The World Health Organisation have stated that eating bacon increases your chances of getting cancer.

Statistics also show that not eating bacon dramatically increases your chances of blowing yourself up.

Thought for the day!

 Two sisters came home from school in floods of tears. ‘Whatever is the matter?’ asked their mother. 
 The first sister sobbed; ‘The kids at school make fun of my big feet.’ ‘There, there,’ soothed the mother. ‘Your feet aren’t that big.’ She turned to the second sister. ‘Now why are you crying?’ 
 ‘Because I’ve been invited to a ski party, and I haven’t got any skis.’

 

‘That’s OK,’ said the mother. ‘You can borrow your sister’s spare shoes.’ 
 

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling 
The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out. 
"Can you all see me now?"
"Yes"
"Oui"
"Si"
"Ja"
 

A week ago, while the whole family were on holiday together my Mother-in-law began reading, "The Exorcist". 
She said it was the most evil book she ever read. So evil in fact, she couldn't finish it and threw it into the sea off Brighton pier.
I went and bought another identical copy, dropped it into the bath for 5 minutes and left it on the night table by her hotel bed.
You should have heard those screams!!!!!
 

What do you get when you cross:- A cheetah and a hamburger? Fast food. 
 

What is a tornado? - Just Mother Nature getting her nickers in a twist. 
 

Chat-up Line:- I love my bed but I’d rather we were in yours.
 

The birth of another conspiracy theory...