Do You Help Support Your Thai Wifes Family?

[mpdkorat]

I give give the wifes mother 5000 baht every month and a little more when I visit her. The reason I do this is she has looked after the wifes daughter since her birth and I feel this is fair. I would like to give a little more but as I'm on a pension it is all I can really afford. How do other board members feel about this?

[rio666uk]

we send £200 once every 2 or 3 months from the UK, to take care of the family, but my wife works here and i have absolutely no problem with it. my wife doesnt have any children but her parents do look after her sisters daugher (5 years old) and we're kinda providing everything for her.... but again i have no problem with this.

i knew that most thais are family orientated long before we married and accepted that i/we would have to provide some financial help from time to time... its just part of the package, i have quite a few friends (UK) that are married to thais and they are all in the same boat.

if youre happy with your arrangement - who cares what others think.. i guarantee you there will be some replies telling you that youre mad...

[Francis Maube]

My 2 bits worth. Financialy helping is OK as it is expected from the daughter's husband anyway. Of Course a farang husband is a lot more juicy and reliable than a thai husband that would have to come from the same social layer than the daughter. There is no class upward mobility in LOS in a life time, it takes several generations, if at all, unless one gets blinded by flashy cars and the likes. I guess the trick is to avoid the opportunist(s) in or near the family, that soon or later will smell easy money and will come up with an immense amount of creativity to paint such a bleak picture of a sorry family situation that even a Rockfeller would break into tears.

[Jared]

Nope I dont see why I should give them any when, she has 2 brothers and 2 other sisters all put through university education and do nothing but sit on there <deleted> all day long and play computer games. If they want supporting they can get a job saying that one of them just has at a bank. The wifes dad supports everyone in her family anyway along with all his brothers and sisters children. Im trying to get him to stop giving my wife money, for some reason he still thinks he needs to. He knows I dont like it but he still sneaks money into her pocket when im not looking. Maybe in the future when her mother needs help we will help her out but for now they just dont need it whilst there dad is about.

Edited January 5, 2007 by Jared

[mrbojangles]

Nope I dont see why I should give them any

In one breath you say "why should i " give them money

Im trying to get him to stop giving my wife money, for some reason he still thinks he needs to. He knows I dont like it but he still sneaks money into her pocket when im not looking.

And now your trying to stop her dad giving your wife money.....why should he stop then ?

As for me, well we (the mrs) have a small fish farm, lots and lots of Mango trees, coconut trees and about 8 rai growing Man Sam Palang (sp). They can earn quite a good few baht selling all that stuff, so we never have to send any. But if they did request some (which they never have upto now) i'd have no problem sending some over.

[Jared]

Oviously because my wife doesnt need his money as she has ours and he should give it to someone who needs it. For instance she got a phone call from a friend last week about a hot lottery ticket number, she spunked 5k of his money that he gave her at the weekend and lost it all. The way her family is set up, her dad pays for absolutely everything so when he passes away theres going to be lots of problems. He needs to make his kids stand on there own to feet and earn there own money rather than spoon feeding them all there lives. Hes already put them all through Uni so they can get a good job. As for her mum thats another story when the time comes and she needs supporting, we will help her but I wont help any of her brothers or sisters.

[svenivan]

I told my lady when we started to get together that I was going to give some support to her parents but NOT to brothers, uncles, aunties, cousins, sick buffalos etc etc.

It has worked out well for two years. I have a very good relation with her parents and I am happy to be able to help them.

The whole family lives 800 km away and I am quite happy with that arrangement too!

:D

[LifeConvo]

I think this all depends on the social class your wife/gf comes from.

I would have no problem with sending money for a special need, such as hospital etc, day to day living on the other hand is up to them, they have had a lifetime to plan for a future.

[Neeranam]

The amount I could give wouldn't affect the family, so no.

I think this all depends on the social class your wife/gf comes from.

I think it depends on the financial difference between the farang man and the Thai family.

Not all farang are richer than their outlaws.

Edited January 5, 2007 by Neeranam

[KireB]

I pay the bills for me and the wife, so she should be able to support family!

I will not pay money to the family!

I rather save it up for our own kids!

Matter of principe!

I must say: I don't get much respect by the parents, but I don't care!

It's my kids that count.

[solo siam]

We help out when needed, its never asked of us but every other month we may send 4,000 baht or so to the family and additionally help out if big bills come in.

At the end of the day its the cost of a night out on the town, a couple of good meals or a decent pair of jeans.

[Casanundra]

This was simple to answer and the answer is "No" and we actually made it part of the discussion when we decided to marry.

If I recall the conversation went something like this. My parents live in the very much more expensive West and they barely make ends meet as pensioners so the rule of thumb is this; When the Thai side of the family start sending money back home to my parents to support them to the more expensive UK equivalent in terms of living costs then I will start sending money to the wife's parents as well to help them with their Thai living costs... and so it was that balance came into the universe and it is a condition that everyone accepts and it's never got in the way in the two years we have been married.

[tutsiwarrior]

when I married I said to my wife that I would help her family...works out to be about 15-18k baht per month which ain't nuthin' as I make loads ob dough when working. This contribution has helped significantly...when previously they were poor and miserable now they have their heads high and think about a future for their children...it's just fcukin' money...

as a benefit for my beneficence the wife has said that I don't haveta work anymore...the family will provide.

things could be a lot worse...

[LaoPo]

I think it depends on your families' (parents') situation and your own, financially.

Personally, I feel blessed to have met my wife (although non-Thai) and respect my parents-in-law and that's mutual.

They've suffered an unbelievable long an dark period in their lives due to the political and economical situation in their country and uninmaginable in our Western societies.

Both my wife and myself feel comfortable and happy to be able to support them and thus a better life.

Each to their own -situation-.

LaoPo

[dclaryjr]

I give give the wifes mother 5000 baht every month and a little more when I visit her. The reason I do this is she has looked after the wifes daughter since her birth and I feel this is fair. I would like to give a little more but as I'm on a pension it is all I can really afford. How do other board members feel about this?

I've been sending money to help out the relatives in my wife's village (outside of Korat) monthly for 30 years. It started as $100 when I was a low-ranking enlisted in the U.S. Air Force, and has slowly increased to around $250 now. But once my wife retires from her civil-service job (probably in three years), we will have to cut that back quite a bit.

[robint]

hey dave, Corpus yee haa, see u in the crab shack on the way to Padre Island

no seriously

I dont directly contribute anymore, becuase i have set my wife up in business and its heading for a 2M Baht turnover this year. So she is the head honcho (a) and takes care of everything. We dont have much problem with the family and I have never been hit upon with some story. I help out with ordinary things like trips to the hospital, but its trucking along nicely for 10 years now. Everyone is ok, proudly independant with enough for their needs. We have 3 children one is mine, so schooling is paramount. I wish the greedy big men would stop spoiling the country.

A lot of it is to do with getting an understanding at the outset. It took me several years to get to grips with the customs and practice, but my wife went to great pains to educate me fully, so i am pretty much part of the furniture in my area and no one tries it on (but thats not to say they wouldnt if they could).

[rtaxron]

I never gave my Ex wifes Family anything except a gift when I visited.

She had 5 brothers and 2 sisters who were all lazy bastards, so why should i give them money when my kids in UK work hard and dont ask for a penny.

[SeanBangkok]

"Not all farang are richer than their outlaws."

Yep. Just 99% of them.

[SeanBangkok]

I never gave my Ex wifes Family anything except a gift when I visited.

She had 5 brothers and 2 sisters who were all lazy bastards, so why should i give them money when my kids in UK work hard and dont ask for a penny.

Yes, alot of guys fall into the "well, um, this is Thailand, and um, its a different culture" trap, and decide to use it as justification that they should be supporting their wife's five drunk brothers and sisters either because they are too cowardly to stand up, or their wife is so much better looking then they could get back home that they dont really care.

[warriors]

I have know my lady 3+ years and I am putting her through Master degree in English in Bangkok. I think that is enough $$$ spent.

Only been hit up one time for a good reason re her mum. My lady then informed her mother that, that was it because I am taking care of her future re her schooling. Nothing asked for since. I am lucky she has only one half brother and I know he is struggling along in his job and wants to better himself, so maybe just maybe I might help in a small way there. We are not talking big bhat and he has never asked us for help, but I know it would be very much welcomed:

Edited January 6, 2007 by warriors

[pnustedt]

We give my wife's family the means to earn money if they want to - land, farming equipment, trucks, etc. but also contribute in emergencies (medical stuff etc. in the village). We don't squander money.

[astral]

My step sons are married now, but I still pay their life insurance premiums, no, I am not the beneficiary.

I also pay the insurance on their cars.

That is it.

[icecubes]

I never gave my Ex wifes Family anything except a gift when I visited.

She had 5 brothers and 2 sisters who were all lazy bastards, so why should i give them money when my kids in UK work hard and dont ask for a penny.

I think you meant to say you never knowingly gave

your wife’s family any thing. You obviously have a limited understanding

of the Thai family.

Thais help there family members sometimes or all of the time. It depends

on the amount of pressure that is applied and the reason that the help is required.

You will only be aware of this if your partner deems that you will not be to upset by the help given.

We all help the family, its more of a question of weather you know it or not.

I’m not talking about large sums of cash just small amounts.

This may help the cost of someone’s education or someone’s medical bills.

Its not always about the 5 brothers getting pissed all day on your cash.

It’s very unusual for Thaïs to ignore family members when help is asked for.

It can also make them lose face if they don’t help.

Some of us like to help the family out, some times.

Have a nice day.

[Scott]

No, not all. As a matter of fact, the last time I was up to see the family, they paid for the gas.

[Sing_Sling]

My wife's father has houses, buisnesses and property in Australia, Malaysia, Thailand, Singapore and New Zealand.

I have . . . . my wife!

[davidjtayler]

I think you meant to say you never knowingly gave

your wife’s family any thing. You obviously have a limited understanding

of the Thai family.

Thais help there family members sometimes or all of the time. It depends

on the amount of pressure that is applied and the reason that the help is required.

You will only be aware of this if your partner deems that you will not be to upset by the help given.

We all help the family, its more of a question of weather you know it or not.

I’m not talking about large sums of cash just small amounts.

This may help the cost of someone’s education or someone’s medical bills.

Its not always about the 5 brothers getting pissed all day on your cash.

It’s very unusual for Thaïs to ignore family members when help is asked for.

It can also make them lose face if they don’t help.

Some of us like to help the family out, some times.

Have a nice day.

Very wise words Mr icecubes

... and the sooner this concept is realised the sooner acceptance can be made and a harmonius life together can be enjoyed

I give my wife a set amount each and every month which I know eventually will filter down to her family ... its her money and if she chooses to give to her family that's her decision... no problem

[keenok]

wouldnt dream of it,brother in law stoned on yaa baa all the time (does not work) sister in law plays cards with whatever she can get her thieving hands on.some of the family are ok ,but all the cash that the family generate seems to go to these two useless c***s.

[Livinginexile]

Nope I dont see why I should give them any when, she has 2 brothers and 2 other sisters all put through university education and do nothing but sit on there <deleted> all day long and play computer games. If they want supporting they can get a job saying that one of them just has at a bank. The wifes dad supports everyone in her family anyway along with all his brothers and sisters children. Im trying to get him to stop giving my wife money, for some reason he still thinks he needs to. He knows I dont like it but he still sneaks money into her pocket when im not looking. Maybe in the future when her mother needs help we will help her out but for now they just dont need it whilst there dad is about.

Well said

My wife's family work hard (except her younger brother) and have never asked me for a cent. I have NEVER heard of a guy paying his farang wife's family money every month no matter how poor they are, why should thai inlaws be any different.

And let me state another thing....Thai men do not pay thier inlaws money every month. Only farangs are stupid enough to do this. They are so scared their wife will leave them if they do not pay.

[Heng]

The amount I could give wouldn't affect the family, so no.

I think this all depends on the social class your wife/gf comes from.

I think it depends on the financial difference between the farang man and the Thai family.

Not all farang are richer than their outlaws.

Not all, but most are. Whether the farang is an English teacher or executive at Trane or Shell, his/her local partner is still typically an Issan villager or farmer. As another poster mentioned, it's maybe 1% who will marry a fellow teacher or executive.

edit: for myself (2 overseas/local Thai families), we support each other, but not financially. Usually it comes in the form of favors... getting discounts at restaurants, hotels, etc., hospital visits, picking up kids from school, lending employees, stuff like that.

Edited January 6, 2007 by Heng

[Rainmaker]

I give give the wifes mother 5000 baht every month and a little more when I visit her. The reason I do this is she has looked after the wifes daughter since her birth and I feel this is fair. I would like to give a little more but as I'm on a pension it is all I can really afford. How do other board members feel about this?

I think the response to this will be mixed, some will say, why should I give the family money, some are happy to, in my view it depends on the individual and the circumstances. I think if you can afford it, its a good thing to do so why not, on the other hand , as a farang, I would not like to be viewed as the wifes families bank account. I dont send the family money on a monthly basis but help out when when times are difficult. My wifes mum and dad are very good hardworking people, and rarely ask for help, but when times are difficult we do help them out. When they are older and unable to work, I will help out on a regular basis and will send what my budget allows.If you can send 5,000 i think thats good and im sure it really does help you wifes family.