Visiting wife's family

[cms22]

So, I've lived and worked in Bangkok for a while, and in the past 10 years or so I have been married. In the beginning I had no worries about going back to see wife's mum and dad up north. They're reasonably civilized and not a major pain in the neck. They own quite a lot of land, a pickup, but little else. These days, and as I am getting older, I just can't bear going up. I'd just rather stay put in Bangkok, have a beer and relax. The wife is giving me serious jip about it all though and I feel kinda guilty but at the same time just can't face the absolute boredom of going back to her family. Please tell me it's not just me. Should I make the effort? I'm undecided.

[nikmar]

I know the feeling. Say you have urgent work and send her up with whisky / flowers / food.

[Kwasaki]

 

10 minutes ago, cms22 said:

I'd just rather stay put in Bangkok, have a beer and relax.

Go by air and taxi and have a beer and relax in a bar up north, come on it's your wife's ma & pa have a bit of heart.

[Pungdo]

I have to admit I haven't been up to deepest darkest Esaan for a very long time, like you can't be arsed going up there and getting bored senseless.

[recycler]

Just get in a hotel nearby so you can join or leave when you're up to it.

Nobody ever asked me to sleep on the floor with them or drink until late night.

Mutual respect that we both have our ways of life and can always have enjoyable moments together.

[OmarZaid]

Your pissing in your marriage bed sir . . .

[DipStick]

I can fully understand where the OP is coming from, why take time and spend money on a visit to the boondocks only to probably not be able to communicate or be a close part of the gathering. It’s also possible that your wife. Understands.

Being realistic, you married your wife, not her family and those who see you as a provider will just have to swallow their disappointment that you did not attend.

Stay at home and send a goodies box up with your wife.

[Gillyflower]

3 hours ago, nikmar said:

I know the feeling. Say you have urgent work and send her up with whisky / flowers / food.

and MONEY.

[Gillyflower]

I have heard this type of story many times from Western men here. It's perhaps, a lack of comfort, but more likely boredom, language  problem, food.  Also the final line is often that if there is any expenditure to be made it's the Westerner who forks out.

 

 

[csabo]

My problem is my wife's family loves me too much. I'm like a celebrity when I go there. The food and drinks never stop coming and they keep pulling me by the arms into different groups to chat me up. It's literally exhausting having to be so entertaining for me who usually likes to be alone. Her two sisters families debate over who we should visit next and I have to be careful what promises I make because they get so disappointed if I can't make it. I'm not complaining it could be a lot worse. One of the best things about my wife is her family. I got lucky there. 

[smotherb]

Although I know it happens, I do not understand how a man could love a woman and not want to meet her family or for her to meet his. Those who have met their in-laws and prefer not to return; well, that is a different story. I wanted to get to know my wife's family and did. Her parents treat me like their son, her siblings treat me like another brother. I have spent many great times with them and my nieces and nephews over the last almost 40 years. Our open relationship is no doubt one reason they accept my cultural differences and do not expect me to support them.

[GreasyFingers]

I have never had trouble going to see the family as it always made the gf happy. Now that we have moved up near them she is as happy as a pig in mud. If she is happy I have an easy life.

P.S. you should have gone for songkran and you would not have had time to be bored.

[Autonuaq]

Go with her take a bottle of whiskey some beet and other stuff with you.

Drink with all people there and when back your wife will not forget what you did for her.

[Antonymous]

As you live a long way from the in-laws you've already made a great decision IMHO.

 

I know exactly where you're coming from. Visiting immediate family is one thing, but when all the relatives and hangers on get into the fray too, it gets too much to bear and can end in tears, even though you mean well and don't want to offend.

 

I made a decision not only to live far away, but also never to visit. The wife goes to see them on her own twice a year and every once in a while I invite the immediate family (three people) to stay at my house for a short visit. This is a good option if you have room. Or else rent a guesthouse close by. They fly and get pampered while here and they love it. Meanwhile I sleep in comfort and can get away and do my own thing while they are here. And it costs me less at the end of the day.

 

 

[colinneil]

Give your wife a bit of cash tell her you go see your folks, have a good time, better you go alone so you can spend time with your family, and not worrying if i am happy.

Take no notice of people on here saying you should go it is your wifes folks.

Issan in/outlaws are a pain in the a++e, i had an electric gate fitted to keep the buggers out.

[federico]

5 minutes ago, Autonuaq said:

Go with her take a bottle of whiskey some beet and other stuff with you.

Drink with all people there and when back your wife will not forget what you did for her.

I agree, if they are nice people I would go and bear the few days there only to please my wife... but only if your wife deserves to be pleased !

[seajae]

my wife refuses to go up north due entirely to the food and I agree with her, the family in the south isnt a problem but the northern half is definitely a no no. A good hotel with a good restaurant nearby is the answer, if there isnt one then let your wife have some family time without you

 

[RichardColeman]

Only ever met my wife's parents once - that was enough. Mother was fine and accepting,  father basically wanted a fight with me. I think he was not happy that his daughter had left her hi-so, rich and physically abusive Thai husband and married a falang he thought beneath her. It's why we live now at one end of Thailand and her parents at the other. Stuff him - he'll be dead soon anyhow with his alcohol consumption and hospital incarcerations !

[DJ54]

It’s  a short visit and everyone will be happy. A little boredom won’t hurt. 

I live in a village up north and I survive. 

[cms22]

OP here. I don't mind the food too much (I can make do with an omelette and a bit of chicken), and I can speak Thai (although I don't understand their dialect very well), it's the pure boredom and the feeling like I'm in a goldfish bowl I'm not too keen on. Drinking is not a major factor, although I'll buy wife's dad a couple of Changs to keep him quiet.

So, I've now compromised with the wife that this will be a one-night visit. She wants two nights and I want none so I guess I'll meet her half way! Saturday night in Petchabhun. I'm gonna have to think of the positives........ Cheers, everyone!

Edited May 3, 2018 by cms22
spelling!

[1FinickyOne]

Whether or not it is "just you" is not the issue - it is you and you should not be forced to go - my wife used to visit her family all the time without me... they didn't need me for any reason. Invite them to come visit you if that is the issue... 

[cms22]

Agreed, but it is a compromise, I guess

[NoshowJones]

2 hours ago, Gillyflower said:

I have heard this type of story many times from Western men here. It's perhaps, a lack of comfort, but more likely boredom, language  problem, food.  Also the final line is often that if there is any expenditure to be made it's the Westerner who forks out.

 

 

"If there is any expenditure to be made it's the Westerner who forks out".

Only if he is stupid enough. 

[MaeJoMTB]

6 hours ago, cms22 said:

Please tell me it's not just me. Should I make the effort? I'm undecided.

I went once, wasn't stupid enough to go a second time.

Just give her your ATM card, that's all she really wants to go on the visit.

[55Jay]

28 minutes ago, cms22 said:

OP here. I don't mind the food too much (I can make do with an omelette and a bit of chicken), and I can speak Thai (although I don't understand their dialect very well), it's the pure boredom and the feeling like I'm in a goldfish bowl I'm not too keen on. Drinking is not a major factor, although I'll buy wife's dad a couple of Changs to keep him quiet.

So, I've now compromised with the wife that this will be a one-night visit. She wants two nights and I want none so I guess I'll meet her half way! Saturday night in Petchabhun. I'm gonna have to think of the positives........ Cheers, everyone!

Very reasonable. 

[johng]

My wife moved her mum next door to us so now we don't have to go all the way "up north"

[smotherb]

1 hour ago, colinneil said:

Give your wife a bit of cash tell her you go see your folks, have a good time, better you go alone so you can spend time with your family, and not worrying if i am happy.

Take no notice of people on here saying you should go it is your wifes folks.

Issan in/outlaws are a pain in the a++e, i had an electric gate fitted to keep the buggers out.

Perhaps your attitude is why you don't get along with your in-laws.

[colinneil]

1 minute ago, smotherb said:

Perhaps your attitude is why you don't get along with your in-laws.

Spot on mate!!

I hate bar stewards who steal from me, and that is all they used to do.

Even stole my beer out of the fridge, food, in fact anything not locked up or bolted down they stole, not anymore.

Edited May 3, 2018 by colinneil

[Crossy]

I love my wife's mum dearly, she's 9x (her exact age is unknown) and still going strong, started smoking in her 70s .

 

But, Madam visits often, I only for important events, the only family member who spoke intelligible English dropped his bike under a bus a couple of years back and my Thai just doesn't cut it. I get bored stupid within an hour.

 

At least 3G data works there.

[theguyfromanotherforum]

Depends if you give allowance to ur wife.

 

If u do then no need to go