A French policeman stops an Englishman's car and asks if he has been drinking.
With great difficulty, the Englishman admits that he has been drinking all day, that his daughter got married that morning, and that he drank champagne and a few bottles of wine at the reception, and many single malt scotches there-after.
Quite upset, the policeman proceeds to breath test the Englishman and verifies that he is indeed completely hammered.
He asks the Englishman if he knows why, under French law, he is going to be arrested.
The Englishman answers with a bit of humour, "No sir, I do not! But while we're asking questions, do you realize that this is a British car and my wife is driving on the other side?"

 

True story.

Paddy's down the pub when the subject of vasectomies comes up.

"Sure", he says, "I had one of them things years ago. It didn't really work though".

"Why not, Paddy?"

"Well, I thought I wouldn't be having any more children, but all it did was change the colour of them". 

A gay bar caught fire last night.

It was attended by 30 Firefighters, 25 cowboys, 20 red Indians and 15 construction workers.

Our dog ran off last night. I walked round the park calling his name for 20 mins & still couldn't find him. 

My wife said I should look harder, so I shaved my head & got a tattoo.

I still can't find the bloody dog though.

20 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

A gay bar caught fire last night.

It was attended by 30 Firefighters, 25 cowboys, 20 red Indians and 15 construction workers.

They all joined together and went "123 Poof" and the fire was out!

6 hours ago, ballpoint said:

I refused to believe that I was gay and dyslexic.......

I was in Daniel.

Do you claim he put a (miss)spell on you!