Do you love your wife ?

[arjunadawn]

First, I am deeply sorry. This type of pain is among the worst in life. However, I think there is more here. Someone in love does not leave the other except for the most torturous of reasons, and then they would never offer up divorce as a means. It sadly sounds like the parents issue is partially true, but also an excuse. I could be wrong, but consider this. As most of us who have felt this or similar, I feel for you.

[saakura]

My wife has left me because she says I just treat her like one of my pet dogs...

She'll be back when she's hungry....................................

"She will be back when she is hungry"..... I presume from your posting that she is because she is dependant on you for her food, you expect her to wag her tail and act as a pet dog. Unfortunately, human relationships dont work that way, unless it is a short commercial relationship without any emotions involved.

[ExpatOilWorker]

I'm not even going to read the other posts, I have come straight to ! Reply ! To me you sound like you have just come in from a bar, for which I have no problem with problem with, but to put a post on here saying she tells all her friends etc etc. But you are now on tv.saying you don't know what to do, I'll tell you this my friend, man up and look to see what really happened in you're relationship for her to go back to her home. This is my opinion, if she really loved you, like many thai wife's her do love their farlang husband's, she would not even think about it. Sorry but true.

Sorry just deleted you

You can't even spell farang go back under the rock if you have one

Please delete me too, what ever that might mean to you. Sad to see how you disrespect other posters time and replies.

[White Christmas13]

First, I am deeply sorry. This type of pain is among the worst in life. However, I think there is more here. Someone in love does not leave the other except for the most torturous of reasons, and then they would never offer up divorce as a means. It sadly sounds like the parents issue is partially true, but also an excuse. I could be wrong, but consider this. As most of us who have felt this or similar, I feel for you.

I am sitting here crying because I love my wife

and this is it

[brianinbangkok]

It takes two to build a relationship, but only one to break it apart. If she is no longer committed to the marriage, you have to accept the sad fact and let her go.

Well said. You can't make someone stay. Switch into business mode and get out ASAP. Your new better life is waiting for you. Why are you still reading?? MOOOOVE!

Indeed 100% Agree with get into business mode. Forget trying to change her mind once she has made it clear its over she switched into business mode and will take everything she can from you.

Cancel things like credit cards and get a laywer. NOW.

Feel for sorry you but cry later , after you have taken care of business.

Not just my ex Thai also my ex farang wife only took advantage of my sadness and hope I that I could still change her mind.

Edited April 30, 2016 by brianinbangkok

[arjunadawn]

First, I am deeply sorry. This type of pain is among the worst in life. However, I think there is more here. Someone in love does not leave the other except for the most torturous of reasons, and then they would never offer up divorce as a means. It sadly sounds like the parents issue is partially true, but also an excuse. I could be wrong, but consider this. As most of us who have felt this or similar, I feel for you.

I am sitting here crying because I love my wife

and this is it

Wow. I just saw some of the other posts here... there are some real a holes. But you know there are jackasses out here so ignore the jerks.

Brother, it makes no difference to me whether you stumbled in from a bar or having your heart broken for the first time; it sucks! Its real. While its true that everyone contributes to the end of their relationships whether they know this or not, realizing this rarely happens in the moment. It takes years some times. So, I would not labor over what you had done wrong or right. Too many suffer trying to figure out "Why wasn't I enough?" or "What did I do wrong?" Often, its something that will never be resolved. A few points:

You can never make her love you more by begging. It will only emphasize characteristics she does not like. Its true.

You can never make you as an option the better choice by making her alternative the inferior choice.

You can never hold someone responsible for not loving you (if true). Its like a virus and when someone is no longer infected they cannot turn it on or off, and are just as much a victim of Love's Whim as you are.

If a person declares "No one will ever love you as much as I love you" they are likely incorrect. Love does replace love.

You were not likely soulmates created before the foundations of the world.

You will survive. You will somehow figure out the finances, learn to eat, smile in time, and eventually sleep fitfully. Eventually, a woman will catch your eye again.

You can always continue to love your wife. Its sad. Its twisted, but love does not require reciprocity. Should she choose to move on, you will survive, and she can continue to occupy that same revered space in your heart; just not the bed.

She probably suffers as you do in parting, but hardly as much.

If what you say is true its just unlikely the family is the reason, rather the rationale for her choice. I would guess an age difference? In any event, be careful who you engage in on these forums if you have an emotional issue like this. When you give credence enough to respond to a jackass you give legitimacy enough to attach your mental space to their comments. Do not.

[kennypowers]

reading between the lines it sound like she done with you, the parents thing is just an excuse ..............that's life. most of these girls here in Thailand tolerate there husbands for a better life. they always come out of a marriage with more than they went in with its a win win for them.

Yep. And most foreign husbands tolerate their Thai wife for the odd bunk up with a younger woman

[laolover88]

Think Cassandra!! and BrianinBangkok above are right. Unfortunately people and their emotions are not static. You have to move on. The art of change is one of the most difficult but also one of the most useful human and social skills. If you lost a job you would get another. You lose a wife for whatever reason, consider realistically what you need and if you need to get another get one. Whatever did not work out for her is probably not your fault or hers. God I sound like an agony aunt!! If she wants Mummy and Daddy more than you that is her choice. If she wants a new husband. Also her choice. Protect your self and your assets and move on. Stop crying and think!!

[nausea]

Good question? My response - if it's anything to do with money, I'd trust her as far as I'd could throw her. Emotional shit, well she loves me. Such is life.

[mcfish]

Is the age question answered or still being ignored? I really doubt if the OP and his wife are BOTH 70 that she would leave..

[sirineou]

I am sorry the OP finds him self in this predicament, and I hope things work out well for him, but he needs to consider his wife's needs also otherwise the economics of this relationship are not equitable and adjustments will be made that could lead to divorce.

He knew or should have known, when he married a Thai lady, the family and national attachments that lady had and has, and adjustments would need to be made to address her needs , as well as his needs.

We live in the US until I retire in three years, my wife goes back to Thailand for a couple of months every year,if need be and she had to take care of her mother or dad, for the next couple of years until I retire, we would need to make commendations,

I could not expect her to let her parents die, just as much as she would not expect me to let my parents die.And I could not expect her to for ever give up her national identity, as much as she would not expect you to ever live in your country if you wanted to do so.

COMPROMISE

When I retire, we will try Thailand full time, but keep our US property for repatriation if need be.

OP,if you love her as you say, work it out , find an equitable compromise,

talk with her, find a solution that addresses your needs but also her needs. Other wise you dont love her, you love what she does for you.

[Denim]

Yes I love my wife and she loves me. Bought her a house etc but now that my money has mostly gone she still loves me and although I have nothing left to give she takes care of me and worries that if I die she will not only lose her husband but the best friend she ever had.

[sirineou]

OP,if you love her as you say, work it out , find an equitable compromise,

talk with her, find a solution that addresses your needs but also her needs. Other wise you dont love her, you love what she does for you.

OP appears to be elderly, broke and chronically ill.

Don't think he could afford health care in Thailand, or meet the VISA requirements.

I did not get that from the OP or the few replies I read. If that's the case I feel bad for the OP,

but at the same time one could not expect the wife to fully give up on her parents and her country.

I dont know the lady or the whole situation, it could be that she got all she wanted out of the relationship and now wants to bail out, or it could be that she legitimately needs to go back and take care of her parents.

From the little we know, is that an equitable compromise would need to be found if this relationship would survive. But we don't have all the information necessary to tell them what shape that compromise should take.

They need to have a sit down, and a serious heart to heart conversation

Good luck to both of them.

[BritManToo]

I did not get that from the OP or the few replies I read.

Here

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/913768-do-you-love-your-wife/?p=10696953

Classic 'gold digger' does a runner when the money runs out.

[Merylhighground]

Its a tough one pal and I'm sorry for your predicament.

Sometimes you have to be a little tough and cuntuarally insensitive, and thick skinned. I'd suggest putting your foot down as it were and tell her to get tough with her brother and sister to do their filial duties.

Good luck.

[NativeSon360]

I can only wish you the emotional strength to get through this, and hope the bar stool piranhas don't attack.

The reason can't only be her parents. It is better if you can find the truth, even if it is emotionally unpleasant. Then you can deal with it and move on.

"It is better if you can find the truth" - good luck with that endeavour!

Edited April 30, 2016 by NativeSon360

[metisdead]

Some posts containing offensive or inflammatory comments have been removed.

[Merylhighground]

Its a tough one pal and I'm sorry for your predicament.

Sometimes you have to be a little tough and cuntuarally insensitive, and thick skinned. I'd suggest putting your foot down as it were and tell her to get tough with her brother and sister to do their filial duties.

Good luck.

That should read 'Culturally'. Please forgive my typo OP.

[allanos]

You know, the more of these posts I read, the more I believe that the OP is actually not the only one in need of help

or succour; it would also appear to be the majority of the TVS posters out there in the great blogosphere whose posts

I have been reading! I hear you all and your cry for help!

The guy, White Christmas 13, is in a emotional predicament and cannot see his way clear! Whatever his age, be it 16 or

60, he is not emotionally developed enough to be able to deal with the quandary that he is in. It seems that the majority of

VFS posters empathise with him, because they, similarly it seems to me, are also not so emotionally equipped.

In a heartless way, I would say "wake up!" Get a grip!" You left your mommies a long time ago. You are living in the real world,

with real-world problems and situations, so deal with it!" How, in fact, do you deal with other real-life challenges which present

themselves daily? Do you cry? Wail? Say "God, what is this awful hand you have dealt me?" Or do you say to yourself, "I

accept the challenge, and I will tackle it like the man I am"?

That is not to say that I don't sympathise with the OP or anyone else who is going through, or been through, his situation. But

sympathy from outsiders can only go so far. How you deal with your emotional situations is up to you, The answer is always

within. Please remember that!

OP - reflect, consider, accept your situation, and tackle it like the man you are, or should be. And good luck!

[mickyboy]

some really negative answer here its a daughters duty to look after her parents when they get older its the culture and western men dont get that because we just put them in a care home and hope they die before all the money dries up she wants to be free yes dont we all at some time to do our own thing and be our selves

what he could do is offer her the way out saying go for 3 or 6 months see your family look after them then see if she wants to come back that way the pain losing her not so bad as she be out his life for 6 months before they kill it

i found with lot western men WHO FALL IN LOVE ITS NOT THE PERSON THEY LOVE BUT THE LOOK THEY LOVE because like my wife says to me when i said my brother wife who english and 65 looks like my mother she said well thats what your wife would look like if you married a western women around your age 62 i thought yes true let alone are women on another planet the thai culture complete different home is where the heart is

[AZBill]

I'm into my marriage 10 years now. The one thing I have learned is that she needs to always know she's first in my life and that I love only her. I don't have the family issue you do as my wife is not that close to them, but I can tell when something is bothering her and I address it before it builds up too much because she will keep things inside unless I'm proactive with her. It's usually something minor but important to her. Sometimes she just wants to go to a movie or out to eat. Other times she just misses having a fresh papaya so I take her to the Asian market. Sometimes she's just feeling insecure about her looks or whatever so I need to reassure her. I know what a bad marriage is having been in one for a long time and I learned that communication and maintaining intimacy are key. No matter how long you're married you need to make her feel like she's the most beautiful and important person in the world. We also embrace our cultural differences and make each other laugh a lot every day. Sounds corny but it has worked for us. I wish you luck. Don't be so quick to give up if you still love her. She just may not feel like you do. You can fix that.

[roiethome]

liquidate your assets and get them offshore quick.

Let her go and divorce you.

Start a new life again.

[Chris747]

Get yourself some more professional help. There's plenty of literature out there, how to deal with a breakup.. Are you really expecting valuable input in TV Forum how about to deal with your situation?

For me it not only looks like you are grieving over the breakup with your wife, but you have more serious problems in live.

Make a step back, take yourself a timeout, accept the problem, analyze them and find a way to solve them..

there's no other way out of the situation..

good luck you can need it!

ah, and stop to read others private messages... men with hig self esteem would never do such a thing!

[CharlieH]

This has become an onslaught!

CLOSED