what's the shortest sentence in the english language ? .......i am

 

what's the longest.....i do. 

A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman"

She started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"

Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage.

The man's wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"

He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"

The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by email lately."

Later that day, the blonde teenager came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" the startled husband asked.

"Yes, she replied, and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her along with a $10.00 tip.

“And, by the way," the teenager added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus.

 

 

What’s the difference between outer space and a Palestinian child?

Less rockets were launched into space.

 

“My next guest, on the monitor behind me, is an organized crime informant. To protect his identity, we’ve placed him in a darkened studio—so let’s go to him now.”

 

 

“Now remember, Cory, show us that you can take good care of these little fellows and maybe next year we’ll get you that puppy.”

 

“Well, well, King … looks like the new neighbors have brought a friend for you, too.”

 

Son ask father, "What is the Difference between Rape, Romance and Marriage ?"

 

Father replies, "Clothes my Son Clothes. It's all about Clothes'

 Totally Puzzled, Son Asks, "What?"

Father...'In Rape, You Tear the Clothes.
In Romance, You Remove the Clothes.
In Marriage You Wash the Clothes.

18 hours ago, Korat Kiwi said:

 

“My next guest, on the monitor behind me, is an organized crime informant. To protect his identity, we’ve placed him in a darkened studio—so let’s go to him now.”