rude awakening

[colinneil]

44 minutes ago, lovelomsak said:

Thank you all for the replies.

  This post has helped me a lot.in deciding how I should live and changes I should make to have a good life again.

  I will be eating humble pie though.I said many times since coming here I would never go back to stay in Canada. Well that is changing now. I am thinking of returning for 6 months a year. I do this for many reasons,but all came about because of this stroke and potential issues that can arise.

  I had to do a lot of soul searching and work hard to understand where I am in life.and how to deal with it. I now feel most of the challenges I face now in life can be solved simply by living 6 months a year Thailand 6 months Canada.It solves medical care with definitely more than one opinion about my health problems.,the opinions will even be from 2 different countries doctors.The money will be so easy. Just bring to Thailand what I need when I return each year ,plus I can spend all the money I have reserved for healthcare here(do not need large amount available any more and I will no longer need to keep 800,000 in bank for retirement extention.

  2 days ago I was ready to end it now i am willing to try a new way to live. 

  I realised I was so stubborn I would not look at new ways to solve my issues. I was focused on what I had prioritized and never thought of changing my priorities. Now I changed my priorities and hope I have the answer.

  It will be hard on my wifes and mine relationship  But I believe it is what is needed. Having my wife in my life and caring for her has been the most rewarding days of my life. So we will have to both have to work together and understand this is the best thing for all concerned and work with it.

 I just hope this works.

It appears you are taking my advice.......Stop being negative......

Now kick your backside in gear, sit down with your wife, and start talking.

Best of luck, i hope you can work things out.

[lovelomsak]

2 hours ago, colinneil said:

It appears you are taking my advice.......Stop being negative......

Now kick your backside in gear, sit down with your wife, and start talking.

Best of luck, i hope you can work things out.

Thanks

The wife may be a problem explaining it to.. I feel she will get angry because I will be away 6 months a year  feel there is a problem with her.That is just the way she thinks I know her. She will take it personal.

 The other major thing will be I must stop cathetering and go to a bag with a tube direct from my bladder..not sure what that is called. I kept cathetering hoping the bladder would come back but it has not. And to travel and catheter is just about impossible, That has to be done before I can go.

 Lots to do to get this done.

  

[smutcakes]

1 hour ago, lovelomsak said:

Thanks

The wife may be a problem explaining it to.. I feel she will get angry because I will be away 6 months a year  feel there is a problem with her.That is just the way she thinks I know her. She will take it personal.

 The other major thing will be I must stop cathetering and go to a bag with a tube direct from my bladder..not sure what that is called. I kept cathetering hoping the bladder would come back but it has not. And to travel and catheter is just about impossible, That has to be done before I can go.

 Lots to do to get this done.

  

Did you even go to the Doctor? It might not have even been a stroke.

 

Also why don't you take your wife with you?

[bbi1]

On 2017-6-7 at 10:21 AM, lovelomsak said:

If I cannot get to the ATM because of illness or accident I am without money this is real scary.

How would some one like me even pay the hospital?

This is a real wakeup call on how vulnerable we are here.

Maybe it's a wakeup call to have health insurance cover. Why don't you have it? Never understand why people go live in a foreign country without health insurance. That's a big gamble imo

[bbi1]

On 2017-6-7 at 9:53 AM, steven100 said:

you need to have a thai gf to take care of your finances.

many farang have done this to relieve them of the burden and worries of getting to the ATM. 

You mean for the Thai gf to relieve the farang of all their cash?  I'm sure many have done this and regretted it dreadfully.

[jeab1980]

3 minutes ago, bbi1 said:

Maybe it's a wakeup call to have health insurance cover. Why don't you have it? Never understand why people go live in a foreign country without health insurance. That's a big gamble imo

If he is as bad as he says theres no insurance company going to touch him. And even if he found one they would rule out pre ecisting and charge him the earth. 

[bbi1]

On 2017-6-7 at 11:22 AM, worgeordie said:

"I have a wife but what does that good does that do?", if shes your wife, you

should trust her ?, if not what are you doing together, just give her your ATM card and pin number

and tell her to go to machine and take out what you require, job done, you're lucky to have her.

 

regards worgeordie 

Never ever fully trust anyone in the world but yourself. Something that a lot of peeps should learn then they will be better off in life :)

[worgeordie]

17 minutes ago, bbi1 said:

Never ever fully trust anyone in the world but yourself. Something that a lot of peeps should learn then they will be better off in life :)

The OP is wondering what will happen to him if he is bedridden,so he has to

trust someone or he is just going to starve to death, I don't trust Lawyers,Banks,

as have been shafted by both,the only people I trust are some members of my family,

but not all ,as family can be the worst of the lot,,but not trusting ANYONE,you are going

to lead a sad,paranoid existence.

regards Worgeordie

[bamukloy]

Good to see you have your thinking back on track. I may face same issues in future which is why i think but of ways to solve this.

 

1. Wife-you cant trust..MUST get rid of her.

I would just tell her some BS, you need to go back home to sort a will etc..any BS story involving you need to going home to get money will work. Then scrub her. No more contact. You to old to worry about divorce.just dissapear.

 

2. When back in Thailand: new condo far away from old
..with ATM downstairs. 
Then buy a wheelchair maybe good for insurance in case you not get around so good.

 

3. You can advertise for maid,cleaner,helper. Many Thai uni students with good english use craigslist site for 1 example. They would jump at a chance to earn easy money to look after farang a few times a week.

 

4. You open thai bank account for her, so she have card and atm pin, and you can deposit money every month, expenses for your food and shopping and her wage.
Easy to sack at any time, just dont deposit.

Once you find the right person im sure they will go on to help you if in worse health.

 

IMO, This better than a scheming Thai wife, cos the maid have no big expectations!

 In any case, you will need to pay something for any lady anywhere for caring, that is the hard fact but at least this way YOU have control!
 

[jeab1980]

4 minutes ago, bamukloy said:

Good to see you have your thinking back on track. I may face same issues in future which is why i think but of ways to solve this.

 

1. Wife-you cant trust..MUST get rid of her.

I would just tell her some BS, you need to go back home to sort a will etc..any BS story involving you need to going home to get money will work. Then scrub her. No more contact. You to old to worry about divorce.just dissapear.

 

2. When back in Thailand: new condo far away from old
..with ATM downstairs. 
Then buy a wheelchair maybe good for insurance in case you not get around so good.

 

3. You can advertise for maid,cleaner,helper. Many Thai uni students with good english use craigslist site for 1 example. They would jump at a chance to earn easy money to look after farang a few times a week.

 

4. You open thai bank account for her, so she have card and atm pin, and you can deposit money every month, expenses for your food and shopping and her wage.
Easy to sack at any time, just dont deposit.

Once you find the right person im sure they will go on to help you if in worse health.

 

IMO, This better than a scheming Thai wife, cos the maid have no big expectations!

 In any case, you will need to pay something for any lady anywhere for caring, that is the hard fact but at least this way YOU have control!
 

I dont recal this man saying she was a scheming. Says he loves her you tell him to ditch her lie to her!. I love it when people bend whats been said to try to make there point of view viable

[bamukloy]

3 hours ago, jeab1980 said:

I dont recal this man saying she was a scheming. Says he loves her you tell him to ditch her lie to her!. I love it when people bend whats been said to try to make there point of view viable

If he has trust in her, with his life and bank card & Pin then he wouldnt be asking strangers on the net.

 

I know, i also had an ex like this.

-everyone say she a nice girl-yes. 

-she can take care-yes.

-We both have some kind of love-yes.

-Can trust her with life savings?-absolutely f'ing not.

 

Ok, there is some farang married into good Bangkok Thai/chin families and a girl being bring up with old style morals, but that  is a small % 

 

the rest, farang/thai, if met upcountry girls at massage or in bars in places like Pattaya and whatnot you will be a sitting goose if you have this fantasy that she would never take advantage.

 

 

 

 

[jeab1980]

40 minutes ago, bamukloy said:

If he has trust in her, with his life and bank card & Pin then he wouldnt be asking strangers on the net.

 

I know, i also had an ex like this.

-everyone say she a nice girl-yes. 

-she can take care-yes.

-We both have some kind of love-yes.

-Can trust her with life savings?-absolutely f'ing not.

 

Ok, there is some farang married into good Bangkok Thai/chin families and a girl being bring up with old style morals, but that  is a small % 

 

the rest, farang/thai, if met upcountry girls at massage or in bars in places like Pattaya and whatnot you will be a sitting goose if you have this fantasy that she would never take advantage.

 

 

 

 

Another yawn post.  

[DipStick]

Mods it's time this thread was closed, it's totally unbelievable the amount of posters on here who put down and don't trust their Thai wives or girlfriends . The whole issue of the OP has been sidetracked. Remember people you reap what you sow

[zaZa9]

Im simply appalled that you would have a wife and yet leave most of your estate to a sister or niece!

 

I had to witness a Will by another North American , a guy with a lovely young wife , yet he was doing  exactly the same !!

 

It would be different if you were leaving most of it to your kids , but our siblings  back home , particularly in Canada, live in Welfare States .

 

Im just dumbfounded...

[bamukloy]

4 hours ago, zaZa9 said:

Im simply appalled that you would have a wife and yet leave most of your estate to a sister or niece!

 

I had to witness a Will by another North American , a guy with a lovely young wife , yet he was doing  exactly the same !!

 

It would be different if you were leaving most of it to your kids , but our siblings  back home , particularly in Canada, live in Welfare States .

 

Im just dumbfounded...

I dont find this shocking in the least.

What would happen in the rare case a Thai wife had more money than the farang husband..

And if she died you think any money would get to the farang? or thai family?

 

The  only thing farang get inherited is his marriage visa cancelled, and told to sell  property and go home

 

[Mike45]

I think the OP has realized that he needs to rethink his original plan because he thinks the situation has changed. It hasn't really changed but he thinks it has. He just never realized how many different ways a scenario can play out.

 

I would like to encourage him to reconsider how he plans to treat his wife. I think he loves her. I think she loves him. Has she shown any disloyalty or signs that she isn't what she seems? Apparently not because you know your new plan will hurt her and you seem remorseful as if she doesn't  deserve it. 

 

Originally You made your decision about who you would leave things to when you were in a different situation, country and state of mind. You were trying to be loyal to your sister and your niece. Now your sister won't survive you and is probably worried about her daughter's future. 

But consider another possibility. Perhaps your niece meets a nice guy and gets married and they have a good life together. Maybe they don't need your money. They live in a first world country with all the benefits that comes with.

 

Your loyal and loving wife however lives in a third world country with none. When you marry that usually means you pledge to love and care for each other.

 

Wouldn't it be a shame to find out that in your relationship that it's actually YOU that turns out to be the untrustworthy partner that eventually wrongs your innocent wife.

 

You seem to think very one dimensionally. All about you, your money, your care, your health, your future and now YOU will go alone to Canada every year. I think what you should be doing is bringing your wife with you. Keep her by your side and let her help you move forward together. It might turn out in the end that she was the best thing in your life and your only true rock. 

 

I'll admit I thought a lot like you at one time.When I got married I told my adult kids and sister that my new wife wasn't going to get my money. I setup the estate and funded the trusts.

Over time I now see my sister has married at age 58 to a great guy that has money. She still has a good job. No worries for her.

My adult children both got good jobs and have gotten married. No worries for them.

But my wife still lives in a third world country with no protection for her other than what I can provide. For ten years she has loved me and cared for me. She has never given me an ounce of worry. I love her and  I truly feel lucky to have her in my life.

 

I've changed the trusts and the estate to 80% to her favor. It doesn't have to be all or nothing you know. She is younger than me and has good genes so she will need it more in Thailand than any of the others.

 

Stop thinking one dimensionally. Things change. You have to become a Master of Change.  Everything doesn't have to be all or nothing. Take it a day at a time. But do it with your loving wife by your side.

 

BTW you still appear to be unwilling to get the medical advice and care you need about the stroke. I really don't understand your obstinate behavior.  Proper medication NOW might mean the difference between having another one or not. Contact Sheryl on the medical section of Thaivisa and get a recommendation on an inexpensive Bangkok government hospital and Dr. to see in Bangkok and go. Pry open that wallet of yours and find out what your situation really is and what you need to be doing to avoid another one. Then make decisions based on the new information.

 

Your bladder situation may have a more positive livable outcome. You need to investigate it more. My uncle has been in adult diapers for thirty years since his prostate surgery. He told me two months ago it all changed for him. A device was implanted that works like a Valve. Click it and he urinates. Click ...it turns off the urine stream. No more diaper. 

Stay positive and be proactive and not so set in your ways or thought process. Adapt and overcome.

Good luck for you and your wife

 

 

 

 

[Mike45]

1 hour ago, bamukloy said:

I dont find this shocking in the least.

What would happen in the rare case a Thai wife had more money than the farang husband..

And if she died you think any money would get to the farang? or thai family?

 

The  only thing farang get inherited is his marriage visa cancelled, and told to sell  property and go home

 

I heard about a case just the other day that the Falang got everything. So your wrong.

[zaZa9]

4 hours ago, bamukloy said:

I dont find this shocking in the least.

What would happen in the rare case a Thai wife had more money than the farang husband..

And if she died you think any money would get to the farang? or thai family?

 

The  only thing farang get inherited is his marriage visa cancelled, and told to sell  property and go home

 

So what do you think happens to a Thai lady ,  penniless and alone in a foreign country when her husband dies?

 

Everyone rallies to help her ? The days of the Government looking after her are gone.

 

She doesnt even have food from the farm. I'd heard that a lot of expats were a lousy bunch when I settled here.

But you guys take the cake ( and never ever share it ) . Mean and miserable.

[bamukloy]

1 hour ago, zaZa9 said:

So what do you think happens to a Thai lady ,  penniless and alone in a foreign country when her husband dies?

 

Everyone rallies to help her ? The days of the Government looking after her are gone.

 

She doesnt even have food from the farm. I'd heard that a lot of expats were a lousy bunch when I settled here.

But you guys take the cake ( and never ever share it ) . Mean and miserable.

 I guess one can come that way after see so many times seen guys hit the dust and left with nothing.

One guy i know buy a house in Bkk for wife, pay everything for wifes other Thai kids education, always buy expensive gift,holiday on and on

While he wife behind his back brag about going up country by herself not to see family, but stay with gik.

Fact is some thai women here will do many things even  a western female would find deplorable and feel no guilt at all.

 

Your reasoning is noble yes, and ok for the west, but imo, here it just leave you vulnerable and set up for trouble

[bbi1]

21 minutes ago, bamukloy said:

One guy i know buy a house in Bkk for wife, pay everything for wifes other Thai kids education, always buy expensive gift,holiday on and on

While he wife behind his back brag about going up country by herself not to see family, but stay with gik.

Fact is some thai women here will do many things even  a western female would find deplorable and feel no guilt at all.

Some people like to be a walking ATM or walked on like a doormat. You can't get rid of the stupidity out of a stupid person. Enuf said.

[lovelomsak]

This thread has gotten a little off topic but that's ok too.

  People seem to have varied ideas about trust.

 My understanding of trust has came about from life experiences.I learned from the school of hard knocks to trust no one.

I did quite feel in my 20's so well that early 30's felt I needed help to manage. Hired a guy to keep things on track. In 2 years he had lost or robbed me of 1/3 my networth. I went back to handling very thing myself.

 I moved provinces. Left 2 houses in care of another persson. A guy who had just gone through a divorce and had 2 kids and I wanted to help.Well He tried to rob me blind had to stop him.

 i came to Thailand got married wife took me for 1,000,000 , and car in 4 months ( have to trust the wife right)

  So it is very difficult to become old and fragile and believe others will keep my needs and intentions in mind rather than let greed over take them.

[NanLaew]

Awesome movie.

 

 

[tryasimight]

You thought you had a mini stroke? If you become disabled?

 

Well apparently you did not.

 

Whats a mini stroke.....?    Half a short time?   Half pregnant?

 

 

[tryasimight]

On ‎7‎/‎06‎/‎2017 at 11:01 PM, kraxlhuber said:

Lucky you that you have a honest wife and You trust her.

I did the same,  trust my wife  she took my credit card  at night and found my pin numbers and  cleared  out not only my bank-account but  took the registration books of the cars and  hocked  all, don't trust anybody inclusive yourself. The missus  is  surely eyeballing the 800000 baht security money for  the visas, its hers in any case

Another urban legend in the making

 

don't trust anybody inclusive yourself

 

Oh dear

 

[Mike45]

On 6/9/2017 at 11:35 AM, lovelomsak said:

This thread has gotten a little off topic but that's ok too.

  People seem to have varied ideas about trust.

 My understanding of trust has came about from life experiences.I learned from the school of hard knocks to trust no one.

I did quite feel in my 20's so well that early 30's felt I needed help to manage. Hired a guy to keep things on track. In 2 years he had lost or robbed me of 1/3 my networth. I went back to handling very thing myself.

 I moved provinces. Left 2 houses in care of another persson. A guy who had just gone through a divorce and had 2 kids and I wanted to help.Well He tried to rob me blind had to stop him.

 i came to Thailand got married wife took me for 1,000,000 , and car in 4 months ( have to trust the wife right)

  So it is very difficult to become old and fragile and believe others will keep my needs and intentions in mind rather than let greed over take them.

OP

You don't have to trust anyone completely and that's not what I suggested. 

Even I won't give anyone the keys to the kingdom.  I will give out access to some of the rooms.

Open a joint bank account with your wife. Put in as much as you think you may need in a medical emergency and the amount should be what you could afford to lose....just in case. 

 

Teach your wife, train her because most Thais know nothing about saving money. Explain to her about what the money can and cannot be used for. Explain to her that the only time she can take money out without you approving it is if your unconscious in the hospital.  Talk to her about how your trusting her and how if she breaks that trust there's going to be a big problem. 

 

If she does well then open a monthly expenses account and put money in that for 2-3 months expenses. Ask her to tell you weekly what  was spent. See how she handles this account. Set-up the free Toshl app on her smartphone and have her enter her expenses as she spends it.

 

You admit that you had to learn yourself about what  not to do with your houses, money etc. Help her along that path.

 

Apparently you refuse to seek medical help for your stroke. It amazes me that you have gotten this far in life being so reluctant to spend money on your own health care. Even though you now realize how important your health is to you. Good luck to you with that.

 

PS I could tell you stories about people ripping me off for real money. I've learned and now compartmentalize the damage that any one person can do to me. 

 

 

 

 

[amvet]

On 6/10/2017 at 4:59 PM, tryasimight said:

You thought you had a mini stroke? If you become disabled?

 

Well apparently you did not.

 

Whats a mini stroke.....?    Half a short time?   Half pregnant?

Medical term for a mini stroke is TIA.  You can google it if interested. 

[Thongkorn]

On 6/10/2017 at 10:59 AM, tryasimight said:

You thought you had a mini stroke? If you become disabled?

 

Well apparently you did not.

 

Whats a mini stroke.....?    Half a short time?   Half pregnant?

 

 

People ,can have Mini strokes in their sleep and not even realise it,

Edited October 7, 2017 by Thongkorn

[jeab1980]

14 minutes ago, Thongkorn said:

People ,can have Mini strokes in their sleep and not even realise it,

Or when having sex

[dddave]

On 6/7/2017 at 8:29 AM, Odysseus123 said:

 

This may be paradoxical but in order to retain some control you have to surrender part of it too.

A wise and true observation.