Do you have a security guard story?

[Inspire]

Do you have a security guard story?

Orlando Barton

 

 

It seems to me that the default profession for any Thai man is security guard. The ubiquitous uniformed dude with a whistle. You know who I’m talking about. That guy who waits until you park your car and get out before telling you that you can’t park there.

 

They come in all ages, shapes and sizes. Some are dressed in uniforms that would make a General jealous. Others look like unmade beds. There is no denying that Thailand is obsessed with the idea of uniformed security.

 

But, get a bunch of expats around a steady supply of beer and you’ll eventually hear everybody’s security guard stories. Some are scary; some are appalling … most are hilarious.

 

A friend of mine in Phuket tortured the security guards in his condo building. He had a habit of staying out late and returning in the wee hours of the morning with various forms of female companionship.

 

The guards at his building featured two distinguishing characteristics. First, they had immaculate uniforms complete with some vicious police-state looking hats with shiny badges and a sinister brim that came down over their eyes. They looked like a prop from S&M porno movies more than security uniforms.

 

His security staff looked the part of jack-booted thugs but unfortunately they all had eye problems. The just couldn’t keep them open after dark. Every night he would come home to a sound asleep guard with his belt, handcuffs and Nazi headgear splayed on the table next to him.

 

My friend would deftly snatch the hat and take it to his room. He then proceeded to take pictures of his female companions in various states of nakedness sporting said headgear. Copies were posted on the door of the manager’s office with no explanation.

 

Full story: http://www.inspirepattaya.com/lifestyle/security-guard-story/

[Ron19]

Yes, I have two Suthep and Abhisit.

Neither of them sleep and they both have a very loud bark.

[bluebluewater]

It always tickles me that the ones at the big malls never have the same uniform and I'm pretty sure if you got them all together for a photo shoot it would end up looking like the Sgt Pepper album cover.

[williamgeorgeallen]

friend of mine used to live out on the darkside in pattaya. the guy that ran the management in a moo ban got annoyed at the security not opening and closing the gate as cars went in and out. he confronted the security guard and got stabbed by him. always wondered if the security guard ever got fined by the police.

[FritsSikkink]

Nice a sponsor who wants us to ridicule Thais, didn't have enough of that already.

[Khon Kaen Dave]

Oh my god!not another 'dont ridicule Thais' priest.

listen,boyo' they do a very good job of doing it themselves.

[Grubster]

The security guards in America are no better, they also work for starvation wages.

[fatyank]

1 hour ago, Grubster said:

The security guards in America are no better, they also work for starvation wages.

 

 

true!......I once hired a company that sent a guard along to try and keep the beggars away from store......after about 3-4 hours I went out the back and saw him sat in his truck lighting up a crack pipe with the same lot he was supposed to be keeping away.......another hour went by and he came in the store moaning about the crackheads had stolen his speakers.

[z42]

In my 1st year in Thailand i had a security guard at our condo. An absolute gentleman, heart of gold. But he just embodied a lot of the things that us westerners shake our heads in disbelief at (drunk at work, asleep at work, inconsistent in MO, reckless operation of motor vehicles etc). 1 of his finest moments was drunkenly trying to fix me up with his daughter when i was coming home with my now wife on 1 of our 1st dates ?  obviously went down like the proverbial lead balloon.

His English level was brilliant for a guy who wasn't educated to the levels that Thai middle to upper classes deem normal.

He is a genuinely lovely bloke and very content with his life, have seen him the odd time since, and last time he even gave my little girl a lolly which was super cool of him. 

Such a shame that alcohol is such a big draw for him. He'll be gone much too soon. And that is a bit of a tragedy really.

[toofarnorth]

When I knew no better and lived in a ghetto ...sorry Tropical Hill  2  in Hua Hin when I first came out here a security chap came around at night with a torch to shine at the houses , he never got off his scooter but went up each soi flashing his torch .  W e got broken into twice .  We moved north and now have a gate that squeaks should an intruder show up , not happened in the 9 years we have lived here.

[Deepinthailand]

No but I can point you to thousands of threads. About stupid farangs venting there splines.

[rijb]

I've heard of reticulating splines.  But, never venting them.

[Gillyflower]

2 hours ago, rijb said:

I've heard of reticulating splines.  But, never venting them.

 

Does he mean 'spleen'?

[Scott]

I've actually had pretty positive experiences with the guards in the Moo Bahn's that I have lived in.   I have always made a point of greeting them as I leave, something that I notice many other people don't.  

 

I recently moved from one house to another and had a fair amount of trouble arranging for a truck.   It showed up, but I had virtually no help and several of the guards came by, took off their neatly pressed shirts and loaded everything and then accompanied the truck to the new house and unloaded it.  

 

The ones at the the shopping centers I could do without.   I really don't like anyone trying to help me park a car, especially when they have never driven anything except maybe a buffalo cart.   They are, however, nice enough to help load the groceries into the car.

 

Overall, my experiences have been neutral to positive.   I do make a point of trying to treat them courteously.  

[NoshowJones]

10 hours ago, Grubster said:

The security guards in America are no better, they also work for starvation wages.

Don't they get tips? It is America you are talking about, isn't it?

[toofarnorth]

13 hours ago, Gillyflower said:

 

Does he mean 'spleen'?

Yep , I guess that'a what he mines.