Girlfriend sacked for stealing perfume - how would you feel?

[paulsingle]

31 minutes ago, Jingthing said:

Her workmate the SNITCH is worse. I can see ratting out for something serious that really hurt someone like stealing a passport, but that was so PETTY. 

The workmate is a lady from Myanmar and is not treated well. My girlfriend regularly bought her food and treated her with respect and compassion that is lacking between most locals and Burmese here.

So yes, the betrayal did hurt.

[ResandePohm]

Just now, paulsingle said:

The workmate is a lady from Myanmar and is not treated well. My girlfriend regularly bought her food and treated her with respect and compassion that is lacking between most locals and Burmese here.

So yes, the betrayal did hurt.

The betrayer is your gf. She put her colleague in a position where she had to choose between her workmate  and loyalty to her employer. The work colleague did the correct thing. She put her work, her job, her salary, her family first.

[rogeroc]

12 minutes ago, paulsingle said:

The workmate is a lady from Myanmar and is not treated well. My girlfriend regularly bought her food and treated her with respect and compassion that is lacking between most locals and Burmese here.

So yes, the betrayal did hurt.

 That really is a warped point of view. Your gf steals from a hotel room and then you criticise her honest colleague. Your gf was quite likely buying her Burmese colleague food with money she had stolen from other rooms.

[paulsingle]

I have seen so many examples of her honesty, kindness and compassion that I'm not going to let this minor transgression dent our happy relationship. She has been very frank about what she has done. She is ashamed and sorry.

I know many westerners who will pocket the change when they know they have been given too much. Plenty of others who think it's ok to take cutlery or glasses from a bar or restaurant. She has seen both these things happen and was unhappy because she wouldn't do these things.

This is a one off and she realises that taking a few drops of perfume from a well-heeled customer was very wrong.

I, like another poster here nicked a bar of chocolate as a kid and never stole again because I felt so bad.

Let he who is without sin cast the first stone!

[rogeroc]

Well you asked for an opinion, you have had a few that you do not like and you just defend her more. Don't know why you asked for opinions if you only take note of the ones that suit your position. i don't know about other countries but in the UK theft by an employyee is quite a serious offence

[paulsingle]

5 minutes ago, rogeroc said:

 That really is a warped point of view. Your gf steals from a hotel room and then you criticise her honest colleague. Your gf was quite likely buying her Burmese colleague food with money she had stolen from other rooms.

I was not betrayed or hurt. My girlfriend felt that way.

I'm not criticizing the Burmese girl. I told my girlfriend that the girl has to protect herself.

[Lamkyong]

She has proved to be extremely honest       NOT

[LandOfWiles]

7 minutes ago, paulsingle said:

The workmate is a lady from Myanmar and is not treated well. My girlfriend regularly bought her food and treated her with respect and compassion that is lacking between most locals and Burmese here.

So yes, the betrayal did hurt.

I find it difficult to believe that the Burmese colleague would turn on your partner like that if, indeed, she was so kind to her. Does that not seem suspicious to you?

 

It's a small crime, if what she told you is accurate, and, for me, would not justify ending a relationship. However, for peace of mind it would be a good idea to try and verify your partner's story. 

[paulsingle]

5 minutes ago, rogeroc said:

Well you asked for an opinion, you have had a few that you do not like and you just defend her more. Don't know why you asked for opinions if you only take note of the ones that suit your position. i don't know about other countries but in the UK theft by an employyee is quite a serious offence

Yes, I did invite comment. I've decided how I'm dealing with this but open to other points of view in case I'm being too liberal. 

[Gecko123]

paulsingle:

 

Many are making this point: Do you know for certain that the perfume theft was an isolated case, and not part of an ongoing pattern of petty thievery? 

[rogeroc]

1 minute ago, Gecko123 said:

paulsingle:

 

Many are making this point: Do you know for certain that the perfume theft was an isolated case, and not part of an ongoing pattern of petty thievery? 

 Statistically it will be highly improbable that this was her first act of theft.

[thequietman]

1 hour ago, Gecko123 said:

You already knew she was a thief. She stole your heart, didn't she? 

 

Sorry, couldn't resist.

Sorry.............. also couldn't resist. :)

[Gecko123]

Just now, rogeroc said:

 Statistically it will be highly improbable that this was her first act of theft.

paulsingle:

 

This is very true.

[thequietman]

32 minutes ago, paulsingle said:

The workmate is a lady from Myanmar and is not treated well. My girlfriend regularly bought her food and treated her with respect and compassion that is lacking between most locals and Burmese here.

So yes, the betrayal did hurt.

What about this................ your GF did something far worst that what she says she did. The lady from Myanmar seen her do it and is a witness. She was sacked because of it and now has told you the Burmese lady grassed her in. This in turn will make you dislike and not trust the Burmese lady and so......... you definitely won't go to her to get the truth. GF covering her arse perhaps ? just guessin.

[paulsingle]

3 minutes ago, Gecko123 said:

paulsingle:

 

Many are making this point: Do you know for certain that the perfume theft was an isolated case, and not part of an ongoing pattern of petty thievery? 

That's a fair question. I don't actually put bait out but I'm aware of many occasions when opportunity was there but nothing has ever gone missing. I'm neither naive nor cynical. 

I believe she's as trustworthy as the two wives I've had in the UK and they were honest - at least as far as I know.

Should I give them the benefit of doubt and presume them innocent as I can't prove them guilty?

[Gecko123]

52 minutes ago, paulsingle said:

She has always carried her little perfume bottle around in her handbag. 

You don't mix perfumes. The bottle she used was likely empty…….which leads us back to the little premeditation problem previously discussed.

[Panda13]

Jesus preferred the company of thieves, murderers and prostitutes and said "Let he who is without sin, caste the first stone." But hey, he was nowhere near as pious as Thai Visa Dudley Do-rights.

[paulsingle]

16 minutes ago, LandOfWiles said:

I find it difficult to believe that the Burmese colleague would turn on your partner like that if, indeed, she was so kind to her. Does that not seem suspicious to you?

 

It's a small crime, if what she told you is accurate, and, for me, would not justify ending a relationship. However, for peace of mind it would be a good idea to try and verify your partner's story. 

This is a good idea and exactly what I've done. I met with her boss and everything she told me is true.

He asked to see me and I sympathise with him and understand he has done what he had to do.

Only a couple of mls of perfume but it's still theft.

[paulsingle]

5 minutes ago, Gecko123 said:

You don't mix perfumes. The bottle she used was likely empty…….which leads us back to the little premeditation problem previously discussed.

I might not mix the perfumes but she did.

[Jingthing]

To add this was a "crime" that would have never been detected without a snitch (or caught red handed). A small amount of perfume missing? What kind of anal lady (naughty) would even notice or if she noticed not feel silly reporting it? 

I have to admit sometimes I think that maybe my occasional maid is drinking small amounts of my prized tequila. Probably not but maybe. But if so, the amounts are so small I would never accuse her of it or even do a paranoid thing like mark the bottles. 

[Gecko123]

4 minutes ago, Panda13 said:

Jesus preferred the company of thieves, murderers and prostitutes and said "Let he who is without sin, caste the first stone." But hey, he was nowhere near as pious as Thai Visa Dudley Do-rights.

 

Did I hear somebody say my name?

[ResandePohm]

Just now, Jingthing said:

To add this was a "crime" that would have never been detected without a snitch (or caught red handed). A small amount of perfume missing? What kind of anal lady (naughty) would even notice or if she noticed not feel silly reporting it? 

I have to admit sometimes I think that maybe my occasional maid is drinking small amounts of my prized tequila. Probably not but maybe. But if so the amounts are so small I would never accuse her of it or even do a paranoid thing like mark the bottles. 

Sounds like you condone petty theft. Next time it may not be so petty. Theft is theft whatever the value stolen.

[giddyup]

12 minutes ago, paulsingle said:

That's a fair question. I don't actually put bait out but I'm aware of many occasions when opportunity was there but nothing has ever gone missing. I'm neither naive nor cynical. 

I believe she's as trustworthy as the two wives I've had in the UK and they were honest - at least as far as I know.

Should I give them the benefit of doubt and presume them innocent as I can't prove them guilty?

Just because she hasn't stolen from you (a theft soon discovered) doesn't necessarily make her trustworthy. As others have pointed out, she may have been stealing small items and small amounts of cash for some time but only just been sprung.

[Jingthing]

2 minutes ago, ResandePohm said:

Sounds like you condone petty theft. Next time it may not be so petty. Theft is theft whatever the value stolen.

I accept a lot of petty not so pleasant stuff that goes on and not to sweat the small stuff.

For example, the way maids snoop at all your belongings and come to (often correct) conclusions about what kind of person you are.

Oh well! 

[giddyup]

12 minutes ago, Panda13 said:

Jesus preferred the company of thieves, murderers and prostitutes and said "Let he who is without sin, caste the first stone." But hey, he was nowhere near as pious as Thai Visa Dudley Do-rights.

Does your forgiveness extend to those who steal from you?

[sandemara]

The amount/item stolen is not important.  This act should serve as a huge alarm bell to you; a person whose moral boundaries entertain theft of any nature will soon enough target any easy (ie, trusting) aquaintance if the opportunity presents.  I've known thousands of petty (or grander) thieves through my work over the years. Pretty well every one had developed an external personal presentation designed to encourage trust among potential targets.  Every thief certainly had a line of patter to justify their fall from grace.  All designed to increase the number of potential victims in the future. Beware.

[Gecko123]

Track the Myanmar housekeeper down, maybe using an intermediary, and ask her if the perfume theft was an isolated case. 

[Jingthing]

Question for the morality purists.

Did you work in an office?

Did you never take home any office supplies? Like a paper clip or something?

I understand she had to be fired but it wasn't for the snitch and she was only doing petty stuff, no big problem.

I admit I have taken a paper clip home. Won't admit to more in this setting. A cheap pencil? Don't ask, don't tell. Did taking a paper clip mean I was more likely to embezzle millions of dollars? I actually don't think so. Such a person would be planning their big play not taking home a paper clip. 

Going further in this case, going to so much trouble to take such a small amount shows a certain respect to the so called victims. I realize many people think in black and white but her care to do so little damage might possibly mean she is LESS likely than a typical person to commit a serious crime. 

[Gandtee]

I think this smells.

[giddyup]

5 minutes ago, Jingthing said:

Question for the morality purists.

Did you work in an office?

Did you never take home any office supplies? Like a paper clip or something?

I understand she had to be fired but it wasn't for the snitch and she was only doing petty stuff, no big problem.

I admit I have taken a paper clip home. Won't admit to more in this setting. A cheap pencil? Don't ask, don't tell. Did taking a paper clip mean I was more likely to embezzle millions of dollars? I actually don't think so. Such a person would be planning their big play not taking home a paper clip. 

Going further in this case, going to so much trouble to take such a small amount shows a certain respect to the so called victims. I realize many people think in black and white but her care to do so little damage might possibly mean she is LESS likely than a typical person to commit a serious crime. 

Caught for a small amount of perfume, but perhaps got away with many small items, we'll never know, but the hotel has a responsibility to safeguard their guests from theft.