Should I build a house next door to the inlaws?

[johnatong]

Davo- surely the most important thing is the quality of the family...

We built a house in the village for my wife and I guess at first I envisioned a "home base" which my wife quickly developed into a home. She comes from a poor farming family and they are wonderful people. We have built our homestead into a family compound. I have often helped with no interest loans, which are currently all paid back and quickly too.

Having come from a small family, being part of a very big family has meant adjustments, but I would say near all positive. Yes, as noted, they can live more communally than we do, but they all respect my privacy. Some drink moderately but in 13 years here, no family member has ever asked me to buy them a beer. I do not drink. They have prospered through their own work and they now have another car, so i am not the only family vehicle, but when I was, an occasional ride was asked.

Being a family there is no accounting of who did what for who - In a health emergency, there is no other response than to drop whatever you are doing and help out in any capacity. It works for me too as they will always be offering me meals and to join in on bar bq - the day my car wouldn't start, my BIL popped out the battery, took it to be re-charged and w/o a dirty fingernail, I was up and running shortly.

Yes, I speak Thai and it has improved here. No, communication is not always perfect as many of the family members speak Northern only.

I was introduced to my wife by a friend who only told me that she comes from a great family. I never feel imposed upon and am glad to help them out with what I can. They are really nice people.

So, this is the judgment you will have to make. I had originally thought of locating near the sea, but my wife would not have been happy and she is very very happy to be near her parents. She did not express this before we moved here, but it might be good to ask her. Most Thai ladies want to be near the family. If the family is going to be constantly imposing and in your pocket, you will not likely be happy there...

You might start by observing - find out if they drink too much, are in debt, play cards and gamble... you might need to spend some more time with them.

Worked well for me, but surely may not work for everyone...

The best response so far. The OP has to assess what he is 'buying into' since family is a very strong bond in Thailand. Most of the previous posters who suggest a happy, symbiotic life in the boonies is achievable notably do not appear have the 'country estate' as their primary domicile. It's almost like the guys that have taken many vacations in Thailand posting questions about retiring in Thailand. The old adage, "It's a nice place but I wouldn't want to live there" applies to them and it should also be a primary consideration when facing the same situation as the OP.

Why would anyone "build" a house in Issan?? If you were not married and did not have children?

A lot of posters making terse, one-line, "Don't do it!" recommendations, either didn't do the 'due diligence' suggested above and 'lost the farm' or they are simply recycling the anecdotal tales of woe which are notoriously embellished on this forum. Others may have other reasons for their point blank dissuasion such their (or their spouses) opinion that their personal safety and that of their family is in danger in the prevailing political climate.This is also a concern that my wife and I share so we have a contingency plan. But it is up to the OP if he sees this as a threat at all and if he does, to plan accordingly.

Either way, and taking ALL of the above into account, if the OP can afford to write-off the home as his full-time domicile due to bad cultural experiences or circumstances that are truly beyond his control AND the family passes the due diligence examination, then go ahead. In my experience, the home building was a fun, family bonding experience (the family being in the building trade) and subsequent home making was very enjoyable. I wasn't there full-time though as I was working overseas maybe 3 or 4 times a year. The odd short-term family feuds and spats were a minor blip and ultimately something that didn't involve me. We moved away primarily for our sons improved education opportunities but I would move back in a heartbeat and probably will when I finally stop working.

"We moved away primarily for our sons improved education opportunities " why ?

And why would you move back and presumably remove those "educational opportunities "

[B1TcoinLife]

Davo- surely the most important thing is the quality of the family...

We built a house in the village for my wife and I guess at first I envisioned a "home base" which my wife quickly developed into a home. She comes from a poor farming family and they are wonderful people. We have built our homestead into a family compound. I have often helped with no interest loans, which are currently all paid back and quickly too.

Having come from a small family, being part of a very big family has meant adjustments, but I would say near all positive. Yes, as noted, they can live more communally than we do, but they all respect my privacy. Some drink moderately but in 13 years here, no family member has ever asked me to buy them a beer. I do not drink. They have prospered through their own work and they now have another car, so i am not the only family vehicle, but when I was, an occasional ride was asked.

Being a family there is no accounting of who did what for who - In a health emergency, there is no other response than to drop whatever you are doing and help out in any capacity. It works for me too as they will always be offering me meals and to join in on bar bq - the day my car wouldn't start, my BIL popped out the battery, took it to be re-charged and w/o a dirty fingernail, I was up and running shortly.

Yes, I speak Thai and it has improved here. No, communication is not always perfect as many of the family members speak Northern only.

I was introduced to my wife by a friend who only told me that she comes from a great family. I never feel imposed upon and am glad to help them out with what I can. They are really nice people.

So, this is the judgment you will have to make. I had originally thought of locating near the sea, but my wife would not have been happy and she is very very happy to be near her parents. She did not express this before we moved here, but it might be good to ask her. Most Thai ladies want to be near the family. If the family is going to be constantly imposing and in your pocket, you will not likely be happy there...

You might start by observing - find out if they drink too much, are in debt, play cards and gamble... you might need to spend some more time with them.

Worked well for me, but surely may not work for everyone...

The best response so far. The OP has to assess what he is 'buying into' since family is a very strong bond in Thailand. Most of the previous posters who suggest a happy, symbiotic life in the boonies is achievable notably do not appear have the 'country estate' as their primary domicile. It's almost like the guys that have taken many vacations in Thailand posting questions about retiring in Thailand. The old adage, "It's a nice place but I wouldn't want to live there" applies to them and it should also be a primary consideration when facing the same situation as the OP.

Why would anyone "build" a house in Issan?? If you were not married and did not have children?

A lot of posters making terse, one-line, "Don't do it!" recommendations, either didn't do the 'due diligence' suggested above and 'lost the farm' or they are simply recycling the anecdotal tales of woe which are notoriously embellished on this forum. Others may have other reasons for their point blank dissuasion such their (or their spouses) opinion that their personal safety and that of their family is in danger in the prevailing political climate.This is also a concern that my wife and I share so we have a contingency plan. But it is up to the OP if he sees this as a threat at all and if he does, to plan accordingly.

Either way, and taking ALL of the above into account, if the OP can afford to write-off the home as his full-time domicile due to bad cultural experiences or circumstances that are truly beyond his control AND the family passes the due diligence examination, then go ahead. In my experience, the home building was a fun, family bonding experience (the family being in the building trade) and subsequent home making was very enjoyable. I wasn't there full-time though as I was working overseas maybe 3 or 4 times a year. The odd short-term family feuds and spats were a minor blip and ultimately something that didn't involve me. We moved away primarily for our sons improved education opportunities but I would move back in a heartbeat and probably will when I finally stop working.

"We moved away primarily for our sons improved education opportunities " why ?

And why would you move back and presumably remove those "educational opportunities "

You should read it again

[Will27]

Good idea. As your wifes parents get older she will want to spend more time with them and it will help if you are both nearby.

Thereby limiting the amount of time she has for you possibly causing issues in your own relationship,if you wish to play second fiddle to her family go for it.

Do let us know how it pans out though.

14 years and panning out well, Who wants to be stuck in a box with their partner 24 hours s day? We both enjoy having family around. This is actually quite common worldwide believe it or not.

To be fair, you advised that you're only there (next door) 2 months of the year.

That's totally different than being there 24/7, 12 months of the year.

Two months a year could be considered "holiday" time.

Yes it's nice for the wife to be close to her family, but living next door is a bit too close IMO.

[sipi]

Good idea. As your wifes parents get older she will want to spend more time with them and it will help if you are both nearby.

Thereby limiting the amount of time she has for you possibly causing issues in your own relationship,if you wish to play second fiddle to her family go for it.

Do let us know how it pans out though.

14 years and panning out well, Who wants to be stuck in a box with their partner 24 hours s day? We both enjoy having family around. This is actually quite common worldwide believe it or not.

To be fair, you advised that you're only there (next door) 2 months of the year.

That's totally different than being there 24/7, 12 months of the year.

Two months a year could be considered "holiday" time.

Yes it's nice for the wife to be close to her family, but living next door is a bit too close IMO.

Yes I agree. But other than build near the family what practical alternatives has anyone offered?

I wouldn't build 100 km away but would look at renting.

And if the wife isn't hanging out with the family who is she hanging out with? The OP seems smart enough to weigh it up. As for resale value of a house next to the parents, forget it. And in our case "next door" is a hundred metres of forest between us.

Edited May 3, 2016 by sipi

[NanLaew]

Davo- surely the most important thing is the quality of the family...

We built a house in the village for my wife and I guess at first I envisioned a "home base" which my wife quickly developed into a home. She comes from a poor farming family and they are wonderful people. We have built our homestead into a family compound. I have often helped with no interest loans, which are currently all paid back and quickly too.

Having come from a small family, being part of a very big family has meant adjustments, but I would say near all positive. Yes, as noted, they can live more communally than we do, but they all respect my privacy. Some drink moderately but in 13 years here, no family member has ever asked me to buy them a beer. I do not drink. They have prospered through their own work and they now have another car, so i am not the only family vehicle, but when I was, an occasional ride was asked.

Being a family there is no accounting of who did what for who - In a health emergency, there is no other response than to drop whatever you are doing and help out in any capacity. It works for me too as they will always be offering me meals and to join in on bar bq - the day my car wouldn't start, my BIL popped out the battery, took it to be re-charged and w/o a dirty fingernail, I was up and running shortly.

Yes, I speak Thai and it has improved here. No, communication is not always perfect as many of the family members speak Northern only.

I was introduced to my wife by a friend who only told me that she comes from a great family. I never feel imposed upon and am glad to help them out with what I can. They are really nice people.

So, this is the judgment you will have to make. I had originally thought of locating near the sea, but my wife would not have been happy and she is very very happy to be near her parents. She did not express this before we moved here, but it might be good to ask her. Most Thai ladies want to be near the family. If the family is going to be constantly imposing and in your pocket, you will not likely be happy there...

You might start by observing - find out if they drink too much, are in debt, play cards and gamble... you might need to spend some more time with them.

Worked well for me, but surely may not work for everyone...

The best response so far. The OP has to assess what he is 'buying into' since family is a very strong bond in Thailand. Most of the previous posters who suggest a happy, symbiotic life in the boonies is achievable notably do not appear have the 'country estate' as their primary domicile. It's almost like the guys that have taken many vacations in Thailand posting questions about retiring in Thailand. The old adage, "It's a nice place but I wouldn't want to live there" applies to them and it should also be a primary consideration when facing the same situation as the OP.

Why would anyone "build" a house in Issan?? If you were not married and did not have children?

A lot of posters making terse, one-line, "Don't do it!" recommendations, either didn't do the 'due diligence' suggested above and 'lost the farm' or they are simply recycling the anecdotal tales of woe which are notoriously embellished on this forum. Others may have other reasons for their point blank dissuasion such their (or their spouses) opinion that their personal safety and that of their family is in danger in the prevailing political climate.This is also a concern that my wife and I share so we have a contingency plan. But it is up to the OP if he sees this as a threat at all and if he does, to plan accordingly.

Either way, and taking ALL of the above into account, if the OP can afford to write-off the home as his full-time domicile due to bad cultural experiences or circumstances that are truly beyond his control AND the family passes the due diligence examination, then go ahead. In my experience, the home building was a fun, family bonding experience (the family being in the building trade) and subsequent home making was very enjoyable. I wasn't there full-time though as I was working overseas maybe 3 or 4 times a year. The odd short-term family feuds and spats were a minor blip and ultimately something that didn't involve me. We moved away primarily for our sons improved education opportunities but I would move back in a heartbeat and probably will when I finally stop working.

"We moved away primarily for our sons improved education opportunities " why ?

And why would you move back and presumably remove those "educational opportunities "

Maybe I wasn't clear. We moved away from the 'living with the in-laws in the provinces' life to the 'suburban city' life because the choices of schools was much better. The provincial, Thai only schools didn't provide what we considered was best for our son.

I said I WOULD move back in a heartbeat. Loads of heartbeats before I stop work and/or he finishes with school. I think the American's call it 'empty nest' but I hope you get my drift now.

Those who don't have children or don't plan on having any have totally different dynamics of course. But they still have to consider how the relationship with the in-laws and extended family is expected to play out.

Edited May 3, 2016 by NanLaew

[NanLaew]

Thereby limiting the amount of time she has for you possibly causing issues in your own relationship,if you wish to play second fiddle to her family go for it.

Do let us know how it pans out though.

14 years and panning out well, Who wants to be stuck in a box with their partner 24 hours s day? We both enjoy having family around. This is actually quite common worldwide believe it or not.

To be fair, you advised that you're only there (next door) 2 months of the year.

That's totally different than being there 24/7, 12 months of the year.

Two months a year could be considered "holiday" time.

Yes it's nice for the wife to be close to her family, but living next door is a bit too close IMO.

Yes I agree. But other than build near the family what practical alternatives has anyone offered?

I wouldn't build 100 km away but would look at renting.

Been there, done that and a perfectly viable, short-term solution for the OP or others that want to test the water before making a commitment.

[thehelmsman]

If kids aren't in the plans, I wouldn't want to spend my leisure years in a typical Isaan village. Perhaps if your western life had you deep in the noisy bustle of city life a quiet country life may seem quaint. Takes time to build an immunity to their way. Neighbors don't call before coming over, 6am with 2 stroke motorbike outside house yelling for someone, treatment of dogs took me some getting used to, I'm in the thick of Isaan life, plans are to move to a more metropolitan area for better schools and if truth be told also for myself. It won't be deep in tourist area but will be close to beaches. In the states I can buy a place in the country even cheaper than Thailand, so money wasn't the reason for settling down in Isaan. At first it seemed neat, you know like an adventure. but as day to day life settles in, it can get on your nerves. They are good people, no complaints like that. But come on....you work hard all your life, there has to be more in life than an Isaan village.

[BritManToo]

If kids aren't in the plans, I wouldn't want to spend my leisure years in a typical Isaan village. Perhaps if your western life had you deep in the noisy bustle of city life a quiet country life may seem quaint. Takes time to build an immunity to their way. Neighbors don't call before coming over, 6am with 2 stroke motorbike outside house yelling for someone, treatment of dogs took me some getting used to, I'm in the thick of Isaan life, plans are to move to a more metropolitan area for better schools and if truth be told also for myself. It won't be deep in tourist area but will be close to beaches. In the states I can buy a place in the country even cheaper than Thailand, so money wasn't the reason for settling down in Isaan. At first it seemed neat, you know like an adventure. but as day to day life settles in, it can get on your nerves. They are good people, no complaints like that. But come on....you work hard all your life, there has to be more in life than an Isaan village.

A rural Issan village is no place for children with a future.

No schools, no work, no health care, plenty of dangers and diseases you never encounter in the city.

Great posts from Nanlaew, he would live there ........ but doesn't.

I agree with him, sounds idyllic, but no sane western person would actually do it.

Edited May 3, 2016 by BritManToo

[sipi]

If kids aren't in the plans, I wouldn't want to spend my leisure years in a typical Isaan village. Perhaps if your western life had you deep in the noisy bustle of city life a quiet country life may seem quaint. Takes time to build an immunity to their way. Neighbors don't call before coming over, 6am with 2 stroke motorbike outside house yelling for someone, treatment of dogs took me some getting used to, I'm in the thick of Isaan life, plans are to move to a more metropolitan area for better schools and if truth be told also for myself. It won't be deep in tourist area but will be close to beaches. In the states I can buy a place in the country even cheaper than Thailand, so money wasn't the reason for settling down in Isaan. At first it seemed neat, you know like an adventure. but as day to day life settles in, it can get on your nerves. They are good people, no complaints like that. But come on....you work hard all your life, there has to be more in life than an Isaan village.

A rural Issan village is no place for children with a future.

No schools, no work, no health care, plenty of dangers and diseases you never encounter in the city.

Great posts from Nanlaew, he would live there ........ but doesn't.

I agree with him, sounds idyllic, but no sane western person would actually do it.

Yep. We built s house next to the inlaws and it is ideal for two months during Winter. I really like the village and the family but the heat is too much. We spend another two months travelling and the rest of the year in Australia. Good balance and everyone is happy. I can't see it changing for a long time.

The OP just needs to decide if a little house near the inlaws could be a part of his retirement plans. For us it sure beats staying under the same roof for a few months a year (as we did previously).

[BB1955]

A little distance is better , I enjoy visits from the mother inlaw but if it was everyday dont think I could handle it . Village life I know I cant handle .

[davo2212]

If I decide not to build on my fiancees land. What is the deal with the 90 year lease of land to build on and what's a rough idea of price please

[BritManToo]

If I decide not to build on my fiancees land. What is the deal with the 90 year lease of land to build on and what's a rough idea of price please

Any method used to bypass the Thai maximum of a 30 year lease, allows the legality of the entire lease to be challenged.

So 30 year lease, +30 +30 = 0 year lease. (according to a Phuket? Thai court ruling last year)

Edited May 3, 2016 by BritManToo

[rgs2001uk]

The only part of Thailand I haven't been to is hua hin.

I want peace and quiet.

Not a fan of pattaya.

I want peace and quiet.

Head to Soi Dao in Chan, you wont be plauged by charcoal burning villages etc etc, you wont be pestered by 3 day monk parties and deaths.

The 3322 has some nice land for sale on the way to Kao Su Khim, 300k per rai.

Near hat yai?

Nowhere near Hat Yai, its on the East Coast, 250 KMs or 3 hours drive from Bkk.

Peace and quiet you will get, Pattaya it aint..

[rgs2001uk]

If I decide not to build on my fiancees land. What is the deal with the 90 year lease of land to build on and what's a rough idea of price please

No such thing as a 90 year lease of land.

Farm land can be rented from 1,000 baht per year, a Thai style house can be built for about 600k baht.

[davo2212]

Ok thanks. I seem to remember being offered a condo with a 30 year lease and option to renew twice equalling 90 years

[ardokano]

As far away as possible

better to another country?

[mgjackson69]

Ok thanks. I seem to remember being offered a condo with a 30 year lease and option to renew twice equalling 90 years

Perhaps that was the offer...but it is not a 90-year lease.

It would be three separate 30-year leases.

I would guess the owner had the option to not renew your lease also.

[PeVee1st]

600 klms is a good distance!!

[ardokano]

Good idea. As your wifes parents get older she will want to spend more time with them and it will help if you are both nearby.

Thereby limiting the amount of time she has for you possibly causing issues in your own relationship,if you wish to play second fiddle to her family go for it.

Do let us know how it pans out though.

14 years and panning out well, Who wants to be stuck in a box with their partner 24 hours s day? We both enjoy having family around. This is actually quite common worldwide believe it or not.

Common worldwide stay near WIFE family?

You mast kidding.

Edited May 3, 2016 by ardokano

[ardokano]

600 klms is a good distance!!

From Thailand not to far:)

[ardokano]

We live same village as family no problem. I want to be close to my mum husband happy with that. We look up to family when they get ill/old. It's our way. As for houses trashed maybe in city not here and never seen in any village.

Husband do not want be close to him mum/father/sister/ brother?

[davo2212]

Ok cheers

[Morch]

We live about 20 minutes drive from my wife's elderly parents. Works for us, Close enough to take care of routine needs and handle emergencies.

As they do not drive, no surprise visits etc. Generally speaking, they are not into telling their children how to live their lives (well, perhaps other than house rules).

If we would have lived next door, especially if a plot that was previously theirs...I dunno that the same boundaries would hold.

Rest of the family is about a couple of hours away, and rather appreciate us being around for the parents. So far, "pulling rank", unwanted surprise visits and similar

annoyances are not much of an issue. That said, some lines need to be drawn.

It all depends on what your wife's family is like and how the relationship among family members work out. But I doubt living next door to in-laws is a great move, pretty much

anywhere, not just with regard to Thailand.

[jeab1980]

We live same village as family no problem. I want to be close to my mum husband happy with that. We look up to family when they get ill/old. It's our way. As for houses trashed maybe in city not here and never seen in any village.

Husband do not want be close to him mum/father/sister/ brother?

obvious answer is staring you in the face my friend (Mr here) if I wanted to be close to my syblings I wouldn't be in Thailand would I !!!!!. (Mum and dad long gone) I came to Thailand to get away from home country's rat race,met and married the Mrs and happy with life and where we live. Reading posts on this subject it seems you all belive living close to wifes family leaves you open to all sorts. Not so I see my in laws probably once a week sometimes once every couple of weeks. Family do not come to house everyday, they do not expect anything diffrent because I'm a farang. I am treated the same by all. If there's an emergency of course I'm there to help. Most of the posts I belive are myths and worse case senario. Not saying some are hard work but that's probably just a few.

we are all diffrent what's good for one might not be good for all. But one bad experience doesn't make things the norm does it.

[Stocky]

I put 500km between us and the in-laws, still not far enough.

[davo2212]

I put 500km between us and the in-laws, still not far enough.

any particular reason?

[sipi]

Seeing the inlaws is the only reason we built a house in Thailand. Otherwise we would have a second home in New Zealand.

[KC 71]

If we didnt live nxt door to the family,my wife would be lonely.

Family can be very important-especially to indigenous people.

[BritManToo]

Ok thanks. I seem to remember being offered a condo with a 30 year lease and option to renew twice equalling 90 years

Yes, these would be criminals looking to scam you.

You buy condos outright, no need for any silly games.

Edited May 3, 2016 by BritManToo

[davo2212]

Ok thanks. I seem to remember being offered a condo with a 30 year lease and option to renew twice equalling 90 years

Yes, these would be criminals looking to scam you.

ok cheers