Worst Joke Ever 2024

[sanuk711]

5 hours ago, sanuk711 said:

Billed766--and any one else, don't take this and re-post it on any F-Book site. It is classed as a "Dangerous" Post. -30 days.-- It is indeed dangerous to point out or joke about any inconsistencies from the "liberal Media"...... I guess I was lucky , my friend posted a cartoon about the numbers of people now wandering across the American  border, 60 days--he must have been twice as Dangerous as me.

When as a child I ask, my father who was a member of the UK Liberal Party most of his life. What it meant, he told me I had to look it up and tell him.

The dictionary says the same now as it nearly 70 years ago---

Liberal--willing to respect or accept behavior or opinions different from one's own; open to new ideas..

 

Where did that all go wrong---rant over

[roo860]

[fangless]

9 hours ago, ballpoint said:

Just add 10,000 and I'll supply the envelope.

I know how to add 10,000 but what do I add it to and how do I add it before I have the envelope to post it to you through the internet without the envelope!

My friend said there are some stationery vans parked somewhere I can use but she thinks they have been stamped on and are only second class anyway.

 

 

 

 

 

Edited June 13, 2021 by fangless
re-posting!

[roo860]

Wembley tickets.

England v Scotland

friday 18th june.

 

Anyone interested, my mate Dave has 2 tickets for a corporate box at Wembley next friday for the England v Scotland game. He paid £270 each for them but did'nt realise when he bought them that it was going to be the same day as his covid 19 postponed wedding. if you are interested he is looking for someone to take his place. It's at the Moathouse hotel in Hanley at 6pm, the brides name is Michelle she's 5ft 6in, very pretty, she's a fulltime accountant and really good cook. Anyone interested let me know and i'll ring him.

[fangless]

In German Prisoner-of-War camps, escapes were a a major problem, so they would try to break the prisoners’ spirits by making them do mindless things. In particular, they would make the prisoners stand in a line and all move their heads like a clock back and forth and say, ‘tick tock tick tock.’

Some prisoners, unable to escape or otherwise change their situation, chose a very subtle rebellion. They would do the head motions, but instead of ‘tick tock tick tock’, they would wait until the guards were further down the line and switch to ‘tick tick tick.’

None of the guards noticed this was going on for many months, until finally, a young lieutenant was caught ticking by a senior SS Captain walking behind the line.

The captain stopped the exercise, walked over, face-to-face with the young man, and said;

 

"A rebel. Vell, don’t vorry, ve have vays of making you tock.’

[fangless]

What did the Llama say to her mate that loves picnicking?

Alpaca lunch.

[fangless]

I can’t stand Russian dolls.

They’re so full of themselves.

 

Did you hear about the glass blower who accidentally inhaled?

He got stomach pane.

(alt;  He feels shattered all day)

 

What do you call a snail that isn’t moving?

An escar-stay.

 

Did you hear about the new corduroy pillowcases?

They’re really making headlines.

 

If you see an Apple Store get robbed, does that make you an iWitness?

 

 

Why couldn’t the pony sing in the choir?

He was a little horse.

 

A photon checks into a hotel.

The front desk asks if it has any luggage. It replies

“no, I’m traveling light”

[ballpoint]

[ballpoint]

[ballpoint]

 

Covid belly. Don't feel bad about it.

[ballpoint]

[ballpoint]

[ballpoint]

[ballpoint]

[ballpoint]

Breakups...

[Hamus Yaigh]

[tomazbodner]

[roo860]

[roo860]

[Crossy]

[overherebc]

On 6/13/2021 at 3:48 PM, WorriedNoodle said:

????

[tomazbodner]

1 hour ago, overherebc said:

????

Oh! Sparrow at it again! One of his previous achievements...

 

 

[tifino]

when your wife leaves you...  

 

 

[chickenslegs]

[chickenslegs]

[chickenslegs]

I was feeling like my body had gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor’s permission to join a fitness club and start exercising.

 

I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But By the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

[chickenslegs]

An unemployed Cornishman man went into the Job Center in Truro, Cornwall and saw a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant. 

Interested, he went in and asked the clerk for details.

 

The clerk pulled up the file and read, "The job entails getting the ladies ready for the  gynecologist. You have to help the women out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair then rub in soothing oils so they're ready for the gynecologist's examination. The annual salary is 85,000 pounds, but you'll have to go to Exeter, Devon."
 
"Good grief, said the Cornishman, is that where the job is?"
 
"No sir, that's where the end of the queue is right now.

Edited June 14, 2021 by chickenslegs

[Crossy]

[JAS21]

On 12/8/2018 at 2:20 PM, scottiejohn said:

Nope… never happens

[fangless]

 

 

First thoughts were "is it a gay bar?"

Second thoughts were "If not a gay bar do they need or use a "No Entry" sign?