Please help: Scared of wife reaction

[BestB]

Just now, TonyClifton said:

Allowance?  Is she a child or a wife?

Did you think once you marry you stop to pay?????

[Lacessit]

You got good advice from CharlieH. Follow it.

[Pilotman]

1 hour ago, tekashicanada said:

Can I please get some sensible answers? 

 

I'm pretty traumatized.

 

 

Sorry to be a tad unsympathetic, but you did ask for advice.  Mine is that you need to grow a pair, tell her to shape up, lay down the ground rules for the relationship to continue,  or just  leave. 

[BritManToo]

26 minutes ago, BestB said:

You said, after you got married she turned into a nutcase planning to kill you, what promises did you make prior to getting married? ie financially

They're all a bit like that, it's only after living with a Thai lady for 3+ months that she allows you to see the real her.

And sometimes the real her is nothing like the fake her that was so sweet and gentle before you moved in together.

It's often the foreigners' fault, as what we call discussion, she sees as confrontation.

 

Reminds me of that old story about Thai lovers.

The first week she spoke gently with me, sat close and complimented me.

The second week she fed me the choicest bits of food, bathed me, and was gentle and loving in bed.

The third week she barked like a dog.

Edited November 29, 2018 by BritManToo

[Huat]

U better pack your bag n leave .U would know what is going to happen next time both of u quarrel.

Sent from my SM-G955F using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

[CanuckThai]

A couple of things have to be considered:  The changes in her, and the changes in yourself, before and up to the chaotic episode.   There are some good, realistic responses posted.  Sometimes a "business trip" is required to (safely/non-confrontational) hit the reset button, and reconfirm your ground rules.  If the communication is not what you expect/require, the "business trip" is extended.  Maybe indefinitely...

[madusa]

I cannot really give you any sensible advice because I don't  know the details of the actual situation for a start and it is difficult to give advice without even knowing you.

I can only tell you what I imagine I would do if this happens to me. I would leave without saying anything to her so she couldn't contact me again. I wouldn't even bother to divorce because that means I have to see her or contact her.

If you go home no one will know you are married. Just keep it a secret that's all.

"A marriage is just a game for those who couldn't find better things to do"

[ratcatcher]

2 hours ago, tekashicanada said:

Can I please get some sensible answers? 

I'm pretty traumatized.

You should be somewhat traumatized after what you say has happened.

But you are being a little economical with some of the salient facts.

1. Where did you meet her? University educated Thai females can be just as devious and conniving as bar girls. Good and bad in all ranks.

2. Have you been to her home town/village and met her family?

3. What is the age difference between the two of you?

Without some of these answers it's difficult for members to offer you decent advice. Most farang-Thai relationships have their ups and downs (not only in the bedroom of course)

4. Did you pay her sinsod and what happened to the money?

 

 

 

 

 

[samsensam]

2 hours ago, tekashicanada said:

Can I please get some sensible answers? 

 

I'm pretty traumatized.

 

 

 

use your common sense, the answer is right before your eyes.

[evadgib]

3 hours ago, tekashicanada said:

I'm pretty traumatized.

As were the 3 Billygoats Gruff ????

[thequietman]

3 hours ago, tekashicanada said:

Can I please get some sensible answers? 

 

I'm pretty traumatized.

 

 

NO, you are not and you are clearly a troll. This site saddens me and the lengths it will go to to get a rise.

 

I am calling a huge, massive pile of BS on this. ????

 

[tekashicanada]

Thank you all for the replies. So to answer a few questions. I am 33 and she is 30. She is university educated and she is an accountant. It is becoming increasingly difficult because her expectations of me are getting really big: Like she wants all of my attention, she wants me to put her priority number 1, etc.

 

I did pay the Sinsod of 400k THB.

 

She seems to be expecting me to include her in everything i do whether it would be to hang with my friends or whatever. 

I'm a pretty distracted fellow as I have work full time and run a side gig for business so I'm constantly on my phone. She takes this as a big offence when I don't talk to her and what not.

 

I don't think I can run away as I have a life here (lived here for 5-6 years before marrying her). She also lives in my condo. 

 

I hope this can provide some background story and no this is not made up.

 

Yes, indeed, maybe I need to grow a pair but I have never been in a situation like this before. She only got like this a few months ago when we got married. The expectations got really big and she is never happy.

 

 

[balo]

6 hours ago, tekashicanada said:

Yes, indeed, maybe I need to grow a pair but I have never been in a situation like this before. She only got like this a few months ago when we got married. The expectations got really big and she is never happy.

How did you meet her? How well did you get to know her before you got married?  Could it be just cultural differences?  

If she really loves you and want to be with you , there is nothing wrong with that , maybe she is jealous if you leave the house alone. 

 

But do you really know her?  Do you know her family and financial situation ?   

 

[SheungWan]

Its the thought of the knives which are somewhat bothersome.

[neeray]

10 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Three options:

a) Troll post

b) She is on drugs. If you can get her off the drugs there might be a future for you. But that's difficult

c) Run

 

b) !!!!! This sounds so familiar. And if she is on drugs, good luck. And don't bother asking her because all you'll get is deny, deny, deny and another look at the scissors.

[BigT73]

6 hours ago, tekashicanada said:

The expectations got really big and she is never happy. 

Theres your answer, what the other posters were saying was right but she should leave you as well as you guys are not a match and sadly never will be.  Where you are now you will be in 1,3,5,10 yrs and usually gets worse is that how you really want to live your life? 

[CharlieH]

Nothing worse than being drip fed info!

 

"Benefit of the doubt" ...for now on this 

 

 

[neeray]

50 minutes ago, BigT73 said:

Theres your answer, what the other posters were saying was right but she should leave you as well as you guys are not a match and sadly never will be.  Where you are now you will be in 1,3,5,10 yrs and usually gets worse is that how you really want to live your life? 

Usually very true. Many, many decades ago, I got married first time, me 20, her 19. She cried for the first 3 days of our honeymoon. Finally, she blurted it out, "I shouldn't have married you, I only did it to get out of the house (family home)".

That crazy girl showed many similar characteristics to your lady, except for the knives and scissors.

She also admitted eventually that she thought she could change me (hahahahaha) to become her ideal man.

That marriage lasted 9 years; many years too long.

[jvs]

9 hours ago, tekashicanada said:

Thank you all for the replies. So to answer a few questions. I am 33 and she is 30. She is university educated and she is an accountant. It is becoming increasingly difficult because her expectations of me are getting really big: Like she wants all of my attention, she wants me to put her priority number 1, etc.

 

I did pay the Sinsod of 400k THB.

 

She seems to be expecting me to include her in everything i do whether it would be to hang with my friends or whatever. 

I'm a pretty distracted fellow as I have work full time and run a side gig for business so I'm constantly on my phone. She takes this as a big offence when I don't talk to her and what not.

 

I don't think I can run away as I have a life here (lived here for 5-6 years before marrying her). She also lives in my condo. 

 

I hope this can provide some background story and no this is not made up.

 

Yes, indeed, maybe I need to grow a pair but I have never been in a situation like this before. She only got like this a few months ago when we got married. The expectations got really big and she is never happy.

 

 

More info was needed,thanks.I do not agree with the violence at all but you should agree that getting married i sharing a life!By the looks of it you do not have the time or are willing to spend more time with your wife.Doomed to failure!!!

[OneMoreFarang]

Let's assume for a moment this situation is real. He is the nice guy and she is the crazy woman with the knife and scissors.

It seems not totally uncommon in Thailand that the previously nice girl takes a knife in her hands and it gets scary.

Does anybody know what would happen next?

I.e. she slashes him with the knife and draws blood. He hits her to remove the knife out of her hand. And then?

Or he grabs the knife in her hand and doing that she gets injured.

What if she goes to the police with bloody arm and complains about that crazy farang with the knife?

Somehow I am not convinced the police would believe the story of the farang and not her story.

Does anybody have any experience with that?

[BritManToo]

1 hour ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Somehow I am not convinced the police would believe the story of the farang and not her story.

Does anybody have any experience with that?

Yeah, police generally refuse to get involved in domestics, but they often offer to wait while she packs her bag and escourt her to the bus station.

 

 

[Sumarianson]

Have you given her a smart phone with high speed and has she heard of FB, it works for me.
However on a serious note.
It seems she want's a divorce now as she is entitled to half of everything you have.
Choice, stay and be miserable or go and give her half.

Sent from my SM-G935F using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

[jvs]

22 minutes ago, Sumarianson said:

Have you given her a smart phone with high speed and has she heard of FB, it works for me.
However on a serious note.
It seems she want's a divorce now as she is entitled to half of everything you have.
Choice, stay and be miserable or go and give her half.

Sent from my SM-G935F using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app
 

Entitled to half of everything you have,where did you come up with that?Absolut nonsense!!!

[xylophone]

11 hours ago, tekashicanada said:

Thank you all for the replies. So to answer a few questions. I am 33 and she is 30. She is university educated and she is an accountant. It is becoming increasingly difficult because her expectations of me are getting really big: Like she wants all of my attention, she wants me to put her priority number 1, etc.

 

I did pay the Sinsod of 400k THB.

 

She seems to be expecting me to include her in everything i do whether it would be to hang with my friends or whatever. 

I'm a pretty distracted fellow as I have work full time and run a side gig for business so I'm constantly on my phone. She takes this as a big offence when I don't talk to her and what not.

 

I don't think I can run away as I have a life here (lived here for 5-6 years before marrying her). She also lives in my condo. 

 

I hope this can provide some background story and no this is not made up.

 

Yes, indeed, maybe I need to grow a pair but I have never been in a situation like this before. She only got like this a few months ago when we got married. The expectations got really big and she is never happy.

 

 

Some comments from me, for what they worth: –

 

You seem to be fully engrossed in your work and activities, so are you paying enough attention to your new wife?

 

Perhaps when you were both single, she did not see this side of you and now she has come to see it, by living with you, she doesn't really like it.

 

On the other hand she may have always been a bit of an attention seeker and someone who needs constant reassurance from you, or perhaps she's a little unhinged and always has been, but you haven't seen it.

 

Some people can marry and live together and still lead what they consider fairly separate lives with regards to friends and activities, whereas others can't accept this.

 

It's really up to you to investigate some aspects of what I've written above and others which I may not know about, but when all is said and done, if I was living with a woman who was capable of flying off the handle at a moments notice and threatening me with knives/scissors, then I would be finding a way out of this complete situation.

 

If you are renting a condo, then that becomes an easy thing to do (send her away on holiday or to visit folks and then move out whilst she is away), however if you are not and have bought it, then moving her out is going to be a problem, but it is up to you to find a way and as only you know all of the facts, then you have to devise a means/plan to move away from her, if indeed that's what you really want.

 

Personally, I would not put up with it and would find a way to move on.

 

PS. Life is too short to live with a nutter.

 

 

 

 

 

[sharktooth]

16 hours ago, BritManToo said:

It's like dealing with a naughty angry child.

No confrontation, no arguing, I found going out for the evening alone always helped.

Mine was always glad to see me when I came home, even if it was late and I was a bit drunk.

A ‘bit drunk?’ Haha, aye right ????

[Vacuum]

17 hours ago, tekashicanada said:

I am scared of how she will react so I am wondering what I can do?

Divorce her and get the heck out.

[samran]

12 hours ago, tekashicanada said:

Thank you all for the replies. So to answer a few questions. I am 33 and she is 30. She is university educated and she is an accountant. It is becoming increasingly difficult because her expectations of me are getting really big: Like she wants all of my attention, she wants me to put her priority number 1, etc.

 

I did pay the Sinsod of 400k THB.

 

She seems to be expecting me to include her in everything i do whether it would be to hang with my friends or whatever. 

I'm a pretty distracted fellow as I have work full time and run a side gig for business so I'm constantly on my phone. She takes this as a big offence when I don't talk to her and what not.

 

I don't think I can run away as I have a life here (lived here for 5-6 years before marrying her). She also lives in my condo. 

 

I hope this can provide some background story and no this is not made up.

 

Yes, indeed, maybe I need to grow a pair but I have never been in a situation like this before. She only got like this a few months ago when we got married. The expectations got really big and she is never happy.

 

 

Three words. Look them up: 

 

Borderline Personality Disorder

 

People who are all charming and nice to get you into their orbit, but not even god can match the fury of a BPDer if you have your own life! They loath rejection and interpret anything you do as such. Taking a dump with the door closed even...

 

Their issues, your problems.

 

A qualified psychiatrist will tell you the only solution.

 

Cut off all contact. There is no real cure for these people. 

[samran]

12 hours ago, tekashicanada said:

Thank you all for the replies. So to answer a few questions. I am 33 and she is 30. She is university educated and she is an accountant. It is becoming increasingly difficult because her expectations of me are getting really big: Like she wants all of my attention, she wants me to put her priority number 1, etc.

 

I did pay the Sinsod of 400k THB.

 

She seems to be expecting me to include her in everything i do whether it would be to hang with my friends or whatever. 

I'm a pretty distracted fellow as I have work full time and run a side gig for business so I'm constantly on my phone. She takes this as a big offence when I don't talk to her and what not.

 

I don't think I can run away as I have a life here (lived here for 5-6 years before marrying her). She also lives in my condo. 

 

I hope this can provide some background story and no this is not made up.

 

Yes, indeed, maybe I need to grow a pair but I have never been in a situation like this before. She only got like this a few months ago when we got married. The expectations got really big and she is never happy.

 

 

Three words. Look them up: 

 

Borderline Personality Disorder

 

People who are all charming and nice to get you into their orbit, but not even god can match the fury of a BPDer if you have your own life! They loath rejection and interpret anything you do as such. Taking a dump with the door closed even...

 

Their issues, your problems.

 

A qualified psychiatrist will tell you the only solution.

 

Cut off all contact. And when you do don’t be fooled by their apologetic and seemingly genuine acts of contrition to get you back into their lives. Cause once they do they just do the same thing. 

 

There is no real cure for these people. 

[otherstuff1957]

1 hour ago, jvs said:

Entitled to half of everything you have,where did you come up with that?Absolut nonsense!!!

I believe that Thai law states that a divorcing couple are each entitled to whatever assets they brought into the marriage and that any assets they acquired during the marriage are considered to be joint property and should be divided 50%/50%.  So unless they bought a car or a condo or a house after they got married, the financial consequences of a divorce should not be a consideration.

[Sheryl]

18 hours ago, otherstuff1957 said:

^ Just leave.  Pack your bags and grab your passport when she isn't around and jump on a plane home.

 

Later, when things have calmed down, you can negotiate a divorce. 

 

A person who behaves like her will never change and never improve.  Trying to help her would just be banging your head against a wall.

Agree, though whether or not to go back to your home country obviously depends on factors like whether you have a job here or other things that tie you to Thailand.

 

You should indeed clear out as soon as you can but wait till she is not there to see it and take everything of value with you. And do not let her know where you have gone, as there will be a severe reaction initially when she sees you have left.

 

If you can't leave (for example, if it is a condo that you own) then consider changing the locks and informing doorman if any not to admit her. Pack up her things and figure out a way to get them to her that does nto entail a face to face meeting.