A young man walks into a pharmacy and asks the Pharmacist if he works there all day.  
The Pharmacist says yes as by law a fully qualified Pharmacist has to be in attendance at all times and there is no other Pharmacists around to assist him. He then buys a single condom, then walks out of the store laughing hysterically.  
The next day, the man comes back to the store, purchases another condom, and once again he leaves the store laughing wildly. This piques the interest of the pharmacist. What's so funny about buying a rubber, anyway? 

So he tells his clerk, "If this guy ever comes back, I want you to follow him to see where he goes." 
Sure enough, the next day the laugher is back. He buys the condom, starts cracking up, then leaves. 
The pharmacist tells his clerk to go follow the guy. 
About three hours later, the clerk comes back to the store. 
"Did you follow him? Where did he go?" asks the pharmacist. 
The clerk replies 

"Your house." 
 

A not very bright Southern lad was driving along the border road when a policeman pulled him over. 
He rolled down his window and said to the officer, 
"Is there a problem, Officer?" 
"No problem at all. I just observed your very safe and careful driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?" 
The driver thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license after all." 
The lady sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, 
"Oh, don't pay attention to him - he's a smart butt when he's drunk and stoned." 
The guy from the back seat said, "I told you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!" 
At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said, 
"Are we over the border yet?" 
 

“I’m against hunting. In fact, I’m a hunt saboteur.

I go out the night before and shoot the fox.”
 

At a Sunday school class the teacher asked a child; do you pray to God before lunch or dinner? 
The child said, “No ma'am, my mom is a good cook!” 
 

 A man placed some flowers on the grave of his departed mother and started back for his car, parked on the cemetery road. His attention was diverted to a man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity, and kept repeating, "Why did you die? Why did you die?" 
The first man approached him and said, 
"Sir, I don't want to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of hurt and pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? Your Child? A parent? Who, may I ask, lies in that grave?" 
The mourner answered, 
"My wife's first husband! ... 
 

6 hours ago, roo860 said:

 

Wow! That was bit of a downer. Not nice to see on a Sunday morning.????

More people die on Britain's roads each year than drowned when The Titanic sank.
Yet you still can't buy a car with a lifeboat.

I was telling a mate that my Dad bought his first car from the Krays.

" What Reg?" He asked.

I said " No, Ronnie I think?".

.

.

.

.

             Captain’s log, star date 428 of lockdown

.

.