.

.

An attorney ran over to the office of his client. 
“I can’t believe it!” said the angered attorney. 
“I just heard you sent a case of Dom Perignon to the judge in our case? 
That judge is as straight as an arrow. Now we’re certain to lose this case!” 
“Relax,” said the client,
 “I sent it in the prosecutor’s name.” 
 

A policeman brought four boys before a judge. 
"They were causing an awful lot of commotion at the zoo, your Honor," 
"Boys," said the judge sternly, "I never like to hear reports of juvenile delinquency. Now I want each of you to tell me your name and what you were doing wrong."
"My name is George," said the first boy, "and I threw peanuts into the elephant enclosure.”
"My name is Pete," said the second boy, "and I threw peanuts into the penguin’s pen."
"My name is Mike," said the third boy, "and I threw peanuts into the Monkey house."

 

"My name is Peanuts," said the heavily bandaged fourth boy. 
 

An executive was interviewing a young woman for a position in his company. He wanted to learn something about her personality, so he asked, "if you could have a conversation with anyone, living or dead, who would it be?" 
She quickly responded, 

"The living one." 
 

“Uncle Ben has died. No more Mr Rice Guy.”
 

On 8/15/2021 at 10:06 AM, sanuk711 said:

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On the other hand, I'm glad my girlfriend was.

I'm watching Britain's most evil killers on Sky. It's hard going.
Does anyone know what channel Britain's kindest killers is on?.
I think that would be more my cup of tea.

I've just remembered the word I've been trying to think of for two weeks.
It's fortnight.