went for a walk this afternoon trying out my new Halloween costume,  I ended up being offered a job as mayor of Birmingham

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One friend complained to another, “All my husband and I do anymore is fight. I’ve been so upset; I’ve lost 20 pounds.”

 

“If it’s that bad, why don’t you just leave him?” asked the second friend.

 

“I still have 15 pounds to lose!”

11 minutes ago, Crossy said:

 

Of course, my dodgy mind immediately thought of the delightful Michelle Krusiec in Travellers Germany.

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michelle_Krusiec

 

 

 

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21 hours ago, Crossy said:

Uganda apparently has three lighthouses 🙂 

 

https://www.ibiblio.org/lighthouse/uga.htm

 It appears:

Burundi, Malawi, Uganda and Zambia have lighthouses https://www.ibiblio.org/lighthouse/bdi.htm https://www.ibiblio.org/lighthouse/mwi.htm https://www.ibiblio.org/lighthouse/uga.htm https://www.ibiblio.org/lighthouse/zmb.htm

guy goes into a fancy Seafood restaurant and asks to see the 'live dishes' of the day ..
The Waiter leads him over to a large tank , and the man examines the fish ..
"I'll have the little green squid - the one in the corner with the hairy lip , please" , says the man ..
"O.K." replies the Waiter and calls out "Gervais!!"
A little French chef appears with a large knife , the Waiter instructs the chef to kill the little green squid with the hairy lip ..
Gervais is just about to slice at the poor squid when he notices the sad look on its face ..
Gervais is touched , and admits that he hasn't the heart to kill the squid ..
"Not to worry" , says the Waiter , and calls out "Hans!!" , at which an enormous German bloke comes out of the kitchen ..
"Sir", says the Waiter, "this is Hans , our dishwasher .. Hans , kill that squid ...!"
The dishwasher catches the squid , and wielding a huge rolling pin is just about to bludgeon the little green fella with the hairy lip , when it cringes back and gives a little cry ..
"I am sorry sir , I just cannot kill the squid .." Hans admits , his lower lip trembling ..
"Well sir ," says the Waiter , "it just goes to show ..
{wait for it .......}
...that Hans that do dishes , can be soft as Gervais , With mild green , hairy lip squid ..

A Navy Chief, a pig, and a dog were the only survivors of a terrible shipwreck, and they found themselves stranded on a desert island. After being there awhile, they got into a ritual of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down.

One particular evening the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance!  Well, that pig started looking better and better to the Chief, so he leaned toward it and put his arm around it. The dog became jealous and growled fiercely at the Chief, until he removed his arm from the pig.  They continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by, and lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young woman. She was in pretty bad shape when they rescued her, but they slowly nursed her back to good health. When she was well enough they introduced her to their evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening, red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm gentle breeze; perfect for a night of romance. The Chief started getting those "ideas" again, so he leaned toward the girl and whispered in her ear, "Would you mind taking the dog for a walk".