First let me say that I am not trying to be funny, or perverse here. Second, if the mods don't find this accpetable I understand close it right away. Third, if this is a topic that can be shared with the general population please move it where it is most welcome. Now....

I have heard so many stories concerning sex in Thailand. Many of which I know to be outside the norm. What I am trying to understand is the norm. I wanted to understand modern sexual beliefs and behaviors of Thai culture.

A little while ago a young man married two sisters, this is outside the norm yes? Well, is having two wives outside the norm?

I have heard the status of women who have been married and divorced is lowered. Is this true? What is the basis for this practice? Does this effect women who have not been married but have been sexually active?

These are just a couple of topics we can discuss. I will think of more later when I know that the mods will allow this thread. However, I must repeat that I am not posting this for jokes or graphic stories. I am trying to discover some truth about Thai culture. Open up a dialogue really. So, I ask, or really beg, my fellow TV members to keep it clean and helpful.

Thanks,

Thaibebop

Take a look at Victorian culture in England years ago.... there are many similarities.

A little while ago a young man married two sisters, this is outside the norm yes? Well, is having two wives outside the norm?

I would have thought that after two+ years on TV, you'd already know the answers to those questions.

From what I've read/seen/heard, the case mentioned above is outside the norm, which is why it made the news in the first place. I don't think polygamy is legal in Thailand (which is why many have wives and "mia nois", but not two or three "real" wives).

I have heard the status of women who have been married and divorced is lowered. Is this true? What is the basis for this practice? Does this effect women who have not been married but have been sexually active?

It's a bit difficult (for me) to tell if a divorced woman has a lower status. The ones I know don't seem to be treated any differently, but I could be missing a lot of the subtle distinctions. I do know that it is (usually) quite difficult for a divorced woman to remarry (to a Thai man).

As for women who have been "sexually active", they can still get married, but when it comes to the "dowry" negotiations, having been sexually active may lower the amount her parents hope to get.

It's a catch-22 situation. Thai boys (like boys petty much anywhere) want to have sex. Too often though, when their girlfriends end up pregnant, they do a runner.

But those same boys want their wife to be "pure" when they get married.

This has been (is ?) much the same attitude that used to be predominate in the West. Boys go out and "sow their wild oats", then settle down and marry a girl who was expected to be pure and chaste.

Women as a whole do seem to be slightly lower on the status scale than men, but no where near as bad as in other countries. For example, a Thai man marries a foreign woman, he can still buy property. A Thai woman marries a foreigner, she isn't allowed to buy property anymore.

(At least that was the way it was a few years ago).

In some temples, men (even foreigners) can wander about freely, but women are restricted to certain areas. (Same thing happens in other religions as well).

In some aspects women are better off than they would be in other countries, much the same as they are in North America. They haven't achieved total equality yet, but have made great strides towards that goal in the last 50 years.

Hopefully some of the girls here will be able to share some more knowledgeable insights on the subject.

Good topic, Bops. And I agree; keep this thread clean and I think it could serve to enlighten more than a few of us on Thai culture regarding sex. And not only sex but the Thai approach to intimacy as well. I'll be the first to admit that I've found it to be extremely confounding in my situation.

For instance, we all know that some (most?) Thai women do not kiss western style. Is it a dislike for western style due to cultural upbringings? How often is it the case where a Thai women is introduced to western style kissing, finds that she enjoys it, and sheds her culture beliefs about it? Is western style kissing becoming more prevelant in Thai society? I, for one, miss western style kissing.

Another aspect of intimacy that I'd like to know more about is whether touching/caressing is enjoyed by the majority or minority of Thai women. I'm a romantic and I like to touch my wife often. Not as a means to signal to her that I'm sexually aroused or to induce arousal within her. But merely to communicate to her how endearing she is to me. I would expect a woman to appreciate that. I know I do when I'm on the receiving end.

Also, intimacy in the form of spoken language. I recently asked a Thai woman whether or not it is customary for Thai woman to tell their mate, "I love you," on a daily basis. She replied that for herself she speaks these words to her mate daily but that everyone is different and some women speak it once and not much more.

She also made an interesting comment elucidating that some Thai women will say to you, "I love you," only once if not married but once married will tell you regularly. And that in other cases communicating that a person loves the other is done soley using the eyes.

I tell my wife daily that I love her and also speak sweetly to her in other ways. She's told me quite early in our relationship, "You've already told me. I know now and you don't have to tell me again." I continue to tell her regularly regardless because I'm operating under the assumption that she enjoys hearing it despite the fact that it's not customary for her.

Coincidentally, my wife's best girlfriend confided to me just yesterday that my wife doesn't like farang. "What????!!!!" I replied incredulously. She elaborated to say that my wife doesn't care for the farang style of being sweet. She thinks I'm overly sugary and doesn't care for it. She, herself, rarely tells me she loves me nor does she ever convey to me any words of loving tenderness. That does bother me at times.

I've an added interest in this topic considering that my wife and I just split up for the final (?) time two days ago. While I'm not ready to jump into another relationship immediately I have no intentions of remaining single for a great length of time either. But in re-evaluating my former relationship I've decided quite definitely that another relationship would include the ingredient of much more intimacy in many forms. I do prefer western style - if indeed it can be regarded strictly as western stlye - intimacy.

Again, excellent topic, Bops.

Tip

Take a look at Victorian culture in England years ago.... there are many similarities.

I think that Thai culture is a lot more tolerant than Victorian culture - but just because something is tolerated does not mean that it is accepted...

A little while ago a young man married two sisters, this is outside the norm yes? Well, is having two wives outside the norm?

I would have thought that after two+ years on TV, you'd already know the answers to those questions.

Actually, that's why I'm asking.

From what I've read/seen/heard, the case mentioned above is outside the norm, which is why it made the news in the first place. I don't think polygamy is legal in Thailand (which is why many have wives and "mia nois", but not two or three "real" wives).

Now, I have heard about this. Are Mia nois an accpeted practice? Are their legal repercussions like in the event of death with the husbands will, or children from the Mia nois?

I have heard the status of women who have been married and divorced is lowered. Is this true? What is the basis for this practice? Does this effect women who have not been married but have been sexually active?

It's a bit difficult (for me) to tell if a divorced woman has a lower status. The ones I know don't seem to be treated any differently, but I could be missing a lot of the subtle distinctions. I do know that it is (usually) quite difficult for a divorced woman to remarry (to a Thai man).

As for women who have been "sexually active", they can still get married, but when it comes to the "dowry" negotiations, having been sexually active may lower the amount her parents hope to get.

It's a catch-22 situation. Thai boys (like boys petty much anywhere) want to have sex. Too often though, when their girlfriends end up pregnant, they do a runner.

But those same boys want their wife to be "pure" when they get married.

This has been (is ?) much the same attitude that used to be predominate in the West. Boys go out and "sow their wild oats", then settle down and marry a girl who was expected to be pure and chaste.

Women as a whole do seem to be slightly lower on the status scale than men, but no where near as bad as in other countries. For example, a Thai man marries a foreign woman, he can still buy property. A Thai woman marries a foreigner, she isn't allowed to buy property anymore.

(At least that was the way it was a few years ago).

In some temples, men (even foreigners) can wander about freely, but women are restricted to certain areas. (Same thing happens in other religions as well).

In some aspects women are better off than they would be in other countries, much the same as they are in North America. They haven't achieved total equality yet, but have made great strides towards that goal in the last 50 years.

Hopefully some of the girls here will be able to share some more knowledgeable insights on the subject.

Good topic, Bops. And I agree; keep this thread clean and I think it could serve to enlighten more than a few of us on Thai culture regarding sex. And not only sex but the Thai approach to intimacy as well. I'll be the first to admit that I've found it to be extremely confounding in my situation.

For instance, we all know that some (most?) Thai women do not kiss western style. Is it a dislike for western style due to cultural upbringings? How often is it the case where a Thai women is introduced to western style kissing, finds that she enjoys it, and sheds her culture beliefs about it? Is western style kissing becoming more prevelant in Thai society? I, for one, miss western style kissing.

My wife pretty much kisses in the western style, however she does this at more intimate moments, other times it's more soft and closer to Thai style, however my wife has had alot of exposure of western culture.

Another aspect of intimacy that I'd like to know more about is whether touching/caressing is enjoyed by the majority or minority of Thai women. I'm a romantic and I like to touch my wife often. Not as a means to signal to her that I'm sexually aroused or to induce arousal within her. But merely to communicate to her how endearing she is to me. I would expect a woman to appreciate that. I know I do when I'm on the receiving end.

My wife is very touchy feely. However like everyone sometimes she likes to be close other times no.

Also, intimacy in the form of spoken language. I recently asked a Thai woman whether or not it is customary for Thai woman to tell their mate, "I love you," on a daily basis. She replied that for herself she speaks these words to her mate daily but that everyone is different and some women speak it once and not much more.

She also made an interesting comment elucidating that some Thai women will say to you, "I love you," only once if not married but once married will tell you regularly. And that in other cases communicating that a person loves the other is done soley using the eyes.

My wife and I tell each "I love you" everyday many times a day and we told eachother this before we got married as well.

I tell my wife daily that I love her and also speak sweetly to her in other ways. She's told me quite early in our relationship, "You've already told me. I know now and you don't have to tell me again." I continue to tell her regularly regardless because I'm operating under the assumption that she enjoys hearing it despite the fact that it's not customary for her.

Coincidentally, my wife's best girlfriend confided to me just yesterday that my wife doesn't like farang. "What????!!!!" I replied incredulously. She elaborated to say that my wife doesn't care for the farang style of being sweet. She thinks I'm overly sugary and doesn't care for it. She, herself, rarely tells me she loves me nor does she ever convey to me any words of loving tenderness. That does bother me at times.

I've an added interest in this topic considering that my wife and I just split up for the final (?) time two days ago. While I'm not ready to jump into another relationship immediately I have no intentions of remaining single for a great length of time either. But in re-evaluating my former relationship I've decided quite definitely that another relationship would include the ingredient of much more intimacy in many forms. I do prefer western style - if indeed it can be regarded strictly as western stlye - intimacy.

Again, excellent topic, Bops.

Tip

Well, Tip I feel like I should say I'm sorry, however when a relationship fails I always think it best that people move on, so I will say I hope things are working out for you.

As for the last few paragraphs you had there I would say that this is more your ex-wife's problem than a cultural thing. I think my wife is very westernized and so judging her actions as what Thai culture says wouldn't work either. So, I hope a few others provide some more indepth insights.

Cheers, Tip and take care.

Thaibebop

Okay, here is something concerning gender relations in marriage. I am walking by the room in which my in-laws are staying and I see my mother in law cleaning my father in law's ears. She also cuts his toe nails and finger nails than trims his hair. Now, maybe I am having a western response to this, but for the life of me I am somewhat taken back. I ask my wife about this and my wife tells me " In Thailand the wife does everything for the husband except wipe his a$$." Well, why leave that out, if you do everything else?

I am wondering if this pampering, for I can't think of any other way to address it, is common? Is it excepted? Do husbands want women who will clean their ears? Why can't they do it themselves? Does the fact the woman is doing mean her status is lower or is this viewed as showing affection? If it is affection than why doesn't the husband clean the wife's ears in return?

Sorry, so many questions, please let me hear your thoughts.

Thaibebop

My wife cuts my toe-nails - she says that when I do it I make holes in my socks! I would draw the line at anyone putting anything in my ear!

My wife cuts my toe-nails - she says that when I do it I make holes in my socks! I would draw the line at anyone putting anything in my ear!

Would she let you do it yourself?

Well, Tip I feel like I should say I'm sorry, however when a relationship fails I always think it best that people move on, so I will say I hope things are working out for you.

As for the last few paragraphs you had there I would say that this is more your ex-wife's problem than a cultural thing. I think my wife is very westernized and so judging her actions as what Thai culture says wouldn't work either. So, I hope a few others provide some more indepth insights.

Cheers, Tip and take care.

Thaibebop

Thanks, Bops. None of her problems are due to Thai culture. She's dealing with issues you find in people all over the world. It's been very sad for me to watch her self-destruct while having to stand by unable to help her for she refuses it. Maybe the toughest part is that the kids consider me their father and don't want to leave me and go with her. Ah, well!

Anyway, sorry to go off topic.

Okay, here is something concerning gender relations in marriage. I am walking by the room in which my in-laws are staying and I see my mother in law cleaning my father in law's ears. She also cuts his toe nails and finger nails than trims his hair. Now, maybe I am having a western response to this, but for the life of me I am somewhat taken back. I ask my wife about this and my wife tells me " In Thailand the wife does everything for the husband except wipe his a$$." Well, why leave that out, if you do everything else?

I am wondering if this pampering, for I can't think of any other way to address it, is common? Is it excepted? Do husbands want women who will clean their ears? Why can't they do it themselves? Does the fact the woman is doing mean her status is lower or is this viewed as showing affection? If it is affection than why doesn't the husband clean the wife's ears in return?

Sorry, so many questions, please let me hear your thoughts.

Thaibebop

My wife, or should I say ex, had been taking care of grooming my toe nails and finger nails since we met. She's never cleaned my ears, though - which is O.K. by me. She does enjoy picking my zits, which I happen to get on my back from time to time. Shouldn't be such an odd thing for people who have no qualms about picking their noses in full view of anyone aound.

Well, Tip I feel like I should say I'm sorry, however when a relationship fails I always think it best that people move on, so I will say I hope things are working out for you.

As for the last few paragraphs you had there I would say that this is more your ex-wife's problem than a cultural thing. I think my wife is very westernized and so judging her actions as what Thai culture says wouldn't work either. So, I hope a few others provide some more indepth insights.

Cheers, Tip and take care.

Thaibebop

Thanks, Bops. None of her problems are due to Thai culture. She's dealing with issues you find in people all over the world. It's been very sad for me to watch her self-destruct while having to stand by unable to help her for she refuses it. Maybe the toughest part is that the kids consider me their father and don't want to leave me and go with her. Ah, well!

Anyway, sorry to go off topic.

Okay, here is something concerning gender relations in marriage. I am walking by the room in which my in-laws are staying and I see my mother in law cleaning my father in law's ears. She also cuts his toe nails and finger nails than trims his hair. Now, maybe I am having a western response to this, but for the life of me I am somewhat taken back. I ask my wife about this and my wife tells me " In Thailand the wife does everything for the husband except wipe his a$$." Well, why leave that out, if you do everything else?

I am wondering if this pampering, for I can't think of any other way to address it, is common? Is it excepted? Do husbands want women who will clean their ears? Why can't they do it themselves? Does the fact the woman is doing mean her status is lower or is this viewed as showing affection? If it is affection than why doesn't the husband clean the wife's ears in return?

Sorry, so many questions, please let me hear your thoughts.

Thaibebop

My wife, or should I say ex, had been taking care of grooming my toe nails and finger nails since we met. She's never cleaned my ears, though - which is O.K. by me. She does enjoy picking my zits, which I happen to get on my back from time to time. Shouldn't be such an odd thing for people who have no qualms about picking their noses in full view of anyone aound.

A once in awhile thing makes sense, I guess, but she does it all the time. Whenever he needs anything, but cleaning his a$$ she is doing it. I even saw her clipping his nose hairs! It just seems a little too much for me. However, I want to understand if this has cultural significance. Is there a reason this is done, like to show love or is this a status thing. If a wife doesn't so these thing is the marriage in trouble? Will she be viewed as a bad wife?

My wife cuts my toe-nails - she says that when I do it I make holes in my socks! I would draw the line at anyone putting anything in my ear!

Would she let you do it yourself?

Erm yes - I'm the master of my toenails!

Sorry to hear that Tip, hope things work out ok for you

As a farang woman observing Thai relationships I have a couple of things to add: not every Thai woman does all these things for their spouse, my mother-in-law most certainly does not clip her husband's toenails nor clean his ears. He even does his own laundry (she is allergic to detergent and he prefers his clothes clean ). While my part Chinese sister-in-law does do these things for my husband's brother, but then, he is a notoriously lazy bastard

Secondly, public displays of affection are not common in anyone older than 25 (at least where I live) and most women would be uncomfortable with it. As for being "overly sweet" , Tippaporn, well, that is a personal preference and one I don't share

Divorced women, well, the general opinion that I have heard seems to be "there must be something wrong with her, otherwise why couldn't she keep her husband?" Unfair but that's the way alot of people think (and yes, I have heard it from Thai women too).

Don't see anything wrong with this topic in Bedlam, good place to start it as hopefully the regular Bedlam members can keep it polite

"there must be something wrong with her, otherwise why couldn't she keep her husband?" Unfair but that's the way alot of people think (and yes, I have heard it from Thai women too).

Living out here I see this all the time, wifey has tried to do the pampering overtures to me, but like 'The Kid' I am master of my own toe nails (I am that ticklish that I would need a general anaesthetic before anyone could get near my feet)

Looking at it, as I have for a couple of years now, there appears to be an age cut off point. Mama will not do any grooming for Papa, I bet she did twenty years ago... just as I see Mai performing these tasks on Noi today, but once he is nailed, he's nailed, and as long as he is a good boy, the special treatment is his..... I, personally, can't see a problem with that.

Looking at it, as I have for a couple of years now, there appears to be an age cut off point. Mama will not do any grooming for Papa, I bet she did twenty years ago...

Not my mother-in-law, no way And, to be fair, I just can't see my father-in-law going for that whole thing anyway, he is a very self-sufficient man and admires that in women as well.

Sorry to hear that Tip, hope things work out ok for you

There's a silver lining in every dark cloud, sbk. Probably quite a few in these thunderheads. The sun will shine again. Thanks, sbk.

As for being "overly sweet" , Tippaporn, well, that is a personal preference and one I don't share

I find it highly ironic that during my first marriage to a western woman I was critized for not being romantic enough. IMHO I think all western women thirst for loving tenderness on a regular basis. Entering this past relationship with my Thai wife I purposely (and happily, too) made "corrections" to pamper my wife with affection - only to find out she doesn't care for it at all!!!! What a frickin' waste!

Sorry to hear the news Tip..I very rarely vist Bedlam as its way beyond my mental capacity---(or its a load of <deleted>..whatever) however you know how much I think of you and I am ..well.... very sorry to hear this news, but hey..you will get over it and move on..I have ...4 times now..and still nobody is counting..

WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH- THE TOUGH GET GOING

Your Freind

TP

Hey Tip there is a lot a bad shit on the forum lately and having read your thread beginning to end in the stalls

about your relationship problems, sorry marital, I think most people knew the probable outcome.

I've been in a relationship / /marriage for a long time and miss the kissing etc, but then again she's not a huge

frumpy lump that one can't bare to look at.

You sound young enough to start again so good luck in the future.

Sorry to hear the news Tip..I very rarely vist Bedlam as its way beyond my mental capacity---(or its a load of <deleted>..whatever) however you know how much I think of you and I am ..well.... very sorry to hear this news, but hey..you will get over it and move on..I have ...4 times now..and still nobody is counting..

WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH- THE TOUGH GET GOING

Your Freind

TP

Cheers, TP - and thanks for the condolence. Four times in Thailand? Or overall?

Well, my next choice will have to pass scrutinization by more than a few of my good (and knowledgable) Thai friends! And this time my new and finely honed art of giving affection will be lavished on a woman who appreciates more than a bit of fondling!

Hey Tip there is a lot a bad shit on the forum lately and having read your thread beginning to end in the stalls

about your relationship problems, sorry marital, I think most people knew the probable outcome.

I've been in a relationship / /marriage for a long time and miss the kissing etc, but then again she's not a huge

frumpy lump that one can't bare to look at.

You sound young enough to start again so good luck in the future.

Thanks, too, OneeyedJohn. There might be a very, very fine sliver of a chance for her yet. I've closed the door and locked it - but have yet to throw the key away. A part of me still believes that love can triumph even in extreme cases. I'd bless her heart if she woke up and smelled the coffee.

As to kissing western style, I look at those beautiful lips and can't help to think it a shame that they're not used profusely for everything they're intended for.

Okay, here is something concerning gender relations in marriage. I am walking by the room in which my in-laws are staying and I see my mother in law cleaning my father in law's ears. She also cuts his toe nails and finger nails than trims his hair. Now, maybe I am having a western response to this, but for the life of me I am somewhat taken back. I ask my wife about this and my wife tells me " In Thailand the wife does everything for the husband except wipe his a$$." Well, why leave that out, if you do everything else?

I am wondering if this pampering, for I can't think of any other way to address it, is common? Is it excepted? Do husbands want women who will clean their ears? Why can't they do it themselves? Does the fact the woman is doing mean her status is lower or is this viewed as showing affection? If it is affection than why doesn't the husband clean the wife's ears in return?

Sorry, so many questions, please let me hear your thoughts.

Thaibebop

i know this isn't a thread about health and body, but my ex tg used to enjoy ( ) cutting my nails, popping zits, etc.. So have some indonesian girls I've been with in the past. Now that I have nobody, I may consider letting Dan Sai in

seriously though, I would now nearly look for that in a girl. (at least, a girl of asian descent, I don't think I'd trust a white girl to be so intimate with me)

It must be added that my mother used to do these things for me when I was a little kid.

Freud, have a field day.

Freud, have a field day.

If the man was still alive, he would probably have enough material from Bedlam to last four lifetimes.

I'm now going to sit in a corner and suck my thumb