Thai Funeral is an invite needed

[karenmw460]

If someone you knew died and you wished to attend the wat on one of the nights, do you need an invite or can you just show up to pay your respects.p?  In this case I am talking of a person who held high standing. 

Thanks 

[AhFarangJa]

In my experience over this last year, sadly I have attended 6 funerals. Each time the funeral was posted on social media. We just turned up on one of the days to pay respects, people were coming and going all the time. On the day of the cremation we went to ones who were close friends, but the others we stayed away out of respect for the families, whether that is right or wrong I cannot say, but it just felt like the correct thing to do.

My condolences on losing your friend.

 

[Dmaxdan]

From my experience no invitation is necessary providing that one or two of the grieving friends or relatives recognises you. I would be very surprised if anyone was ever turned away as Thai funerals are normally big events.

It is customary to make a small donation to proceedings. There is normally a box for this with envelopes provided. Don't forget to write your name on the envelope. It's purely up to you what you choose to give.


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[prakhonchai nick]

3 minutes ago, Dmaxdan said:

From my experience no invitation is necessary providing that one or two of the grieving friends or relatives recognises you. I would be very surprised if anyone was ever turned away as Thai funerals are normally big events.

It is customary to make a small donation to proceedings. There is normally a box for this with envelopes provided. Don't forget to write your name on the envelope. It's purely up to you what you choose to give.


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But with the donation in an envelope-with your name on it - it is recorded in a book.  When you have an "event" whether it be a marriage, lucky home, becomimng a monk for a week,  or funeral, and the person whose "event" you attended and donated too is invited to your "event" the book comes out, and a similar donation is then given to you. All rather stupid in my opinion. Becoming a monk for a week does not warrant  a similar donation as to a marriage which may last a lifetime, or a death which is forever!

[karenmw460]

Thanks everyone. My thoughts are along the same lines. I’ve been to a number of funerals as I have lived here a long time and always just gone along to funerals of friends or family members I friends. However this particular funeral was mentioned today in one of the newspapers as private - so that got me thinking. I was never aware that this funerals were ever private ?

 

[1FinickyOne]

22 hours ago, prakhonchai nick said:

But with the donation in an envelope-with your name on it - it is recorded in a book.  When you have an "event" whether it be a marriage, lucky home, becomimng a monk for a week,  or funeral, and the person whose "event" you attended and donated too is invited to your "event" the book comes out, and a similar donation is then given to you. All rather stupid in my opinion. Becoming a monk for a week does not warrant  a similar donation as to a marriage which may last a lifetime, or a death which is forever!

Becoming a monk is a rite of passage and celebrated as such... it is a moment of great pride for the parents, whether you consider it stupid or not... the donation or gift is viewed as much as helping with the expense of the party as anything. It is a time of sharing and my wife has given more to families where money is more needed. But, you have the option of attending or not. It is all part of being in another culture... 

[malt25]

No.

[tweedledee2]

 

  My wife and I live near a village with about 50 families. We have lived in the community for over 4 years. During this time we have paid our respects at over 25 funerals. Early on many of the families, we did not personally know, but it helped us integrate into the community.  

[robblok]

20 hours ago, karenmw460 said:

Thanks everyone. My thoughts are along the same lines. I’ve been to a number of funerals as I have lived here a long time and always just gone along to funerals of friends or family members I friends. However this particular funeral was mentioned today in one of the newspapers as private - so that got me thinking. I was never aware that this funerals were ever private ?

 

I think that they can make funerals private if they don't want outsiders. Just imagine what would happen if a famous singer dies and the funeral was not private.. it would be out of control.

 

So if it is really mentioned that its private then I doubt you can get there unless you have a relation to that person. 

[CALSinCM]

Just show up. 

[DJ54]

It’s your friend go....  

[khunPer]

On 11/5/2018 at 2:40 AM, karenmw460 said:

...do you need an invite or can you just show up to pay your respects.p?

To my knowledge you can just show up, that's what we normally do for cremation ceremonies. I don't think anyone is invited – family and close friends are told about the death, and expected to show up – many come by word of mouth to show their respect, and not coming might be "worse" than coming without an invitation.

 

On 11/5/2018 at 6:49 AM, karenmw460 said:

However this particular funeral was mentioned today in one of the newspapers as private - so that got me thinking.

I'm not sure what do to in a case like that, might depend of how close the relationship is.

 

A hint, but might be depending of social status, perhaps other know more: Normally at a Thai funeral ceremony guests will hand over a white envelope with some money (nam jai) – reflecting ones status a ability to pay, a foreigner should not pay less than 500 baht or 1,000 baht – and the family will give a small gift in return (for example a little piece of soap). The evening ceremonies often includes serving of food. Wear black trousers and a white shirt (and closed shoes, preferably black), eventually a black jacket.

If the deceased is someone of very high social status, I'm not aware if the procedure is different.

[tweedledee2]

1 hour ago, khunPer said:

To my knowledge you can just show up, that's what we normally do for cremation ceremonies. I don't think anyone is invited – family and close friends are told about the death, and expected to show up – many come by word of mouth to show their respect, and not coming might be "worse" than coming without an invitation.

 

I'm not sure what do to in a case like that, might depend of how close the relationship is.

 

A hint, but might be depending of social status, perhaps other know more: Normally at a Thai funeral ceremony guests will hand over a white envelope with some money (nam jai) – reflecting ones status a ability to pay, a foreigner should not pay less than 500 baht or 1,000 baht – and the family will give a small gift in return (for example a little piece of soap). The evening ceremonies often includes serving of food. Wear black trousers and a white shirt (and closed shoes, preferably black), eventually a black jacket.

If the deceased is someone of very high social status, I'm not aware if the procedure is different.

When there is a death in the community someone from the village collects monetary donations to give to the family.  The first time I asked my wife how much she gave, her reply "100 baht", the same amount her mother always gives.  

[damascase]

16 minutes ago, tweedledee2 said:

When there is a death in the community someone from the village collects monetary donations to give to the family.  The first time I asked my wife how much she gave, her reply "100 baht", the same amount her mother always gives.  

In my experience, this is separate from the envelopes to be handed over/put in the transparant box at the actual funeral gathering. In the village where I lived until recently, the standard amount collected - by the village headman - from those living there was 100 baht per house.

Edited November 6, 2018 by damascase

[colinneil]

6 minutes ago, damascase said:

In my experience, this is separate from the envelopes to be handed over/put in the transparant box at the actual funeral gathering. In the village where I lived until recently, the standard amount collected - by the village headman - from those living there was 100 baht per house.

Quite correct mate, in our village they collect 50 baht per person, so at our home it is 100 baht wife/me.

That is nothing to do with the envelopes handed to the family

[Lucky mike]

Not at all you will be made welcome, customs vary a little around the country.  You will probably be given an envelope to make a donation part covers food costs and balance to family. Write your name on it, the amount varies greatly but around 200bt should be ok unless he very good friend.  The monks normally set the period of morning ending with "fire"

[Dick Crank]

On November 4, 2018 at 6:22 PM, Dmaxdan said:

From my experience no invitation is necessary providing that one or two of the grieving friends or relatives recognises you. I would be very surprised if anyone was ever turned away as Thai funerals are normally big events.

It is customary to make a small donation to proceedings. There is normally a box for this with envelopes provided. Don't forget to write your name on the envelope. It's purely up to you what you choose to give.


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This helps pay for the food and beer consimed in cases where you don't know the deceased at all.

[tweedledee2]

7 hours ago, damascase said:

In my experience, this is separate from the envelopes to be handed over/put in the transparant box at the actual funeral gathering. In the village where I lived until recently, the standard amount collected - by the village headman - from those living there was 100 baht per house.

    We live almost 1 km north of the village and our nearest neighbor 150 meters farther.  The lady that comes to our house soliciting donations isn't representing the village. She accepts the donations and presents the money and a list of the donors to the family. There is no reference to the amount given by each donor.  If we pay our respects at the funeral ceremony, the only time my wife puts money in an envelope is if she had not donated beforehand. The point I was trying to make is she always gives 100 baht and doesn't give more, just because she has a foreign husband.

[sandyf]

On 11/5/2018 at 12:49 PM, karenmw460 said:

Thanks everyone. My thoughts are along the same lines. I’ve been to a number of funerals as I have lived here a long time and always just gone along to funerals of friends or family members I friends. However this particular funeral was mentioned today in one of the newspapers as private - so that got me thinking. I was never aware that this funerals were ever private ?

 

I have been to a great number of funerals, must be well over 50, ranging from the very small to extremely large, including 2 with the Royal Flame. There is no set format and the venue can be a temple or the home. The notice saying it was private may just be an attempt to keep the numbers down due to the capacity of the venue, nothing worse than standing room only.

You should just attend and if it is over crowded you can pay your respects to the family and leave, they will be more than happy you made an appearance.

My father in law's funeral was here at the house and we struggled a couple of nights getting people seated, not a problem on the last night, it was New Years Eve.

[rickudon]

In our amphoe, there is a funeral scheme, When anyone in the scheme dies, a woman (or man) goes around and collects 50 baht from every person in the scheme - a blue slip is given. There are a lot of people in the scheme, and it is common to pay 3 or 4 (sometimes more!) a week. This is quite a drain on Thai finances, but you get about 50,000 baht back for your own funeral ...

 

This is likely the same schemes referred to above.

[karenmw460]

Thanks everyone. I did go and as mentioned by sandyf the notice of it being private was because of the capacity of the venue and the large numbers of people wanting to attend. It was 

to discourage general public who did not actually know the decreased and not those that did such as myself.