Restraining order in Thailand?

[Kenny202]

I have a severely crazy ex making my life a misery. 100s of crazy phone calls and messages. Turning up at my door 4am. Threatening to come to my home and put on a show if I ignore her. She has been treated at the hospital for borderline personallity disorder so there is history there. We have a son together and share care....me taking care 80% so it is not in my son's interest to block her calls etc.

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I know police don't like to get involved in family squabbles here but is there some type of restraining order I can make? Anyone had any experience obtaining something like this?
 
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[pgrahmm]

Doesn't sound like a happy ending here....

Proving mental instability & being awarded your son completely - then moving would seem to be the only happy legal way out = extremely difficult in any country....

 

Moving by yourself & cutting all ties to preserve your own sanity extremely difficult....

 

If she's prone to irrationality possibly go the lawyer way to have her removed from your life....The problem is it will be a lengthy process & her, and your son could disappear as she feels threatened...She could also rally some local against you & you disappear.....

 

You've got some tough decisions ahead....

 

 

 

[Kenny202]

I'll worry about custody etc. For now I need to restrain her from constantly harassing me. Can that be done at the police station or do I need to see a lawyer?

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[Paul Catton]

Would go and see a lawyer and initiatiate proceedings under the Domestic Violence Victim Protection Act

http://www.thailaws.com/law/t_laws/tlaw0403.pdf

[Kenny202]

I hate dealing with lawyers here. Costly, usually ineffective and takes forever. Is it a matter the police can take care of same back home?

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[williamgeorgeallen]

i have heard you can go to the police station and register you are being harassed and they may tell her to stay away from you and give you a number to call if she comes near you. there will be a fee however but it sounds like it would be worth it. 

another option is getting sole custody which i think sounds like a better option and a good step toward cutting ties if that is the better long term options. i have a couple friends who paid their ex girlfriends to get sole custody. make sure you do it through a lawyer. good luck.

[Paul Catton]

2 hours ago, Kenny202 said:

I hate dealing with lawyers here. Costly, usually ineffective and takes forever. Is it a matter the police can take care of same back home?

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Back home, law varies depending on where back home is and the powers available to Police for any enforcement. I believe you might be referring to a Tresspass Notice which is easily obtained in most back home countries and equally easy for the Police enforcement.

Tresspass Notices are site specific and do not cover harassment, intimidation conducted physically elsewhere or by telecommunication methods.

I am not aware of Thai legislation covering such.

"Restraining Orders"or "Protection Orders" typically need to go before a Court for determination of validity as the granting of an order does impede on the respondent of the order requiring certain behaviours to comply.

Some home countries will grant them like a vending machine (David Letterman - refer google-as an example).

Wish both you and your son all the best throughout this tumultuous period and hope you both emerge largely unscathed.

[Kenny202]

Thanks all for the help.

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[roodujardin]

I have had a similar experience of harrassment, and subsequently applied to the police for a restraining/intervention order under the Domestic Violence Protection Act (Thailand) , and was successful. In this instance the order brought immediate cessation of the harrassment, as breaking it meant the offender would go straight to jail, no questions or negotiation.

 

On the day the order was granted, all parties were requested to meet at the local police station. We were all given a copy of the order, including the offenders lawyer. It was made quite clear to all what the order meant and what would happen if broken. This was literally a life saver in this case for our family.

 

If you're interested on how I went about this pm me.

[Kenny202]

19 minutes ago, roodujardin said:

I have had a similar experience of harrassment, and subsequently applied to the police for a restraining/intervention order under the Domestic Violence Protection Act (Thailand) , and was successful. In this instance the order brought immediate cessation of the harrassment, as breaking it meant the offender would go straight to jail, no questions or negotiation.

 

On the day the order was granted, all parties were requested to meet at the local police station. We were all given a copy of the order, including the offenders lawyer. It was made quite clear to all what the order meant and what would happen if broken. This was literally a life saver in this case for our family.

 

If you're interested on how I went about this pm me.

Funny Im off to Chumpae tonight :-) Thanks so much for the advice. She may have sorted my problem for me....

 

She had some deliveries made to my home this morning. Large boxes. I put them straight on the back of my pick up to take to her later. So again she turns up at my house. This time going berserk. Trying to kick the slats of the gate in. No way I was opening it up. Thats what she does just keeps upping the ante until she gets my attention. This was all because I blocked her LINE messages this morning.

 

She's out in the street pacing around with my son under an umbrella, screaming god knows what. Im pleading with her to hand me our son. Then she starts screaming shell call the police if I don't give her things. She has no vehicle. Boxes about 1m x 2m too heavy one person lift let alone her carry home.

So I start passing one of the boxes over the fence and she starts videoing it haha like Im throwing her stuff in the rain. Anyway after 30 mins couple of old blokes turn up in a pick up. Flashing lights. Not like a normal police vehicle and they weren't really dressed like police. They were really nice all smiles and respectful. I mimed to them that I tried to bring her stuff in the ute, her kicking the front gate etc. They just motioned to get her things. Im sure they saw it for exactly what it was. Thai drama show. Put the boxes on the ute. Then I mimed to them I didn't want her to come to my home anymore...they spoke to her I assume tell her to keep away. All smiles. Respectful Wai's and off they went. She just looked like a complete fool.

 

That was my day. I feel pretty good but somehow I feel this isn't the last I have heard of her. The threats to kill me sounded real

 

[Been there done that]

Your son, where is he ?

[Paul Catton]

PM roodujarin as he advocates similarity.

If true and applicable, this forum might have shown its weight in gold.

Again wish best for yourself and son.

[thaiguzzi]

I've come across a couple of topics started by the OP. Generally always about problems with the missus. And then relating the story and asking for advice on this forum.

Sounds like you found a wrong 'un. 

Big Time.

And you are correct, you have not heard the last of her.

If the son has a UK passport, get the hell out of Dodge with him anyway you can, legally or illegally.

My 2 baht's worth...

[pgrahmm]

If she has BPD this will never end unless you establish a clear legal break and stay completely and far away from her....

There is absolutely no way to ever know what is going through her mind other than you being in a constant reactive mode...This gives her control, even when she is out of control....

I'm willing to guess you don't have a local support network.....She probably does...

The only thing you can do is make notes, copies, videos of everything to build your case....

 

Hard questions - are you 100% sure the son is yours? Is your name on the birth certificate....Do you have a copy of the bc?

She's not in the kind of mental state that you can "buy off"....If she is pay, get the paperwork & disappear to raise your son....

Are you here on a work permit? That would make a spontaneous move almost impossible.... 

[timendres]

Restraining orders only mean as much as they are honored.

With an order, and police involvement, you can, of course, put her in jail.

Then you have to explain to your son where his mom is and why she does not visit.

If you can afford it, another possible solution is to hire a security guard who can deal with her when necessary.

This may or may not help, but a "neutral" third party like this can sometimes work wonders.

And it comes with other benefits.

[Kenny202]

If she has BPD this will never end unless you establish a clear legal break and stay completely and far away from her....
There is absolutely no way to ever know what is going through her mind other than you being in a constant reactive mode...This gives her control, even when she is out of control....
I'm willing to guess you don't have a local support network.....She probably does...
The only thing you can do is make notes, copies, videos of everything to build your case....
 
Hard questions - are you 100% sure the son is yours? Is your name on the birth certificate....Do you have a copy of the bc?
She's not in the kind of mental state that you can "buy off"....If she is pay, get the paperwork & disappear to raise your son....
Are you here on a work permit? That would make a spontaneous move almost impossible.... 

You are 100% right re BPD. It's all about attention possession and sucking every part of the lucky others life. Control. The more i ignore her the more she ups the ante. She will go to any length without regard for consequences or even her own well being.

My son looks like my twin haha. There is no doubt at all he's my son. They call us number 11 in Thai. ..meaning twins. Or they call him farang noi. He doesn't look remotely half caste or even Asian. His mum is extremely dark with very isaan features. Women don't beleive she is his mum. People have actually stopped her and asked her if she was my housemaid.

My name on the bc but not worth 2 satang here. Carries no weight. I have started the legitimizing process and all but completed it bar the last hearing but legitimizing him gives me zero custody rights over the mother. I did it essentially to give me control should she die (god willing).

I'm actually having second thoughts about completing it actually. She seems way to keen all of a sudden and I'm sure she's been advised it could be a way for her to extract money from me.

She doesn't actually want the responsibillity of caring for him and my guess is she will end up leaving him with me anyway...which is probably a good result

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[Kenny202]

I've come across a couple of topics started by the OP. Generally always about problems with the missus. And then relating the story and asking for advice on this forum.
Sounds like you found a wrong 'un. 
Big Time.
And you are correct, you have not heard the last of her.
If the son has a UK passport, get the hell out of Dodge with him anyway you can, legally or illegally.
My 2 baht's worth...

Not everyone here is from the UK you know haha. I'm Australia. I have made my son an Aussie citizen. Yes a wrong un is an understatement. In her mind this will be a fight to the end. She just doesn't know what she's fighting about or why

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[Kenny202]

Well things went from bad to worse! I went away the other night. Turned my phone off. Next morning I awoke to a tirade of abusive messages...then she started sending photos of her...in my home! I changed the lock on the front gate (High security gate) but stupidly didn't change the main locks on the house. Somehow or another she scaled the gate and got in.

 

She was demanding I come and confront her in the house. Had no choice but to go to the police. I gave her several opportunities to leave the house telling her she well may go to prison as she had broken into my house. No go. It is simply dangerous for me to be around her.

 

So I goes to the police station...was concerned the minute I walked in as the scowl on the cops face told me he wasn't a fan of farang. They spoke no english. I did my best using google translate and in the end he called another officer who spoke better english on the phone. I told him my story and he relayed it to the cop I was with. So he asked me for my ex phone number, called her and I waited around 30 mins. 

 

She turns up putting on the abandoned single mum act (I have actually been caring for my son in my home) and crying etc. Not 100% sure what she told them but all of a sudden the cop turned to me and made a strangling motion...asking me if I strangled her. I just looked him in the eye and said if I did that in the past why didn't she call the police then? All Ive ever done is block her flailing blows. I remember once in the bedroom she tried to kick me, kicked the corner of the bed instead and next minute I caught her in the bathroom taking selfies of her self inflicted injury.

 

So then the cop turned to her and I believe he told her to stay away from me and the home. I went home and she was quiet for a day. The abusive messages have started again however. Her threats I will never see my son lasted a day as she doesn't want the responsibility of taking care of him anyway. Cont'd next post

[Kenny202]

So. Being in the awful position I was and not speaking Thai decided to go and lawyer up yesterday. Found a great guy, english speaker and I thought I would relay some of what he told me here....as it contradicts much of what I have read on TV. Whether this is true or not you be the judge but here is what he said. Everything in Thailand seems to be up to the particular person you are dealing with, location and circumstances....

 

By the way, while sitting at the police station the cop motioned to me that she wanted money to go away.

Tao rai kap? He smiled and said 500k THB. I told him tell her to get a lawyer. At that point the cop seemed to lose all interest in everything...possibly because there would be no payment aka no commission.

 

Firstly. I had previously invested some money into her home on improvements, around 500k baht. Her home her land. He told me as we are considered defacto in Thailand I am entitled to 50% of the proceeds of sale and he plans to use this a lever against her.

 

He told me that in Thailand, even though we are not legally married we are still considered married in the eyes of the law, until she signs some sort of document agreeing to part. Until this happened there wasn't much I could do apart from securing my premises etc. Crazy messages I would have to put up with and there was nothing I could really do to stop her from coming to my home. 

 

What he did tell me though however is that in Thailand, marital issues are not considered the realm of the police or the courts. They are not interested nor are they bound to act unless a criminal act has been committed. Apparently me belting the Sh#@ out of her isn't considered criminal. He actually recommended I give her a hiding haha. I don't roll like that and in any case you would need to nearly kill her to stop her. Even then she would be back the next day with an array of weapons. The police can not enter my home under any circumstances for a marital issue. (Having said that I am sure if they wanted to they could find a reason).

 

I have been told before I would have very little chance of getting custody of my son unless I could prove drug abuse or child abuse. He said not true, He said I have enough already to win custody easy. 70k thai baht and 3 months. He did mention 50% of the juvenile court people are his wife's family :-)

 

So for now I will just have to deal with things on a daily basis. She hasn't been around to my house so I am hoping the police warning has had some effect, for now anyway. My legitimacy case is just about done, should only be a formality now and then I will proceed with custody. I don't know if I am really in any better of a position but certainly feel a little more empowered knowing my rights.

 

Thanks for all the advice guys....no doubt to be continued....

 

 

 

 

[farmerjo]

This sounds like War of the Roses,hope you sort it out one day.

[FritsSikkink]

On ‎26‎/‎07‎/‎2017 at 8:11 PM, pgrahmm said:

If she has BPD this will never end unless you establish a clear legal break and stay completely and far away from her....

There is absolutely no way to ever know what is going through her mind other than you being in a constant reactive mode...This gives her control, even when she is out of control....

I'm willing to guess you don't have a local support network.....She probably does...

The only thing you can do is make notes, copies, videos of everything to build your case....

 

Hard questions - are you 100% sure the son is yours? Is your name on the birth certificate....Do you have a copy of the bc?

She's not in the kind of mental state that you can "buy off"....If she is pay, get the paperwork & disappear to raise your son....

Are you here on a work permit? That would make a spontaneous move almost impossible.... 

Or      you get tell her so leave you alone or else ...... but they have to know you could back that up too.