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Sharing my story - Advice please


HVishalH

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Hello,

 

I am a Gay Brit. I decided to take a holiday to Thailand and before did a months trial of a dating forum to see what would happen and whether to meet someone (I did not want to  know how to meet Gay people outside of the sex scene places). I was amazed by the interest I got and whilst I originally intended someone my age I was taken by a guy 20 years younger than me, I am 48 (the looks 555). I understand poverty (I run a small charity in India with people that are often not eating poor), knew people who had gone to Thailand, went there in 1992 and I did try to research things but I was thoroughly unprepared. The man I chose did seem good, he had a job working in a sugar factory (for three months) and told me he had a better one lined up for the government. So I invited him to come on holiday with me and fitted the dates into his work contracts in April. There was some overlooked red flags, mainly him calling me his husband very quickly before we met despite my requests to him not to, and him pushing the relationship.

 

Once I was in Thailand it wasn't easy. It was very difficult for me to get him to do anything other than expensive trips (which he posted pictures of him on his own onto Facebook). His activities were watching the television, looking at Facebook, and talking to Thai. We did share the cooking, and of the 14 days we spent together he went out during the day with me three times. After the three nights in Bangkok, he also took to going out on his own every evening for 30-minutes to 2 hours, making it clear I was not invited. There was no romance either, whilst he did initiate sex (I didn't because I didn't feel he liked me) he would not kiss me. I also couldn't get him to talk to me and he didn't seem interested in improving my Thai or his English. I have tried to talk to him about these problems, he doesn't answer. 

 

Eventually he told me he has considerable debts to moneylenders, since coming back he has said he needs to pay them 7-9000 baht every month. He has also told me his dreams are of me buying him a house and car, and he is jealous of his friends who have a Westerner send them such money). As I didn't agree to send him the money every month,  (he didn't ask directly but it was clear). As I write this he is on a bus to Pattaya where he says he intends to work as a prostitute to earn the money he needs for furnishing his debt.

 

I am not sure what advice I need here as the relationship is clearly doomed unless I finance it way beyond what I am willing to, and the debt makes me more reluctant to finance it all. I don't have any prejudice against prostitutes, but have never considered dating one. I suppose I am sharing as people here don't know and I am a bit embarrassed as I got a lot of don't do its before I did. 

 

I do wonder how often this happens and how much of his behaviour is cultural, particularly the lack of romance, not wanting me to speak Thai,  and the clear second I was in his attention to his friends, television and phone. 

 

I would be interested in the opinions of people who know Thailand and particularly any Thai people. Also on how and when to end the relationship culturally speaking (I am concerned about his loss of face if I dumped him, though I dont really understand that concept). 

 

 

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Not just doomed it never existed to begin with. Seems like he is looking for a sugar daddy and nothing more. The requests for money and his announcement that he is going to work as a prostitute is just to give you a guilt trip. 

 

Move on. There are many better fish in the sea! 

Edited by Crash999
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8 minutes ago, Crash999 said:

Not just doomed it never existed to begin with. Seems like he is looking for a sugar daddy and nothing more. The requests for money and his announcement that he is going to work as a prostitute is just to give you a guilt trip. 

 

Move on. There are many better fish in the sea! 

He probably is already doing "social work"

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7 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Thailand has plenty of prostitutes looking to make money from older foreigners.

Many will play 'the long game', if they already have customers providing immediate income.

What don't you understand about that?

Perhaps that's why he was disappearing for 2 hours many nights, to see his 'other' ATM?

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...cut all ties...no pun intended...with this predator...

 

...predator because in this case you allowed him to take this role...over you...

 

...there is nothing civil or social about this...

 

...and it will get a lot worse...fast...as soon as you stop complying...

 

....don't try to reason or rationalize anything with this individual...

 

...if you insist on being a victim....masochist....go back home and get involved with someone that speaks the same language at least....and where you will have at least have some legal rights...

 

...and not end up flying off a balcony...!!!

 

 

...'sugar factory'.....wake up....!!!

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16 hours ago, HVishalH said:

After the three nights in Bangkok, he also took to going out on his own every evening for 30-minutes to 2 hours, making it clear I was not invited.

Most likely "working". Run, Forest, run! You will meet people so much better...

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