Relationships with Students

[ev1lchris]

My students love me so it's tempting with the seniors. Especially when some are smarter than most Thai girls I meet.

That being said I'm not going to pursue them. I like where I am in life right now.

[eldragon]

My students love me so it's tempting with the seniors. Especially when some are smarter than most Thai girls I meet.

That being said I'm not going to pursue them. I like where I am in life right now.

I think this is no small reason why some foreigners are led to date students. Smarter. Friendlier. And not so concerned with what others think of them.

[bigt3116]

My students love me so it's tempting with the seniors. Especially when some are smarter than most Thai girls I meet.

That being said I'm not going to pursue them. I like where I am in life right now.

"The school expected everyone to be in before 6 am. My coworkers and I laughed it off. I didn't have a class in the morning because my own students told me they would not come to school. Instead I came in at 9:30 after the roads reopened. They have not said anything directly but I know the Thai teachers did not like it. I don't really care."

What a shame that your peers don't like you, but then I suppose that comes down to your attitude towards them.

[recom273]

In spite of the OP having been here a while, and 1100+ posts, I think he's trolling.

i thought the same. He's an idiot!!!!

Just so it's clear, I dont teach adults anymore and Im too old for university students. I was lead to create this thread bc it's come to my attention that some of my former colleagues are engaged in sexual relationships with several of their students, and have been for years. Most of our mutual acquaintances seem to think it's harmless. Ive heard the "theyre all adults" argument a few times. Ive also over the years heard several unsubstantiated stories about university teachers having sex with their students.

I have no personal motivations here. And Im not trying to justify anything to anyone. I can see an argument for dating former students or adult (non-credit, language school) learners. And Im simply trying to have a discussion on the topic. I thought you nerds would have something valuable to add, but apparently youre consumed with judging a person you know very little about, and never will. If I seem hypocritical to some of you, its bc Im a fairly open minded person and Im trying to hear/see all sides of the argument.

I'm not up on this forum jargon ...

But I think, you are called a troll ..

[eldragon]

In spite of the OP having been here a while, and 1100+ posts, I think he's trolling.

i thought the same. He's an idiot!!!!

Just so it's clear, I dont teach adults anymore and Im too old for university students. I was lead to create this thread bc it's come to my attention that some of my former colleagues are engaged in sexual relationships with several of their students, and have been for years. Most of our mutual acquaintances seem to think it's harmless. Ive heard the "theyre all adults" argument a few times. Ive also over the years heard several unsubstantiated stories about university teachers having sex with their students.

I have no personal motivations here. And Im not trying to justify anything to anyone. I can see an argument for dating former students or adult (non-credit, language school) learners. And Im simply trying to have a discussion on the topic. I thought you nerds would have something valuable to add, but apparently youre consumed with judging a person you know very little about, and never will. If I seem hypocritical to some of you, its bc Im a fairly open minded person and Im trying to hear/see all sides of the argument.

I'm not up on this forum jargon ...

But I think, you are called a troll ..

Paranoid.

[jingjai9]

I was a teacher at a post-secondary institute in Thailand. The name of the school and location is not important. I dated and married a student. The student actually initiated the correpondence outside of class.Before our meetings extended beyond friendship, I asked her if her parents would object to us.She told me her parents had no objections and invited me over to meet her family, which I did prior to a first date. I then talked to one of the senior Thai teachers at my school, one with tenure and administrative authority about my situation. Her response was that the university did not pry into the affairs of its teacher. She did emphatically note that the school was very serious about any complaints it received from parents regarding liaisons between student and teacher.

We voluntarily kept our relationship as secretive as possible so my wife's fellow students nor my colleagues would know. We never had a problem. The reason I write this post is that I thought the university had a very open-minded, yet responsible view. My student became my wife and I relied on my professional skills to give her a fair grade. She would not have wanted a gift grade.In fact that is what attracted me to her - she was serious, honest, and interested in self-improvement. I also want to state her physical appearance could be thought of as average.

This took place in 2006. Would the school have the same position today? I have no idea.I really respected the school for letting us manage our own affairs. I felt I owed it to all parties involved to know the position of my school and the feelings of my student/wife's parents.

If it seems as though I am naive and actually thought our relationship was secret, perhaps I was. Howver, I noticed no change in the behaviour of my students or colleagues. I was never questioned by the school.

If anyone objects to this, I cannot understand why. It doesn't matter about our age difference or any other details as we had no opposition from school or family.

[puukao]

"position of trust" is included in American laws for a reason..

taking advantage. maybe not physically, but mentally

like a superior officer marrying a private...

"I am YOUR TEACHER, your master.....i have the control!!!!!"

it's creepy....

really creepy...

no moral compass....

i don't mean anyone in particular......just my 2 cents.

[Thorgal]

I see here so many attempts to justify the despicable tendency of our new generation foreign teachers here in Thailand:

- the students are from a different culture, so it should be permitted...

- the other teachers are doing it, so it should be seen as normal...

- the average Thai female students are 'waisted' in early relationships with local Thai boys, so a 'decent', 'quality' relationship with a foreign teacher should be acceptable...

- and so many others...

As a parent, its normal to see people like you quitting school where you work. A letter of non-recommendation for any other future school should follow.

Stop being hypocritical by at one side being aware of your wrongdoings and/or intentions, and at the other side by trying to win sympathy on this forum to justify all of it.

People like you have no problem in pushing the ethical barrier of the age of consent of 18 years to much lower.

I refuse to see this as a normal phenomenon within educational ethics. Although, I'm not surprised to see more and more of these ethical deviations due to fresh 'quality' new teachers packed with a CV of of less than 3 to 5 years former 'successful' education history...

Edited December 25, 2015 by Thorgal

[eldragon]

"position of trust" is included in American laws for a reason..

taking advantage. maybe not physically, but mentally

like a superior officer marrying a private...

"I am YOUR TEACHER, your master.....i have the control!!!!!"

it's creepy....

really creepy...

no moral compass....

i don't mean anyone in particular......just my 2 cents.

Maybe the problem is teachers that assume the mantle of master. My position has always been one of facilitator. The students that dont want to be there can sign-in and leave.

[ev1lchris]

Lol personal attacks.

[timber]

One of the biggest problems between English Degree Teachers who are professionals and drop in teachers is the understanding of Professional. If you are a professional this discussion is mute.

[Scott]

Please keep the discussion civil.

[MaeJoMTB]

"I am YOUR TEACHER, your master.....i have the control!!!!!"

You've never taught in high school then?

[ev1lchris]

Almost as bad as /r/Thailand

[simon43]

How about if you were teaching at a school in your home country?

Do you think it would be acceptable to have sex with one of your 18 year old, 6th-form students?

How do you think the school authorities, student's parents and police would view your relationship?

If you think it unacceptable in your home country, why should it be acceptable in Thailand?

[brewsterbudgen]

Definitely unprofessional, but a lot of teachers teach adult classes and corporate - lots of flirty students to be wary of!!

[eldragon]

How about if you were teaching at a school in your home country?

Do you think it would be acceptable to have sex with one of your 18 year old, 6th-form students?

How do you think the school authorities, student's parents and police would view your relationship?

If you think it unacceptable in your home country, why should it be acceptable in Thailand?

What is 6th form? Grade 12? I thought I said at the beginning that secondary school students are not a part of this conversation. But yeah, I think the first thing people would look at back home is the age between the prof and the student. And same here. Thing about Thailand is one doesnt need a lot of qualifications to teach. Ive heard of individuals with BAs teaching MA level courses. So often time the prof is pretty close in age to the students.

[otherstuff1957]

I can't believe that this topic has generated 5 pages of discussion! My contribution to this topic can be summed up in 3 words: "Don't do it".

[HikeFromLA]

They also tend to think the foreign teacher is cooler than he/she might really be.

yeah well doesn't that work pretty well for bartenders, guys in uniform, and guys with tattoos?

If a girl can't flirt with a guy she thinks his cool, how is she ever going to get a guy?

[HikeFromLA]

I think there's absolutely something wrong with teachers dating adult students.

As a good teacher, please read yourself in how relations and love start.

What's wrong with it? These aren't very serious situations. There's no grades or approval hanging over anyone's head. If your company made you take a training course and an instructor you felt attracted to was keen to hook up or date, you wouldn't do it?

Just think! Who likes you, falls in love with you because you're 'eldragon' as is? Not because of your position, work or status.

Women are attracted to status, period.

In different societies status is accorded differently, stemming in varying amounts from coolness, money, power, cars, number of cattle, appearance... but it is always status that attracts.

People often talk about how you should want a girl who loves you for you. But what they really mean is:

"My status is not based on money, it is based on coolness, looks, etc. therefore my girl's attraction for me is real. Guys whose status is derived from stuff I don't have, like success, military rank, fame, etc., ought not to get women whom I can't get."

Instead of resenting the reality we live in, I suggest we each "use what we got".

Chicks dig it!

[tubby johnson]

I've done it four times at three different universities. Forbidden love adds a great thrill to sex. Danger is addictive.

The first student was extremely cute and pretty. I seduced her and tried to keep our stormy relationship a secret, but I had been under investigation and was fired 6 months later. She is still my occasional (very passionate) bed partner.

Numbers 2, 3 and 4 all initiated their flirtation with me, and I thought, "Why not?" ... But I'd learned from my earlier mistake and kept it discrete. This led to two of the girls' eventual disappointment with me, but I treated them respectfully and gently. We still keep in touch occasionally, not as "gig" though.

I haven't dated any students for the past three years. There's plenty of breathtakingly attractive, cheerful and elegant students wandering around campus, but I leave it up to them to make the first step. Then I'll decide whatever to do next. Carpe diem.

I have no regrets about my past relationships, wasn't raised or indoctrinated religiously at all, but I like my current job and salary so I have no intention of getting into hot water.

[2fishin2]

It doesnt matter the age. A teacher in a relationship with a student is unprofessional and inappropriate. And if you do it or condone it, you are not a teacher.

[blazes]

It doesnt matter the age. A teacher in a relationship with a student is unprofessional and inappropriate. And if you do it or condone it, you are not a teacher.

Is there any word more inappropriate than the word "inappropriate"? It really frosts my tits when I hear some PC Nazi using that word (or a word like "creepy") to close down all conversation.

PCNazi knows best and occupies the moral high ground. End of discussion.

[lostinisaan]

I think there's absolutely something wrong with teachers dating adult students.

As a good teacher, please read yourself in how relations and love start.

What's wrong with it? These aren't very serious situations. There's no grades or approval hanging over anyone's head. If your company made you take a training course and an instructor you felt attracted to was keen to hook up or date, you wouldn't do it?

Why taking an example, that's completely different to having sex with a student? Your imaginary "company example" definitely sucks.

Plenty of females, but also male students lose their virginity through some freaking Thai teachers who're abusing their position, there's absolutely no need for foreigners to do the same <deleted>. .....

<snip> Heck, I've even had supervisors try to set me up with my adult students. I do however think it's at least slightly immoral for a university teacher to date their students, past or present. Would you jump off a bridge if your supervisor would tell you so?

What's wrong with it? These aren't very serious situations. < snip ends.> ( Morality ends here) What's wrong with you?

It seems that you're only looking for a cheap excuse to use the position being a teacher to have sex with younger, maybe much younger students, you'd, as a foreigner on a holiday, never have.

What's not serious for you, might be very serious for others. Don't you get it that you're using your authority to have cheap, or free sex?

Keep your creepy fingers off them, please. It seems that you don't know all the duck stories.

Do you really think that anybody here who's got a daughter at a university, and that's what your OP is all about, would like to see you having a sexual relationship with them, which doesn't seem to be wrong for you? -

It ain't over til it's over....

[ev1lchris]

When they graduate it's okay!

[TallGuyJohninBKK]

It doesnt matter the age. A teacher in a relationship with a student is unprofessional and inappropriate. And if you do it or condone it, you are not a teacher.

Well, at least when all parties are adults, I agree age isn't really the issue.

The core issue here is, teachers as professionals have an obligation to be objective and impartial in their treatment, evaluation and grading of all the students in their classes. And, it's pretty hard to be any of those things when one of the students you're evaluating and grading is your bed partner.

That's why professional teachers should not be getting involved in personal relationships with students in their classes -- regardless of what local customs or any one's personal ideas of ethics or philosophy dictate. Even when student and/or teacher in question are well out of their younger years.

Edited December 25, 2015 by TallGuyJohninBKK

[mydee]

If they're old enough for it to be legal, why worry about anything else?

If you don't want to do it, why think about what others are doing?

Good point. But I can still think it's creepy. Young Thai students tend to seek the approval of their teacher. They also tend to think the foreign teacher is cooler than he/she might really be. And then there's grades hanging over everything. Could be some expectations involved. All things considered, it seems like exploitation.

I would be more than happy to give a student an 'A' they didn't earn, in return for sexual favours (or cash in an envelope).

Am I exploiting them, or are they exploiting me?

You are both exploiting one another. But, if you are a teacher, you are in a situation of power because of your position. The student may well have other pressures, parental, societal to succeed at school, your motives are completely selfish. Teachers are just not instructors, they are in part, responsible for the development of the students in their charge and have obligations to maintain the integrity of the education system in which they work. Your comments completely abrogate these responsibilities. There are no doubt suitable civil and criminal remedies when you are inevitably caught which you would richly deserve. Of course I hope you aren't a teacher and this comment is a pathetic attempt at humor, in this case, I would find it exquisitely ironic if after you completed the transaction you were blackmailed by your exploiter.

[blazes]

If they're old enough for it to be legal, why worry about anything else?

If you don't want to do it, why think about what others are doing?

Good point. But I can still think it's creepy. Young Thai students tend to seek the approval of their teacher. They also tend to think the foreign teacher is cooler than he/she might really be. And then there's grades hanging over everything. Could be some expectations involved. All things considered, it seems like exploitation.

I would be more than happy to give a student an 'A' they didn't earn, in return for sexual favours (or cash in an envelope).

Am I exploiting them, or are they exploiting me?

You are both exploiting one another. But, if you are a teacher, you are in a situation of power because of your position. The student may well have other pressures, parental, societal to succeed at school, your motives are completely selfish. Teachers are just not instructors, they are in part, responsible for the development of the students in their charge and have obligations to maintain the integrity of the education system in which they work. Your comments completely abrogate these responsibilities. There are no doubt suitable civil and criminal remedies when you are inevitably caught which you would richly deserve. Of course I hope you aren't a teacher and this comment is a pathetic attempt at humor, in this case, I would find it exquisitely ironic if after you completed the transaction you were blackmailed by your exploiter.

I nominate this for the Most Humorless Contribution to ThaiVisa for 2015.

[ozyjon]

Now i wonder how these posts would sound like

if people would leave their morals out of it, i don't

like reading posts where people try to tell me right

from wrong, if you have mental issues, take some

medication and don't preach to me, i went to a

private catholic boys school, the stories still haunt

me to this day, those and any predators for boys

and girls should be dealt with severely, anyone

else,, enjoy the ride.

[teacherpaul]

There are a lot of blanket generalisations flying around this site.

I would certainly not recommend using a language school or university as an excuse for dating students, as you don't really know them. If the relationship went wrong, they could easily make a complaint and your days of teaching could be over.

However, I know a few teachers who genuinly fell in love with adult language school students well into their 20s or 30s. They are all happily married with children now. Does that make them sickos?

In future, offer a balanced viewpoint rather than blanket generalisations.

You don't worry that talk of your small limp member gets spread around the school. Maybe she takes a few photos when you are not looking and blackmails you later.
Maybe her Thai BF and his buddies meet you after class some day.

If you have to resort to banging the people that look to you for guidance you are one lost soul. You should be fired and if you were in a school my daughter went to I would make an effort to see it done... Sicko !