Intellectual Whore

[Simbaya]

Readers,

 

I know this post will spark controversy.  Yet, I hope a civil discourse can ensue from this.

 

Moderators, please monitor this one closely, as I'm sure there will be many less-than-helpful comments...

 

i am a Western woman living in Chiang Mai.  Although here on a retirement visa, I fall into a slightly younger demographic than many.

 

I happen to be fair of face and have a nice figure.  I live in a Thai neighborhood, and have good relations with my neighbors.  I dress modestly, speak softly, respectfully and kindly do all.  I privately do a lot for the community, and ask for nothing back.

 

I am a "model" Western resident of Thailand.  

 

Yet,...

 

The thing I have noticed is how Western men respond to me.  

 

I have  been to LOS many times before making this my permanent home.  I did not come here with an expectation of marriage/relationship, and my eyes were quite open about my "lack of prospects."

 

That having been said, I did not expect to find:

 

1). Open hostility for me as a farang woman, and

 

2) Western men seeking me out as (for lack of better terms) as their "intellectual whore."

 

First, let me speak of open hostility.  I have had Western men tell me I should not be entitled to a retirement visa, as Thailand is "for them."  I have also been called a "fat cow," which is laughable.  I may not be a tiny Thai, but I look lovely, folks--unless one just hates the look of a Western woman.   This has wounded and surprised me.

 

Second, the "intellectual whore" business.  

 

Often this happens in queues: the airport, at Tops/Rimping, the Post Office, Immigration, waiting for transport, etc.  Western men will chat me up about Brexit, US elections, and world affairs in general.  They seem undernourished in speaking to a bright farang woman.  Sometimes there is a request for my phone number to "have coffee," or something similar .  Most always,, they have an Thai wife at home..

 

To me, asking for my time in this way seems to a form of marital cheating.  I feel I'm being asked to be their "intellectual whore."  It doesn''t seem right to me for these Western men (often showing open disdain for their female counterparts), to seek out someone like me for their unmet needs.

 

iI realize I may bring up the ire of Western men (i.e. I remind them of their ex-wife/boss/co-worker), yet this love/hate relationship is something I am struggling to understand.

 

In essence, why do some men show their contempt for me at times, only to ask for my intellectual company other times?

 

I ask for thoughtful, non-hateful replies only.

 

Thanks

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited January 13, 2017 by Simbaya

[kalbo123]

Could it be that these Western men  that want to talk with you are just trying to be nice?

 

Edited January 13, 2017 by kalbo123

[mesquite]

Most western men I know here want nothing to do with same-age western women and realize much younger western women want nothing to do with them.  The men I know pretty much ignore western women.  Some have issues and anger toward western women, but I have never seen or heard of any of my friends being openly hostile.

 

The intellectual whore thing really surprises me. 

 

Truth be told, I'm as baffled as you are about the situation you describe.  Maybe someone can shed some light on it.

Edited January 13, 2017 by mesquite

[what2do]

What does  "have coffee" in quotes mean? Do they want a friends with benefit kind of thing?  

 

As for wanting Thai girls, I think that is the motive that some men come here for.   I mean lets be frank, if you go to Chinese restaurant, would you to order a taco?

 

 Also my aunt who is successful single woman and her best quote is "When you are 50 there is no way you can compete with 18 year old girl, so just live your life the happiest way possible", and she does.

[KarenBravo]

Talk about making a complete house with only three bricks........

[worgeordie]

Do you want people to feel sorry for you,or are you feeling sorry for yourself,

I feel you maybe exaggerating a little about the way Farang men here treat you,

sure they will be some,there always are, but i suspect the majority of men you

meet in Tops,Rimping, or the Post office,will just say hello,keeping OK,if they

say anything at all.

regards worgeordie

[theguyfromanotherforum]

In the West having a coffee or a conversation with a member of the opposite sex is very normal. Only in Thailand the Thai wife would get jelaous and think of a guy as a cheater.

I used to have many female friends in Canada....Here I don't have any.

Yes, I'd like to have a coffee, but I'm not allowed.

[Jingthing]

Intellectual whore? 

That's a new one for me.

I'd hit that!

Bright women are stimulating ... to conversation. 

O.P. -- I reckon your feelings are as valid as anyone's but if these western men are only looking for intelligent conversation why are you more or less desirable than a western man? If they hit up a man for talk and coffee, would it be the same deal in your view? Your POV sounds kind of sexist to me. Yes, women can be sexist.

Now, I'll go there.

It's implied you're talking about men you assume are straight.

Would it be the same dynamic with a gay man? 

It's a stereotype I know but straight women are often looking for gay male friends. So what kind of "whores" would they be? 

I don't mean to come off hostile. I think your O.P. is interesting and different, but it does raise some issues ... for discussion. 

Edited January 13, 2017 by Jingthing

[Slip]

Fair of face, nice of figure, soft of voice, moderately dressed, a "model", in a younger demographic, respectful, kind, giving to the community, able to keep good relations with others, work tirelessly for the community whilst expecting nothing in return?

 

You sound like a massive pain in the arse.  Perhaps that is why men don't like you.

Why do you care?

[lkn]

 

2 hours ago, Simbaya said:

In essence, why do some men show their contempt for me at times, only to ask for my intellectual company other times?

 

Not clear from your post, but I assume these are not the same people, right?

 

A lot of people are hostile on the internet (and this forum is no exception), but does it also happen in real life?

 

For the “intellectual whore”, I was at immigration ~1 month ago. I overheard a foreign lady speak Thai and was considering chatting to her because I am always interested in talking with other people who have learned Thai, and it’s not like there is much else to do at immigration. It sounds like if it had been you, I would have offended you.

[Ulysses G.]

This is a joke, right?

[rijb]

If that's the way you feel, then that's the way you feel.  Are you venting or bragging?  Or, are you looking for affirmation from other 'whores' and their clients?

[Flanno]

Intellectual whore? Is that really what you consider yourself to be when western men are interested in talking to you? I really do not understand how you consider yourself to be a whore! Maybe you have a problem. Anyway when I'm in Thailand I find it very enjoyable when I get to have a conversation with an intelligent mature age western woman. And I'm sure these women are also appreciative for some western company whether, male or female. A cup of coffee or a drink in a bar is usually called being sociable but you obviously take a different slant on it. Even if guys have a Thai wife or GF where's the harm?

As with a few others here I'm still trying to figure out what your 'problem' is.

[manarak]

errr... the OP is surreal.

 

I guess there are solf-fulfilling prophecies and now I know there are self-explanatory mysteries.

[oldgent]

Whores make money how much have you got ? Exactly what do you hope to gain from 

your bizarre post ?

[lannarebirth]

If a man converses with you in your home country about current events, finds you interesting or just enjoys your company, do you also think he regards you as an "intellectual whore"? Is it offensive to you?  If not, why not?

 

If my Thai wife struck up a conversation with you in english about current events around the world, would you assume she wasn't getting enough intellectual stimulation at home?

[Sandy Freckle]

5 hours ago, lkn said:

 

 

Not clear from your post, but I assume these are not the same people, right?

 

A lot of people are hostile on the internet (and this forum is no exception), but does it also happen in real life?

 

For the “intellectual whore”, I was at immigration ~1 month ago. I overheard a foreign lady speak Thai and was considering chatting to her because I am always interested in talking with other people who have learned Thai, and it’s not like there is much else to do at immigration. It sounds like if it had been you, I would have offended you.

If they are one and the same person, maybe they are physically stalking you. 
To be honest, I'm sometimes a bit of a have-a-chat...., but I'm a non gender specific have-a-chat. It's just that sometimes(not always), I am simply interested to hear peoples stories and swap share ideas about what's happening in the world(don't get me started on that). No I do not have a thai partner(of any gender)..., I do have an American partner who is retired early and living in CM. We are not joined at the hip and so I can sometimes be out and about and available for discourse(sometimes with libations, if the situation is convenient for both persons). I would love to talk with more Thai people if my Thai language skills were better...., but I really only speak english(with a smattering of Spanish, French, Itallian, German and Indonesian)..., so english people it is. I sometimes randomly strike up a conversation with men..., and if they are fellow Aussies, I know damn well we may end up trying to sc## each other intellectually...., it's one of our national sports(soon to be an Olympic demonstration sport).  
I am now wondering, have I talked to you while at Rimping ? Was it something I did/didn't say...., if so, I'm very sory...., maybe we can meet again and I can better explain myself ?
I'm just curious and my sometimes chatty nature can get me into strife. 
Having said all that...,  please, do yourself a favour - try not assume so much...., especially that members of the alternative gender are talking with you for the express purpose of scr#wing with your intellect(that's actually yet to be verified by an independent source)......, maybe, just maybe I/we/they just want to talk with a western woman..., to see if anythings changed..., or whatever ?

Edited January 13, 2017 by Sandy Freckle

[Jingthing]

Let's not be so hard on the O.P. She has every right to feel what she's feeling. There is probably some grain of truth to it. 

[onthesoi]

1). Open hostility for me as a farang woman,

 

Generally, I get on well with falang women in Thailand unless/until they see my thai girlfriend then they get all weird and aggressive, to the point where my tgf now feels she has to announce from start she has a degree, good job and is not a prostitute, even then these women seem to feel there is something unwholesome going on,  tbh it feels a lot like racism towards a mixed race couple or is it jealousy because tgf is smoking hot and only 38kg....I'm not sure!

 

Intellectual whore

How do you know these men are not having the exact same conversations with the other falang men they meet.  You seem to be making a lot of assumptions about the life and motivations of someone you only met for a few minutes.

 

It's an interesting phrase you use: Intellectual whore

Edited January 13, 2017 by onthesoi

[jonwilly]

"Intellectual whore" & "Digital Nomad", my we live and learn on Thai Visa.

 

john

[lannarebirth]

4 minutes ago, Jingthing said:

Let's not be so hard on the O.P. She has every right to feel what she's feeling. There is probably some grain of truth to it. 

 

I'm sympathetic to the OP. There are some real weirdos in Thailand and maybe she's attracted more than her share. I avoid conversation with them as well, but I also know they are not representative of all westerners who reside in Thailand.

 

Now take me off Ignore. 555

Edited January 13, 2017 by lannarebirth

[flare]

So you have what appears to be a quite low opinion of Western men who reside in Thailand, and you fail to understand why they do not in turn have a high opinion of you (because you seem to have such a high opinion of yourself- you remind me of the serial killer in the movie version of 'Silence of the Lambs', looking into the mirror and saying 'I'd <deleted> me'.)

 

Yes, I agree- it's baffling how others can perceive us differently from how we perceive ourselves and treat us accordingly...

[Dante99]

I and a lot of other people have for years and for good reasons avoided those who consider themselves to be intellectuals.

 

 

Edited January 14, 2017 by Dante99

[junglechef]

 I also live in a Thai community here I admit I'm a enjoy the company of my intellectual whorish friends of both sexes whom speak the same language and can discuss issues from similar points of reference. Just ask one how I talk their ear off who I meet after being in the village for a few weeks.

 

I had a lot more female friends back home but less here probably just because there are more Western male expats (let's leave out the issue of being married to a Thai woman and having Thai female friends though it's still not the same for the reasons I already have given) and as I very much enjoy that kind of bonding I might seek it out here. 

 

To be honest I talk to most Western people in line at Rimping.

 

From a male perspective (you knew you were going to hear this as you practically begged for it) most men who are here, including myself, prefer under 50 yr old Thai women for partners, so not only is your physical appearance is not important to us but I don't understand why you mention it a few times since it's doesn't seem relevant to your question.

 

Edited January 14, 2017 by junglechef

[Puwa]

You're going to get a ton of propositions, some of them decent.

[LivinLOS]

2 hours ago, Jingthing said:

Let's not be so hard on the O.P. She has every right to feel what she's feeling. There is probably some grain of truth to it. 

 

I agree.. But I would also say theres a HUGE amount of projection going on.. Assumption of motives etc.. But thats fair enough isnt that what we all do all the time.. 

 

I also detect a huge dollop of ego in the post.. Not unusual it would seem in western women.. I would guess that the 'open hostility' is really no more than the reaction women receive when what they often hold over men no longer has any value.. 

 

I am really intrigued by one point.. How can anyone from the 'younger demographic' get a retirement visa ?? And if that is an exaggeration all other claims, slim, attractive, the hostility etc.. Are likely to be similarly exaggerated. 

Edited January 14, 2017 by LivinLOS

[Dante99]

27 minutes ago, Puwa said:

You're going to get a ton of propositions, some of them decent.

Yep, there are so many ways to go fishing.  CM Forum the new dating site.

[1FinickyOne]

Not sure I get this... you don't like if people speak ill of you and who would? I don't blame you.

 

But then you don't like if people like you either... and you use vulgar terminology to define even yourself... not sure what is wrong with anyone, men or women wanting to have a coffee and chat with you, but if you don't like, just politely decline. 

 

I have a Thai wife too and she would not be offended in the least if I chatted with a Western Woman. She is not threatened. I enjoy chatting with many different types of people, Thai, Western, men, women... quite often I can learn something, or share some knowledge or information that I have - - or just a pleasant repast... 

 

I am sorry to hear you have trouble getting along with people, and surely sorry for the open hostility against you, but it sounds like you hold some hostility too. So often in life we get back what we put out... not saying that is you, but from your post??

 

 

[sharktooth]

Join Tinder or Badoo or something. Great avenue to release some of that tension you exhibit. Either that or get a cat.

[LivinLOS]

Just now, sharktooth said:

Join Tinder or Badoo or something. Great avenue to release some of that tension you exhibit. Either that or get a cat.

 

I am calling PETA !!