its a sad state of affairs but ive been warned by my sister and previous gf not to involve social services in uk as my child could be taken into care. ive now bought her a small phone to keep on her at all times so i can call her.

[smokie36]

Sorry just to clear this up...you are all in the UK?

If so leaving a young girl all night in the care of a 15 year old has to constitute an offence in itself I would have thought.

exactly, i have pulled my wife about this, she seems to think the boys can look after her but i go around there and all they do is sit in their rooms playing video games in darkness.

its a sad state of affairs but ive been warned by my sister and previous gf not to involve social services in uk as my child could be taken into care. ive now bought her a small phone to keep on her at all times so i can call her.

You need to start putting the needs of your six year old daughter before those of anyone else.

As things stand its totally unacceptable.

[charlieboy1]

you should ask the school to have a word with her it could turn out to be nothing. but if you say she clams up or looks with drawn then its worth asking the school she may just have other worries young kids are educated about abuse in primary schools. if i ask my seven year old daughter if anything as happened to her she would sure let me know but as well as the school making her aware of rights and wrongs I also talk to her and let her know no one should see or touch her private parts. I am very aware about the abuse going on in the uk they say 3 out of 10 children at school are going through some sort of abuse which is scary. you need to put your mind at rest a mobile phone will not help

[oncearugge]

Sorry just to clear this up...you are all in the UK?

If so leaving a young girl all night in the care of a 15 year old has to constitute an offence in itself I would have thought.

exactly, i have pulled my wife about this, she seems to think the boys can look after her but i go around there and all they do is sit in their rooms playing video games in darkness.

its a sad state of affairs but ive been warned by my sister and previous gf not to involve social services in uk as my child could be taken into care. ive now bought her a small phone to keep on her at all times so i can call her.

You may find Social Services become involved anyway! All it takes is a phone call from a concerned neighbor or school teacher.

A small phone will not ensure the child's safety.

If you wish the child to be safe arrangements other than those which currently exist will have to be made.

[dirtycash]

DO NOT under any circumstances...leave your daughter alone with these two boys...she may have been molested already and does not want to be left alone with them...she is vulnerable and defenseless...you are her only protector,..DO YOUR JOB...

sorry for any mix up, all kids are now living in uk with their mum who is thai , with who i am seperated and living apart soon to be divorced.

i have allways sat down and told my daughter the rules :

1. not to sit with her skirt up,

2. not to go into toilet when a boy or man is in the toilet,

3. not to talk to strangers,

4. never ever to keep a secret ( she can allways trust her daddy or a teacher ) without us blaming her in anyway.

5. if she goes away with mum she has never to be left alone in bed ( her mum goes away regularly to stay with friends )

so she does know and understand the rules. as i say ive bought her a phone to keep with her at all times. her aunt is a police woman and has also told her the rules. i will get her aunt to keep drumming these rules into her . as i also said before when this ladyboy friend of my wifes told me never to let my daughter stay with " thai boy / brothers " that made me really concerned. i told her surely thai boy is the same as any farang boy and her answer was " thai man not good , thai boy is known to do this type of thing with sister because he dont care " also the reason she does never want to be left alone with them, she has grown up with them both in isaan and here in uk since born so why now she doesnt want to stay with them alone, surely this is not normal behaviour ? ive often asked her many times but do not want to push it.

im just asking on here to see if any one else had the same worries , issues.

[i claudius]

A guy I knew brought his wife's two boys to the UK many years ago ,they turned out right shits, the reason,they were not brought up well by her or her family , its always the same decent family decent kids well brought up. Keep your daughter away from them

[charlieboy1]

DO NOT under any circumstances...leave your daughter alone with these two boys...she may have been molested already and does not want to be left alone with them...she is vulnerable and defenseless...you are her only protector,..DO YOUR JOB...

sorry for any mix up, all kids are now living in uk with their mum who is thai , with who i am seperated and living apart soon to be divorced.

i have allways sat down and told my daughter the rules :

1. not to sit with her skirt up,

2. not to go into toilet when a boy or man is in the toilet,

3. not to talk to strangers,

4. never ever to keep a secret ( she can allways trust her daddy or a teacher ) without us blaming her in anyway.

5. if she goes away with mum she has never to be left alone in bed ( her mum goes away regularly to stay with friends )

so she does know and understand the rules. as i say ive bought her a phone to keep with her at all times. her aunt is a police woman and has also told her the rules. i will get her aunt to keep drumming these rules into her . as i also said before when this ladyboy friend of my wifes told me never to let my daughter stay with " thai boy / brothers " that made me really concerned. i told her surely thai boy is the same as any farang boy and her answer was " thai man not good , thai boy is known to do this type of thing with sister because he dont care " also the reason she does never want to be left alone with them, she has grown up with them both in isaan and here in uk since born so why now she doesnt want to stay with them alone, surely this is not normal behaviour ? ive often asked her many times but do not want to push it.

im just asking on here to see if any one else had the same worries , issues.

have you told the aunt the police woman your concerns if so if she is doing her duty I know what she would do without dout

[Jaggg88]

If you are living in the UK and have concerns about the welfare of a minor I'm sure that there are many better equipped professional government agencies and resources there that are much more qualified than TV to deal with them. The issues are many and varied. Your "adopted" twin sons, their cultural adaptation, your ex-wife, her cultural changes and adapting to them, your marriage break up and underlying issues, your young daughter, her possible anxious attitude of trying to make sense of an adult world where, the two people she loves, her parents not living together and she is trying to make sense of the adolecent behaviour of her step brothers, also the cross cultural issues everyone involved are dealing with. There are also your own issues that need dealing with, whether you recognise them or not. These are just off the cuff examples, some may apply, some may not, many others still unmentioned.

Please, seek out some professional service, normally a good GP is the first port of call, not for total treatment, but for a reference to further help. Best of luck to all of you.

If you are in the UK there is a designated Child Protection Officer at every school so contact your daughter's school for an appointment ASAP.

[arfurcrown]

Well as the O.P. states he is resident in the U.K. I perhaps like few other people no doubt would like to ask him a couple of questions.

Why are you asking questions here?

Why haven't you approached the child welfare bodies in the U.K.?

Is there perhaps more to the situation than you are telling us?

The local police will have a child protection officer available for consultation and assistance if such assistance may be or is required.regarding your fears.

Surely your six year old daughter should be with you and your soon to be new wife as opposed to living with her step brothers. Being as you claim to have found situations that were or are ''disturbing'' why have yo not made an official complaint and started proceedings to have your daughter live with you and later you and your new wife when you are married.

To my mind you are playing with the girls emotions, the boys emotions and are unwilling to take on the role of a protective father.

Certainly a very irresponsible callous attitude, which is going to end up with either your daughter in care or sexually abused, raped and possibly groomed for the local pedophiles.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

Edited October 9, 2015 by arfurcrown

[thailandchilli]

The bottom line here is a responsible adult should be looking after your daughter at all times.

You need to fix that immediately.

i have spoken to the 2 twin boys, they have been left under no illusions of what the consequences will be, though i worry if this would stop anything happening. my wife has the mai pen rai attitude when i talk to her about my concerns, she brushes it off. i allways just wonder my my daughter hates staying with them , its wrong. my ex wife needs to go to work to support the kids and i allways now take my daughter but i will need to gom away to work soon.

when my wifes friend told me that abuse is rife amoungst thai teenagers and especially when its with their ( not full sister ) this scared the sh*t out of me. now im more paranoid as ever which is probably a good thing so i allways ask my daughter everyday if she is ok etc and look out for any signs though sometimes she does seem to be withdrawn.

there has been a good few times ive went round to check on my daughter when my wife has went to work and the last time was 8pm at night , i asked one boy where is his young sister , he shrugged his shoulders and said he didnt know where she was, i told him it was dark outside and never leave her outside alone ( dumb stupid little ********** ) its as if they just dont care . lucky my wifes friend a neighbour had her with her at her home. i told my ex wife about her sons letting my kid out at that time and her reply was " yes i yak him because he stupid ) thats not a good enough excuse, though i suspect she didnt really shout too much at them .

wish i had of left them back in thailand years ago, i fought through 3 high court cases against the border agency to let them join their mum in uk but really ive regretted it ever since. seems they do not give a sh*t about much. one was suspended last week for fighting in school. the other has been in constant trouble for being disrespectfull to teachers and telling one teacher to f** k off. all this after the money and heart ache it cost me to get them here.

im living on my nerves everytime my wife has to work.

Please stop wasting any further time on this forum. Your daughter is your priority and at 6 years old it already sounds to me that she may well have lost her innocence due to the 2 older boys. This is heartbreaking and the damage has already been done if correct. Please immediately remove any further risk to her. A 6 year old should be feeling safe and secure not scared and abused. This forum may have helped you decide to act, I hope so but act you must. Call your local Social Services Child Protection services immediately, they have a 24 hour number in the UK.

Expect a full investigation to be carried out by them and quite rightly so. To avoid more unnecessary risks and separation issues for your child be prepared to take time off work to look after her. This is very serious, please act now. Yes I am qualified in this and why I am giving you advice, please take it.

Edited October 9, 2015 by thailandchilli

[wooloomooloo]

dear god, are you thick ? read my posts, im in uk. twins are in uk, wife is in uk, which part do you not understand ? my ex wife is the twin boys mum, my ex wife is my daughters mum.

im outta here.

You're the thick one. Not even able to protect your kids in the UK.

If it were me, I wouldn't even be asking these questions on this forum. I'd actually be doing something about it.

[JHolmesJr]

Start by installing a webcam of sorts without their knowledge.....you need evidence first.

[fletchsmile]

Cheers for clarifying a few things. Obviously a stressful time.

First priority, get your daughter out of there. She's no.1 . In your shoes I can't think of anything that could be more important than my daughter. Tell work you have an urgent family issue to deal with. Ask her if she'd like to stay with daddy and when she says yes which from what you've said will be a cert, pick her up the first opportunity you get. Night time when your ex goes out is likely a good bet.

After that, you're lucky that you're in the UK. Compared to Thailand there are many more support options open to you and places you can turn. That includes child protection agencies, helplines, teachers, police, social services etc. Thai society offers nowhere near the same level of support. All of these would be decent options to turn to for help. Pick one to start with and contact or go to them for help as you do need help, and each of these supports will be trained in how to deal with suspected abuse cases.

Frankly the nationality and culture issues are not the main issue here, though they may add some additional considerations. FWIW I asked my Thai wife and she said no way in your case would she leave her daughter with two teenage boys who are not her biological family, as there could be all sorts of issues, jealousy etc, particularly with what you described She says it is common place in Thailand and says it would be more common than UK. Not the norm of course, but such she wouldn't take the risk. You only need to read Thai news to see what can go on - her words. In reality it can happen in any country. Thailand as I mentioned though doesn't have the same level of support to deal with it, nor the same level of action to deal with it, prevent or deter it. Hence while in the UK it could be dealt with by professionals with repercussions, in Thailand there are few professionals to support and lax law enforcement, less education about such topics etc. No coincidence Thailand unfortunately does attract paedos more than developed countries.

All those are asides though:

Get your daughter out of there and turn to someone in the UK for professional support. Myself I'd call someone like Childline, NSPCC etc first, for guidance as what to do next, rather than jumping to more formal solutions, like police, and then help and talk through whats the best course of action.

Cheers

Fletch

Edit: BTW feel free to come back later and discuss and debate how Thailand fares compared to other countries for child abuse, cultural norms etc, but first things first.

Edited October 9, 2015 by fletchsmile

[thailandchilli]

Cheers for clarifying a few things. Obviously a stressful time.

First priority, get your daughter out of there. She's no.1 . In your shoes I can't think of anything that could be more important than my daughter. Tell work you have an urgent family issue to deal with. Ask her if she'd like to stay with daddy and when she says yes which from what you've said will be a cert, pick her up the first opportunity you get. Night time when your ex goes out is likely a good bet.

After that, you're lucky that you're in the UK. Compared to Thailand there are many more support options open to you and places you can turn. That includes child protection agencies, helplines, teachers, police, social services etc. Thai society offers nowhere near the same level of support. All of these would be decent options to turn to for help. Pick one to start with and contact or go to them for help as you do need help, and each of these supports will be trained in how to deal with suspected abuse cases.

Frankly the nationality and culture issues are not the main issue here, though they may add some additional considerations. FWIW I asked my Thai wife and she said no way in your case would she leave her daughter with two teenage boys who are not her biological family, as there could be all sorts of issues, jealousy etc, particularly with what you described She says it is common place in Thailand and says it would be more common than UK. Not the norm of course, but such she wouldn't take the risk. You only need to read Thai news to see what can go on - her words. In reality it can happen in any country. Thailand as I mentioned though doesn't have the same level of support to deal with it, nor the same level of action to deal with it, prevent or deter it. Hence while in the UK it could be dealt with by professionals with repercussions, in Thailand there are few professionals to support and lax law enforcement, less education about such topics etc. No coincidence Thailand unfortunately does attract paedos more than developed countries.

All those are asides though:

Get your daughter out of there and turn to someone in the UK for professional support. Myself I'd call someone like Childline, NSPCC etc first, for guidance as what to do next, rather than jumping to more formal solutions, like police, and then help and talk through whats the best course of action.

Cheers

Fletch

Good advice, urgency here is the key to save her from any further abuse IF it is happening, but you must assume currently that it is. Work is important to you but your daughter currently needs your help to keep her safe, this is the priority.

The child welfare agencies mentioned can offer immediate advice, call them. EDT (emergency duty team) of the Social services child protection are also available 24/7.

As mentioned in my last post expect a full investigation, this is why you need to take care of your daughter because the welfare agencies will NOT allow her to be in the same house alone with those boys until an investigation has been completed. If they feel she is not safe they will take action themselves and put her in temporary foster care.

Address this now, a 6 year old girl, your daughter could be in serious danger

[rgs2001uk]

Jesus effin H, go to the house right now, remove your daughter and either take her to your house or give her to your mother, sister or whatever.

I am actually asking myself if this a troll.

Be thankful you are in the UK and not Thailand, you have the law on you side.

If this was my daughter, well I cant post on here what would have happened, it would be deleted.

[JackJD]

It is difficult to believe anyone would post a new thread demonstarting their total lack of intelligence, responsibility and fortitude.

Tell the bixxh to take her two degenerate sons and go back to Thailand... and then turn yourself into the police and get some counseling.