I am going to bed, and I want a bedlam story to put me to sleep.

Oh, I guess there are many here, but I want something like a lullaby. Can you. Dear Bedlamites, please comply?

Snow White was sleeping! So grumpy was not so grumpy anymore!

Snow White was sleeping! So grumpy was not so grumpy anymore!

Thank you, Jockstar. But, erm, could you add a little torture and brutality, please? Please remember my history.

Twas on a midnight dreary..........

nah......... thats been done before......

It was a dark and stormy night....

nah....that was a dogs story....

once upon a time there was a ....

nah.....thats an old un...

Go to bloody sleep !!!!!!

What is the difference between girls/women aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58. 68, and 78 ?

At 8 -- You take her to bed and tell her a story.

At 18 -- You tell her a story and take her to bed.

At 28 -- You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.

At 38 -- She tells you a story and takes you to bed.

At 48 -- She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.

At 58 -- You stay in bed to avoid her story.

At 68 -- If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!

At 78 -- What story??? What bed??? Who the hel_l are you??

Here you go http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRGSZBK-gK0

Here you go http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRGSZBK-gK0

Thanks, Bo, but I stay awake all night after watching that wondering who is gonna die and how.

There was once this really pretty young

girl called Goldilocks.

One day she went picking wild flowers

in the woods for her gramma but she

wandered too far and became completely

lost.

She tramped in circles for hours until ,

just before dusk , she came across

this cute little cottage.

She knocked on the door and , on

receiving no answer , plucked up

her courage , opened the door

and peeked in.

There was nobody in sight but the

kitchen table seemed to have been

set for supper. Not having eaten

since breakfast she went over to

check it out. Sadly supper seemed

to consist of some kind of grey glop.

However she was famished so she

tried it gingerly. The first bowl she

tried was just too lumpy and salty

and she nearly threw up. The second

was all creamy and sweet and she

did throw up. The third wasn't great

but she managed to keep a few

spoonfuls down. All the same she

felt a bit nauseous so sitting down

until it passed seemed a good idea.

The first chair she didn't even try

as it was covered in beer stains

and cigarette ash. The second

looked a bit more inviting but

she didn't stay sitting too long

because of the knitting needle

that inserted itself as soon as

her bum hit the cushion. The

third one was just too small.

She couldn't get her bum in

it even after extracting the

knitting needle.

Bored now she started to

explore the house a bit.

Upstairs she discovered a

single large room containing

three beds. Well now , by this

time a nap did not seem such

a bad idea. The first one was

so hard it would have been

more comfortable sleeping

on a rock. The second wasn't

much better. The mattress was

so soft and saggy it was like

trying to sleep in a swinging

hammock. The last one wasn't

too bad Anyway as soon as

she closed her baby-blues she

was out for the count.

About this time the owners

arrived home. You guessed

it! Three bears.

They were not one bit pleased

to see somebody had been messing

with their supper and Momma bear

was offering to make fresh when

Poppa bear said "No , fuggit , let's

go to bed!".

The other two jumped when Poppa

bear roared "Who mussed up my

<deleted>' bed". Momma bear did a ditto

when she checked hers , but quietly

and without any bad words.

Baby bear scurried over to check his

and just said "Hmm" , turned to his

parents and said "'Night Mum, 'Night Dad".

The End

.................................................................

Or is this better!!

Now JetGorgon wasn't at all gory,

So she asked for a nice bedtime story,

She couldn't get to sleep,

Even after counting Sheep,

And now her fella has a "Morning Glory"

Horlicks anyone........ make up your own joke

Horlicks anyone........ make up your own joke

Are you suggesting I am a street corner kind of girl?

Horlicks anyone........ make up your own joke

Are you suggesting I am a street corner kind of girl?

Not at all ...... unless you want to be, in some play-acting sort of way.

Horlicks anyone........ make up your own joke

Are you suggesting I am a street corner kind of girl?

Not at all ...... unless you want to be, in some play-acting sort of way.

I once did Juliet.

Go to the Pattaya forum Miss JG ... that's got loads of blood and gore to keep the writhing mob (and yourself) happy

Horlicks anyone........ make up your own joke

Are you suggesting I am a street corner kind of girl?

Not at all ...... unless you want to be, in some play-acting sort of way.

I once did Juliet.

So did Romeo ....... allegedly

Horlicks anyone........ make up your own joke

Are you suggesting I am a street corner kind of girl?

Not at all ...... unless you want to be, in some play-acting sort of way.

I once did Juliet.

So did Romeo ....... allegedly