I had to tell my patient that I had dreadfully messed up his plastic surgery.

I'll never forget the look on his elbow.

I watched a film last night where a guy gets a hot cup of tea thrown over him and gets third degree burns.

It was rated PG.

I attended a pessimists meeting today,

It wasn’t a great turn out, the room was half empty.
 

My scouse mate was sending in a loan application today. He said, “I have a good credit history, I think I’ll walk it."

“But you’re from Liverpool," I said. “You’ll never walk a loan."

I used to feed gorillas at the zoo using a golf club from a distance.

I’d drive them bananas.
 

To the people who hate hand gestures:

I salute you.

 

As the dyslexic Mexican said,

I'll fetch my taco.
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2 hours ago, ravip said:

Not broken hearted, or in the past for reason stated ... but I could read it

3 hours ago, ravip said:

It looked to me like Welsh but it's "I Love You So Much But I Don't Know How To Tell You Because I Know You Love Somebody Else".       (thx to Google Search)

7 hours ago, oxo1947 said:

Only honest man to ever go into Parliament 😎