Etiquette for paying restaurant bill?

[NiceGuyEddy]

I went out for the day with a thai girl, her aunt, uncle and brother. We stopped at a restaurant and had a decent lunch. All told it came to just over 1000 baht.

When the bill came it was handed straight to me, no questions asked and my thai girl (just friend not gf) told me that I should pay. I was expecting the uncle and brother to chip in, but no offers were forthcoming and I wasn't going to ask.

I am not tight and it didn't really bother me too much but I was wondering if this is normal for the 'rich farang' to pay the restaurant bill for the whole group in this situation.

[Crazy chef 1]

As your title says...newbie...

[CharlieH]

Depends who invited who.

If your "friend" invited them then yes, your paying, if they invited you, then naturally, they would pay.

It obviously did/does "bother you" or you wouldnt feel the need to ask on an internet forum, you would have just dismissed it.

Also: does she know she is "just a friend" ? it wouldnt seem that way inviting you to eat with/meet family.

This is where you get all sorts asking was he "really" her brother........

[cyberfarang]

You are new aren't you. You`re the rich Farlang you pay and the stupid foreigner that falls into these traps every time. From experience I have learned to avoid large gatherings with Thais in those situations.

Don`t worry, we`ve all been there. Once bitten, twice shy.

[WhamBam]

As Charlie H says.

And next time remember you are expected to pay unless you sort the details out beforehand

[NoshowJones]

As your title says...newbie...

To the OP. Yes, perfectly normal, but if you are stupid enough to pay it.

[NoshowJones]

You are new aren't you. You`re the rich Farlang you pay and the stupid foreigner that falls into these traps every time. From experience I have learned to avoid large gatherings with Thais in those situations.

Don`t worry, we`ve all been there. Once bitten, twice shy.

I haven't even been bitten once, though it has been tried, I'm not stupid enough.

[JHolmesJr]

If a thai bird arranges to have a meal with me and does the I bling my glen routine, I tell her straight up and politely that I only am going to buy her lunch not her friends…if she wants to bugger off after hearing this, its up to her….they usually get the idea sharpish.

[SantiSuk]

You are new aren't you. You`re the rich Farlang you pay and the stupid foreigner that falls into these traps every time. From experience I have learned to avoid large gatherings with Thais in those situations.

Don`t worry, we`ve all been there. Once bitten, twice shy.

You imply it is a 'let's soak the falang' thing. You do not understand Thai/Asian culture which works on status/respect. The OP was actually being attributed respect and should have been honoured to have received that. Look around at groups in restaurants and spot the guy sitting in the dominant chair puffing his chest out and playing the provider, revelling in his status.

To our Western minds it's all a bit pathetic of course! We moved on from feudalism and cap doffing centuries ago.

[cyberfarang]

You are new aren't you. You`re the rich Farlang you pay and the stupid foreigner that falls into these traps every time. From experience I have learned to avoid large gatherings with Thais in those situations.

Don`t worry, we`ve all been there. Once bitten, twice shy.

I haven't even been bitten once, though it has been tried, I'm not stupid enough.

Ashamed to admit it, but I have been caught out on 2 occasions, once by the girlfriend`s family and another time by a Farlang and his wife. Maybe I should say, twice bitten, three times shy.

[Suradit69]

Really depends on the situation. Sometimes I've been with a Thai friend & possibly his wife, child or mother in varying combinations. I always pick up the tab without becoming hysterical. I'm not wealthy by farang standards, but I'm far better off than they are and I'm happy to have their company for an enjoyable meal. I've been to their home and eaten with them at times and they never seem to feel I'm cadging free food from them.

Where I come from, making a scene when the check arrives (or before sitting down) would be considered petty. Usually the only contest at the end of a restaurant meal is to be the one who grabs the check first.

If you're unable to come up with the cash or afraid of losing face (i.e. you think you'll be thought a stupid farang as opposed to a 'kee niaow' ) because you feel you're being exploited, then make up an excuse for not joining the group and eat alone.

[MAJIC]

Quite Simple, You Farang you pay !

[Happy Grumpy]

you simply tell them to order an other round of drinks as you're just off to the ATM, then keep on walking.

[MAJIC]

As Charlie H says.

And next time remember you are expected to pay unless you sort the details out beforehand

This is patently obvious nonsense! logically why should someone be expected to pay for a person they didn't invite to the dinner and don't even know,sorry you will never convince me it's not a calculated scam! designed to shame someone into paying for unwanted Guests ! It's best not to engage in this sort of Chicanary !

And finally would we tolerate this happening in our own country or culture ......I don't think so!

[sipi]

You got off light, this time.

[DogNo1]

It's Asian culture. It's customary for one person to pay the bill. If you go out with the same group more than once, you can arrange for another person to pay the bill. I've sometimes gotten stuck when friends whom I've invited to eat bring along their friends without asking me. It makes me hot under the collar but I pay and save face for everyone but then have words with my friends later. The worst situation that I got stuck in in Vietnam was when a bunch of my daughters -in-laws showed for dinner apparently having been invited by the husband without letting either my daughter or me know. I paid for everyone but made it clear that the invitational process had to run through me first in the future.

Contrary to being stuck with the bill in Japan, I hardly pay any at all since they are taken care of by the highest-status male in the group (or sometimes a high-status female.) Also, in Japan "going Dutch" is well understood adnd often practiced.

[SantiSuk]

Outside the confines of extended family I have been out for food with other Thais. Nearly always someone else has clearly taken the box seat, acting like the host and then paying. Have never come across a situation where a male has played that game then handed me the bill. I think most people's experience on this forum is based on being in an extended family where, like it or not, true or false, you are regarded as the most wealthy and therefore afforded the status that brings the tabs with it.

Business is different and in an international business context the visitor is never asked to pay, even if he is clearly wealthier and higher status than the hosts. It would be a huge faux pas to try to take over the bill in that context. Everything is much more casual when 'out on the town' later though. Drinks usually become a scrap as to who will pay - ie drunken Thais usually want to demonstrate who has the biggest balls (I see it's equivalent even in the local Isaan village context)

Happy to hear of cases that disprove my read - some known high status Thai attending your group and then diverting the bill to you - but otherwise I think that nearly every poster on here is calling it wrong and jumping to the "Thais are rooking me blind" insecurity.

Bar girls are of course an entirely different sub-culture with highly attuned wealth-tranfer skills, but even that is no different to the treatment afforded to Thai males by karaoke girls and mia nois.

[i claudius]

Whoever makes the invite pays

[DogNo1]

Whoever is assumed to be the defacto host pays, even for persons that he hasn't invited.

[Time Traveller]

if you're wondering if this is normal, then go ahead and invite your "friends" out to the resturant again.

[Berkshire]

You are new aren't you. You`re the rich Farlang you pay and the stupid foreigner that falls into these traps every time. From experience I have learned to avoid large gatherings with Thais in those situations.

Don`t worry, we`ve all been there. Once bitten, twice shy.

I haven't even been bitten once, though it has been tried, I'm not stupid enough.

Ashamed to admit it, but I have been caught out on 2 occasions, once by the girlfriend`s family and another time by a Farlang and his wife. Maybe I should say, twice bitten, three times shy.

So you went out with a falang/Thai couple and still had to pay the entire bill? Assuming you didn't know them beforehand, a little odd.

[KarenBravo]

Deleted.

[watcharacters]

Really depends on the situation. Sometimes I've been with a Thai friend & possibly his wife, child or mother in varying combinations. I always pick up the tab without becoming hysterical. I'm not wealthy by farang standards, but I'm far better off than they are and I'm happy to have their company for an enjoyable meal. I've been to their home and eaten with them at times and they never seem to feel I'm cadging free food from them.

Where I come from, making a scene when the check arrives (or before sitting down) would be considered petty. Usually the only contest at the end of a restaurant meal is to be the one who grabs the check first.

If you're unable to come up with the cash or afraid of losing face (i.e. you think you'll be thought a stupid farang as opposed to a 'kee niaow' ) because you feel you're being exploited, then make up an excuse for not joining the group and eat alone.

Did you really get the impression the OP acted in a hysterical way? I think he was just unaware that indeed as the falang he'll likely be anointed the one one to foot the bill. He sought and got clarification. NO need to belittle him is there?

While he didn't address the matter, because of the low total, I'm thinking he may have escaped his guests all ordering the most expensive thing possible on the menu. That's always a good trick to play on a falang.

[Berkshire]

Whoever makes the invite pays

Yeap, it's really that simple. And if the GF/wife makes the invitation, then of course the BF/husband is oblige to pay. Surely she would tell you beforehand who she was inviting. Among "friends," it's different. It would be rather rude for a "friend" to invite her family/friends and expected you to pay. Any real friend would know that. Funny but I haven't been in these conflicting situations much. There have been times when a new girl that I met wanted to bring her friends--I just flatout tell her no. That too has not been a problem.

[Happy Grumpy]

Went out to a big disco with an GF years ago.

Met up with a few Thai couples we knew. Went through the liter of JWB I had bought. At the end everyone dispersed and the bloke that I new best came up and gave me a load of 100baht bills on the semi-sly (with everyone else but me and the GF gone and out of sight.) They had pooled the money together to pay like. Ended up being a good bit more than the liter of JWB cost in the first place.

[simon43]

When that happens, I just smile nicely and give the bill to one of the Thais. Confuses the heck out of them

[Gutenberg]

If you feel uncomfortable, do something about it.

If you feel treated well and like to be the host, don't complain.

Seems to be really simple and I wonder why not everybody is following their own minds?

For my part, I like to invite people and pay the bill. Also with non-family. Especially if they could be needed as alliance later - regardless their status within the Thai community. I learned that from some Chinese business guys in Germany. They always inviting and giving gifts to people they want to be on their side.

[expat_4_life]

When that happens, I just smile nicely and give the bill to one of the Thais. Confuses the heck out of them

I will admit, this approach has merit and may work, or may cause loss of face. It's been a long time since

I got placed in a compromising situation where I was "stuck" buying dinner for people I did not invite, assuming

that is what happened to the OP.

Another technique is to instruct the waitress to separate the bills as u order. Then if u pay u look good,

but u are not obligated to do so.

[SOUTHERNSTAR]

Nothing to do with farang or Thai. If you invited them you pay, if they invited you they pay, if the girl that thinks she is your gf invited them on your behalf, you are the one paying and the one with a problem.

[johninbkk]

Holy s. hit, you're green.