Thai girlfriend asks to borrow money (in US)

[vicfirth201]

Hi all,

I'm looking for some help with my current relationship. This is my first experience dating a Thai girl. We have been dating for 6 months at this point, and everything has been going well. She is an au pair and has been doing so for a year and a half. But, recently she asked to borrow a few thousand dollars. She is currently in the process of trying to get a visa extension, and she says that the money will be used to sit in her bank account (as in she will not spend it) so she can show that she has enough money to live on her own and will not have to use her host family as a sponsor. As some of her friends here have had bad experiences doing so.

So what it comes down to is, I trusted her up to this point, as she has not given any signs of being a "bad girl" or a bad person, in fact everything she has done so far leads me to believe she is not such a person, but this situation gives me doubts. I talked to her about it and she said that I am the only one she can talk to/ask about the situation here because her family is so far away, and broke down in tears. She said that she does not want my money and our relationship has never been about her wanting money from me, and she is embarrassed to ask for help. I have heard about so many negative experiences from members on various forums, and I do not want to be one of those people.

I am really in need of some help, I love this girl, but I am not sure if she is trying to scam me, if it is just a cultural difference, or if she is legitimately in need of help. What do you guys think?

[BKKSnowBird]

Trust your gut. If it was me, I would probably do it.

[lostinisaan]

So what it comes down to is, I trusted her up to this point, as she has not given any signs of being a "bad girl" or a bad person, in fact everything she has done so far leads me to believe she is not such a person, but this situation gives me doubts. I talked to her about it and she said that I am the only one she can talk to/ask about the situation here because her family is so far away, and broke down in tears. She said that she does not want my money and our relationship has never been about her wanting money from me, and she is embarrassed to ask for help. I have heard about so many negative experiences from members on various forums, and I do not want to be one of those people.

Please do yourself a big favor and don't give her one cent. I'm certain that you're not the only guy she's asking this question and would you do that, you can be to 99.9 % sure that you'll never see your money again. She's in no way " embarrassed to ask for help."

Do you love this girl, or do you love her slim body, her smiles and what she tells you? I've had quite a few Thai relationships in Thailand before I ran into my wife when I wasn't looking for love.

Just say no and see if she's still talking to you. Tell her that you haven't got that amount of money and check her out. Love isn't based on money.

Don't you know anybody who knows her too? You might be thankful for my sincere post.

I understand your point, but you should also leave your sexual feelings out. Would you help an American woman in the same situation, if you barely know her?

Use your common sense, please and best of luck. An Au Pair for so long and she doesn't have any savings? Can't you smell that smell?

P.S. Can't you have a "word with somebody of her host family?" That might help you a lot.

If you really want to help her, please use a witness/lawyer, make a contract that the money belongs to you and that she can't spend one dime of it.

Edited May 22, 2016 by lostinisaan

[rogeroc]

So presumably she came to the US to earn a better salary than she could get in Thailand, and i presume as she is working she is achieving that. If that is not the case she should go back to her home country for more productive employment.

It sounds like a scam to me.

[rogeroc]

I have had many relationships in the UK with girls from poor countries (primarily the P'Pinnes) who were working in London and not a single one of them ever asked me for money, or indeed even needed it.

It is a different situation the other way round when a Westerner goes to a country like P'Pines and Thailand and meets a local girl who has very limited earning potential. In these circumstances in is not unreasonable for the Westerner to help out.

[bendejo]

I talked to her about it and she said that I am the only one she can talk to/ask about the situation here because her family is so far away, and broke down in tears. She said that she does not want my money and our relationship has never been about her wanting money from me, and she is embarrassed to ask for help.

Broke down in tears, right on cue, just like a movie or soap opera. I have little doubt her Thai girlfriends have been encouraging her to get some cash out of you. After all, that's what you're for.

and she says that the money will be used to sit in her bank account (as in she will not spend it) so she can show that she has enough money to live on her own and will not have to use her host family as a sponsor

This is where the alarm went off. A few thousand $$ in the US lasts about a month, if that. It sounds like the Thailand visa thing about the money in the bank that can't be touched, I have not heard of this concept being used by US immigration. If they did, I would think the amount would be well into 5 figures. After all, a full-time minimum wage worker makes $16,000 per year.

My recommended response: mai mee. If you want to keep seeing her anyway come back with a bs reason of your own, like your $$ is tied up with your family, etc. You needn't give details, as it is a private family matter.

Over the years there have emerged some great signature scams, like Arab traders telling tales of having to battle dragons to get spices, Nigerians on the verge of a fortune but need $$ for a lawyer, etc. Add the Thai lady "lub you too mutt/sick water buffalo" cash extraction scam.

Edited May 22, 2016 by bendejo

[rocketboybkk]

Don't give her any money

Complete rubbish

Visa extended? She's being sponsored by her employer so she lying

Dirty ^#^*

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[rwdrwdrwd]

I put a few k in my ex girlfriends account a few years back to ease the process of getting a visa to visit me, all went fine and was all paid back. Married 4 years now.

Point being, it really depends on the person.

[lostinisaan]

I talked to her about it and she said that I am the only one she can talk to/ask about the situation here because her family is so far away, and broke down in tears. She said that she does not want my money and our relationship has never been about her wanting money from me, and she is embarrassed to ask for help.

Broke down in tears, right on cue, just like a movie or soap opera. I have little doubt her Thai girlfriends have been encouraging her to get some cash out of you. After all, that's what you're for.

and she says that the money will be used to sit in her bank account (as in she will not spend it) so she can show that she has enough money to live on her own and will not have to use her host family as a sponsor

This is where the alarm went off. A few thousand $$ in the US lasts about a month, if that. It sounds like the Thailand visa thing about the money in the bank that can't be touched, I have not heard of this concept being used by US immigration. If they did, I would think the amount would be well into 5 figures. After all, a full-time minimum wage worker makes $16,000 per year.

My recommended response: mai mee. If you want to keep seeing her anyway come back with a bs reason of your own, like your $$ is tied up with your family, etc. You needn't give details, as it is a private family matter.

Over the years there have emerged some great signature scams, like Arab traders telling tales of having to battle dragons to get spices, Nigerians on the verge of a fortune but need $$ for a lawyer, etc. Add the Thai lady "lub you too mutt/sick water buffalo" cash extraction scam.

A great post. An Au Pair usually stays for one year only. Of course can the host family try and extend her stay.

Mai Mee seems to be the best answer.

Then the OP will see if he's the only one she really loves. Sorry, have to wipe my tears off now. Good night.....

P.S. I found some good looking Au Pair girls for the OP. Please see: http://www.aupairinamerica.com/aupairs/available.asp

"Olga" from Colombia would be my choice.

Here's another website where most of them are Filipinos who're currently in Thailand?

https://www.aupair.com/find_aupair.php?quick_search=search&home_country=196&gender=2&language=en&page=2

OP, you might get some useful information what an au pair does and for how long they're usually staying.

Edited May 22, 2016 by lostinisaan

[vicfirth201]

Thank you for all the input. Just as an update with info that I should have included in the original post.

She is on a 2 year work visa with her current company that is expiring at the end of the year. With the way it is set up, she would have to return to Thailand for a certain length of time before she would qualify for a renewal. Which is confirmed on the US visa program. The only way she could stay without doing so would be for her host family to sponsor her as her employer.

I am certain that I am the only one she is seeing, we have some mutual friends and I know her host family, who would let me know if anything was up.

As for money, I do not support her in any way, and as for paying for dates, we always have been 50/50. I pay for one and she pays for the next one.

When she asked to borrow the money, I just said no, I did not give her any reason. This was a few days ago. Since that, nothing in our relationship has changed, she is still the same as she has always been.

I guess I am just still confused.

[Hedghog]

There's your answer then.

She hasn't saved enough money to take home when she returns.

So she intends conning you out of some, to make up the shortfall.

No doubt more requests will be coming nearer the time.

[bubba1]

The reason sounds very suspicious.

She could either be confused by something her Thai friends told her or it could be a scam.

I would ask more details about exactly what kind of visa extension she is trying to get and how

[bamukloy]

I would tell her that she should get the email/number/contact of the immigration people she deals with.

Tell her you want to dicuss the options with them and that you will let them know you are the sponsor and thats the way its done here.

Of course its a lie and a bluff but you will see by her reaction what the real deal is.

Some Thai ladies are very clever spinning lies for money requests, but when you actually throw some BS back at them in a serious way they are rarely ever clever enough to see it coming

[JHolmesJr]

I wouldnt....but then again i am a dick.

[vicfirth201]

Once again thanks for the input.

This all stemed from one of her Thai friends telling her that she needed $15k+ on her bank statement for 6 months to be approved without sponsorship for the new visa (she is not asking me for even close to that). I know with her current employment that is more than what she can maintain in her account. When I try to look it up on the US visa site, it says there is a minimum balance requirement, but does not say how much. She did not say if it was for a visa extension or a new visa, I just assumed it would be for an extension, but with further research it looks like she would be try to apply for a new visa.

Edited May 22, 2016 by vicfirth201

[bubba1]

Once again thanks for the input.

This all stemed from one of her Thai friends telling her that she needed $15k on her bank statement for 6 months to be approved for the new visa (she is not asking me for that much). When I try to look it up on the US visa site, it says there is a minimum balance requirement, but does not say how much. She did not say if it was for a visa extension or a new visa, I just assumed it would be for an extension.

What kind of visa is it? Ask her

[CharlieH]

Check with US immigration about the amount, if its legal to do what is being requested ? After all, its fraud ! You dont want to end up in trouble if you do decide to "help"

Personally, I wouldnt get involved with any aspect of fraudulent claims/declarations to a federal authority.

[Sharp]

Good morning mate... Don't do it and see' how long ' the relationship stays the same... My gut is telling me No and it's not my girlfriend... Tell her you will help her in every way to assist the visa process except money. Good luck..

[ezzra]

Take it from someone who's been there and done that, give her as much as you'll be willing or afford to lose

and not cry over it if things goes wrong, this way, you'll help her and satisfy your urge to help her, this is the

shortest and best advise you hear about it..

Edited May 23, 2016 by ezzra

[akirasan]

6 months is a bit too soon to be making that request imo. Something smella fishy..

[Gecko123]

As you have professed you love her, why not propose marriage?

That would solve both the visa and loan problems with just one stone.

Edited May 23, 2016 by Gecko123

[pgrahmm]

Take it from someone who's been there and done that, give her as much as you'll be willing or afford to lose

and not cry over it if things goes wrong, this way, you'll help her and satisfy your urge to help her, this is the

shortest and best advise you hear about it..

If everything about her during your time together has been legit - no games - no uneasy or doubtful thoughts or moments I'd be inclined to believe her & believe in her & do it; provided you can afford to provide the money needed & call it a lesson/loss if things go south....

You might want to write it as a simple loan with a due date after the visa processing.....Once she has the loan where she deposits it is up to her......To you & her it's simply a ONE TIME loan to carry her through a difficult time.....If she is willing to sign for it chances are she's in earnest....

Bear in mind that once you are "invested" your outlook on the whole relationship can change for one way or the other.....

If - everything you've experienced with her tells you she's worthy - she probably will be.....

Again - only what you can afford - money & emotional investment wise....

Good luck to you.....You've probably really murkied your thought process about this by asking the assembled panel of TVF experts.....

Like asking for a beating - and a Thai bashing.....

Edited May 23, 2016 by pgrahmm

[thaibeachlovers]

As you have professed you love her, why not propose marriage?

That would solve both the visa and loan problems with just one stone.

He's only known her 6 months. That's not nearly long enough to know if she's "the one" or just a passing phase.

I say no, as well, unless the OP can afford to lose the money. Not saying she would take it and go, but one never knows, does one?

[DLock]

Sounds like an airfare home and welcome home money to me.

Just say you don't have any spare money at the moment.

Or secure the loan with something of value like gold...Thai girls all have some gold.

If given my fair share of money to friends over the years...and collecting the money is always painful, so these days, I just say no.

[SoiBiker]

Never lend what you can't afford to lose. But that applies to everyone.

If your bank account can take the hit, and your instincts are that she's honest, I say ignore the cynics on here and go for it. Not every Thai is out to rip farangs off.

[spidermike007]

I put a few k in my ex girlfriends account a few years back to ease the process of getting a visa to visit me, all went fine and was all paid back. Married 4 years now.

Point being, it really depends on the person.

True that. Depends on alot. Have you met her family, or her friends? What do you really know about her? Are you in a position to lose that money? Get something in writing, at the very least.

[kannot]

Id give her a few thou more just in case anything unforeseen crops up.............it usually does here.

[bubba1]

This 'afford to lose' is one of the most stupid statements I have ever seen and apparently comes from skint people. Smart people don't lose money period

[optad]

^^ Agree with Soi Biker on this one.

You have to be able to afford it without extending yourself but if you think there is a bond there then given an innate level of cynicism just by posting this here you should know what to do.

Aside to forum posters ...... Need we a AGONY AUNT dumpster/thread.

Meh, some common problems to be sure but this thread make me wonder.

[BKKSnowBird]

WOW. You can always count on Thai Visa for a bunch of old farts to give cranky and jaded responses. It really is sad how many of you view others especially Thais considering it was YOUR choice to come here. SMH...