.

.

                         A 'must have'

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

 Another Scoop by the Sun Journalists

.

.

Walkers have announced their new "Murray Flavour Crisps".

They're made from common taters.

In Canada, you are more likely to die of a kick from a moose than a terrorist attack...

...Those damn moose limbs.

A British soldier walked into a pub one night and took a seat near the bar. He was warned by others to quickly vacate that seat as it was the favourite of the local Karate champion, Igor. Like a good Brit soldier, he ignored the warning. In came Igor and landed a blow on the neck of the squaddie knocking him out cold. “When he comes to,” says Igor, “tell him that was a number 83 Reverse Punch.”

The following night the squaddie went back to the pub and found Igor already seated in his favourite seat. The squaddie dealt him a blow, knocking him out cold. “When he comes around,” said the squaddie,” tell him that was a 1967 Morris Oxford starting handle.”

Top Racing Tip for Cheltenham today:
3:30 Knitted Sweater
It's a cracking little jumper.

A 60-year-old billionaire is getting hitched and decides to throw a big wedding reception.
His friends are clearly quite jealous and, in a quiet moment, one of them asks him how he landed such a gorgeous 23-year-old beauty.
“Simple,” grins the millionaire, “I lied about my age.”
"what, you told her you were only 40?" his friend asks in disbelief.
“No,” he replied, “I said I was 87!”

1 hour ago, sanuk711 said:

.

Did you notice Tom & Jerry are always naked.... except when they go to the beach... there they put swimsuits on...

1 hour ago, ballpoint said:

A British soldier walked into a pub one night and took a seat near the bar. He was warned by others to quickly vacate that seat as it was the favourite of the local Karate champion, Igor. Like a good Brit soldier, he ignored the warning. In came Igor and landed a blow on the neck of the squaddie knocking him out cold. “When he comes to,” says Igor, “tell him that was a number 83 Reverse Punch.”

The following night the squaddie went back to the pub and found Igor already seated in his favourite seat. The squaddie dealt him a blow, knocking him out cold. “When he comes around,” said the squaddie,” tell him that was a 1967 Morris Oxford starting handle.”

The old ones are the best? 1957 would have been better?

24 minutes ago, roo860 said:

et tu brute !

In a freak accident today, a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar landed in him

To be fair though, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him