Did you hear about the angry US guy who smashed open his piggy bank? 
Yeah, he really beat it centsless.
 

A drunk was staggering down the main street of town. Somehow, he managed to make it up the stairs to the cathedral and into the building, where he crashed from pew to pew. He finally made his way to a side aisle and into a confessional. A priest had been observing the man's sorry progress. 
Figuring the fellow was in need of some assistance, he proceeded to enter his side of the confessional. His attention was rewarded only by a lengthy silence. 
Finally he asked, "May I help you, my son?" 
"I don’t know." came the drunk's voice from behind the partition. 
"You got any spare toilet paper on your side?" 
 

Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him. 
'Little Johnny asked,
 'Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?’
 

Chat-up Line:-  • Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again? 
 

If rhino horn is an aphrodisiac, why are rhinos nearly extinct? 

This is how to wash a cat; 
1) Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water bowl. 
2) Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3) In one smooth movement put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid. 
4) At this point, the cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this! 
5) Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'Power-Wash and Rinse'. 
6) Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door. 
7) Stand well back, a far away as you can and quickly lift the lid. 
???? The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the house and run outside where he will dry himself off. 
9) Both the toilet and cat will be sparkling clean. 

Yours Sincerely, The Dog

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What do you call a person who graduates last in his medical school class?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Doctor.

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