Reverse culture shock tips if you haven't lived in the U.S. for a really long time

[fireplay]

US TV is bordering on un-watchable due to the commercial breaks. Then they re-run the last five minutes of the program after the commercial break; five minutes that you've already seen.

It makes you want to hit something.

Everything is DVR....we are watching the NBA playoffs now and typically start watching the game an hour after is starts....voila! Fast forward through commercials...its beautiful....

There is no dvr technology in thailand....

[fireplay]

Hey jingthing I had a fascinating talk with the fleet manager of car2go....

He told me some very interesting things...

That the whole uber lyft car2go thing is simply a short term intermediary before the advent of self driving cars...dawning the age of robotics within the next 5 YEARS.

So when ordering a car they come and pick you up driverless...

In fact google cars are currently rolling around in San Francisco....driverless cars....

Edited April 20, 2016 by fireplay

[Jingthing]

Yeah I see that is coming but for full penetration it's going to take awhile.

On the other hand I will be moving to a high density urban area meaning it's more likely to be among the earlier adopters.

I still think I will need to drive for at least awhile.

The self driving car thing is going to be a HUGE benefit for the aging, hopefully in time for my generation, the boomers.

I kind of forgot that you can get almost everything now in the U.S. by amazon, online groceries, etc. So a car for shopping, maybe not needed so much. But still the "freedom" thing which of course is retarded by being stuck in traffic.

Don't want to go too much here into my personal pro and con list but one thing on my PRO list is that I like the idea of experiencing this kind of coming "futuristic" modernization in a number of areas, and better the USA than Thailand for that. Also, medical advances.

Edited April 20, 2016 by Jingthing

[Jingthing]

One person's take on Uber-ing vs. car ownership.

https://thebillfold.com/how-many-ubers-and-lyfts-can-i-take-before-it-costs-more-than-a-car-b96b91bfba93#.8os4vsd85

Edited April 20, 2016 by Jingthing

[1BADDAT]

US TV is bordering on un-watchable due to the commercial breaks. Then they re-run the last five minutes of the program after the commercial break; five minutes that you've already seen.

It makes you want to hit something.

Everything is DVR....we are watching the NBA playoffs now and typically start watching the game an hour after is starts....voila! Fast forward through commercials...its beautiful....

There is no dvr technology in thailand....

i am watching DVR from true vision in thailand right now.

[geriatrickid]

The use of the term "culture shock" for a readjustment period is an hysterical exaggeration. Yes, there will be some differences, but if one spent a significant part of one's development in his or her homeland, it is highly unlikely there will be "culture shock". Emotionally stable and mature people do not have "culture shock" when they return to their homelands. A brief readjustment transition is to be expected, much as when one changes neighborhoods. When people return home, it becomes evident that things changed. Had they stayed, they would have witnessed the changes, but they left and missed them. What happens when they return is that they are playing catch up. Change associated with the advance of time is being confused for "culture shock".

The use of the morbidly obese male in the rickshaw was intended to illustrate my point that those who will have difficulty adapting to their new environments have bigger issues to deal with. The readjustment difficulty would be a manifestation of the underlying psychological problems of that person. Of course criminals are going to be unhappy when they leave Thailand. There's a reason why they set up their crooked real estate and boiler rooms and investment schemes in places like Patong and Pattaya.

I have worked with many people over the years who were sent off to foreign locales for periods that ranged from a few months to 10 years. No one had culture shock upon their return home. They were grown, well adjusted adults, not emotionally fragile basket cases.

Being annoyed by a TV channel line up is not culture shock, Being upset by millenials gentrifying a neighborhood is not culture shock. The hippies of the 60's didn't like Gen X either, and the folks from the 50's were disgusted by the hippie generation etc.

[spidermike007]

Is there Culture in North America?

Tremendous culture. If you are looking for it. World class ballet, opera, classical music, some of the best jazz in the world, stand up comedy, theatre, film from all over the world, and a lot more.

A rather ignorant question you asked.

[Jingthing]

Adjustment to repatriation, especially after a LONG TIME abroad, is usually not a trivial adjustment.

It's generally called REVERSE CULTURE SHOCK.

I just did a quick google thing and the consensus seems to be it can harder than expatriating in the first place.

A common theme is many people feel GRIEF about the expat life they've left.

It's is very common in Thailand to meet long term expats who express they would never go home and could never go home, and there is often a subtext that they would rather die than go home ... a DREAD.

So these people sense going home will be difficult. Obviously more difficult for some than others based on specific personal circumstances.

One link suggested a full adjustment period of between six months and 5 years. That doesn't surprise me. I have thought about what will be involved and I assume there would definitely be a difficult and painful time period of some significant time (I had thought about a year) and that there would also be a RISK to discover it's just not really working. (And then what, don't even want to think about that.)

Bottom line, a long time abroad changes YOU and of course the home country is changed, but it's more about how YOU have changed.

As mentioned before here, feeling like a stranger in your home country is a common feeling for returned expats.

People you meet who haven't lived abroad won't get that.

You have had experiences they can't imagine and generally won't care to hear about, and they have experienced many changes that are new to you.

There is a suggestion to connect with others who have lived abroad.

There are also in the U.S. a lot of PRACTICAL issues.

Things like driver's licenses, proving new U.S. state residency, credit cards, dealing with much tighter "homeland security" regulations that would impact on things like driver's licenses, etc., etc.

Most of the links I've found are about more stereotypical WORKING expats reverse culture shock, rather than returning retired expats.

But some similar info can be gleaned.

I didn't really start this topic to cover ALL of the both practical and psychological issues of REVERSE CULTURE SHOCK, which it turns out is a rather large area.

Instead, the intended focus was about CHANGES in the USA in the last 10 years or so.

Perhaps that was an error to focus it so narrowly. Not sure.

To add, I'm sure that many or even most of people "retiring in Thailand" probably think this is their final move and don't consider that they might later think it's wise to move home. We do hear on the forum about some of the more dramatic cases, over medical crises, etc. but I reckon RETURNING happens quite a lot, and that some people who return feel that they have "failed" as expats (and just don't talk about it here, perhaps in shame). I choose not to look at it that way, but see it rather as the most rational choice for me, without trivializing it and thinking it will be an EASY thing to do so.

Saying this more for people who might be CONSIDERING retiring to Thailand. I assume the chance of wanting or needing to REPATRIATE later is the last thing on your mind. Perhaps people should consider that real possibility as part of their own pro and con list for expatriating in the first place.

Even factoring into decisions like buying or renting housing here. I bought and dumping my home in Thailand is likely to be a PROBLEM.

Edited April 21, 2016 by Jingthing

[Jingthing]

Here's an interesting definition:

Reverse culture shock: this occurs when returning to one’s home culture to find it different from that which was recalled. In this sense, you can never go home again because it does not exist. It is about readjusting; re-acculturating and re-assimilating in the home culture

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sideways-view/201512/culture-shock

Edited April 21, 2016 by Jingthing

[Fookhaht]

Commiserating with you...

Edited April 21, 2016 by Fookhaht

[Jingthing]

An amusing and curious diversion.

What's up with HIPSTERS?

This is actually relevant to me because my top U.S. destination choice is becoming more of a HIPSTER scene hangout (priced out of Brooklyn). Not that I would be living in the core of their neighborhood, but still ...

Edited April 21, 2016 by Jingthing

[1BADDAT]

Is there Culture in North America?

Tremendous culture. If you are looking for it. World class ballet, opera, classical music, some of the best jazz in the world, stand up comedy, theatre, film from all over the world, and a lot more.

A rather ignorant question you asked.

agreed. Don't forget about the food culture that all the immigrants all over the world brought over with them.

[Jingthing]

Is there Culture in North America?

Tremendous culture. If you are looking for it. World class ballet, opera, classical music, some of the best jazz in the world, stand up comedy, theatre, film from all over the world, and a lot more.

A rather ignorant question you asked.

agreed. Don't forget about the food culture that all the immigrants all over the world brought over with them.

It was typical and predictable. That will be feature of moving back ... not having to hear ignorant comments like that as often.

But even without high end "culture" EVERY nation has a culture.

Edited April 21, 2016 by Jingthing

[BKKSnowBird]

Be prepared for many blank stares and suspicious looks when you tell people you lived in Thailand. I have found it easier just to leave it out of conversations. Its hard because living there was a big part of my life and miss it but people just don't get it.

I am actually thinking of returning to Thailand.

[grumpyoldman]

Be prepared for many blank stares and suspicious looks when you tell people you lived in Thailand. I have found it easier just to leave it out of conversations. Its hard because living there was a big part of my life and miss it but people just don't get it.

I am actually thinking of returning to Thailand.

Yes, there definitely are some stereotypes, people watch a PBS documentary on human trafficking and make some conclusions.

Luckily I worked for a company based out of Singapore, so when I am asked "where have you been" I say working in SE Asia. Then if it continues I say I was working for a company based out of Singapore.

95% of Americans if you showed them a map and asked them to point out Singapore would not have a clue, so I leave it at that.

Edited April 22, 2016 by grumpyoldman

[spidermike007]

Be prepared for many blank stares and suspicious looks when you tell people you lived in Thailand. I have found it easier just to leave it out of conversations. Its hard because living there was a big part of my life and miss it but people just don't get it.

I am actually thinking of returning to Thailand.

My favorite explanation is my passion for ancient Sukhothai and Ayutthayan archaeology, history, and architecture. That really leaves them mystified.

[NeverSure]

Do people also get many robocalls on their mobiles?

I can't recall ever getting even one. When I had a landline there was the phone book and they could target certain demographics by zip code or even street name. It least they could assume a certain income level. When phone books went online they could do robocalls although I think it's illegal. Now I get nothing, ever.

[1BADDAT]

Be prepared for many blank stares and suspicious looks when you tell people you lived in Thailand. I have found it easier just to leave it out of conversations. Its hard because living there was a big part of my life and miss it but people just don't get it.

I am actually thinking of returning to Thailand.

Yes, there definitely are some stereotypes, people watch a PBS documentary on human trafficking and make some conclusions.

Luckily I worked for a company based out of Singapore, so when I am asked "where have you been" I say working in SE Asia. Then if it continues I say I was working for a company based out of Singapore.

95% of Americans if you showed them a map and asked them to point out Singapore would not have a clue, so I leave it at that.

many many people used to ask me about Taiwan...apparently Taiwan and Thailand are the same thing.

[BKKSnowBird]

Lol. I got that also! Americans dont know geography and most don't care to. I actually enjoy studying maps!

Edited April 23, 2016 by BKKSnowBird

[grumpyoldman]

Be prepared for many blank stares and suspicious looks when you tell people you lived in Thailand. I have found it easier just to leave it out of conversations. Its hard because living there was a big part of my life and miss it but people just don't get it.

I am actually thinking of returning to Thailand.

Yes, there definitely are some stereotypes, people watch a PBS documentary on human trafficking and make some conclusions.

Luckily I worked for a company based out of Singapore, so when I am asked "where have you been" I say working in SE Asia. Then if it continues I say I was working for a company based out of Singapore.

95% of Americans if you showed them a map and asked them to point out Singapore would not have a clue, so I leave it at that.

many many people used to ask me about Taiwan...apparently Taiwan and Thailand are the same thing.

Same exact thing from my childhood friend who lives in Colorado "GOM, I don't know how you can live in Thailand when you don't speak any Taiwanese".

Yes, mystifying for sure !

[BKKSnowBird]

They also now tell you how many calories are in your food right on the menu but its not working. People are still fat.

[ovenman]

Some random thoughts:

Tipping culture

Credit/debit cards used for everything

Flying domestically is much more of a hassle now than when you last lived in the US

A greater sense of responsibility at a US retail business to "make things right" when a problem arises.

Spending $200/month or more on communications/data/TV being "normal". My father has one of those packages with Xfinity with which he gets cable TV, a landline and Internet and that runs him $140/month. Then throw a mobile phone plan on top of that.

I've been living in Thailand about twenty years now and I still have a sense of adventure daily when I go out and about. Whenever I am back in the US, which is a couple times per year for three weeks or so per visit, it just feels dull to me.

JT - You don't drive here correct? I do and find that when I am back in the US, I need to tone down some of the maneuvers one does here on a daily basis, e.g. what would constitute cutting somebody off in the US. That said, driving in Thailand has made me a much more defensive (paranoid?) driver.

[BKKSnowBird]

Agree with the above regarding tipping. Places will ask for a tip even though you place your order at the counter, pick it up when called and clear your own trash. I guess they want a tip for cooking the food. Lol

[spidermike007]

Be prepared for many blank stares and suspicious looks when you tell people you lived in Thailand. I have found it easier just to leave it out of conversations. Its hard because living there was a big part of my life and miss it but people just don't get it.

I am actually thinking of returning to Thailand.

My favorite explanation is my passion for ancient Sukhothai and Ayutthayan archaeology, history, and architecture. That really leaves them mystified.

Today I was in a store in Los Angeles buying some stuff to bring back. A woman noticed I was buying an excessive amount of some stuff and asked me what's up? I told her I was returning to my home in Thailand. Do you know what she said? Oh, you must like the hookers there. I responded by saying, no I like the kind hearted women who are comfortable manifesting the dignity within femininity. Real women. The vast majority of whom are vastly more womanly than most Americans, from my point of view. It was met with a very blank and uncomprehending stare.

Edited April 23, 2016 by spidermike007

[Jingthing]

I might just not talk about returning from abroad unless there is a a practical reason to mention it, such as applying for a job. I'm obviously American ... it's like voting, the LAST place you lived in the U.S. is where you're from ...

Not really sure about that yet, but I don't see any upside to talking about it. I already know most people won't want to hear about it, they'll think the person strange because of it, their eyes will glaze over in boredom. It's kind of like talking to Thais about, in my country we do this this this ... they don't bloody care, and it really is BOORISH to do that much.

Sure it would part of my identity ... can always talk to people that ALREADY know me about it.

Edited April 23, 2016 by Jingthing

[1BADDAT]

Some random thoughts:

Tipping culture

Credit/debit cards used for everything

Flying domestically is much more of a hassle now than when you last lived in the US

A greater sense of responsibility at a US retail business to "make things right" when a problem arises.

Spending $200/month or more on communications/data/TV being "normal". My father has one of those packages with Xfinity with which he gets cable TV, a landline and Internet and that runs him $140/month. Then throw a mobile phone plan on top of that.

I've been living in Thailand about twenty years now and I still have a sense of adventure daily when I go out and about. Whenever I am back in the US, which is a couple times per year for three weeks or so per visit, it just feels dull to me.

JT - You don't drive here correct? I do and find that when I am back in the US, I need to tone down some of the maneuvers one does here on a daily basis, e.g. what would constitute cutting somebody off in the US. That said, driving in Thailand has made me a much more defensive (paranoid?) driver.

when I was back last time I wanted to break the law driving so bad. Sitting at a red light with no traffic, I just wanted to drive through it.

You are absolutely correct about cutting off drivers, or even minor actions. They are hyper sensitive and commonly react aggressively.

[Jingthing]

On my visits back, yes I have felt the "dullness" of everyday life there. Most people are focused on their SCREENS ... all day at work, on phones, and then video after work. Oh well! What really struck me was a visit to a major shopping mall. In Thailand, that can feel like fun. There, it felt really dull.

Yes, I've already experienced that the tipping culture, already ridiculous, has gotten even more ridiculous.

On the other hand, there are tip jars at some pretty absurd places in Thailand where foreigners gather ... but I think they're mostly just trying it on and don't EXPECT it.

[CaptHaddock]

On my visits back, yes I have felt the "dullness" of everyday life there. Most people are focused on their SCREENS ... all day at work, on phones, and then video after work. Oh well! What really struck me was a visit to a major shopping mall. In Thailand, that can feel like fun. There, it felt really dull.

Yes, I've already experienced that the tipping culture, already ridiculous, has gotten even more ridiculous.

On the other hand, there are tip jars at some pretty absurd places in Thailand where foreigners gather ... but I think they're mostly just trying it on and don't EXPECT it.

My favorite abomination along that line is the question, "Do you need change?" from the waiter as he picks up your two twenties for a twenty-five dollar tab. "Of course, I need the change. That's why I didn't say, 'Keep the change.' "

In addition, at some point in the last fifteen years waiters turned from being temporary servants into commission-based sales people.

[mania]

So bum guns. Any need to import special hardware from Thailand. I reckon installing one would be against condo codes though. Darn all those rules!

Amazon.com has everything you need. Youtube for instruction. Done!

No need to bring from Thailand.

Did you find a brand that doesn't leak? Every single one I've bought from Amazon (multiple), Home Depot, Lowes, has leaked.

I bought this in the US in 2008..We used it in our home there & then ....brought it here when we moved in 2012 & now 4 years later we are moving back & I will take it with me too.

This is built extremely well with ceramic valves etc. Never a drop of leaking

They have many other models to choose from too

http://www.sanicare.com/Hand-Held-Bidet-Chrome-S100C-p/s100c.htm

PS:

I am a bit surprised that prices now are much lower than when i bought so many years ago

Edited April 23, 2016 by mania

[NancyL]

On my visits back, yes I have felt the "dullness" of everyday life there. Most people are focused on their SCREENS ... all day at work, on phones, and then video after work. Oh well! What really struck me was a visit to a major shopping mall. In Thailand, that can feel like fun. There, it felt really dull.

Yes, I've already experienced that the tipping culture, already ridiculous, has gotten even more ridiculous.

On the other hand, there are tip jars at some pretty absurd places in Thailand where foreigners gather ... but I think they're mostly just trying it on and don't EXPECT it.

Have you been to a mall lately, JT? It's the same thing. Everyone is glued to their screens here, too. It's nearly impossible to get the attention of sales clerks at malls these days because they're glued to their phones. I can remember when we first came here I hated the way the clerks would follow you around the stores, pointing at something you were looking at making inane comments like "blue" or "on-off" as if I were blind. No more, it seems.