2 minutes ago, Zyxel said:

Is it just "neck exercises"?

My wife keeps going on about a new butcher who specialises in meats marinated in alcoholic beverages.

She loved his beef in ale and now can't wait to try his tongue in cider.

I've just seen a witch and a lion trying to carry a huge wardrobe into the house next door.

When I asked what was happening, they said "Narnia business"
 

What do we want?
An end to acronyms!
When do we want it?
ASAP!

Minister: so George how did you get on at the high church service at the weekend?
George: it was okay, hymns were boring and there were no surprises in the sermon.
Minister: I suspect a but is coming next.
George: but, they were wafting this golden thing on a chain about.
Minister: oh yes, and . . .
George: well it hit me on the head
Minister: I’m sorry to hear that George, did this make you angry?
George: angry? I was incensed!

Apple have said that although their profits are down, their turnover is still good.

My mother-in-law's in hospital. They say she's not looking too good.

No word on her condition yet though.

I’ve been very depressed lately. My wife threatened to leave me, but even that hasn’t cheered me up.

I was playing tennis when someone went past on a 30 ft bike.

I thought "that's a long Raleigh".

I've started making and selling a beer called "Responsibly".

Think of all the free advertising.
 

A queue waiting for a job on a building site.
The foreman at the desk shouts 'Next!' A man steps forwards.
'Name!' asks the foreman.
'Marks N Spencer' says the man.
'I've got no time for clowns' says the foreman. '. Next!'
The next in line steps forward.
'Name!' again asks the foreman.
'W H Smith' says the man.
'I told you, no clowns! Next!'
Next in the queue steps forwards.
'Name!'
'T J Hughes!'
'I haven't got time for all this nonsense!! Next!!!'
Next man steps forwards.
'Name!'
'Ken' says the man.
'Ah, that's better' says the foreman. 'Someone serious at last. What's your surname?'
And the man says 'Tuckyfriedchicken!'