Marrying a "rich" westerner may not be a "dream come true" - says BBC

[BangkokReady]

2 hours ago, sanemax said:

It would be interesting to see the psychology for the reasons why guys do this .

Why do guys give money away  ?

Could be that they are lonely single guys (dont mean that derogatory) without a family and are subconsciously obtaining a ready made family .

If a 60 year old man is paying someone nearly half his age to be his wife, can you not guess what the reason is?

 

I suppose one option is they love each other very much and he chooses to help his inlaws because it makes him happy. The other is he has the money and he's paying to be married to a much younger, attractive woman who takes good care of him.

[British Bulldog]

This may sound a little unusual ... I don't know but here we go !

OK, I live in Laos, for 25 years in fact ... at the time, 1992, I performed an unusual job which I won't go into now, however, I had been 5 years divorced from my UK/Aussie wife ... I basically gave everything to her and the kids, thinking things would pick up quickly for me on my own ... but the opposite happened ... I scored a 2 month contract project in Laos, which paid well, and then I returned to Aus. ... packed up my bags and went back to Vientiane with only $850 USD in my hands and basically no job ... I figured if a poor race of people can live the way they do and be relatively happy, so can I, and besides, maybe we can grow together and not all be poor .... my job followed me, and soon I was back on a decent salary albeit I had to work overseas occasionally ... the Laos family helped me, they were not greedy, it cost me $200 for my wife at the wedding, although I vowed to buy a block of land and build a modest house on it for my in-laws but the land must remain in my wife's name ... time went on ... we all grew up together, needless to say, my wife and I were much better off than the rest of the family ... we eventually built 5 houses on that original block of land, but we live in our own house 15 klms away ... my assets are well over 1 million USD now, and my Business is turning over about the same each year, Nephews and Nieces are paid by me to go to college and most members of the family are working for me now or have worked for me and have gone on to better jobs ... of course, at the end of the day I don't really own anything, you can't in Laos, its been a big risk, but worth it ... now at 63 I'm pretty happy with my life, can't take much with me when I go, but it gives me a lot of pleasure to see my 37 immediate family members (and 2 kids, now 20 and 22) grow and prosper ... although, still 'poor' to even ASIAN standards .... my biggest problem in life, has been getting use to their beliefs, and customs, but like most religions in life, I don't follow any, but respect them all ...

 

So you see, it can work, but it wasn't easy by any means ... although my brief passage above may make it look all easy

 

 

[tryasimight]

13 minutes ago, Jeremy50 said:

Go to any Tesco in Issarn, and you will soon have your answer. I am often surprised by how old the Thai wives are, really not much of an age difference, 20 years maybe. Nearly always some kids being dragged along, more often than not , clearly not his. The adopted kids are also much more likely to be girls for some reason. The guy in the video looks nice enough, and young, but sits there looking like a dummy, for he understands not a word his wife is going on about. How does he support himself? What on earth does he do with his time? And why would he leave Switzerland to live with an extended family of Thai peasants who are all depending on him financially? Beats me.

You'll also see older gentlemen, maybe early 60's, with much younger Thai wives with babies/toddlers/youngsters. I can't understand these guys. What posses them to start a family at that age when there is a good chance they will either be dead or incapacitated before the kids start high school, leaving a relatively young woman with nothing but a few kids, and leave a few kids without a father.

I don't believe all these guys are wealthy and the wife will be taken care of all that well financially when the pass on.

I know that there will be many posters jumping on this statement and insisting they became fathers at 70 and it was the best thing they ever done.

 

My comment is not about the father...its about the kids. Tantamount to child abuse in my view.

 

There should be a requirement that anyone over, say, 45, should have a certificate of vasectomy before being permitted a long stay via/extension.

 

Flame on guys!!!!!

[orchidfan]

Do they mention how many of those marriages or relationships break down after a year or two and the farang goes back home wiser and a lot poorer!

[Blue Muton]

4 hours ago, inThailand said:

Marrying a "rich" westerner may not be a "dream come true" 

 

Kinda the same as....

marrying a poor Isaan girl may not be a dream come true?

Kinda the same as....

 

Marrying a "rich" westerner may be a dream come true?

 

Marrying a Thai woman may be a dream come true?

[samsensam]

4 hours ago, Travel2003 said:

What is? Envy and Jealousy?

Because that doesn't exist in other countries.

 

sure they exist in other countries but they are considerably more prevalent in thailand, when you've spent more time in the place and become familiar with thai culture you'll realise this.

[Cranky]

3 hours ago, lucjoker said:

why? why?....why?

average length of Thai penis is 3 cm .............

And you know this how precisely?

[Cranky]

3 hours ago, lucjoker said:

why? why?....why?

average length of Thai penis is 3 cm .............

And you know this how precisely?

[British Bulldog]

11 minutes ago, tryasimight said:

You'll also see older gentlemen, maybe early 60's, with much younger Thai wives with babies/toddlers/youngsters. I can't understand these guys. What posses them to start a family at that age when there is a good chance they will either be dead or incapacitated before the kids start high school, leaving a relatively young woman with nothing but a few kids, and leave a few kids without a father.

I don't believe all these guys are wealthy and the wife will be taken care of all that well financially when the pass on.

I know that there will be many posters jumping on this statement and insisting they became fathers at 70 and it was the best thing they ever done.

 

My comment is not about the father...its about the kids. Tantamount to child abuse in my view.

 

There should be a requirement that anyone over, say, 45, should have a certificate of vasectomy before being permitted a long stay via/extension.

 

Flame on guys!!!!!

I just wrote the long winded spiel about my life in Laos, and I couldn't agree more about your comments of 'old' men having young kids knowing that in many cases, the old man may die before the poor buggers even leave school ... hard to control, but a vasectomy maybe a good idea all round for all concerned. I was lucky, my story started when I was 38, my kids are now closer to 23 and 21 ... good schooling, one has a great job, the other about to start studying (a little) in Aus. ... I'm pushing all to take over the family business, they'll make more at that than working for anybody else ... however .... I know of 70 year old Falangs with 16 to18 year old kids, the pressure on the kids from such an old mans way of thinking ... the kids will be better off emotionally and mentally once the old man passes on  ... not good to say, but its a fact of life in more than 5 cases that I know of !

[tryasimight]

4 minutes ago, Cranky said:

And you know this how precisely?

Personal research perhaps?

[worgeordie]

A friend of my wife is looking for a new husband,she did very well out of the 

first one,has plenty of land ,3 houses,a Mercedes and Fortuner ,just had her 

tits done,but she also expects the man to be well off ,with a pension.

Love has nothing to do with it.seems just a business transaction!

regards worgeordie

[BEVUP]

7 minutes ago, worgeordie said:

A friend of my wife is looking for a new husband,she did very well out of the 

first one,has plenty of land ,3 houses,a Mercedes and Fortuner ,just had her 

tits done,but she also expects the man to be well off ,with a pension.

Love has nothing to do with it.seems just a business transaction!

regards worgeordie

Sounds like the women across the road from me , but just add another 7 cars & no need for any extra cash she gets plenty per mth for doing whatever since she's always here 

[YetAnother]

5 hours ago, Moonmoon said:

Not dream come true for thai women, did they interview the Farangs' about the "nightmares" they had? 

thais dont care about that; also not mentioned was 'marry me, marry my family'

[cookieqw]

4 hours ago, StayinThailand2much said:

BRITS ABROAD: THE TOP COUNTRIES

Country name	Resident Britons
Australia	1,300,000
Spain	761,000
United States	678,000
Canada	603,000
Ireland	291,000
New Zealand	215,000
South Africa	212,000
France	200,000

 

 

Thailand not even on the list!

these countries likely to have families, single males are more prolific in thailand, and more profitable to to thai wives

[xylophone]

34 minutes ago, worgeordie said:

A friend of my wife is looking for a new husband,she did very well out of the 

first one,has plenty of land ,3 houses,a Mercedes and Fortuner ,just had her 

tits done,but she also expects the man to be well off ,with a pension.

Love has nothing to do with it.seems just a business transaction!

regards worgeordie

Having new boobs seems to be very popular at the moment and two guys I know (not wealthy by any means) forked out the necessary baht for their girlfriends to have the implants and the girls left them within four months, probably armed with their new-found attributes on the lookout for another wealthier sucker!

[cookieqw]

1 hour ago, tryasimight said:

You'll also see older gentlemen, maybe early 60's, with much younger Thai wives with babies/toddlers/youngsters. I can't understand these guys. What posses them to start a family at that age when there is a good chance they will either be dead or incapacitated before the kids start high school, leaving a relatively young woman with nothing but a few kids, and leave a few kids without a father.

I don't believe all these guys are wealthy and the wife will be taken care of all that well financially when the pass on.

I know that there will be many posters jumping on this statement and insisting they became fathers at 70 and it was the best thing they ever done.

 

My comment is not about the father...its about the kids. Tantamount to child abuse in my view.

 

There should be a requirement that anyone over, say, 45, should have a certificate of vasectomy before being permitted a long stay via/extension.

 

Flame on guys!!!!!

when they get their mans pension all becomes good

[Roger Harris]

Not read the whole issue, One in a million work in Th. They are all after MONEY. Do not be fooled guys, Its al lies

[BEVUP]

3 minutes ago, Roger Harris said:

Not read the whole issue, One in a million work in Th. They are all after MONEY. Do not be fooled guys, Its al lies

Agree, have a mate that speaks thai & he even says they lie in his face

[1FinickyOne]

2 hours ago, theguyfromanotherforum said:

 

I am sorry if this offends you, but I would rather support my own mother (who would be so proud to see me featured in an article like this, I'm sure)  than some Isaan family that thinks less than a dog of me and probably less than a cockroach if I don't give a monthly allowance.

 

Personally, I find the entire article shameful and disgusting. Marrying a rich Westerner, building a house, neighbor jealousy, pictures of toasters and new cars in the yard, family bragging about their new found status..... just how low can you go to abandon your Western values for some Thai behind? 

 

You are the one who should be embarrassed..... butt like you said....to each his own. 

 

 

Embarrassed about what? My family is wonderful. I am sorry that your family thinks less of you than a dog - but did you provoke that? I live in the countryside, and most all of the farang living here are treated well by their families, and it does not depend on how much they do or don't have to give. I have been fortunate and so I share - this is what families do. 

 

My Thai family is very close knit and everyone helps each other, when needed. My Western values? Most families I see in the West are pretty dysfunctional and mean spirited. I don't see any of that in my 15+ years of living in a compound with my Thai family. I can easily leave that behind. 

 

But, I am glad to hear that you take care of your mom. Seriously. It shows that you are capable of progressing beyond being incredibly selfish and bragging about it. Maybe someday you will find the same respect and degree of love and caring for your Thai family. 

 

Your Thai family probably does not think less of you than a cockroach, but if you are making the big bucks that you always boast, and cannot find it in your heart to share some with their daughter and themselves, then maybe about the same as a cockroach, but not less. 

[TKDfella]

Don't know what is the 'fuss' is about. Expats choose Thailand and are here for many different reasons; some for love, some for the need to be taken care of in old age or for being infirm, some for the mystique and so on. I've no doubt that each of us have had cultural problems, misunderstandings etc. Some are lucky and have a decent relationship and some get taken for a ride. After 20 + years of marriage in England my first wife decided to move on and...well, I can't be only here who suffered that but the point is I came to Thailand and tried again. I've no doubt that many expats have some juicy stories to tell but all in all, in the end...that's life ain't it...and it is what you make it. Can't see that it is News though, Ha!

[bazza73]

7 minutes ago, Roger Harris said:

Not read the whole issue, One in a million work in Th. They are all after MONEY. Do not be fooled guys, Its al lies

What would you expect? A girl/woman in the rice fields of most of the Thai villages is lucky to earn 2000 baht a month. Of course a falang with assets and a monthly income of 60,000 to 100,000 baht is going to look like their dreams come true.

There are many stories of failure. Fewer stories of success, probably because many people don't feel the need to advertise it.

IMHO the principal distinction between success and failure in falang/Thai relationships is the setting of boundaries. Those men who thought only with their dicks and plowed all their money into a marriage were the losers. The guys who committed only what they could afford to lose, and laid down the limits of their expenditures, are the winners.

It's a tiny minority of falang /Thai relationships where the assets are evenly distributed, or in favour of the Thai. The money thing will always be there.

 

[tryasimight]

29 minutes ago, cookieqw said:

when they get their mans pension all becomes good

If...if they get the mans pension they get a small amount of money.

Read my post again....it was about fatherless kids, not material things.

[theguyfromanotherforum]

37 minutes ago, kenk24 said:

Embarrassed about what? My family is wonderful. I am sorry that your family thinks less of you than a dog - but did you provoke that? I live in the countryside, and most all of the farang living here are treated well by their families, and it does not depend on how much they do or don't have to give. I have been fortunate and so I share - this is what families do. 

 

My Thai family is very close knit and everyone helps each other, when needed. My Western values? Most families I see in the West are pretty dysfunctional and mean spirited. I don't see any of that in my 15+ years of living in a compound with my Thai family. I can easily leave that behind. 

 

But, I am glad to hear that you take care of your mom. Seriously. It shows that you are capable of progressing beyond being incredibly selfish and bragging about it. Maybe someday you will find the same respect and degree of love and caring for your Thai family. 

 

Your Thai family probably does not think less of you than a cockroach, but if you are making the big bucks that you always boast, and cannot find it in your heart to share some with their daughter and themselves, then maybe about the same as a cockroach, but not less. 

 

I don't make big bucks, just regular bucks.

 

Why would I share my money with her family? Her parents have more than my whole family combined. 

 

You say I am selfish, so what about your wife? You say you are lucky enough to share, so you give her money. Is she also "incredibly selfish"? 

 

You guys just can't see much beyond your hypocritical ways.

 

"Don't judge guys with bargirls" you say.

 

"She's 30 years younger than him, none you your business" you say

 

"I give my wife 30k baht a month and her family 20k to sit at home. Everyone's happy" you say

 

 

So, a guy  comes to Thailand and shacks up with an employed middle class woman and suddenly all your fake non judgmental ways go out of window?  Mind your own damn business and enjoy getting squeezed every month, "I say".

 

 

Edited September 20, 2017 by theguyfromanotherforum

[tryasimight]

1 minute ago, bazza73 said:

What would you expect? A girl/woman in the rice fields of most of the Thai villages is lucky to earn 2000 baht a month. Of course a falang with assets and a monthly income of 60,000 to 100,000 baht is going to look like their dreams come true.

There are many stories of failure. Fewer stories of success, probably because many people don't feel the need to advertise it.

IMHO the principal distinction between success and failure in falang/Thai relationships is the setting of boundaries. Those men who thought only with their dicks and plowed all their money into a marriage were the losers. The guys who committed only what they could afford to lose, and laid down the limits of their expenditures, are the winners.

It's a tiny minority of falang /Thai relationships where the assets are evenly distributed, or in favour of the Thai. The money thing will always be there.

 

Exactly right, we rarely hear of success stories and I think they would outnumber the failures significantly.

Misery loves company.

 

It's the same with education. The wife has a nephew who has just completed his masters in chem eng and his sister has just started to train as a doctor. Yet all we usually here on here is how bad the education system is and how everything is learnt by rote. Anyone who was educated in the 50's or early 60's at primary school in the UK or Australia would have learnt by rote as well. I still know my times table 12 times 12 is 144 etc - it was burnt into my brain.

Stood me well over the years too.

[zyphodb]

4 hours ago, Thaimike370 said:

The BBC is totally biased about just about everything.  The UK government should shut it down.

 

Why would they do that? The BBC is the Tory government's biggest propaganda machine...

[mettech]

Thai girl or lady  want to get out of poverty so they are marrying a walking wallet or ATM that all it is. So foreigner enjoy younger beauty for a while and life goes on.

[Kieran00001]

8 hours ago, ratcatcher said:

What the BBC failed to mention was just how so many foreigners meet Thai country girls in the first place.They certainly do not have conducted tours for foreign tourists to the villages of Isaan or rural Thailand.

They fail to mention that the influx of older farangs marrying younger Thai women who already have 1 or more children by a failed relationship with a Thai man gives those families a chance for a better future, since "used" Thai women are less or un desirable to Thai men.

One previos poster stated that"his wife supports him" and good for him I say if he can get away with it, unfortunately that also seems to be the prevailing attitude among many Thai men in rural areas who prefer to laze around playing Hi Lo and quaffing lao khao rather than working. Their wives meanwhile run the homes and hold down jobs doing whatever they can. I say many, not all, Thai men are lazy.

 

Plenty of Thai women playing cards or high low and getting drunk off Lao Khao as well, it really is just a generalisation that this is a Thai man trait, it is a trait of poverty that can effect anyone.

[Kieran00001]

12 minutes ago, mettech said:

Thai girl or lady  want to get out of poverty so they are marrying a walking wallet or ATM that all it is. So foreigner enjoy younger beauty for a while and life goes on.

 

All it could be for you perhaps, but for some of us it is just the person we met while we were already here, someone in our age group and someone who we love and are loved by.

[bazza73]

18 minutes ago, tryasimight said:

Exactly right, we rarely hear of success stories and I think they would outnumber the failures significantly.

Misery loves company.

 

It's the same with education. The wife has a nephew who has just completed his masters in chem eng and his sister has just started to train as a doctor. Yet all we usually here on here is how bad the education system is and how everything is learnt by rote. Anyone who was educated in the 50's or early 60's at primary school in the UK or Australia would have learnt by rote as well. I still know my times table 12 times 12 is 144 etc - it was burnt into my brain.

Stood me well over the years too.

Now if we could only have a decent education system for Thai drivers. Sorry, off topic.

[1FinickyOne]

25 minutes ago, theguyfromanotherforum said:

 

I don't make big bucks, just regular bucks.

 

Why would I share my money with her family? Her parents have more than my whole family combined. 

 

You say I am selfish, so what about your wife? You say you are lucky enough to share, so you give her money. Is she also "incredibly selfish"? 

 

You guys just can't see much beyond your hypocritical ways.

 

"Don't judge guys with bargirls" you say.

 

"She's 30 years younger than him, none you your business" you say

 

"I give my wife 30k baht a month and her family 20k to sit at home. Everyone's happy" you say

 

 

So, a guy  comes to Thailand and shacks up with an employed middle class woman and suddenly all your fake non judgmental ways go out of window?  Mind your own damn business and enjoy getting squeezed every month, "I say".

 

 

One shares money out of kindness... that is why people give to charities and help people less fortunate. Did you really not know this? 

 

None of your little ranting generalizations apply to me or any of the farang I know. We don't have bargirl wives and probably live a fairly typical married life in any culture. But, we do not brag about this as you brag about sponging off your wife as if it is some sort of badge of honor... oh yeah, you treat her to a night in the Hilton using your points... she must be proud.