Cross-Cultural Relationships

[kannot]

A study was done in America a number of years ago. They interviewed

and studied people who had been married for 50 years or more.

The general concept was that most marriages only last a few

years, so what was it about these couples that allowed them to be

together so long. The findings were interesting. The couples had

a lot in common. In fact the higher the commonality, the longer the

marriage. So similar socio-economic background, similar education,

similar religion etc. Which makes perfect sense. If you have a master's

degree, grew up in a rich white neighborhood, and make mountains

of money, your marriage to somebody from the hood will probably not

work out.

So all these farangs come to Thailand and marry local girls. They do

not have a SINGLE thing in common. Not religion, not education,

not language, NOTHING. Then later on they wonder why the marriage

did not work out, and the Thai girl just wanted money.....

I don't agree.

Most of the foreign men I meet in Thailand have almost no education (left school as soon as they were allowed) and are the lowest class of men in the western world with almost no religious beliefs. Perfect partners for Issan farm girls.

"no religious beliefs" ability to think then

[kannot]

beats me why my Wife stays with me sometimes

She needs someone to guard the pineapples while she is away.

She doesnt live here, we've got a boy to do that so i can get on with the important stuff like construction that the locals are unable to do, see other thread

[JLCrab]

beats me why my Wife stays with me sometimes

She needs someone to guard the pineapples while she is away.

She doesnt live here, we've got a boy to do that so i can get on with the important stuff like construction that the locals are unable to do, see other thread

How nice of you -- just where would the local Thais be without you to take care of the important stuff.

[villagefarang]

A lot of people focus on age disparity but I think it depends on the individuals involved. I for one, would have absolutely nothing in common with a 60 year old grandmother. My wife is 20 years younger and I much prefer her friends to people my age, male or female.

Intelligence, curiosity, tolerance for change and a strong desire to grow as a person are high on my list. We both had long lists of deal breakers which were easily checked off.

If communication is not good it can be very difficult to judge another person’s potential for growth. Nineteen years ago my wife was not the person she is today but I saw her potential and knew I had the ability to nurture her growth.

[JLCrab]

Nice work, Kuhn Svengali.

[Celer et Audax]

When I first got here, I had two relationships where the girls were 19-21 and I was in my fifties. I was hoping for love, but later I realized neither one loved me. They were just using me for sex.

Lucky you!!

How much did they pay you?

Was it for shirt time or long time?

[Celer et Audax]

Find a girl your age and one that has an open mind and some appreciation for the fact that you come from a different culture and that there is such a term called "meeting in the middle". There seems to be this perception that all Thais are dead set in their ways but that's not necessarily true.

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A woman my age is likely to be wrinkly with sagging breasts and maybe a few teeth missing. Why on earth would I want one of those? I might as well be back in my home country, or doing without.

A woman over 35 definitely - for me. Much better

And before you ask, No, I am not perfect, but I'm not considered too bad either

I am 77 and she 27 been together 4 years now get along great. No its not the money as I am not rich but after I snuff it she will get enough for a small house on the land she now owns. She will have enough to survive on till the next lucky gent comes along and thats OK to. Somebody will get a darn nice gal after I am blowing in the win. What worries my is that so many expats now want only the thinnest most beautiful girl around. They seem to be on a mission in this respect. I lucked out really because my g/f met my 3 criteria. No kids, speaks tolerable English and does not work. For the sake of disclosure she was my 3nd attempt at finding somebody compatible but the wait was worth it.

We're discussing your granddaughter right?

[Celer et Audax]

So all these farangs come to Thailand and marry local girls. They do

not have a SINGLE thing in common. Not religion, not education,

not language, NOTHING. Then later on they wonder why the marriage

did not work out, and the Thai girl just wanted money.....

I would suggest most foreigners in Thailand have mainly little or no education, no skills, and are generally the dregs of western society.

In which case they have a lot in common with the 'Issan farm girls' they marry.

As for my marriage,

My parents bricklayer and hairdresser, her parents farmers.

My education to post grad, her education ..... junior school when we met, she was very young .... but now finished high school, started university.

Once she's finished our educational levels will be the same.

I find your comment very insulting both to me and my gf

I have a very good job here but have no formal qualifications other then city and guilds in engineering

My gf is from a farming family near surin she is not and I quote an "issan farm girl" she speaks two different Thai dialects and perfect English and passable Afrikaans due to having lived in SA for a number of years

She didn't finish high school due to both her parents passing away when she was only 15-16 so she came to Bangkok to work in a factory to support her younger siblings with the help of her elder sister and she studied hard to better herself

She has now done night school to catch up on what she missed by not finishing high school and will start at university soon

And I am so proud of my "issan farm girl" she's 38 by the way

so I think you should desist from taring everyone with the same brush so get back on the bar stool and drink another Chang

Rant over

[geronimo]

Cross cultural relationships work when both parties make an effort, and here lies the problem, as very often they do not. Any relationship can be likened to a plant, it needs nurturing at first.

[JLCrab]

... or the typical ThaiVisa response: Mine works -- yours doesn't.

[BritManToo]

Any relationship can be likened to a plant, it needs nurturing at first.

My relationships are more like weeds (or cockroaches), I can't get rid of them.

[tonray]

Any relationship can be likened to a plant, it needs nurturing at first.

My relationships are more like weeds (or cockroaches), I can't get rid of them.

For cockroaches....try Gel Baits.

For pesky women....introduce them to someone with a more 'handsum' ATM balance.

[squidy]

call me cynical but I suggest, here in Thailand, its all about money(usually farang money coincidentally)

money aint all the thing you want.

[Cereal]

As a Inter-cultural Communication major I think you most likely mean Inter-cultural as opposed to Cross-cultural relationships.

Herein lies the difference: Intercultural communication involves face-to-face communication between people from different cultures while cross-cultural communication involves comparison of face-to-face communication. (Gudykunst & Mody, 2002)

Having said that and having been involved in such a marriage for over 10 years now, the answer is, to be trite, "It ain't easy!"

Rule number 1 is Listen.

Rule number 2: see rule number 1

[villagefarang]

Academia loves to split hairs and expand vocabulary so more papers can be written on the different terms. While I agree listening is important, it doesn’t do much good if you haven’t a clue what the other person is saying because of a deep language barrier. Inter, between, cross, across, doing it or comparing it, testing it or whatever, it is all about how two people from different cultural backgrounds manage to come to grips with their very different beliefs and expectations.

I have always found being in a cross-cultural relationship to be rewarding and not particularly difficult. Having more colors to paint with doesn’t make things more difficult, it broadens the possibilities of what you can paint and what can be expressed.

[JLCrab]

Things are difficult if you want them to be. She doesn't speak English. She wants money; I want sex and the rest we work out as necessary but visceral attraction makes no difference as to culture cross- inter- or otherwise.

[geronimo]

I think the main area is the language issue. Most Thai-Western couples face the problem of her being able to speak English at a lower intermediate level, while his Thai is basic. This is OK for day to day stuff but anything deep gets clouded. Without communication, things are bound to be vague at best. While this is not the be all and end all, it certainly is a catalyst for all the other cultural differences that follow.