Dating Despair: Why dating in Bangkok is hard for Thai women

By Prae Sakaowan 

 

Illustration: Praew Tansanga

 

Dating Despair is a four-part series about why dating in Bangkok sucks. This story is a collection of anecdotes from Thai women who live in the capital.

 

Belle* is 28 years old and has never been on a date in her life.

 

One recent afternoon, in a group chat between six Thai women who went to college together, Belle sent a candid photo of a decent-looking man she came across in her diplomatic career.

 

She sent a message, the kind that has appeared in many thousands of all-girl chats throughout history: “Girls, what should I do? I like him. Help me!”

 

“Smile at him. Remember, you’re a beautiful, chatty, lovely person!” one friend in the group suggested in the way that one offers advice to a friend that you know is destined for disappointment.

 

Full story: https://coconuts.co/custom-feature/dating-despair-dating-bangkok-hard-thai-women/

 

-- © Copyright Coconuts Bangkok 2018-02-14

2 hours ago, webfact said:

“Girls, what should I do? I like him. Help me!”

Just say "Hello hansum man, where you come fom, I like you"

Quote

...being surrounded by Thai women who spoil them and treat them like god-like creatures, their respectful etiquette standard lowers because, no matter how they treat Thais, Thais are gonna be nice to them — to the baby blue-eyed farangs.”

 

Who the **** writes this crap? I must be living in a different universe from this 'author'-

 

Quote

Prae Sakaowan is an editor at Coconuts Bangkok.

 

-sorry, "editor". 

 

I wonder what other grievances Ms. Prae has against foreign men in Thailand. Let's have a look....

 

Quote

As someone who speaks fluent English, it’s all too common to be talked down to in broken English by foreign men who can’t seem to drop the “krub” that follows every English sentence. “But you’re Thai,” they say. It’s all very confusing for them.

 

Yes, it is very confusing for me because when I look at her history at Coconuts I can see that the same "editor" published an article on April 7th 2017 titled

"Thinglish: Why professional Thais still use ‘ka’ and ‘krub’ when speaking English"

 

It begins with -

Quote

One of the most endearing characteristics of Thai people is their desire to be unfailingly polite. This is why they end their Thai sentences with “ka” and “krub.” But, many people wonder why they continue to use these oh-so-Thai endings even when they speak English.

and ends with-

Quote

Yet it is fascinating that these one-syllable words can change the tone of a speech, ease the cultural barriers between two speakers of different tongues, and appeal as unique, endearing characteristics of a culture. With that said, without any meaning at all, “ka” and “krub” may be the most powerful words in the Thai language.

 

So in other words when foreigners-

Quote

farangs have a broader interpretation of beauty

-sorry, "farangs", when "farangs" use krub at the end of English sentences it is viewed as if they are being condescending, yet when Thais do the same thing they are suddenly being "unfailingly polite" whilst using "unique endearing characteristics of a culture" to "ease the cultural barriers between two speakers of different tongues".

 

Hhhmmmmmmm.... I sense something.... Could it be a -gasp- double standard? Ms. Prae, tell me it isn't so.

 

Let's see what other nuggets of wisdom are bestowed upon us in this travesty of an article:

 

Quote

Given how many Western men relish the more “traditional” (read: pre-feminist revolution) concept of male-female relationships they sometimes encounter here, that’s perhaps not surprising. Even for those not indulging in retrograde Orientalist fantasies about submissive Asian housewives, it’s all too easy for them to not respect their Thai partner as a true equal.

 

Oh boy. I think I'm starting to see the problem here. But I will let Ms. Prae figure it out for herself.

 

However, I will end with 2 suggestions:

 

1) -If Ms. Prae wants to lecture evil foreign misogynistic men on the subject of true equality (whilst enjoying her privileged position of power in an aircon office as an "editor") I suggest that she should first talk with the countless number of foreign men in Thailand (sorry - "farangs") who have had their lives irreparably ruined by Thai women that bled them dry and demanded all their money by virtue of nothing more than having differential genitalia.

 

2) - Prae, cover up. Your bias is showing.

One of the most endearing characteristics of Thai people is their desire to be unfailingly polite. This is why they end their Thai sentences with “ka” and “krub.”

 

This is one thing I absolutely hate. 

Just saying "hi" works for a lot of people.  Or "Hi, I like your shoes". 

That link does not work.

30 minutes ago, yellowboat said:

Just saying "hi" works for a lot of people.  Or "Hi, I like your shoes". 

Is that Dick Masterson's opening?

 

But agreed, Thai women should take a bit of initiative sometimes. It 2018, not the 1950's where you just wait till a man approaches.

I smiled at the cartoon at the beginning. Just for fun, switch gender roles that become Western women, and you have the lament "where have all the good guys gone?"

Either gone to Asia or gone MGTOW.

27 minutes ago, Bob12345 said:

Is that Dick Masterson's opening?

 

But agreed, Thai women should take a bit of initiative sometimes. It 2018, not the 1950's where you just wait till a man approaches.

Yes, the smiling green light should come on when interested.  There is that stigma of being "too easy".  The hi-so chicks do not have that, just the middle class. 

 

Dogbert's advice is to just say "hi".   Am a follower of the teachings of Dogbert.

53 minutes ago, Bob12345 said:

Is that Dick Masterson's opening?

 

But agreed, Thai women should take a bit of initiative sometimes. It 2018, not the 1950's where you just wait till a man approaches.

They doesnt want to be seen "too easy" even if they're like you alot . This doesn't happen to BG or Pros, where they'll ultimately blink their eye and smile once you cross her eyes ..55555

Blame it on the "Black Eagles' operation. All love scammers were sent home already.

Why dating is so difficult for Thai women in Bangkok.

Welllllllll.......

Walking around BKK, which is said to be situated in the land of smiles, I have yet to meet or see a woman not having a "non smiling or unfriendly face".

All seem to be a kind of angry, like.

Might that be a reason?

Seen my age and relation I am out of the ratrace, so to say, but I certainly got the impression last time, and the times before, I had to spend some time in Krungthep.

Most Thai women I know living in Bangkok really do not live in Bangkok.
They live in Facebook....

5 hours ago, PatOngo said:

Just say "Hello hansum man, where you come fom, I like you"

Yes but then they add.  " how much money do you earn and can you take care of me"

1 hour ago, marquis22 said:

Yes but then they add.  " how much money do you earn and can you take care of me"

...and care for my family.

9 minutes ago, mdmayes said:

...and care for my family.

And buy or build a house for us...including the extended family.

 

and pay me XX,000 baht per month so I don't have to work...

It's pretty hard to feel sorry for these women.  This quote from the article says it all....

 

[“I don’t have anyone coming on to me, at least not the ones I like. I’m picky,” she said casually.]

 

 

39 minutes ago, mdmayes said:

...and care for my family.

and the buffalo  

18 minutes ago, Berkshire said:

It's pretty hard to feel sorry for these women.  This quote from the article says it all....

 

[“I don’t have anyone coming on to me, at least not the ones I like. I’m picky,” she said casually.]

 

 

Obviously they are too stupid to make contact themselves. 28yo and never had a date. Must have good plastics.

14 hours ago, mdmayes said:

...and care for my family.

Yep  But another problem for Thai ladies is there are lots and lots of them in Bangkok They either take a farang who seem to be disappearing more than ever now because of all the bad vibes they are hearing about Thai ladies or they take a Thai man who usually dont have a job and drink lots of grog so life will be a struggle for them. So they stay single But hope is on the horizon The Us army is in town and they can sponge off them for a while .Amazing what they believe when the soldier says " I love you honey " and get all the sex they want and then disappear back to their wives in the states prob leaving Thai lady behind with a big belly So the life circle goes on 

14 hours ago, Dap said:

and the buffalo  

lol lol lol lol  funny

14 hours ago, TallGuyJohninBKK said:

And buy or build a house for us...including the extended family.

 

and pay me XX,000 baht per month so I don't have to work...

Omg all these woman say the same thing must come off the same production line 

I suggest these lonely women should write in this forum. I am sure most of them will get more than enough attention.

6 hours ago, Happyman58 said:

Yep  But another problem for Thai ladies is there are lots and lots of them in Bangkok They either take a farang who seem to be disappearing more than ever now because of all the bad vibes they are hearing about Thai ladies or they take a Thai man who usually dont have a job and drink lots of grog so life will be a struggle for them. So they stay single But hope is on the horizon The Us army is in town and they can sponge off them for a while .Amazing what they believe when the soldier says " I love you honey " and get all the sex they want and then disappear back to their wives in the states prob leaving Thai lady behind with a big belly So the life circle goes on 

I'd volunteer to be a "friend with benefits", but I wouldn't qualify for those women because I don't have the body of Adonis or the wallet of Getty to give them the lifestyle they seem to think they are entitled to, being female.

49 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

I'd volunteer to be a "friend with benefits", but I wouldn't qualify for those women because I don't have the body of Adonis or the wallet of Getty to give them the lifestyle they seem to think they are entitled to, being female.

I think many of them want just a normal husband.

I would say that most Thai women have problems dating because of the fact that a large percentage of Thai men are spoiled rotten, selfish, shallow, and basically a waste of time.

Luckily more and more of them are being less influenced by the stigma attached to being seen with a Farang, and I know some well educated ladies who say there is no way they would ever date a Thai man.

13 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

I'd volunteer to be a "friend with benefits", but I wouldn't qualify for those women because I don't have the body of Adonis or the wallet of Getty to give them the lifestyle they seem to think they are entitled to, being female.

oh well Beachy Beauty is only skin deep. I am sure you have many other qualities women look for? Big smile is a winner most times. Have you one of them?

11 hours ago, phantomfiddler said:

I would say that most Thai women have problems dating because of the fact that a large percentage of Thai men are spoiled rotten, selfish, shallow, and basically a waste of time.

Luckily more and more of them are being less influenced by the stigma attached to being seen with a Farang, and I know some well educated ladies who say there is no way they would ever date a Thai man.

Well look at most Thai men In Ubon. They are either laying around, Definitely not working or they are drunk. So you can see why these  educated ladies are not wanting to date a Thai man. Everyday this gorgeous looking well dressed and educated Thai Lady in her late 20s walks past our shop.Not that i look much. Never in 3 years have i seen her with a man. Then again she could be a ladyboy.

5 hours ago, Happyman58 said:

Well look at most Thai men In Ubon. They are either laying around, Definitely not working or they are drunk. So you can see why these  educated ladies are not wanting to date a Thai man. Everyday this gorgeous looking well dressed and educated Thai Lady in her late 20s walks past our shop.Not that i look much. Never in 3 years have i seen her with a man. Then again she could be a ladyboy.

I see many good looking ladies walking without a man every day. Many of them are on the way to their work, in the lunch break, or on their way back home. I am sure some or maybe even many of them have a boyfriend or husband. The fact that they don't run around with a man at their side means exactly nothing.

17 hours ago, phantomfiddler said:

I would say that most Thai women have problems dating because of the fact that a large percentage of Thai men are spoiled rotten, selfish, shallow, and basically a waste of time.

Luckily more and more of them are being less influenced by the stigma attached to being seen with a Farang, and I know some well educated ladies who say there is no way they would ever date a Thai man.

I wonder how many Thai men are really like this. Obviously if we talk to Thai women who like to talk with foreigners there is a high chance that they tell us they don't like Thai men because they are lazy, etc. - because that is exactly what we like to hear. And probably that is their personal experience.

 

But there are also many Thai women out there who don't talk much or not at all with foreigners. I guess some or even many of them have a Thai partner. And they don't tell if they are happy with him.