6 hours ago, VBF said:

Only honest man to ever go into Parliament 😎

And look how that ended!

1 hour ago, tomazbodner said:

And look how that ended!

NOT with a bang, unfortunately!  😩

 

 

Bob had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition.
It seems that his father, grandfather, and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday. On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink.

So when Bob's 18th birthday came around, he and his pal Micky, took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Bob, stepped out of the boat ...and nearly drowned! Micky just barely managed to pull him to safety. Furious and confused, Bob went to see his grandmother.

"Grandma," he asked, "Tis me 18th birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake like me father, his father and his father before him?"

Granny looked deeply into Bob's, troubled blue eyes, and said, "Because ye father, ye grandfather and ye great-grandfather were all born in December when the lake is frozen, and ye were born in August, ya foôkin idīot!

2 hours ago, Crossy said:

 

 

 

Reminded me of these classics.  (If you like what you see, there's a lot more of them).

 

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I went to a dyslexic rave last night.

Everyone was taking F’s and there was a guy in the corner trying to inject a heron.

Call it a hunch, but I’m pretty sure I have an abnormal convex curvature of the upper spine.

I’ve just been diagnosed with gammon flu.

It started as swine flu, but they cured me.

I was walking my dog today when i came across a bull stuck in an electric fence.

I think it was charging!

Just got back from the hospital.

They reckon I might have Pneumonoutramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiois, but its hard to say.

The doctor recently diagnosed me with 70`s fever.

It flares up occasionally.