I think Bedlam needs one place for the inane babblers to put their thoughts so they won't get confused about where they posted their latest offerings to the cyber world.

We seem to be blessed with a surfeit of such posters momentarily.

I would like to start with the following from some of the planets finest:

(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"

--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

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"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."

--Mariah Carey

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"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"

--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

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"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"

--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

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"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"

--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

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"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"

--A congressional candidate in Texas.

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"Half this game is ninety percent mental."

--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

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'I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."

--Dan Quayle

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"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"

--Lee Iacocca

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"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

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"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."

--Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor

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"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."

--Keppel Enderbery

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"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."

--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

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"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their

heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."

--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

This is fab, 'waking up dead' was my fav. I don't think the idea behind the thread could work though, otherwise every other post would be posted here! At least 2 out of 3, and that's 50% (approx)...

Brilliant thread Croc. I am in awe.

Thought I'd be banal and throw in this obvious one.

There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things that we know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we don't know we don't know.

Donald Rumsfeld.

Might get Boony and Spee to join the fun.

Tee hee, tee hee! Thanks Croc! More reasons to live!

I always kind of liked the visual of Bush Sr throwing up on the Japanese PM during a state dinner. Make a comeback line for that please, boys.

Oh, had to add this one:

"Did people build this, or did Indians?"

Tourist question at Mesa Verde National Park

"Cod are not very good swimmers so they are easily overtaken by trawlers and nets." - British government report on why cod fish are disappearing from the North Sea

"So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?" - Christina Aguilera

"So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?" - Christina Aguilera

If this is true (and I hope it is!) It's a classic!

Dan Quayle quotes :

(extending his hand during a campaign stop):

"I'm Dan Quayle. Who are you?"

Woman: "I'm your Secret Service agent."

"It isn't pollution that is hurting the environment,

it's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."

"If we don't succeed we run the risk of failure."

"We are not ready for an unforseen event that may or

may not occur."

Sorry , me again , but I've been Googling and having fun.

"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in

boxing - but none of them serious."

- Alan Minter, Boxer

"I didn't know Onward Christian Soldiers was a

Christian song."

- Aggie Pate, at a non-denominational mayor's

breakfast, Fort Worth, Texas

"Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake

said, "Thank God, I'm still alive." But, of course,

those who died, their lives will never be the same again."

- Barbara Boxer, Senator

"Politics gives guys so much power that they tend

to behave badly around women. And I hope I never

get into that."

- Bill Clinton, former U.S. president

"The internet is a great way to get on the net."

- Bob Dole, Republican presidential candidate

"Where the hel_l is Australia anyway?"

- Britney Spears, Pop Singer

"Most cars on our roads have only one occupant,

usually the driver."

- Carol Malia, BBC Anchorwoman

"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese."

- Charles De Gaulle, former French President

"Its a great advantage to be able to hurdle with both

legs"

- David Coleman, Sportscaster

"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching

television by candlelight."

- George Gobel

"And now, will y'all stand and be recognized."

- Gib Lewis, Texas Speaker of the House, to a

group of people in wheelchairs on Disability Day

Thanks for the treats, FS!

Inane Babblings? That could be 90% of Bedlam in this single thread.

Ya, and nobody knows what inane means.

Inane Babblings? That could be 90% of Bedlam in this single thread.

Yes.

Some comments from the Duke of Edinburgh

"How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to get them through the test?"

When speaking to a driving instructor in Oban, Scotland

Everybody was saying we must have more leisure. Now they are complaining they are unemployed."

during the 1981 recession

"If a cricketer, for instance, suddenly decided to go into a school and batter a lot of people to death with a cricket bat, which he could do very easily, I mean, are you going to ban cricket bats?"

(in 1996, amid calls to ban firearms after the Dunblane shooting)

"It looks as if it was put in by an Indian."

(in 1999, referring to an old-fashioned fuse box in a factory near Edinburgh)

Deaf? If you are near there, no wonder you are deaf."

(in 1999, to young deaf people in Cardiff, referring to a school's steel band)

"You are a woman, aren't you?"

(in 1984, in Kenya, to a native woman who had presented him with a small gift)

"Oh no, I might catch some ghastly disease."

(in 1992 in Australia, when asked to stroke a Koala bear)

"You managed not to get eaten, then?"

(in 1998, to a student who had been trekking in Papua New Guinea)

"If it has got four legs and it is not a chair, if it has got two wings and it flies but is not an aeroplane, and if it swims and it is not a submarine, the Cantonese will eat it."

(at a 1986 World Wildlife Fund meeting)

"Do you know they have eating dogs for the anorexic now?" speaking to Susan Edwards, who is blind, wheelchair bound and has a guide dog.

During a state visit to China in 1986, he famously told a group of British students: "If you stay here much longer, you'll all be slitty-eyed".

And finally...

"Your country is one of the most notorious centres of trading in endangered species in the world."

(in 1991, in Thailand, after accepting a conservation award)

totster

By definition there has to be some Bushisms in this thread:

The Stupidest Things President George W. Bush Has Ever Said

10) "Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream." —LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000

9) "I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family." —Greater Nashua, N.H., Jan. 27, 2000

8) "I hear there's rumors on the Internets that we're going to have a draft." —second presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004

7) "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." —Saginaw, Mich., Sept. 29, 2000

6) "You work three jobs? … Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that." —to a divorced mother of three, Omaha, Nebraska, Feb. 4, 2005

5) "Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." —Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004

4) "They misunderestimated me." —Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000

3) "Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?" —Florence, S.C., Jan. 11, 2000

2) "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." —Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004

1) "There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again." —Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002

Ya, and nobody knows what inane means.

I do. Obviously Old Croc does too.

So do I

"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves." - John Wayne

"Most hotels are already booked solid by people, plus 5,000 journalists." - Bangkok Post

"You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle." - Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach

"I'm using my brain for the first time in a long time." - Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham

"My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt." - Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player

“My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee - the natural enemy of a tightrope walker.” - Dan Rather, News anchorman

'No one will need more than 637Kb of memory for a personal computer' - Bill Gates

And one that ain't so stupid

"I think...I think it's in my basement. Let me go upstairs and check" - M.C. Escher

"I favor access to discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation."

- Ted Kenneday, US Senator

"If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."

- Terry Venables

"For the majority of people, the use of tobacco has a beneficial effect."

- Dr. Ian G. MacDonald, Los Angles Surgeon,

as Quoted in Newsweek November 18, 1969.

"I do not like this word "bomb." It is not a bomb. It is a device that is exploding."

- Jacques le Blanc, French ambassador on nuclear weapons

"If I had a choice of having a woman in my arms or shooting a bad guy on a horse,

I'd take the horse. It's a lot more fun"

- Kevin Costner, Actor

Some from the master of the inane

Ronald Reagan, 40th President of the United States

“Facts are stupid things.”

“My fellow Americans I'm pleased to tell you I just signed legislation which outlaws Russia forever. The bombing begins in five minutes.” - Said by the US President during a microphone test in 1984.

"Trees cause more pollution than automobiles do."

"A tree is a tree. How many more do you have to look at?"- Opposing expansion of Redwood National Park as governor of California in 1966.

"Fascism was really the basis for the New Deal." - On his failed campaign for the Republican nomination in 1976.

"You can't help those who simply will not be helped. One problem that we've had, even in the best of times, is people who are sleeping on the grates, the homeless who are homeless, you might say, by choice." - On Good Morning America in January, 1984, defending his administration against charges of callousness.

"This fellow they've nominated claims he's the new Thomas Jefferson. Well let me tell you something; I knew Thomas Jefferson. He was a friend of mine and Governor... You're no Thomas Jefferson!"

"What does an actor know about politics?" - Reagan, complaining about Screen Actors' Guild president Ed Asner speaking out on U.S. foreign policy.

“I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself."

“I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I’m in a cabinet meeting.” "I've noticed that everyone who is for abortion has already been born"

"What makes him think a middle aged actor, who's played with a chimp, could have a future in politics?" - Reagan commenting on Clint Eastwood's bid to become mayor of Carmel

Yogi Bera, speaking of a restaurant in New York: Nobody goes there, its too crowded.

Hey Croc your croc is for sale for $5 mil. Wanna buy it ?

Thank you "strange creature" for reminding me this thread existed.

"Why do you think marriage is a bum deal, for you as a gay person?" - Ann Leslie

(Actually , you can interpret that one however you want)

"Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours" - Yogi Berra

" This is a great day for France!" --(Said while attending Charles De Gaulle's Funeral.)

- Richard Nixon

Hey Croc your croc is for sale for $5 mil. Wanna buy it ?

?????

Please explain.

The boat cruise company that you took that jumping croc photo from...is for sale

Oh, thanks.

$5m !!!

I don't really agree with what they do. (feeding crocs) I felt uncomfortable for the guys fishing in the same river from their 10' tinnies.

Have you heard with genetic engineering, the number of crockatoos and kakaboas will rise dramatically?

The platypus is the obvious proof Australia has a long history as a penal colony and hub of genetic engineering. Obviously the only sane explanation for this freak of nature is that some extraterrestrial civilization found it the perfect place to let their geneticists play freely with DNA where they could not harm anybody. This would also explain the unnecessary amount of poison that stands at the disposal of the local fauna.

From the famous snooker commentator 'whispering'Ted Lowe, at the time when there were still many people in the UK in possession of black and white TVs...........

"For those of you watching in Black and White the Pink ball is the one behind the Green"

"You can hardly tell where the computer models finish and the real dinosaurs begin"

- Laura Dern, about the special effects in the movie Jurassic Park

"Beware of pretty girls in dance halls and parks who may be spies, as well as bicycles,

revolvers, uniforms, arms, dead horses, and men lying on roads -- they are not there

accidentally." - Soviet infantry manual, issued in the 1930's

"It's all right leaping about the stage when you're 20 but when you get to 25 it gets a

bit embarrassing" - Bill Wyman, The Rolling Stones, 1967

"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't

study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people." - Dan Quayle

Ya, and nobody knows what inane means.

I do. Obviously Old Croc does too.

Quite right you both are, and Thaddeus, too. I forgot this is Bedlam, not that other place where any word above kindergarten level draws attacks from the puerile crowd. My apologies. I will horsewhip myself for ten minutes to pay penance.