*Today I donated my watch, phone and  Rs.500 to a poor guy. You don't know the happiness I felt as I saw him put his knife back in his pocket.

 

*I miss times when I was working at the zoo. My boss fired me just because I left the lion's gate open. I mean who would steal a lion?

 

*I was in a cab today and the cab driver said, "I love my job, I'm my own boss. Nobody tells me what to do.“ Then I said, "turn left".

 

Why do supermarkets make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get to the Pharmacy for their prescriptions   while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?

 

Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and yet get a diet coke?

 

Why do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens on  the counter tops?

 

 Why do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in our driveways and put our useless junk in the garage?

 

Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darkens our skin?

 

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

 

Why is *'abbreviated' such a long word?

 

Why is it that doctors and attorneys call what they do 'practice'?

 

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavoring, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?

 

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

 

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called the rush hour?

 

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?*

 

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes?

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

 

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains, whereas Sweaters of Wool, do?

 

Why are they called apartments *when they are all stuck together?

 

If flying is so safe, *why do they call the airport the terminal?*

 

26 minutes ago, KannikaP said:

Ravip, please take UNDERLINE off, thanks.

The UNDERLINE had been done by the software. 

7 minutes ago, ravip said:

The UNDERLINE had been done by the software. 

Not if YOU turn it off.

Just now, KannikaP said:

Not if YOU turn it off.

Thank YOU!

I posted a picture. But it's appearing as a link.

Text formats are not rocket science. 

But some sofware bugs are!

3 minutes ago, ravip said:

Thank YOU!

I posted a picture. But it's appearing as a link.

Text formats are not rocket science. 

But some sofware bugs are!

You mean like spelling check. 55

7 hours ago, roo860 said:

And wait and see what coming in/to/near you in the following weeks!

7 hours ago, ballpoint said:

Will Gaza be sober when he delivers the chickens to the House of Commons?

 

PS;  A local UK joke re Gaza the ex footballer!

7 hours ago, ballpoint said:

Same as the women do all the time, even when they show that they are "within parameters"!

7 hours ago, ballpoint said:

Let's see who had a musikal edukashun...

 

I am not sure how to score this joke and still stay in tune!

I might be p!ssing about with the wrong response and if so I promise will stay in the closet!

7 hours ago, ballpoint said:

I do hope it was the other leg you were putting in and shaking all about if you were with your GF/BF or whatever!

7 hours ago, Zyxel said:

A Wise Old Man told me

Baby conceived on back seat of car with automatic transmission grow up to be shiftless bastard.

He will have nothing to clutch at then unless he breaks free!

I will probably get untold sad and confused emoiji's for this but it will be well worth it....

 

https://m.facebook.com/reel/2628701067293965/

10 minutes ago, Martin71 said:

I will probably get untold sad and confused emoiji's for this but it will be well worth it....

 

https://m.facebook.com/reel/2628701067293965/

That's a yes from me!🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

3 hours ago, scottiejohn said:

Will Gaza be sober when he delivers the chickens to the House of Commons?

 

PS;  A local UK joke re Gaza the ex footballer!

 

He'll be in tears when they explain they didn't order a chicken ceasefire salad.

3 hours ago, scottiejohn said:

I am not sure how to score this joke and still stay in tune!

I might be p!ssing about with the wrong response and if so I promise will stay in the closet!

 

I'll make a note of your response, as you've struck the right chord there.

3 hours ago, scottiejohn said:

I do hope it was the other leg you were putting in and shaking all about if you were with your GF/BF or whatever!

 

I'm not called "Jake the Peg" for nothing.

On second thoughts, let's not open the Rolf Harris door.

3 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

 

I'm not called "Jake the Peg" for nothing.

On second thoughts, let's not open the Rolf Harris door.

It might just boomerang back on you!

PS;  remember the two little boys!

I say no more!

8 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

 

I'll make a note of your response, as you've struck the right chord there.

I will try and orchestrate a response tomorrow!

10 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

 

I'll make a note of your response, as you've struck the right chord there.

On that note I will baton down the hatches and say it is good night!

47 minutes ago, Martin71 said:

I will probably get untold sad and confused emoiji's for this but it will be well worth it....

 

https://m.facebook.com/reel/2628701067293965/

I am sure you will be disappointed about the sad and confused emoiji's !

But this post of mine should attract some.

52 minutes ago, roo860 said:

I wonder if the vibrate mode is activated?