"Oh, Patsy, you know that gorgeous man across the road? He was banging on my door for almost an hour last night."

"Well, why didn't you open it and let im in?"

 

"WHAT! I didn't want to let him out."
 

Johnny looked around the church and turned to his best man, saying, "You know, Jack, apart from my wife-to-be's two sisters, there's not a woman in this church that I haven't had."

Jack replied,

 

"Well, in that case, between the two of us we've had them all."
 

Three country lads were out in the big city when they were attacked by a mugger.

"Give me all your valuables," he hissed at them, "or I'll inject you with AIDS."

Immediately, two of the lads handed over their wallets and then ran away.  The third lad, however, refused so the mugger injected him.

 

Later, when the three lads met up the two who had handed over all their money looked at their friend aghast.

 

"Don't you realise what he's done? You've been injected with AIDS."

The third lad smiled.

 

"No, no, it's alright, I'm wearing a condom."

 

 

 

A man was in court for killing his wife.

When he saw the jury  of only two young men and the rest elderly women  he felt his chances of getting off were very slim.

Now he was quite a handsome man, so in desperation he thought he would try to seduce one of the women on the jury and persuade her to drop the murder verdict to one of manslaughter.

He succeeded in convincing her and when the trial came to an end the following Monday, the jury left to consider their verdict.

A few hours later they returned and found him not guilty of murder but guilty of manslaughter. and sent him down for 12 years

 

He sighed with relief,  Only later  after release he managed to speak to the woman  to thank her for all she'd done.

"Well, I didn't really know why you wanted me to do it and it wasn't that easy, but you had such a way with you that I had to keep my promise " she replied.

 

"Even though the others wanted to acquit you and set you free."
 

Oldies revisited..

“Aunt Mary” … “Yes Dave”…. “You know that flashlight of yours which shakes but doesn’t shine ….”

 

This surely belongs in here...

 

A hypnotist once convinced me I was a soft malleable metal with the atomic number 82.

I'm easily lead.