Do you love your wife ?

[White Christmas13]

Yes I do and now after 14 years of marriage she wan'ts to

separate and get a divorce as she said she want's to be free

again and look after her parent's in Thailand .

She has a brother and sister, well 200 m away from her moms

place they do nothing at all, so I lose my wife because she

feels she is responsible of her parents life ? I feel bad

I can't explain to my friends and yes of course she tells all

her friends at work it is my fault I don't think I should

post this on a website but I just did

Thanks for reading

[Jangot]

I can only wish you the emotional strength to get through this, and hope the bar stool piranhas don't attack.

The reason can't only be her parents. It is better if you can find the truth, even if it is emotionally unpleasant. Then you can deal with it and move on.

Edited April 29, 2016 by Jangot

[ExpatOilWorker]

It takes two to build a relationship, but only one to break it apart. If she is no longer committed to the marriage, you have to accept the sad fact and let her go.

[villagefarang]

There is always more to these stories than we get from a brief post which gives one side of the story. Relationships are complicated and it looks like this one has gotten more so. Good luck dealing with this.

Edited April 29, 2016 by villagefarang

[Jim walker]

Are you not in a position to move back to Thailand with her while she looks after her parents or agree a time frame for retuning for a set period. Sounds a bit difficult to sort out alone possible try marriage councilor rather than TVF for answer any way good luck if you love her stock with her wishes but don't send her back and drip feed her money all the time

[JHolmesJr]

Sounds like a stubborn and selfish woman....tough break.

Why cant she go over to be with parents but still stay married....then you pop over for conjugal visits.

[ukrules]

What happens if her parents were to die ?

This is nothing more than an excuse.

[sipi]

100%

[catman20]

reading between the lines it sound like she done with you, the parents thing is just an excuse ..............that's life. most of these girls here in Thailand tolerate there husbands for a better life. they always come out of a marriage with more than they went in with its a win win for them.

[marquis22]

It takes two to build a relationship, but only one to break it apart. If she is no longer committed to the marriage, you have to accept the sad fact and let her go.

If she has lost her love for you (the OP) there is no way you can convince her otherwise.

You have lost her and it hurts, but once they (the other in the marriage) make up their mind the marriage is over then it is over.

It takes time to get over it but you will.

[giddyup]

When love is no longer being served it's time to get up and leave the table.

[joebrown]

No matter how much a Thai wife tells you she loves you, you'll always be last in the 'pecking order' when choosing between you and her family. Been there, done it and got the T shirt. I sympathise with the OP.

[dotpoom]

You interestingly said she wants to end the marriage because "she wants to be free again"....I must admit I have felt the same on occasions and even separated because of it. It wasn't until I had enough of the "single" life that I realized how much I had going for me when I was in the marriage and what I was now missing.

I do hope it all works out well for you and maybe some good may actually come from it, maybe even make your relationship stronger.

[chicowoodduck]

Never loved any of them....lol...?

[Khon Kaen Dave]

I sympathise with your predicament.You dont give your ages but i think its a real bugger if she's younger than you and you married her later in life.If she is till youngish,she has the opportunities of starting again.If you are in your 50's or 60's,it wont be so easy for you.I feel that the parent thing is a lie. And if you are married with papers,there will have been a little Thai community,that she is in contact with,that have advised her how to rip every penny from you.Property included.Are there any kids involved in this? as the op said.Let her go,but dont finance her stay back here.They usually come to there senses when theres no money coming in,and the only alternative is 'the bar'.I dont think this is over yet,give her time.

[oxo1947]

My wife has left me because she says I just treat her like one of my pet dogs...

She'll be back when she's hungry....................................

[csabo]

It takes two to build a relationship, but only one to break it apart. If she is no longer committed to the marriage, you have to accept the sad fact and let her go.

Well said. You can't make someone stay. Switch into business mode and get out ASAP. Your new better life is waiting for you. Why are you still reading?? MOOOOVE!

[Thorgal]

I hate her, because I love her and I love her, because I hate her...

[spidermike007]

It is simply time to move on. Be good to yourself, and get out as quickly as is humanly possible. Tomorrow if you can. And offer her as little financial support as you have to. She does not deserve it. Just move on. Man up. No tears. No regret. Just move on.

I do feel bad for you. But, the best thing you can do is to treat yourself with love and respect.

[fittobethaied]

White Christmas 13...I feel for you! My former Thai wife and I were married for nearly 19 years after I brought her to the US. I worked hard during that time and amassed a handsome amount of retirement resources to last us the rest of our lives, and it was our plan to return to Thailand to live out our dream. Then, lo and behold I got the "I want to be free again" lecture. She left divorce papers on the kitchen counter while I was at work and 6 months later we met in court and she got half of our marital assets, and within one year was married again to a fairly wealthy younger man. I later discovered she has been having an affair with him for some time while we were still married.

The long and short of it is that things aren't always as they seem. After I moved to Thailand on my own and remarried, I came across the following paragraph on a forum in Udon Thani, and this one excerpt did wonders for me so far as understanding what happened to my marriage. Perhaps it will help you and others as well, so here it it:

"I know of oh so many wives who genuinely love their man, but feel neglected as a person and lack mutual trust in their relationship. The guys are either unaware or simply do not care. Often with the attitude that "I'm providing, so everything is fine". Nah, brah. It's not. Thai women have an amazing ability to "o-tone" (endure) without displaying the slightest hint that is what they are doing. Even if asked directly, they will deny it rather than open up about how they really feel or talk about what bothers them. There is a term in psychology for the behavior, and it is referred to as "passive-aggressive. It is the behavior where feelings are suppressed, but the person is maintaining a checklist of things they do not like. Anyway, It is my opinion that most Thai women exhibit that behavior. At some point, they may snap and all hell breaks loose because of all those accumulated checkmarks. Recall those sensational stories about what Thai wives do....anything from taking everything and leaving him to hiring a hitman".

Edited April 30, 2016 by fittobethaied

[mesterm]

"If you love me, you take care my family"

[F4UCorsair]

I can only wish you the emotional strength to get through this, and hope the bar stool piranhas don't attack.

The reason can't only be her parents. It is better if you can find the truth, even if it is emotionally unpleasant. Then you can deal with it and move on.

I'm with you Jangot.....there is more to it, and it WILL be emotionally unsettling to find out, with certainty.

Better off without her OP. Move on.

[ToddinChonburi]

Well how long has she been talking about her aging parents ? This is something that is very real here in Thailand. Who will take care of mom and dad. Family is first and Farang is last, sorry to be brutally honest but this is a fact. Sounds like the guilt of not being there for them has finally come out. Having family 200 meters away that does nothing will only make it worse and if you talk negative about them does not help.

You have left many ? unanswered like does she work in your country, career or just a job ? This retirement dream, both or just yours ?

I think if you can sit and get real with yourself you can answer many of the ? you have. When did she stop smiling when you walked through the door ? How many times have you ignored what she tried to talk to you about and brush it off as no big deal let them handle it ? Sorry if I sound harsh but just maybe you can save your marriage. Sometimes you need to shut up and listen.

I really hope things turn out OK, we need to remember that they are women first and it does not matter what country they come from.

[cyberfarang]

I bet she has no intentions of returning back to Thailand where she probably has nothing. Why not spy on her facebook and moblie phone numbers to see what she`s really up to.

My guess is she has a boyfriend somewhere else. This happened to a friend of mine in London. Thai wife leaves him, all her Thai friends tell my friend she has returned to Thailand but in fact she had moved in with a new boyfriend at Brighton. Watch out, because you may be hearing from a lawyer real soon and she`ll try to claim everything. Get some professional help real quick.

[1FinickyOne]

Hi White -

Sorry for your pain - wanting to take care of her parents is a good and normal thing for a Thai lady. Normally, I would see that as a positive thing and when my wife needs to help her family, I consider it part of my job too -

But, that is not enough to split up a relationship - you write that she wants to be free - and that is enough to split up a relationship. Though I do not know your entire story, my wife wanting to help her parent's is not a big deal and expected - - if she wanted to be "free" then the reason doesn't really matter - it is over.

Move on and best of luck to you...

[Kabula]

Your not paying her enough!

Double down and she will love you till it drys up!

You should have had backup to fall back on...

Should take a day or two, to find a replacement here.

Seriously, it is never over till it's over. I divorced my first wife when she left for a tennis pro.

She called me for 8 years trying to get back together even while I was married to my second nightmare wife.

They come and go now so always have backup as it lessens the pain.

I rent everything now and never been happier.

Edited April 30, 2016 by Kabula

[thairookie]

I suspect there is a secret "gik" lurking somewhere in the baan nok, and her old parents are just a red herring.

[BlindMagician]

If the reason she gives is true, you're better off out.

If false, then she is lying, hiding, evasive etc; you're better off out.

Look to the horizon, can you build a better future, can you summon the will to search for a new love...maybe this is what you should consider now? Good luck.

[12DrinkMore]

These events never come out of the blue.

The OP did not mention children. This has been the primary reason why my one and only marriage and subsequent relationships came to an end. I did not want kids and all the women did. And it doesn't help when their siblings and friends of the same age have little babies.

I would guess that after 14 years marriage she is 40 to 45 and the desire to give her life some purpose by bringing up kids is becoming overwhelming. Just a guess.

[jacksam]

How much money will you have to give her upon divorce?