Have you influenced the attitudes of your Thai gf?

[hdkane]

My gf and I have been together for some time, and at the beginning, she seemed a bit surprised at the behavior of Thais, as observed from a farang viewpoint. She had no idea how farangs experience Thais and Thailand differently from typical Thais. Common examples--duel pricing, endless and inept scams, police corruption, immaturity of men, entitlement, etc...

 

Once I started pointing these issues out to her as we encountered them in our shared lives, she really began to change her attitudes about Thais and Thailand.  Especially regarding the poor treatment of women.  Previously, she had never really given these issues much thought, as they were so common in Thai society.  For me, these changes have been positive. 

 

Has anyone else witnessed such changes in their gf or wife?

[petermik]

Fortunately my GF worked front desk for many years before we met in some large BKK hotels with many european customers so this gave her a lot of insight to the good and bad over here

 

[The manic]

Presumably you have not cast a critical gaze on your own paradise and shared with her the faults in your own country.  

[AlexRRR]

Your woman mr Kane must love you or you have her under your thumb because my experience  is nothing like yours, no matter how well educated there isn't a great deal of difference in there thinking...

 

Sabi sabi if ive spelt it right you should look it up because thats how it is........no rocking the boat, lots of guys in here have written about it one form or other in here.....

 

ps....normally Thais like everyone else are not particular pleased when someone points out there short comings...even if someone thinks its justified...

[pattayalover]

I had to explain her that a smart phone doesn't cost 1£ in Europe. if it was the case I would buy hundred for resale.

I explained her that the farangs in Pattaya dont represent Europe.

I explained her we don't all have retirement benefits and we are not all rich... . only the old guys have retirement and it mays change one day.

[onthesoi]

"Especially regarding the poor treatment of women."

 

Wait until she goes to Falangland where she'll be generally regarded as a gold digging hooker.

[dotpoom]

While driving around Thailand with my wife I was constantly pointing the failings of Thai drivers. I began to notice that she was becoming rather quite. It then suddenly occurred to me that while she was agreeing with the points I was making, it wasn't doing a lot for her image of her own country. Whereas before this she was very much in the habit of saying "that's the way we Thais do it". Even though this often irritated me, it did denote a sense of pride in her country, which is a very positive feeling for any person to have. My constantly making the points I was making in the car was diminishing this in her.

   I decided at that point to try and stop my criticising (not easy), instead, I find myself saying things like..."Wow, how beautiful so and so is "(views and scenery) etc., etc., etc., A lot of it is exaggeration on my part, but it's lovely to see her eyes light up again. 

[elgordo38]

5 hours ago, hdkane said:

 Previously, she had never really given these issues much thought, as they were so common in Thai society.

And believe you me the government counts on this very factor to continue unabated.

[williamgeorgeallen]

would say this is a hard thing to do from what i have seen. i take my girl and our kids back to new zealand for xmas each year. she still believes we go to europe as that is where westerners come from. as it is cool there she still thinks it is winter there despite me telling her it is summer. all of it makes very little difference as she is completely devoted to our kids.

[elgordo38]

You know you ask a good question maybe the question of the year and I hope you get some good replies. Here is mine. As my g/f is much younger than me I keep telling her where I have been you will be some day. I try to think of it as passing on the benefit of my many experiences but then they are my experiences and well we all react differently. Some things are easy to explain and some are not due to years of culture ingrainment. As I age and closely observe the world around me I can become a bit of a pessimist as what I am seeing now is a government big business human trap. We are the prey. Its a decided advantage to have to experienced the past and compare it to the present and frankly I do not like what I see and think the past was superior in every way. Be that as it may we are in the present which will soon be the past. As I look at the present I think of old western movies and cattle drives we are being herded by the media everything. We are constantly being told things are for our good and to protect us but it is not palpable. Something sticks in my throat. I try to arrange a good financial start for her after I am gone and try to explain to her that when family comes knocking on the door for a loan it is not a loan but a gift as they see it being the same way you arrived at receiving it. She has land and can plant a garden and be self sufficient and I stress this repeatedly. One can only go so far in giving advice and then the receiver of said advice must go forth and cross the mine field and hopefully come out safe on the other side. Just my   humble opinion. 

[pattayalover]

January in Australia, is it winter or summer.? for me when it s cold it s winter.

[elgordo38]

1 hour ago, pattayalover said:

I had to explain her that a smart phone doesn't cost 1£ in Europe. if it was the case I would buy hundred for resale.

I explained her that the farangs in Pattaya dont represent Europe.

I explained her we don't all have retirement benefits and we are not all rich... . only the old guys have retirement and it mays change one day.

 

and it may change one day. unquote and it will decidedly so. Even though we are old and pensioners big business and governments want to pick our aging carcasses clean. They literally think we were born with nothing and should leave the same way. 

[elgordo38]

19 minutes ago, williamgeorgeallen said:

i take my girl and our kids back to new zealand for xmas each year.

Got room for one more?? this year. 

[samsensam]

34 minutes ago, dotpoom said:

While driving around Thailand with my wife I was constantly pointing the failings of Thai drivers. I began to notice that she was becoming rather quite. It then suddenly occurred to me that while she was agreeing with the points I was making, it wasn't doing a lot for her image of her own country. Whereas before this she was very much in the habit of saying "that's the way we Thais do it". Even though this often irritated me, it did denote a sense of pride in her country, which is a very positive feeling for any person to have. My constantly making the points I was making in the car was diminishing this in her.

   I decided at that point to try and stop my criticising (not easy), instead, I find myself saying things like..."Wow, how beautiful so and so is "(views and scenery) etc., etc., etc., A lot of it is exaggeration on my part, but it's lovely to see her eyes light up again. 

 

I decided at that point to try and stop my criticising (not easy), instead, I find myself saying things like..."Wow, how beautiful so and so is "(views and scenery) etc., etc., etc., A lot of it is exaggeration on my part, but it's lovely to see her eyes light up again. 

 

haha! absolutely. this attitude can get you a long way, and as thai's generally dont get sarcasm or satire it's a win win

[wombat]

 

"Have you influenced the attitudes of your Thai gf?'

 

thats a brave man that thinks that.

 

[Pdaz]

After a dozen trips to Europe, Australia and other parts of Asia her attitudes have changed with very little coaxing from me. (Not) Seeing power lines, trash and ugly bilboards everywhere. Considerate driving, doors being opened and service staff with real knowledge of their products has removed the shells from her eyes.

Being able to return some cosmetics to a different branch of a store with no quibbles or questions for a full refund was a revelation. The availability and price of "luxury goods"  cars, wine and even soft fruit were all a pleasant discovery. Considering she is Uni educated and runs her own business and not daft I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

What does surprise me is she is quicker to criticise Thais than me. Bad driving and poor service are particular dislikes.. 

[Rhys]

23 minutes ago, wombat said:

 

"Have you influenced the attitudes of your Thai gf?'

 

thats a brave man that thinks that.

 

 

 

 

My huevos are with her.. I.can't get them back either, not even for SAT night...

[55Jay]

Yes. She (now wife) gets it on many levels as she's lived outside paradise for several years with me.  She would prefer we didn't live here. Even so, still tells me to chill out because we do live here, and neither one of us will ever influence change.

 

By the same token, she had rose tinted specs about USA.  After a few trips there, 1-2 months each time, and explaining a few realities, she's more realistic and doesn't think it's all Dsneyland and free money trees on every corner.

[sandemara]

I doubt that I've influenced the thinking or attitudes, values etc that my Thai wife of 23 years holds very much.  But our experiences certainly have.  We spent about 20 years in Australia, raising her two children from a previous marriage to a Thai. We had agreed we would live where she chose after my last parent died  and she chose to settle back in Thailand.  Unfortunately, her political outlook and expectations of public servants, police, public safety, health and education services, TV, how businesses and society run in general have caused her genuine "culture shock" since our return. She has developed a radical re-think of how life should and could be for the vast majority of Thais here.  Of course she is sensible enough to be discreet as well as cautious of expressing her views in most social situations.  Although she still loves Thailand and its people and is as patriotic as any Thai could be, she's very disappointed by her realisations about what the nation and society represents to the outside world.  It is not the Thailand she used to dream about and long for.  It's unlikely we'll remain here long for many reasons, but she hopes fervently that ordinary Thais will, one day, have reason to be proud of their achievements and will be able to "live the dream" they deserve.

[paulsingle]

1 hour ago, dotpoom said:

decided at that point to try and stop my criticising (not easy), instead, I find myself saying things like..."Wow, how beautiful so and so is "(views and scenery) etc., etc., etc., A lot of it is exaggeration on my part, but it's lovely to see her eyes light up again. 

Likewise ,  I silently remind myself that being overly critical, regardless of whether the criticism is warranted or not, serves no good purpose and just comes across as being negative.

Much is gained however by praising positives.

[1FinickyOne]

well, interesting topic... I would never dwell on a negative as a "Thai issue"  - - and some of the things you mentioned, my wife made sure to teach me about so I would understand Thailand better... hopefully, we have learned some things together. 

 

I have been more concerned of her naïveté in understanding scams and bad business deals... but if I wanted to make a point, I would say "people" not "Thai people" - - as scams are surely not a Thai phenomenon alone. As she has more personal experience with things like driving and business, she is learning more of what to look out for...

 

I know that any expression that began with "Thai people are... 'this or that'" would raise the hackles of most Thai people and would rarely speak that way. And I am also open and appreciative of the positive things and approaches to life I have learned from her... to generalize, I find even poor Thai people to be happier than middle class people from my home country - that means I have much to learn from them too... 

[1FinickyOne]

19 minutes ago, paulsingle said:

Likewise ,  I silently remind myself that being overly critical, regardless of whether the criticism is warranted or not, serves no good purpose and just comes across as being negative.

Much is gained however by praising positives.

 

You are a wise fellow. I learned from a very wise shaman [though not Thai] that criticism kills love... and that positive comments promotes love. 

[acid thunder]

In general my Thai wife is quite critical of LOS society but obviously not of the King, Buddhism (dodgy monks aside) or her family (extended family are regularly criticised).  We live abroad but she definitely doesn't want to expire anywhere but LOS, so on my retirement I've not much choice other than to live out my years in Thailand.  Seems fair enough to me.

 

Funnily enough, I'm not the critical one.

[paulsingle]

"but if I wanted to make a point, I would say "people" not "Thai people"

Very good point! I lived in Africa for 20 years and expats would often end up singling out Africans for certain criticisms. Often this was quite unfair as the criticism could justifiably be levelled at most or all races and nations.

[Skeptic7]

ABSO-EFFIN'-LUTELY!

 

Critical thinking skills, observational skills, common courtesies, COMMON SENSE! All have been influenced in positive ways. Many here will boo-hoo and disagree and cry foul (oir worse), but after having spent considerable time not only in Thailand...but China, Japan, India and Philippines as well...there is a nearly a total lack of all of the aforementioned! 

[tifino]

 

Mine, she used to always say: "you not know anything - you dumb!

 

"I did some reverse psych on her,:

in that people become what those around them say about them...

(this came about , after all her saying that; whatever she says of someone - will happen - because she say she powerful.

 

Eventually, I reworded it to:

"It is becoming so tiring - trying to be as dumb as you say I am"

 

then she says I talk too much, give her headache

 

but the 'dumb' talk has faded awayyyyyyyyy

 

[Shiver]

I can't think of anything that has changed in her thinking.  She accommodates my weird requests (like having some meat in a meat based meal rather than the bone, nostrils and toenails), finds it's funny that dried squid is such a repellant to male farang, doesn't complain when I want to spend time with my friends (though she cannot fathom why I don't want to go village for even 10 minutes).  Did I change anything in her?  I'm coming up empty handed.

 

One thing that has been playing on my mind this week is that on the forum we see questions about "should I learn Thai?", and answers generally go along the lines of "why should I?" to "I did, but wish I didn't as I learned that ignorance is bliss".  I mentioned to my GF when someone complimented her on how good her English is despite never putting her mind to it in University "Do you remember when we met we agreed that I'd help you learn English if you help me learn Thai?  I've kept my side of the deal, but you never encourage me to speak Thai".  Many people would see this as a control/manipulation issue.  She said "Yes, but I don't teach you because I don't want you to hear all the things people say about you and all farang".  So I guess on some level she is now more aware of non Thai behaviour and in some cases supportive of it, but I have no chance of getting the village out of her, or her belief in 'luck' and other large influences in this country.

[Naam]

2 hours ago, elgordo38 said:

and it may change one day. unquote and it will decidedly so. Even though we are old and pensioners big business and governments want to pick our aging carcasses clean. They literally think we were born with nothing and should leave the same way. 

i always considered myself to be a pessimist. but after reading your comments (not limited to his one) it seems that i am one of the most optimistic persons on this planet.

 

no offence meant!

[lungnorm]

4 hours ago, williamgeorgeallen said:

would say this is a hard thing to do from what i have seen. i take my girl and our kids back to new zealand for xmas each year. she still believes we go to europe as that is where westerners come from. as it is cool there she still thinks it is winter there despite me telling her it is summer. all of it makes very little difference as she is completely devoted to our kids.

My ex Thai wife was as sharp as a razor and very clever at everything but it used to amaze me she had never heard of Hitler or The Beatles. I just presumed that Thai's were not what we would call 'Worldly'.

[KMartinHandyman]

My tipping everyone in service situations at least a little something has influenced her attitude of rarely tipping or being a little stingy. Of course before me money was tight for her so it's understandable. It took time for her to become secure enough to part with b20 when it wasn't necessary. Now she tips appropriately when I'm not around and enjoys telling me how it surprised someone or made them happy because she gave them a little extra.
She has learned and enjoys the benefit of leaving b20 and maybe some leftover food each morning for the housekeepers when she travels. They usually deliver nice touches to the room and give her extra toiletries, towels etc.
She is very proud of her country but doesn't make too many excuses for some of the craziness in Thailand and in fact is very cautionary that you can't trust anyone or anything. At times she's apologetic and says "not the same your city" and I tell her my city (country,USA) is very much the same and thank her for reminding me to be vigilant when it comes to safety and security.