It was an intimate moment with my new Thai girl friend. I licked, and then entered that forbidden cavity. And she loved it; no condom either. "I hope we can do it this way more often," she said. I was chuffed. After a snooze, it was time to get ready for a special meal out.

 

In town, we ordered, and soon the gf was enthusiastically licking the ketchup off a hot dog. A drop of the ketchup dripped off her sausage and down her cleavage. She didn't seem to notice, and it triggered a thought in my mind.

 

I said "Tomporn; could we talk about personal hygene?" "We can talk about anything lover," looking into my eyes seductively as she bit off a bit of sausage.

 

"Well teerak! When I go to the toilet, I look into the bowl after a number two and give it a name. Like Goulash, frankfurter, dumpling or ice-cream. Have you ever thought of similar teerak?"

 

"Oh yes," she said. "Only this morning I had a number two and when I had sprayed my underparts, I looked into the bowl and spaghetti immediately came to mind. But!! Gradually the spaghetti started to wriggle, and I thought elvers in creamy sauce."

 

 

That’s Prime Minister material right there !!

 

 

Those godamn Hawaiians !!

A lawyer and candidate for the local constituency as MP returned to his office after just winning the vote,

He picked the phone and

called his mother on holiday overseas.

"Hi mum, it's me," he said. "I know you said I hadn't a snowballs chance in hell of winning the election and I know you won't believe this but I did just win it, I won the election!"
"Honestly?" she said in response to the news.
"Does it really matter how I did it?" he replied.
 

A woman is amazed by pastor who lives next door and how quickly he changes his personality.

Around the neighborhood, he is incredibly shy, quiet, and timid. As soon as he begins to preach, he becomes loud, boisterous, and is able to entertain the congregation with his sermons.
"I'm not sure how you go from one personality to the next," the woman tells the pastor over coffee.
"Oh, it's simple," the pastor explains.

 

"That guy in church is my altar ego."

Insurance Bull

Three insurance salesmen are having drinks and boasting about each company's service.

The first one says, "When one of our insured died suddenly on Monday, we got the news that evening and were able to process the claim for the wife and mailed a check on Wednesday evening."
The second one says, "When one of our insured died without warning on Monday, we learned of it in two hours and were able to hand-deliver a check the same evening."
The last salesman says, "That's nothing. Our office is on the twentieth floor in the Trump Tower. One of our insured, who was washing a window on the eighty-fifth floor, slipped and fell. We handed him his check as he passed our floor."
 

"This brand-new laptop will do half your job for you," the IT guy explains to the senior vice president of the company.
"Perfect," the vice president replies. "Can I get two then?"

 

On the last mission to the moon, NASA set up a restaurant. It didn't last very long.

The food was good, but there was no atmosphere.

What did the Zen Buddhist say to the hot-dog vendor?

Make me one with everything.
 

 

 

 

 

7 hours ago, scottiejohn said:

A woman is amazed by pastor who lives next door and how quickly he changes his personality.

Around the neighborhood, he is incredibly shy, quiet, and timid. As soon as he begins to preach, he becomes loud, boisterous, and is able to entertain the congregation with his sermons.
"I'm not sure how you go from one personality to the next," the woman tells the pastor over coffee.
"Oh, it's simple," the pastor explains.

 

"That guy in church is my altar ego."

Where the hell is that "groan" button?

7 hours ago, chickenslegs said:

Where the hell is that "groan" button?

Here it is!