A Lawyer named 'Strange' died and his wife asked the grave builder to inscribe on his grave:-

"Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer."

The grave builder insisted that such an inscription would be confusing and people would tend to think that three men were buried under the grave.

However he suggested an alternative:

"Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer."

That way, whenever anyone walked by the grave and read it, they would be certain to remark:

"That's Strange !"

The blind daters had really hit it off and, at the end of the evening

as they were beginning to undress each other in his apartment, the

fellow said, "Before we go any further, Charlene, tell me - do you

have any special fetishes that I should take into account in bed?"

"As a matter of fact," smiled the girl, "I do happen to have a foot

fetish - but I suppose I'd settle for maybe seven or eight inches."

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, 'Father, I have a problem.

I have two female parrots,

But they only know to say one thing'

'What do they say?' the priest asked.

They say, 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'

'That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed,

Then he thought for a moment.....

'You know,' he said, 'I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible...

Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter.

My parrots can teach your parrots to pray and worship, 
And your parrots are sure to stop saying... That phrase... In no time.'

'Thank you,' the woman responded, 'this may very well be the solution.'

The next day, She brought her female parrots to the priest's house.... As he ushered her in, 
She saw that his two male parrots 
were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying...

Impressed, She walked over and placed her parrots in with them...

After a few minutes, The female parrots cried out in unison:

Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'

There was stunned silence...

One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and says,

'Put the beads away, Frank, 
Our prayers have been answered!!

4 hours ago, ballpoint said:

Leftists: We've got to save the iceburgs!

A blonde from the city decides to move to the country.

 

She buys 5 acres of land and decides to grow chickens.

 

She goes to the hatchery and orders 500 baby chicks.

 

Two weeks later she goes back and orders 500 more.

 

Two weeks after that she goes back and orders 500 more baby chicks.

 

Finally, the owner just has to ask. Lady, I know you only have 5 acres what are you doing with all those baby chicks?

 

The blond says, I just can’t get them to grow. I don’t know if I am not giving them enough water or if I am planting them too deep”!

2 hours ago, Crossy said:

And not to forget, ohhhhh, you're going to put thaaaaat in meeeeee? It's so big!