my wife wont believe me

[buffallobill]

I got married 2 years ago in Thailand, at my wifes Amphur, so everything was done legally, i even contacted my local registry office, and the UK embassy in Bangkok to confirm that my Marriage is legal in England. they both told me that as long as my marriage is legal in Thailand, it is legal in England and I dont need to register it in England. ( they even said i cant register it in England as you cant register the same marriage twice}

 

My wifes Aunt has told her that our marriage is only valid in Thailand, and that if I die, my wife wont get anything, I have tried to explian to my wife, that i have written a Will, leaving everything to her, so it wouldnt matter if we were married or not, and that our marriage is legal all over the world. i have even shown her the UK gov website, but she wont belive me or them, just chooses to believe her aunt and her friends.

 

I dont know if my wife refuses to accept what i say is true, because she would lose face to admit she is wrong ? I would appreciate some advice, but dont tell me to divorce her. Thanks

[yannic]

Ok tell her she wont get a dime and if she still likes you - you have a good wife - if not, it was all only for the money than you wont need to give her anything anyway


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[473geo]

Well to an extent your wife and her family are correct in that she would not receive a widows pension from the UK government, this is my understanding. Perhaps this is prompting the statement?

[buffallobill]

473geo, its not my pension in 14 years, that her aunt dosnt think my wife will get, her aunt thinks she wont get my properties or my life insurance, which is rubish as i have written a will. The post is more about why my wife believes people who tell her shit, even though i tell her differently...

[mstevens]

23 minutes ago, buffallobill said:

473geo, its not my pension in 14 years, that her aunt dosnt think my wife will get, her aunt thinks she wont get my properties or my life insurance, which is rubish as i have written a will. The post is more about why my wife believes people who tell her shit, even though i tell her differently...

Most Thais trust other Thais over foreigners, irrespective of whether that Thai person is a family member, the somtam lady or the bus conductor.

[colinneil]

21 minutes ago, buffallobill said:

473geo, its not my pension in 14 years, that her aunt dosnt think my wife will get, her aunt thinks she wont get my properties or my life insurance, which is rubish as i have written a will. The post is more about why my wife believes people who tell her shit, even though i tell her differently...

Problem that you have got is a Thai will believe anything another Thai tells them before she will believe you.

 

I have had similar problems with my wife, her sister said this or that, all nonsense but, but she is my sister.

Even after proving her sister wrong my wife wouldnt listen, she told me Thai people do not lie.

All Thais have the same attitude,.

[inThailand]

I too have experienced that anything a farang says cannot be correct. 

 

I think this comes from Thai soapies. The rich woman only shops and the rich men only womanize and beat the ladies. When you rich you have never done anything or know anything, you hire staff for such taxing work.

[zoza]

this phenomena is not just your wife it is not a one off , due to many factors most Thai's

will believe whatever they are told by any Thai person, it helps to run a country when all

other information from all other sources is ignored, just be nice to the Aunty/Niece/sister/

daughter/son who has the most influence, or red card them if it gets to much.

and you could add to the will a condition that a letter by you will be read stating that all the gossip that your wife has listened to over the years is now proven to be just that gossip.

sort of like I told you so from the grave, well works for me,

 

 

[ExpatOilWorker]

It is never a good idea to be worth more dead than alive, so consider yourself lucky that they don't believe you.

[tomwct]

You're still in a learning curve. You will always, always be number two in your marriage. Thai's take care of their family first. Second, your only married two years and she's already thinking about your demise? I think you need to take a real hard look at who your married too and don't have any children. They would be another problem for you. Don't buy any houses or assets in your wife's name because you'll lose all of them. I've been in a rented a home for 14 years and will probably be here 14 years from now. My wife has a home, but not interested in living in it. My home is much nicer and she can't kick me out of the house although I doubt she would because she does not need material things like most Thai's. She will get a pension of about US $1000 after I'm gone in 20-25 years and probably much more.She's very happy and not GREEDY!

[canuckamuck]

OP, what difference does it make that she doesn't believe you? There are always going to be things you can't make her understand.

[Been there done that]

2 hours ago, colinneil said:

Problem that you have got is a Thai will believe anything another Thai tells them before she will believe you.

 

I have had similar problems with my wife, her sister said this or that, all nonsense but, but she is my sister.

Even after proving her sister wrong my wife wouldnt listen, she told me Thai people do not lie.

All Thais have the same attitude,.

And I read on various comments from you that you have a good marriage.

 

The mind boggles !

[Been there done that]

Strange to read that foreign husbands who choose to stay with a thai woman accept that their respective thai partners dont believe/trust them because they are farang.

 

Crazy !!

 

 

[kaorop]

Low education + high indoctrination = Thai No1 (in everything)

 

Good for those pulling the strings, bad for those farang who chose the above as a partner.

 

 

[colinneil]

29 minutes ago, Been there done that said:

And I read on various comments from you that you have a good marriage.

 

The mind boggles !

Your missing the point, i have a fantastic marriage, but my point is no matter what a farang says a Thai is always believed before the farang.

Not only my wife, but every Thai lady married to a farang is the same

[canuckamuck]

1 hour ago, colinneil said:

Your missing the point, i have a fantastic marriage, but my point is no matter what a farang says a Thai is always believed before the farang.

Not only my wife, but every Thai lady married to a farang is the same

Absolutely right Colin. My wife is a treasure and there is much to admire. But she comes from a different culture and some of the things they do or believe are simply different to what we do.

It doesn't make it a train wreck. You learn to work together.

Also this is not just a case of Thai not believing farang. There is a tendency in Thailand to believe whatever the person the next step up the ladder says, no matter what credibility they have.

If some dotty old lady in the village has an opinion on how things should be done, chances are things are going to be done that way, unless someone trumps her age status with class or authority status.

And family opinion is way up there on the scale, so it takes a lot of work to defeat family opinions no matter how uninformed or illogical they might be. 

I remember the story of the western geologist who had a problem with his well. His opinion was trumped numerous times by village elders and well drillers and his wife listening to anybody but him. In the end, after two more useless wells were drilled, and bad spirits were blamed; he went back and fixed the pump on the original well and every thing was fine.

[DineshR]

Someone above summed it up nicely - low education + high indoctrination = Thai #1 in everything

I have been with my wife now for almost 4 years and for the first 3 years, anything I said was not considered seriously ... she would always listen to her father or another Thai first ... I've noticed that her (and the other Thais around her) lack of exposure to many things simply due to a poor education, blinded her to the many opportunities and possibilities that exist ... it has taken multiple trips outside Thailand and many, many events at home here to finally get her to the point where she now feels I am the final arbiter in anything ... even her father grudgingly acknowledges it sometimes but I think I have crested that hill of doubt and stupidity that Thais label farangs with ... now they come to me for advice on what to do in a given situation .... but it's taken 3 long years to get to this point and I can't tell how how frustrating it's been these first 3 years ... I'm not saying it's all rosy now but I have a modicum of respect that I never had before ... be patient and teach them what you know and learn from them as well ... my thoughts


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[luk AJ]

Make sure your will is legal...


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[transam]

OP, remember, there maybe extended family in the wings perhaps worrying that they may not get a hand out when you pop off...I know that..

 

But a weee story. My English chum popped off in 2010, he never had a Will. So I acted for his Mrs to sort his pensions etc out. The only stumbling block was his UK bank would not tell us how much cash he had (if any) until they had a letter from Probate. I became her link with Probate. His Mrs said "England don't want to give me his money, make ploblem"..

I said " No this is normal procedure, you must go to a lawyer and get an Affidavit concerning this list of questions".....Well it is now 2017 and after asking a zillion times she has obviously made up her own mind and thinks the worse..

[inThailand]

My gf said she don't believe Thais who believe falangs.

[HampiK]

4 hours ago, colinneil said:

Your missing the point, i have a fantastic marriage, but my point is no matter what a farang says a Thai is always believed before the farang.

Not only my wife, but every Thai lady married to a farang is the same

Maybe as long a Thai only knows Thailand.. this could be true in a high percentage. When a Thai stays in a Farang country for a few years she will see that many things she knew where different that she though.

 

But take care she also could become an own mind (which I think many men who want Thai women not would like)!

[Been there done that]

Justifying bad choices for partners as being the way how it culturally is overhere. Amazing, it really is. 

[oldhippy]

OP, since your wife's aunt is a legal expert, why do you not tell her to sort things out for you - and all you will have to do is to sign the papers the aunt-lawyer has prepared?

I am not (not only) joking.

You could turn this nonsense into a face thing to your advantage: tell the aunt you trust in her expertise and let her sort out things. Don't forget to thank her in advance.... And remember to often tell your wife how lucky you are to have the aunt helping you.

 

 

 

[ExpatOilWorker]

1 hour ago, Been there done that said:

Justifying bad choices for partners as being the way how it culturally is overhere. Amazing, it really is. 

The Social Stockholm Syndrom effect.

[Been there done that]

12 minutes ago, ExpatOilWorker said:

The Social Stockholm Syndrom effect.

Add lack of selfrespect to that, disaster waiting to happen. Time !

[oldhippy]

30 minutes ago, Been there done that said:

Add lack of selfrespect to that, disaster waiting to happen. Time !

Please tell us what you do to have a happy life?

You do have a happy life, don't you?

(sometimes I wonder about that, when I read your one liners in different threads).

[sirineou]

9 hours ago, canuckamuck said:

Absolutely right Colin. My wife is a treasure and there is much to admire. But she comes from a different culture and some of the things they do or believe are simply different to what we do.

It doesn't make it a train wreck. You learn to work together.

Also this is not just a case of Thai not believing farang. There is a tendency in Thailand to believe whatever the person the next step up the ladder says, no matter what credibility they have.

If some dotty old lady in the village has an opinion on how things should be done, chances are things are going to be done that way, unless someone trumps her age status with class or authority status.

And family opinion is way up there on the scale, so it takes a lot of work to defeat family opinions no matter how uninformed or illogical they might be. 

I remember the story of the western geologist who had a problem with his well. His opinion was trumped numerous times by village elders and well drillers and his wife listening to anybody but him. In the end, after two more useless wells were drilled, and bad spirits were blamed; he went back and fixed the pump on the original well and every thing was fine.

Over the years I have followed your posts .Always in good humor, informative.  helpfull . unassuming. Same for many other posters. You, and they, have earned my respect , and as such I trust your opinions.

Respect is earned, and with respect comes trust. 

If you say something I dont believe, I give you the benefit of doubt because I trust you.

Our Thai wives took a big chance when they hitched their wagon to our horse for s better life for them and their families.

We often hear of horror stories about Thai women, Well there is an other side to the coin, and trust me , many farangs are no price. Me and my wife have personally rescued two Thai ladies from abusive relationships here in the US.

As we do with them, they also have reason to be apprehensive with us.

My wife did not always trust me, how could she, she really did not know me.but over the years I have proven my self to her and she to me. I have seen the wall slowly come down.

  Even when she does not believe me (which is often the case) , she trust me  and I try to prove her right to trust me.

So The OP should not worry, He does not need her to alway believe him, all he needs is for her to trust him. 

 

 

 

[Been there done that]

27 minutes ago, oldhippy said:

Please tell us what you do to have a happy life?

You do have a happy life, don't you?

(sometimes I wonder about that, when I read your one liners in different threads).

I wonder why you have a go at me when I simply write how it is. According to me.

 

But to answer your question, I am reasonably happy myself. Could be better though. 

 

I am critical perhaps because I have a good friend who has royally been shafted here, not money related, and his woes have given me a real inside view into the thai mentality, in general. The view is not nice, I can tell you. 

 

Many stories/posts I read on here are just fabricated nonsense and when it aint said posters totally lack the ability to look within oneself. Of why it all went wrong ofcourse.

[ChiangMaiLightning2143]

So I recently ordered a iced green tea no milk no sugar. Ordered from the casheir in English and then broken Thai. Another Staff (young dude) made it for me and it comes out, heavily laden with milk and sugar (it is already mixed into the powder they use, at this particular shop I never ordered a green tea from before). I told him this is not what I ordered and he looked at me as I am the biggest farang jerk in the world because he "didn't add any milk or sugar". So I went back to the cashier and ordered something else. They are not dullards. Thais just simply look at the world from a completely different perspective then Western people. More I can adapt and improvise to this reality is better than sticking to unrealistic expectations.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[DineshR]

Well said sirineou !