How to make "meeting the parents" in Isaan perfect?

[thai3]

Learning the language is not all it's made out to be- who wants to listen to them talking about food and cows and what neighbor is shagging a mia noi?. No matter how well you learn it you will not be having meaningful conversations, not worth the bother past the basics. I always use good ear plugs when I am out with the family and don't care if only six, or nobody turns up at my funeral. !

[impulse]

Apologies in advance for taking the piss:

 

Make sure your friend sends his family back home a travel itinerary with the names, address and phone numbers of the girl's parents.  

 

Let them know where to find his hidden valuables if they have to fly to Thailand to collect the body.

[electric]

This suggestion is going to upset some readers ... but I suggest that the boyfriend mentioned in the OP, finds a diplomatic way to tell his girlfriend that he wants a DNA test on the newborn baby. Only costs around 17,000 baht in Thailand.

 

When she freaks out with the "you don't trust me ?" stuff, he can calmly explain that as he had a vasectomy 5 years ago, he wants to know how his swimmers got through, so he can sue his doctor for millions, half of which he'll give to the girl and her family.

 

If the girl is legit, she'll jump at the prospect of a positive DNA, and the millions on the never-never, and the boyfriend will know for sure that life as he knew it, is now over, and he's a legit Dad.

 

If the DNA test turns to shit .... well ... either way, it's a well spent 17,000 baht.

 

 

 

 

[RED DOG]

Take 10000 bht for gift and plenty more to put the piss and food on for the family and all the village blow ins and watch Dads expressions to read how it's all going and take some gastric tablets with you because they don't prepare food like western people

[Cynical Sailor]

I agree about the food. Throw in some durian while you're at it (that shit is literally worth its weight in gold).

[opalred]

future dad a buffalo

mum niva whitening cream

for flowers bouquet of chilies

 

[tifino]

Read the following in a metaphorical mind:

 

Get more than just the footy shorts - you need a pile of Guernseys;

Not just of your Club, but with a bit of research, find out what other Clubs are in favour with individual family members.

Not only that, but also a variety of particular Numbered guernseys

Not Not only that, be aware that their favourite players may have been on last year's team, so current numbers might not be what they want.

 

it goes on and on and on...

 

We have been through this, with even visiting cousins, who followed via satellite the Socceroos (last year's team but)

Next time up, we had to bring 'older' numbered guernseys, to quell the misery of those who are given lots of gifts, but never appreciative

 

[Macthehat]

Tell him to get tanked up on Hong thong and hit the village wearing his West Ham top with sandles and black sox , singing " I'm forever blowing bubbles" 

Works every time ! 

[Broken Record]

On 11/27/2016 at 5:39 PM, anthos said:

 

We rather expect some good humour which this forum is famous for ).

 

 

You're on ThaiVisa mate, it's known for a lot of things, humour isn't one of them.

[Deepinthailand]

Yes don't use humour  on here you will get called a humour  apologist.

Edited November 28, 2016 by Deepinthailand
Spelling correction

[phetphet]

Dress to impress.

[4MyEgo]

On 27/11/2016 at 10:42 PM, anthos said:

 

yeah, dried bananas even better

 

A farang should be respectful when meeting his future in-laws, now if the daughter is 20 and he got her pregnant, well there goes their future income from her, so 30 years x her potential weekly wages = 3,000,000 baht, they will absolutely love their new son inlaw 555 

[Johnniey]

23 minutes ago, Mitkof Island said:

if your unwilling to learn even basic Thai why in the heck are you in a foreign country where you understand nothing going on around you. That would drive me nuts. Seen too many lost foreigners over the years spending their days lost and disoriented. Sounds like a living hell.

Right on! And your posts lighten up my day

[elliss]

2 hours ago, Broken Record said:

You're on ThaiVisa mate, it's known for a lot of things, humour isn't one of them.

 

  Humour on TV , where ??  what ever next . 555

Edited November 28, 2016 by elliss

[ableguy]

On 11/27/2016 at 6:13 PM, mania said:

 

Well that throws a wrench at all the gold stories doesn't  it

You cannot wear them either.

[joeyg]

On 11/27/2016 at 5:49 PM, anthos said:

 

We have just been told by another Issan native that flowers are not seen as a normal gesture of politness there and don't count as a gift because "you can't eat them".

Who knocked the chick up?

 

[joeyg]

8 hours ago, anthos said:

 

 

He can't be bothered to post here really and feels good about the trip anyway.

It was meant to be a fun topic rather than an eye opening warming of extortion.

I plan to email the link to him today so he can have fun reading it on the way there.

Well then he should just give her all his money and save 10% for any emergencies that may come up.  Easy!!!

 

[F4UCorsair]

Your friend has set the bar too high with a mobile 'phone for starters, so what's the only thing that will top that??

 

Tell him to take BAGS of money!!

[TallGuyJohninBKK]

This thread has gone seriously off-course.  Can we take the linguistics discussion to another place... not a thread about meeting the TGF's parents...

 

[metisdead]

Off topic posts and replies have been removed, this is not the learning Thai language topic. 

[Jim walker]

Gold for mum and a bottle of nice malt scotch for dad a mobile phone a bit over the top 

[thaibeachlovers]

On ‎28‎.‎11‎.‎2016 at 4:26 PM, electric said:

This suggestion is going to upset some readers ... but I suggest that the boyfriend mentioned in the OP, finds a diplomatic way to tell his girlfriend that he wants a DNA test on the newborn baby. Only costs around 17,000 baht in Thailand.

 

When she freaks out with the "you don't trust me ?" stuff, he can calmly explain that as he had a vasectomy 5 years ago, he wants to know how his swimmers got through, so he can sue his doctor for millions, half of which he'll give to the girl and her family.

 

If the girl is legit, she'll jump at the prospect of a positive DNA, and the millions on the never-never, and the boyfriend will know for sure that life as he knew it, is now over, and he's a legit Dad.

 

If the DNA test turns to shit .... well ... either way, it's a well spent 17,000 baht.

 

 

 

 

Whoa up hoss. No one has said he doesn't want the rug rat. Had my marriage worked out and if I'd had the readies, I'd love to have had a baby to bring up, as long as it wasn't mine. I don't believe in having children of my own, but if it appeared anyway, I wouldn't mind raising it. Perhaps the "friend" is of the same mind.

[thaibeachlovers]

On ‎28‎.‎11‎.‎2016 at 5:04 PM, RED DOG said:

Take 10000 bht for gift and plenty more to put the piss and food on for the family and all the village blow ins and watch Dads expressions to read how it's all going and take some gastric tablets with you because they don't prepare food like western people

Wow, you are generous with other people's money. I took zero for the rellies, and glad I didn't as they turned out to be as much fun as listening to the gossips talking about the farang. Even the sin sod I got back.

I did rewire the house for them, but they'd much rather have had 10,000 baht and taken their chances getting electrocuted.

No one else turned up, which suited me just fine, and when the missus took me around the village to meet the rellies the only ones that offered refreshments were the dirt poor ones with no furniture, even though it was just a glass of water.

Whatever, I never had a crowd of freeloaders coming round every time the missus dragged me back to the village- good result.

[joeyg]

1 hour ago, Jim walker said:

Gold for mum and a bottle of nice malt scotch for dad a mobile phone a bit over the top 

I like the phone idea.  He can use it after he drinks the scotch...

[al007]

I am certain I have the answer, and the parents will be so nice

 

Just give them an ATM card, it will remove everyones worries on how they are going to extract money from you

 

I am sure this will work, let me know how you get on and good luck

[elliss]

2 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Whoa up hoss. No one has said he doesn't want the rug rat. Had my marriage worked out and if I'd had the readies, I'd love to have had a baby to bring up, as long as it wasn't mine. I don't believe in having children of my own, but if it appeared anyway, I wouldn't mind raising it. Perhaps the "friend" is of the same mind.

 

  Know the feeling mate ,   i  am  bringing up and schooling  a  boy that isnt mine.

         Calls me papa ,  kind of cute eh ,  555

[thaibeachlovers]

Having been through the mill, and emerged poorer but hopefully wiser, my advice is not nice, but should be effective. When with the family for the first time, publicly give the GF/ wife an atm card for however much the farang thinks he can pay monthly, and put only that amount in the account every month, making clear that that is for the family AND her. That way, the family will have to be nice to her, and by implication the farang, to continue getting the readies.

If that is too machiavellian, lease a car for the family ( definitely don't BUY it ). That should take care of the "impress the neighbours" situation, and if it goes badly, they lose the car.

 

No doubt some will say that there is no "love" in that situation. My reply is that "love" does not last, but money does.

My wife "loved me long time", but in the end, it came down to money. Unfortunately, I gave her too much at the start and had no bargaining power left at the end, when I had to turn off the money tap. End of story.

 

Following lyrics from Black Velvet Band by the Dubliners

 

As sad misfortune came over me
Which caused me to stray from the land
Far away from me friends and relations
betrayed by the black velvet band

 

Her eyes they shown like diamonds
I thought her the queen of the land
And her hair, it hung over her shoulder
Tied up with a black velvet band
 

So come all you jolly young fellows
A warning take by me
When you are out on the town, me lads
Beware of the pretty colleens

 

 

 

[easton]

Gold, lots of gold. 

[getreal]

On Sunday, November 27, 2016 at 8:31 PM, anthos said:

 

None of the above. Which looks promising in my opinion.
 

 

 

I prefer them with a job though.